HI,

I am a SAHM and am deeply disheartened by my nursing situation. i am a mom of two, my first was born natural but was in the NICU for 11 days (had major surgery on nose to create a nostril hole at 7 days) and he eventually transitioned from hospital to home and from nipple shield to me at one month, but it was hard enough to handle that he had a hearing loss (moderate, conductive) and we were given to understand that the next child should be normal. BUt that's not what happened, my son is now 20 months old and quite a handful (now is throwing off the hearing aid that he needs so much to wear to improve his speech since there is a chance that with it on and time he might become a verbal child/hearing child) and my daughter was born on April 18 of this year and is now two months old. Hers was a beautiful spontaneous water birth and yet minuutes old she was also placed in the NICU and as it turns out also had the exact issue as my son (no nostril holes) except for him he had only one hole missing and she had no holes at all. This is dangerous as babies are ONLY nose breathers and must be able to use their nose especially to eat, to suck and swallow so that they can breast feed and gain weight(ALWAYS The main concern behind being allowed to leave the NICU into our care.)

what has happened is that he was allowed to nurse prior to and after his NICU stay and his surgery whereas she (because neither whole is was originally there) was not allowed to attempt nursing until her 10th day of birth. at that time, i eagerly looked forward to it since for my son he loved it and stayed on until we had to wean him because he dropped weight due to her pregnancy. BUT she threw her head back, side to side, moved her tongue around and stayed frustrated and couldn't latch on so in trying to be a good mom and trust how things would go, i allowed bottle feeding so as to gain weight to protect the long term relationship with her ( i want her to enjoy it and not feel forced into it).

l tried a few times before her release from NICU but unfortunately becuase she is still growing and it takes a while to heal - she has surgeries that are called nose dilations which basically rewiden the nose hole (she still is having them and we will have at least one more) so she had the bottle and after the first dilation in the NICU before release ate a ton and gained weight from a bottle which was great to have her home (since that was heartbreaking) but now really refuses to latch.

I relax my body, i feed her the bottle (chose one with wide lip and flexible nipple to resemble breast) to relax her and only a few times has she latched on, usually when half asleep adn then only more comfort nursing and when awake and i have her on the bottle and i go to switch it, she sees the breast and nipple sheild (which by themselves haven't worked) and seriously gets mad. she clearly is experiencing nipple confusion, latch on issue and has always had a different personality than my son, who shared a similar experience but didn't have nipple confusion and let me work with him. she has this need to control, which is true since more has been done to her and continues to happen with these on-going surgeries.

I have recently attended a LL meeting and was thankful, but i still find myself deeply sad ( i have already addressed such feelings as not being feminine for not nursing her, knowing its not about me, worries about bonding and closeness with her and even her own medical needs and growth needs) because i still really WANT to but i want it to happen because she trusts me and i build a good relationship and not becuase i forced it.

Sometimes i feel so sad, i don't feel like taking care of myself, or i feel less responsive to my son who dearly love and already miss all i could give to him before her, and then there is the time to give to her which i want to and then while i am trying to focus and relax with her, he takes off his hearing aid becuase he wants attention.

i know this is alot to share, i really just need to know i am not the only one, because while they were compassionate no one at my LL meeting happens to share what i do - they have different issues or needs.

the only ray of hope is that tomorrow a LC is coming to the home, but i am afraid of breaking down emotionally in front of her and i am afraid that my situation with all the hospital stuff and my daughters different personality and that she is the second and i cannot focus on her alone, i fear that even the LC will not be able to do anything so i am both excited and deeply fearful because so much of my heart is in this.

so if anyone has an encouraging word, or can pray for me, i would be deeply grateful.

thanks for taking the time to listen, =) a hopeful vibrant writer and mom to two beautiful children and wife to a passionate pirate. =)

I don't have any experience with what you described, but I couldn't read and leave you reply-less. :hug

I hope you find the answers/help you need soon. Good luck and best wishes.

You have done a beautiful job of meeting your childrens' needs through extraordinary and difficult circumstances.

I'm praying that the LC you're meeting with tomorrow will have the knowledge, wisdom, skills and empathy you need to work towards nursing your child at your breast. And for you, that you are gentle and forgiving and accepting of yourself, and proud of the mama you are and all you have accomplished.

Update us tomorrow, please!

Hugs!!
Nipple confusion in a babe with a personality like yours I have first hand experience. My LC told me she had never seen such a determined/alert babe. She fought tooth and nail any offering of my breast. We failed to ever BF more than a handful of times and now she is a bouncing 16mth old who I exclusively pump for.
We tried every contraption on the market but I could not get past her personality since she knew that after I would offer the breast she would aways get a bottle. She knew that the bottle would come and so she just held out for that (she would scream, arch, kick, flail her arms).

The one thing I wish I had tried and I actually think would have worked was totally removing the bottles and feeding her with a cup/spoon/syringe so that the only thing she could have the option to get her sucking needs satisfied by would be my breast. But hind site is always 20/20.:loveeyes: Try talking to your LC about it, mine told me not to do it because it would make me too tired to keep up pumping but what she did not realize was that we would NEVER BF otherwise. I think drastic situations need strong solutions to get good results.

Also a warning about "LCs", since your problem is severe and complicated by a medical condition you really need to see a IBCLC. Any other LC may just have a weekend training course or less to call themself an LC and are great at the more normal problems but not trained to deal with more than that.

I hope a mth from now you can post that you have a nursing CHAMP!:wink

So, it is later in the day and the LC has just left. First off - THANKS to all who posted their encouragement to me - it meant so much and lifted my spirits until our appointment today.

I really believe that i have one of the good LC consultants, she is kind, a good communicator, honest and wants me to feel free to share with her if she needs to back off and wants met to be able to share any feeling or frustration i am feeling. i felt like she validated feelings i shared but also encouraged me to take steps forward and not stay discouraged.

i felt commended for what i am doing and how much i care.

we tried several things and i felt very validated when she told me i was right when i shared with her that my dd is emotionally refusing the breast (besides the poor latch on and how the flow isn't as fast as a bottle) becuase i wanted to a LC who would acknowledge how much of a relationship breastfeeding or any kind of feeding is with a child. i also felt like i could trust my own instincts better since she confirmed what i was seeing.

the long and short of it is, we think my dd has currently an aversion to trying the breast, needs her palate massaged and will benefit greatly from being worn (need to buy a Moby wrap still) and needs help with not only latching on but suckling the best way, perhaps because she cries crooked since she has a bit of face palsy (shows up in crying mostly). we also tried a supplementer feeder and it worked for short bit so i have been asked to try it at least 3 x a day on my finger to get her to appreciate how to wrap her tongue around a finger (so skin not plastic) and yet get a good flow. SO i am excited to have an excuse to go shopping on line for the sling, look forward to seeing where we are in a week (LC back to home on 6th of July) having lots of skin to skin to increase supply, as well as trying a powerpumping method and fenugrec to increase supply as well. also i need to try a few times a day to gently encourage her to turn her head to one side (she likes the other better) as we have noticed that her neck is strong and a bit stiff.

but i feel so much better having one on one help, i do really well in mentoring situations and just to have the support and encouragement from some one who i feels really listens to me and knows what they are doing.

she kept reminding me many times in the appointment to be gentle with myself and affirmed me for all i am doing and recognizing and mentioned that i have clearly bonded really well with her. she described that my willingness to listen to my dd and learn what she needs is wonderful and to keep listening.

all in all, i feel ready to take on what is out there and the path that we will take, i will try as long as i can with the whole family's needs in mind to bf but at least i will have several techniques to keep up supply and the hope that possibly she will eventually switch over. even if not, i have read many of your posts on the EP thread and am inspired and encouraged to keep at pumping for as long as needed.

thats all for now, must go, being paged by my 20 mo old ds who is hooting at me, thanks again for listening and taking the time to drop me lines of support, as i will need it for a while yet.

thanks again, thankful vibrant writer of two creative ones and a wife to a big creative one =)

Wow, what a lot you have going on. Sounds like you were really open to the LC. Hang in there in your efforts to get DD to the breast, great things are worth the extra work.