heartbreak of having a c-section

[babydoll]

I am not sure if this is the appropriate place to post since everyone here is probably pro-VBAC...but hoping to find some understanding...

I had a c-section 10 mos ago. It was not an emergency (quite yet) but it was not planned. It was my first baby. I have been told by 3 different doctor's that I am not a candidate for VBAC because my pelvis is too small and the risk of uterine rupture.

I tried to have an unmedicated birth. I had a doula and everything. I never progressed past one and that was with help. My baby was having decells at 1cm after me being in labor for more than 10 hours with contrax 3 minutes apart lasting 45 sec to 1 min 45 sec. At the end my contrax got to be a minute apart and that is when she started having the heart decells.

Anyway...all I have ever wanted to do is have a big family and lots of babies, but now I feel like my childbearing destiny is changed. One minute I am like I will have 2 or 3 more babies and other times the thought of one more freaks me out. I am scared to go through another c-sec ( it was not that bad but I am afraid that knowing I will have to be cut open at the end of my pregnancy will ruin the happy time for me. I am VERY afraid of having the surgery again.

I know that having my baby be healthy and safe was my ultimate desire and she is perfect, but I feel a great loss that I missed out on a natural delivery...your thoughts???

P.S. I am not going to pursue VBAC so I don't want to be told how I did not really need this c-section. I just want to know if anyone else feels the same way and if anyone else KNOWS they will have to have a scheduled c-sec.

[lilyka]

I am sorry you did not get the birth you wanted. You sound like you have so many conflicting emotions. I think before you even think about having another one you need to begin healing from this one. Am I correct in that you have no plans to even cinsider a VBAC? Just because you had to have one c-birth doesn't mean you will nessecarily need another. all babies/births are different. If you truely don't want to persue that perhaps it will actually be easier on you mentally and emotionally if you are able to prepar for your next c-birth. Plan some special rituals. Educate yourself going in. find a particularly caring and understanding surgen. The book "birthing from within" has a great chapter (short but great) about healing from the loss of the birth you wanted and one on making a c-birth a good experiance. Making it something you do instead of something done to you. being an active participant even in a c-birth. Hospital and Dr. are becoming more and more understanding of a womans need to have a fulfilling birth experiance even though they may need the help of surgery.

But you won't be able to think clearly or rationally about your next birth until you begin to heal from this one. I had a horrible birth experiance with my first ine. I was in a deep depression over it for a long time. Terrifide to go anywhere near a Dr. or hospital (didn't go back for my post partum check until she was 4 months old :LOL). As I grew as a parent and a person I was able to take back those fears and claim some power over my upcoming birth.

Good luck healing and congratulations on your baby's birth. now isn't the time to be making descisionson your next cild. right now just focus on the resent, on yourself and your healing and your wonderful little baby.

[alexa07]

First, I think you should listen to the great Mama's here and try to
heal from this birth.

Then, if you really can't medically have a V-bac, focus on what it is you do want. If you really, really want a big family, you can prob have that. That does not mean that you may not mourn the loss of a natrual birth. But is the that loss so great that you won't have another child. Even if this outcome, makes your pg not happy, does it have to mean your life with your child will not be happy.

Why does surgery scare you so much? Is it the pain, the loss of controll, the risk???

There is some risk with any pregnancy. There is of couse some risk with everything in life.

Try to sort out your feelings. I had both a c-section and a v-bac and don't feel bad about either one. But everyone is different and needs different things.

[RainCityMama]

Welcome Babydoll,

I would highly recommend The Interntional Ceserean Awareness Network or ICAN http://www.ican-online.org/
The focus is to lower the c-section rate, support women who are planning VBAC and help in the emotional healing process of a c-section.

Peace.

[dotcommama]

http://216.92.20.151/discussions/showthread.php?s=&threadid=45554

This is a link to the cesarean support circle thread here at MDC. I know there are a few women there who are planning repeat c-sections.

[RainCityMama]

:O