I've read several threads in which moms who brag are referred to as annoying, and I'm just curious about that. I know there's an annoying, competitive, one-upping way that people can brag, but my friends and I share our children's accomplishments with each other all the time, and I've never considered it "bragging," although I guess it could be considered that.

I love hearing about all the cool stuff their kids are doing, and I've never felt like someone's been annoyed with me when I'm sharing a story about something cool that DS did.

Do you guys talk about your children's accomplishments with others, and when other people do this with you do you consider it "bragging" and get annoyed by it?

Well I live in Upper Canada (Toronto :)) and here the social custom is not really to emphasize the children's accomplishments as a topic of discussion. It still happens backhandedly, like "oh I'm so sorry I missed that television show... where were we?... oh yes, we had to be at school because, you see, our child had won this little provincial wide competition...") but it's just the way of the land.

When I go to the States and see the "My student's on the honor roll!" bumper stickers I often feel compelled to make up the Toronto equivalent:

"We're so glad our student seems to be doing all right."

:)

My parents are American and they got into some trouble being seen as braggarts before they worked it out. It's really not about a moral absolute, it's just a social convention.

ETA: I should add that I think this is a regional thing, my parents were from upstate NY. I've heard the Midwest is very like Upper Canada.

I don't brag usually because my kids usually hit milestones early and I don't want to make anyone feel bad or think that I am rubbing it in their faces.

Meh. I brag all the time. My kids are awesome :lol I'm happy to hear other people brag about their kids too though!

I think there's a good way to brag-- when you're really proud of your child and just enjoy sharing that pride. I don't mind that, and I do it myself. But there's a nasty way to brag, too, where the emphasis is on comparing your child to other kids, and I don't like that. I don't like when people brag about their older, able-to-understand kids in a way that puts pressure on the kid, either. I dunno, I guess like you said it depends on HOW the bragging is done and what the intent is, and whether you're doing it with sensitivity to the kid and to others.

Also, consider the audience. Are you telling a complete stranger (who also has kids with them) who has shown zero interest in your child how great your kids talk/walk/whatever? :irked:

Are you telling close friends and family? More acceptable.

Also, is it a constant stream? Or does it occasionally just burst forth? If it's a constant stream, perhaps you need to re-evaluate why bragging is so important to you.

How about the impact bragging has on kids? The pressure, the sense that you're only worth as much as your accomplishments, the fear of failure, the competition, the alienation caused by competition...

Maybe it is regional, but where I live the etiquette is to not brag.

Also, is it a constant stream? Or does it occasionally just burst forth? If it's a constant stream, perhaps you need to re-evaluate why bragging is so important to you.

Yes, it's so important to realize that other parents are just as interested in their own children -- and both parents and non-parents alike will get bored if children's accomplishments are ALL someone wants to talk about. Also, it's not good for the kids to hear a constant stream of bragging about their accomplishments -- it puts a lot of pressure on them and makes them more self-conscious.

I have a dear friend who, whenever anyone asked her or her son what grade he was in, would chime in with, "We homeschool, and we don't do grades. If we did do grades, it'd be hard 'cause he's on a 9th grade level in reading --" and she'd rattle off all the subject and give her son's corresponding grade levels -- usually way advanced for his age. This was when her son was about six or seven.

We homeschool, too, and actually unschool, meaning I have absolutely no concern about what grade-level my children are at. But if anyone asks me what grade my 7yo's in, I just say, "Second -- we homeschool." I figure they're just making conversation and wondering about her age and school experience, so I don't give more of an answer than that unless they ask.

Just as when we're talking with our children -- when we talk with ANYone it's a good idea to listen to find out what their interests are, and share information in response to THEIR interest-level.

This is a learning process, especially when I was a first-time mom I was so obsessed with EVERYthing my dd did. One day I noticed that my friend with a large family often noticed things my child was doing and showed an interest in her -- while I hardly ever showed interest in her children. It was a wake-up call for me.

Here's the deal where I live. You can brag as much as you want about a child who is a fairly different age (let's say two to three years apart at least) from the children of the person you are talking to.

Then it does not come off as "My kid is doing things better than yours"

You might think that everyone you know has kids the same age, but what I find is that oldest dd's friends might have no siblings the same age as her silbings, so I brag more about my other age kids to that mom, YKWIM? But I don't brag about oldest dd to her.

Otherwise stick to granparents and aunts and uncles with different age kids.

How about the impact bragging has on kids? The pressure, the sense that you're only worth as much as your accomplishments, the fear of failure, the competition, the alienation caused by competition...

While I know there is some truth to this, my dh had the opposite experience. His mother (my MIL) NEVER bragged about him to anyone. For some reason, maybe generational, she thought it was bad luck to praise or brag about your kids. She never wanted them ( her kids) to think that they were better than anyone else.

The result is that my husband has spent his whole life trying to be the best and never feeling that he is. He is always under stress to do things perfectly. If he cannot do something perfectly, he will not even attempt it. He won't try any new sport, or activity.

He was a straight A student, valedictorian in college, he became the principal of a very prestigous boys prep school by the time he was 35. He still feels inadequate.

It really is a tragic. There must be a happy medium.

I think there is a difference between being proud of your kids and their accomplishments and bragging about them. Personally it really irks me when parents say things like "Junior got the highest grade in his class for biology--his teacher is just astounded by his brilliance--I think we've got a future neurosurgeon here! But we don't know whether to send him to Harvard or Yale--it's so tough being his mom! You can't imagine the responsibility. Ooops, off to karate practice...Did I mention he's the youngest child to ever earn a black belt?"

I think a more pleasant way to say it would be "Junior is doing great in school and is especially interested in biology. Recently he performed a computer simulation of a frog dissection. He loved it! He dreams of being a doctor someday and we couldn't be more proud of him. "

While I know there is some truth to this, my dh had the opposite experience. His mother (my MIL) NEVER bragged about him to anyone. For some reason, maybe generational, she thought it was bad luck to praise or brag about your kids. She never wanted them ( her kids) to think that they were better than anyone else.

The result is that my husband has spent his whole life trying to be the best and never feeling that he is. He is always under stress to do things perfectly. If he cannot do something perfectly, he will not even attempt it. He won't try any new sport, or activity.



Same results for my partner, who was bragged about excessively.

At any rate I never said that you shouldn't talk about kids' accomplishments ever. Just that "bragging" per se easily becomes toxic.

Maybe people's definition of "bragging" differs. To me, it's a negative term used to describe talking about someone's talents/accomplishments/etc. in a way that makes it sound like they're comparing themselves or their children to you or your children.

But if a friend's child made the swim team, or or went down the slide after months of being too afraid, I'd want to hear about it, and would think it was great and share in their joy! And I share similar stuff about DS with my close friends and family.

I also share stuff about myself and other grown-ups in my life when I'm proud -- if I get a promotion at work, or my DH qualifies for an exciting golf tournament, or my friend gets a gallery to display her artwork, I think those are things worth mentioning to other people who care about me/my family/my friends! And I think I would be weirded out, and sort of hurt, if a friend chose not to share those joyous moments with me because they were afraid of appearing to brag.

I don't see the purpose in bragging. I do see the purpose of TELLING your kids you are proud of them and encouraging them. Sometimes it is nice to share your kids accomplishment with a good friend...but to carry on about how wonderful their kids are and that they are at the top of the class. What are they trying to prove? I am not impressed by that anyway...i am more interested if they are kind ,compassionate and considerate...in other words that they are a good person and if they are HAPPY.

It isn't really a social norm here to brag, per se. I personally find it a bit obnoxious unless I'm related to the child and actually give a hoot :duck: Sometimes when mamas brag they don't have their fingers on the developmental pulse and are bragging about things that most average kids are doing anyway, or that other kids (ie mine) have done early. I sometimes feel compelled to tell them that :lol Maybe it's cuz I just don't like bragging.

Then there are the competitive moms in several playgroups/activities I've been to, and it's my general feeling that they brag to cover or make up for their own inadequacies...high school never ended for some people :p

Among the locals here, it also isn't the norm here to boast about one's child. People tend to do it in a way that isn't so off-putting so you don't encounter it too often. Done wrong talking about one's child comes off like a bad Christmas letter. You know the type - "Junior is studying art in Paris under the tutelage of a great master who proclaimed him a budding Michelangelo and little Missy, age 5, continues to amaze her professors at the University."

There's nothing wrong with taking pride in a child's accomplishments. However, one has to take into account the audience, the delivery, and the reason for making the statement. I would share information with close friends and family who I know are interested in DD. But I'm not likely to mention anything to casual acquaintences with children the same age as my DD unless they specifically ask and even then I wouldn't go into too many details.

Maybe people's definition of "bragging" differs. To me, it's a negative term used to describe talking about someone's talents/accomplishments/etc. in a way that makes it sound like they're comparing themselves or their children to you or your children.

But if a friend's child made the swim team, or or went down the slide after months of being too afraid, I'd want to hear about it, and would think it was great and share in their joy! And I share similar stuff about DS with my close friends and family.

I also share stuff about myself and other grown-ups in my life when I'm proud -- if I get a promotion at work, or my DH qualifies for an exciting golf tournament, or my friend gets a gallery to display her artwork, I think those are things worth mentioning to other people who care about me/my family/my friends! And I think I would be weirded out, and sort of hurt, if a friend chose not to share those joyous moments with me because they were afraid of appearing to brag.

I think that just highlights the differences in culture. Here, it would be fine to mention those things if asked like... "so how is MutualFriend?" Or if we were talking about sports or playgrounds or something.

But if you were initiating it, it might well be perceived as bragging - to just bring those things up out of the blue, even if you were excited about them. Maybe especially if you were excited about them. :) It sounds repressive and on one level it is, maybe, but on another - I don't know; in my mums groups I think it actually sort of keeps the competitive stuff down, and also maybe opens the door to share the - mundane details? Not sure how to put that, but it's a culture, not a manual, so there you go.

However in lots of places it is fine. :) My parents really did move from one to the other and it got them into a lot of social hot water, especially around us girls - my parents were used to a culture of sharing a lot about school in particular, that we got As or whatever, and other parents started to avoid them and us, and eventually it all got mostly kindly sorted out.

But I still remember the putdowns with fair embarassment - "Oh how... close... you must be, as a family, that you are so... proud... of your daughter's spelling tests."

I'm way more careful about this now. I have a dd that is light years ahead of average, and I don't think I ever really bragged a whole lot, but I may have, I don't know. But now I have been blessed with a son that is different. I am totally fine with him just the way he is. He's an amazing child. But I generally find things like proper poop consistancy something to brag about with him. :lol He does things in his own time. But I've found something unexpected with him and other parents with kids his age. They are constantly saying things like, "oh, he's not babbling yet? Oh my baby's been doing that for months." or "he's still not crawling? well I guess that can still be normal. Jr. met that mile stone way early." And that my friends is the only time that I am uncomfortable with my son's issues. It makes me very angry that not only do they not see how amazing he is (see what he can do, not what he can't) but that they have so little social graces. I mean I suck socially but I still know that you don't look at someone who's kid has a really malformed face or something obvious like that and say, "oh, my kid is just the most beautiful kid I've ever seen, everyone says so." Likewise you don't look at my totally tube fed kid and decide to brag about how superior your kid's eating skills are. So it's one thing to say something like "I'm so proud of dd, she's so creative," just don't brag about something to someone just to make yourself feel better. cause it might really make them feel aweful in the process. Brag contientiously.

all that aside, my kid is amazing cause he can burp through the tube in his stomach. :lol

NOTHING wrong with bragging about your kids, I do it often! :thumb

Do you guys talk about your children's accomplishments with others, and when other people do this with you do you consider it "bragging" and get annoyed by it?

When other people do it, I don't get annoyed - I'm usually interested in what their kids are doing and I'm generally enthusiastic about the conversation.

That said, I learned early on through online forums (fora?) not to "brag" about my child, by which I mean "to reveal accurate and objective specifics about her developmental progress." Even leaving details somewhat nebulous brought on a flamestorm or two, so I've learned to avoid it except in forums where the children are like my child and the parents understand.

Sometimes when mamas brag they don't have their fingers on the developmental pulse and are bragging about things that most average kids are doing anyway, or that other kids (ie mine) have done early. I sometimes feel compelled to tell them that

Why would it be more acceptable to brag only about stuff that demonstrates advanced development? Like in my slide example, DS was scared to go down the slide until he was 2.5, and then one day he got up the courage to try it, and he loved it! I was so proud of him, and said to my close friend who was at the park with me, "Oh, he did it! He's been working so hard on that!"

It's not that I think my kid is the youngest kid ever to go down the slide (I see babies going down all the time), but *for my kid* that was a huge accomplishment and I was proud! I think if I told someone about it and they said, "Oh, that's nothing -- kids his age go down slides all the time," they'd be the rude one, not me.

Why would it be more acceptable to brag only about stuff that demonstrates advanced development? Like in my slide example, DS was scared to go down the slide until he was 2.5, and then one day he got up the courage to try it, and he loved it! I was so proud of him, and said to my close friend who was at the park with me, "Oh, he did it! He's been working so hard on that!"

It's not that I think my kid is the youngest kid ever to go down the slide (I see babies going down all the time), but *for my kid* that was a huge accomplishment and I was proud! I think if I told someone about it and they said, "Oh, that's nothing -- kids his age go down slides all the time," they'd be the rude one, not me.

Exactly! To feel compelled to tell someone, "Oh, you're excited that your 14-month old just started walking? Most kids are doing that much sooner, and my kid was doing it at 9 months. Come on, get your finger on that elusive 'developmental pulse,' so you know when it's okay to get excited!" -- seems worse than the actual bragging.

Of course, I'm sure RainCoastMama doesn't exactly put it like that!:lol

Exactly! To feel compelled to tell someone, "Oh, you're excited that your 14-month old just started walking? Most kids are doing that much sooner, and my kid was doing it at 9 months. Come on, get your finger on that elusive 'developmental pulse,' so you know when it's okay to get excited!" -- seems worse than the actual bragging.

Of course, I'm sure RainCoastMama doesn't exactly put it like that!:lol

What I find very frustrating is that there is an open, socially acceptable bias against gifted children. OBVIOUSLY it is not acceptable to say, in a comparative and disparaging manner, "Oh, YOUR child wasn't going down the slide until 2.5? Mine went down it when she was still in the uterus!" but it's considered to be in very bad taste or "bragging" if you say a factual, non-comparative statement about your child when that statement indicates giftedness or advanced development, i.e., "DC began to read when s/he was two years old. S/he read at a second-grade level by the time s/he was two and a half." Try saying that statement on a birth board...but bring your Kevlar undies.:gloomy:

I'm sorry you've been treated this way, Meg.

I was computer-illiterate when my "early-on-everything" firstborn was a baby, so the only way I knew she was early was that friends would notice stuff and comment, "Wow! Most babies are much older when they do this or that!"

I wasn't involved in computer discussions at that time -- but I think people feel safer expressing their opinions of what someone else says (and even unfairly dumping their own emotional baggage on that person), when it's not a real live person standing in front of them. Maybe that's why you got more flack for sharing what your child was doing.

Since a lot of my irl friends have larger families, I think they're more cognizant than average about the wide variations in development from child to child. I know that just having a second child has made me realize how unique each child is, and I don't get "offended" or insist it can't be true if someone else's child does something way before my same-age child does.

It was as thrilling to dh and me when dd2 started walking at 14 1/2 months, as it was when dd1 started walking at 9 1/2 months -- but other people definitely made a bigger deal about dd1. With dd2, people are asking, "Does she do this or that yet?" before she's actually crossed those milestones -- but with dd1, it's so obvious with no need to ask.

And I think it's likely that both our dd's are cognitively gifted, though the giftedness seems more obvious with our first right now. I've heard that a lot of moms of gifted children get negative comments from others, but the only negative remarks I get have been from my mom, who doesn't think I'm adequate to homeschool dd.:irked:

This is definitely a touchy issue. The rule about bragging(being excited? sharing?) to someone with children in a different age group is a good one.

I find it hard to talk about my youngest when people ask. He has two cousins 6 months older, and I really try to shy away from topics that would be comparing what they do. It's easier for me to focus on "Phillip" things than developmental things, you know? I can talk about his interest in cars or how he spent a few hours chasing a frog with a flashlight, but developmental topics I stay far, far away from unless it comes up as a side note. I shared his first day of vacation bible school on another board and it brought up some curious questions that I hadn't even thought about because it was so routine for us.

Although, if someone ever told me that I shouldn't be excited about him finally potty training to a mostly profficient level at age 5 (medical issues), I'd be extremely hurt. I don't care that most 2-3yos have it down. This kid has worked for 2-3 years on a skill that comes more naturally to others. I can see how it would look to a stranger if I just walked up beaming and blurted out the news, but who brags to random people anyway?

Although, if someone ever told me that I shouldn't be excited about him finally potty training to a mostly profficient level at age 5 (medical issues), I'd be extremely hurt. I don't care that most 2-3yos have it down. This kid has worked for 2-3 years on a skill that comes more naturally to others. I can see how it would look to a stranger if I just walked up beaming and blurted out the news, but who brags to random people anyway?

Good points. And yeah, it would be weird to brag about your kid to random strangers. I have a feeling that when DS gets to school age I'll have a better understanding of why some moms find bragging so annoying. So far, anyone I associate with regarding DS is totally interested in him (as I am in their kids) -- grandparents, aunties, and close friends. But yeah, once kids start school and you're spending more time talking with casual acquaintances, I can see where it could become annoying to hear every little detail about their kids.

Regarding being excited about potty training, though -- I brought my dog to the vet last month and DS came along, and the tech asked how old DS was and then said her DD was the same age and she sat on the potty for the first time the previous weekend. I just smiled and said, "How exciting!" and just shared in her joy. I could tell that she didn't tell me about the potty training in a snarky way at all -- she was just thrilled about her DD reaching that milestone and probably wanted to share the news with someone who could understand, like the mama of a similar-aged kid. I figured it was no skin off my nose to just let her be thrilled, you know?

The problem IMO with bragging about kids that other people simply are not really that interested in YOUR kids - kids just don't hold the same fascination for other people that they do for their parents. Nobody else really gives a rat's *ss whether little Shirley could recite Shakespeare at 3 years old:lol

Exactly! To feel compelled to tell someone, "Oh, you're excited that your 14-month old just started walking? Most kids are doing that much sooner, and my kid was doing it at 9 months. Come on, get your finger on that elusive 'developmental pulse,' so you know when it's okay to get excited!" -- seems worse than the actual bragging.

Of course, I'm sure RainCoastMama doesn't exactly put it like that!:lol

Nah...:lol To be honest, I let people babble, and rarely pull out that card. When I do, you'd better believe I was ticked off by the content/tone/comparisons etc. The kind of bragging I am personally referring to is Bragging, not accomplishment sharing, which is different IMHO. Bragging has a negative connotation and meaning for me. Sharing accomplishments is more of a gentle, non-competitive thing.

As a social worker, my biggest revelation was to 'let people have power where they find it', ie. if it makes you feel fantabulous to go on about little Johnny's pee pee hitting the cheerios in the toilet at 2 yrs old, power to ya.

Why would it be more acceptable to brag only about stuff that demonstrates advanced development?



... in my experience, this is the ONLY thing ever bragged about. You know..the potty learned at 12 mos, the reading at 15 months.

I really, really don't know if I've heard a mama 'brag' about a child who did something she knows is 'average'. Is this done in your playgroups/social circles?

That said, I learned early on through online forums (fora?) not to "brag" about my child, by which I mean "to reveal accurate and objective specifics about her developmental progress."

Wow. If this is "bragging," then I am guilty.

I do have a particular close friend irl, and between the two of us we have a few "interesting" children. We talk about our kids with eachother pretty much non stop. But it's a mutual thing, I never feel like she's bragging, and I'm assuming she doesn't think I am. And by my getting it out of my system with her, I spare my other friends, most of whom probably wouldn't want to hear it!

... in my experience, this is the ONLY thing ever bragged about. You know..the potty learned at 12 mos, the reading at 15 months.

I really, really don't know if I've heard a mama 'brag' about a child who did something she knows is 'average'. Is this done in your playgroups/social circles?

I guess that's kind of my whole question in this thread: Is sharing mundane details (about which you're proud, like the slide thing) "bragging," or does that term only refer to the obnoxious, my-kid-is-more-advanced-than-yours stuff?

The word has a negative connotation to me too, and I wouldn't classify something as bragging unless I felt it carried a comparative association. But some responses to this thread (about how sharing accomplishments is taboo in some areas) are making me think that some people don't share *any* details about their kids for fear of looking like a braggart.

As a social worker, my biggest revelation was to 'let people have power where they find it', ie. if it makes you feel fantabulous to go on about little Johnny's pee pee hitting the cheerios in the toilet at 2 yrs old, power to ya.

I love it! :lol

I really, really don't know if I've heard a mama 'brag' about a child who did something she knows is 'average'. Is this done in your playgroups/social circles?

Yeah, it most definitely is. In those instances, however, I am pretty sure the parent in question does not think her child is average...but other people might. And it doesn't matter-- she's still a proud parent.

I have a close friend whose daughter is the same age as mine. Her daughter regularly meets milestones after mine, and she is aware of this. Nonetheless, I love that she feels she can "brag" to me when her daughter learns to do something new...even though she knows mine has been doing it for however long. The fact that my daughter could write her name at age ___ doesn't make me less proud for her friend, learning to do it later, at age ____.

The word has a negative connotation to me too, and I wouldn't classify something as bragging unless I felt it carried a comparative association. But some responses to this thread (about how sharing accomplishments is taboo in some areas) are making me think that some people don't share *any* details about their kids for fear of looking like a braggart.

Oh, in my area we share lots of things, but it's low-key and not framed the same way as I find it is with other relatives.

And it's not really fearful (unless you are me as a elementary school student embarassed by my parents :)).

It's hard to describe but let me give it a try.

My playgroup: chat about the weather, admire snack tray, comment on how the children seem today, then get down to nitty gritty chatting.

Person A: So, how was Child's week?
Person B: Oh... Tues he was so grumpy! Thursday was interesting, because he started counting. Friday we had relatives over...
Person A: Tuesday was grumpy here too! And counting, that must be new and exciting, how high does he count?
Person B: To five, but he leaves out four (everyone laughs)

My cousin's playgroup:
My cousin comes in the door, admires snack tray, and then sits down "wow, what a week! Child started counting to five! But he leaves out four!" (everyone laughs)

Those are both a bit contrived but maybe get it across. I think it gets even more apparent as the kids get older. I've almost never heard a parent here talk about whether their child's sports team was winning, for example, just that they had a game.

It's so interesting isn't it? I can see the gifted conundrum too, although here the cultural pattern of waiting for the ask makes it sort of easier.

I don't get "offended" or insist it can't be true if someone else's child does something way before my same-age child does.

I don't either!! It's wonderful to me when kids start doing anything, if you want to know the truth. I don't take it as a personal reflection on me, my parenting, my kids, or whatever, and I simply don't get it when other people do.:dizzy:

I think the reason why comparisons (which most bragging really is, at the heart, when shared with other parents) are problemati is that since each child develops at his/her own rate, it is easy to think there is something wrong with a kid who seems "behind" his/her peers - when the child may well be right on schedule for him or her and it won't make a damned bit of difference in later life.

Frankly, a lot of discussions about gifted and intelligent children revolve around how early they started doing X or Y (talking, walking, potty training, reading, you name it) and there is this implicit assumption that early = smart.

So if I say that my son is no where near potty trained at 3 3/4ths (motivation issues, no health concerns nor developmental delays), I get irritated when I hear someone saying "oh, my little Julie has been potty trained for years!" because I hear two things:

* there must be something wrong with my son that he isn't as advanced as little julie and/or;
* I suck as a mom - either for his having this problem at all or for not having rushed my kid into some early intervention program to "fix" him.

My oldest has been on average 2 months behind every developmental milestone. I feel like I don't get to tell other parents about his development because they all kind of give me that patrionizing look which screams "oh, how NICE for you - my kid must be much smarter than yours since s/he's been doing that for months."

So I try to avoid comparisons and just let my kids be. Otherwise, it makes me crazy and gives me massive insecurity... ; )

. But some responses to this thread (about how sharing accomplishments is taboo in some areas) are making me think that some people don't share *any* details about their kids for fear of looking like a braggart.

That would be me.:hola:
I generally give really sketchy details unless people press me for specifics, and then I tend to be somewhat elliptical. We homeschool, so if someone asks, "What grade is she in?" I'll generally say, "Oh, she's all over the map," which is true. Usually, they don't ask for more than that. I might crack if they asked further, (e.g., "No, really -- what grade level is she in math?") but I'd be way less likely to do that if they had a kid who was even close to mine in age. No matter what, even if it's said in a really deadpan, non-confrontational, non-comparative way, it sounds like bragging to other people, I've found. Best to avoid the subject altogether.

TNo matter what, even if it's said in a really deadpan, non-confrontational, non-comparative way, it sounds like bragging to other people, I've found. Best to avoid the subject altogether.

So, just curious-- does it make you feel uncomfortable when your daughter does something clearly well above the level of her same age peers and there is a large group of people around to witness her accomplishment? I'm thinking of my own three year old, on one occasion, writing words on a paper while the mothers of her classmates in the Twos preschool class looked on. I didn't ask her to write, nor had I ever told anyone she could...still, I felt almost as if her very presence was kind of "in your face." And it's not good to feel that way, either, because then our children get weird feelings about their abilities. But just wondering how you have felt in similar circumstances.

I think the reason why comparisons (which most bragging really is, at the heart, when shared with other parents) are problemati is that since each child develops at his/her own rate, it is easy to think there is something wrong with a kid who seems "behind" his/her peers - when the child may well be right on schedule for him or her and it won't make a damned bit of difference in later life.

Frankly, a lot of discussions about gifted and intelligent children revolve around how early they started doing X or Y (talking, walking, potty training, reading, you name it) and there is this implicit assumption that early = smart.


Well, and for some things, it is! I don't think potty training (especially for a boy) is one of them, though -- from my limited understanding, boys tend to potty learn a little later, and that's normal for them. Isn't that right??

My oldest has been on average 2 months behind every developmental milestone. I feel like I don't get to tell other parents about his development because they all kind of give me that patrionizing look which screams "oh, how NICE for you - my kid must be much smarter than yours since s/he's been doing that for months."

That stinks!! Again, so many skills have such wide windows that I would think people would just plain be congratulatory whenever a kid picks up any skill. It's hard work being a baby and learning everything; it really is!

So, just curious-- does it make you feel uncomfortable when your daughter does something clearly well above the level of her same age peers and there is a large group of people around to witness her accomplishment? I'm thinking of my own three year old, on one occasion, writing words on a paper while the mothers of her classmates in the Twos preschool class looked on. I didn't ask her to write, nor had I ever told anyone she could...still, I felt almost as if her very presence was kind of "in your face." And it's not good to feel that way, either, because then our children get weird feelings about their abilities. But just wondering how you have felt in similar circumstances.

YES.
It was worse when she was younger, and some other playgroup moms reacted in ways that were just downright odd. This strikes me as so strange, though, because if I saw a child doing something remarkably early, like a three-year-old writing, I think -- no, I know I would think it was just so darned cool, period.

I don't like bragging becoz IMO it puts too much emphasis on approving (or disapproving) of a child's developmental progress. I think children can very easily get the message that they are loved for how 'advanced' they are. Or the corollary, that parents are disappointed becoz a child is not advanced enough in a particular area.

So I avoid it, and I feel uncomfortable when others do it in my presence.

I do brag privately about my dd with her father and a few close friends. But not within earshot of her, and not as general conversation with friends within earshot of their children.

I don't like bragging becoz IMO it puts too much emphasis on approving (or disapproving) of a child's developmental progress. I think children can very easily get the message that they are loved for how 'advanced' they are. Or the corollary, that parents are disappointed becoz a child is not advanced enough in a particular area.

I agree that that could be detrimental. I've never heard someone brag about their kid's development like that, though (although, as I said earlier, I bet once DS is in school I'll notice it more). I'm talking about friends having conversations like this:

A: So, does your DS like soccer?
B: Yeah! The first practice he just kind of stood around, but yesterday he was really running after the ball!

To me, that's just a regular conversation -- no big deal, and not "bragging," but from some threads I've read something like that would be considered bragging. Or maybe it's only bragging if person B knows that person A's son is struggling with soccer? I don't know.

:shrug I don't know, I don't see that as bragging.

I see over-focus on accomplishments as potentially damaging, and this is my concern with some of the conversation about 'gifted' children.

I guess that's kind of my whole question in this thread: Is sharing mundane details (about which you're proud, like the slide thing) "bragging," or does that term only refer to the obnoxious, my-kid-is-more-advanced-than-yours stuff?

The word has a negative connotation to me too, and I wouldn't classify something as bragging unless I felt it carried a comparative association. But some responses to this thread (about how sharing accomplishments is taboo in some areas) are making me think that some people don't share *any* details about their kids for fear of looking like a braggart.

ITA. I think there might be a slight dichotomy in this thread about semantics.

Bragging to me is competitive, comparison-driven, subconsciously based on approval/disapproval and (obnoxious).

Sharing accomplishments is the opposite...more discussion-based. I do this. Many people around me do this. I love hearing about accomplishments and frequently ask friends about their kids. My DD was behind in physical milestones, and ahead in verbal. It was a big deal to me when she could go down a slide without freaking out. I shared this liberally.

I don't like bragging, and find braggers...er...did I say it already? Obnoxious. :lol

Well, and for some things, it is!

here is the problem. if early=smart, then late = dumb. My kid is not dumb, but if he is measured, at age 3 3/4ths by stuff like his age of walking and talking, he'd be considered kinda slow.

However, to use the classic example, Einstein wasn't an early developer either. And there is increasing brain research which shows that many highly intelligent kids are slower to develop during those 0-6 years than previously anticipated.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5310107

Now, my kid may not be a genius - I ain't saying that he is. However, I know he is bright (he is a lot like his dad, who is pretty darn smart guy).

However, I always get this feeling when I do mention that I think he is bright that I have to "prove" it since I don't have a laundry list of "accomplishments" like walking and talking early.

That stinks!! Again, so many skills have such wide windows that I would think people would just plain be congratulatory whenever a kid picks up any skill. It's hard work being a baby and learning everything; it really is!

well, I think folks (okay, me) use comparisons to see how their kid is doing against the rest. In my area, we are told by educators and the school system (even for preschoolers) to be on the lookout for developmental delays and if we find any, there is an entire infrastructure ready to rush to our assistance. There are loads of resources available for kids who (in my very uneducated opinion) are sometimes just late bloomers. In some cases, the interventions are very needed and long overdue. But in others, they are more symptomatic of parental anxiety about their kid not being "as good as" the neighbor's kid.

It just seems that the definition of "normal" is getting narrower and narrower and the majority of kids fall on one side or the other.

My 2 cents.

:shrug I don't know, I don't see that as bragging.

I see over-focus on accomplishments as potentially damaging, and this is my concern with some of the conversation about 'gifted' children.

agreed.

My second son is precocious with his language. It isn't an accomplishment - he just happens to have an early facility for language, combined with an older brother who could mimic.

I should not praise him or be overly proud of his language skills because it is as much a part of who he is as his blond hair or his height. And by praising his language skills, even if I make no overt comparisons to his brother, there is an implicit criticism of his brother's lack of advanced verbal skills - something that he also had no control over.

I might talk about his language skills with friends of mine but I am careful to not show pride - any more than I am proud of his blond hair. Just more random musings.

ITA. I think there might be a slight dichotomy in this thread about semantics.

Bragging to me is competitive, comparison-driven, subconsciously based on approval/disapproval and (obnoxious).

Sharing accomplishments is the opposite...more discussion-based. I do this. Many people around me do this. I love hearing about accomplishments and frequently ask friends about their kids. My DD was behind in physical milestones, and ahead in verbal. It was a big deal to me when she could go down a slide without freaking out. I shared this liberally.

I don't like bragging, and find braggers...er...did I say it already? Obnoxious. :lol

I agree completely. :) And I totally know what you mean about the slide -- yay for your DD! :D

here is the problem. if early=smart, then late = dumb. My kid is not dumb, but if he is measured, at age 3 3/4ths by stuff like his age of walking and talking, he'd be considered kinda slow.


I think that's a false equation. Just because one part is correct doesn't mean the other half is, you know? Doing things early is often a sign of giftedness or brightness. It's not absolute, but it is an indicator.

I think that's a false equation. Just because one part is correct doesn't mean the other half is, you know? Doing things early is often a sign of giftedness or brightness. It's not absolute, but it is an indicator.

And at least speaking for me, since I can't speak for anyone else, "late" does not equal "dumb." "Very late" may indicate "developmental delay," sure, but "dd" does not equal "dumb." I'm thinking, for example, of children with autism who are generally later in developing expressive language skills than their non-autistic peers, but who may also be profoundly gifted. That's one example; obviously there are others.

I think that's a false equation. Just because one part is correct doesn't mean the other half is, you know? Doing things early is often a sign of giftedness or brightness. It's not absolute, but it is an indicator.

And lots of gifted kids are actually "late" in areas like gross motor skills or expressive speech. All kids are different. They cannot be compared.

Back to the OP...I don't brag (except to grandparents!) b/c I think it's kind of boring. I get bored when people brag about their kids and all the details. I like to *share* what our kids are into or what huge milestones they might have met, but the bragging and updating on every little thing the kid has done is boring, IMHO. And I think it sometimes points to the need for validation. And it always always leads to comparisons, which leads to hurt feelings for someone. I don't expect other people to be as interested in all the details of my kids' lives as I am.

And lots of gifted kids are actually "late" in areas like gross motor skills or expressive speech. All kids are different. They cannot be compared.



Yes, I know. I have one of those children. However, I don't see what that has to do with a child doing something early as a sign of brightness/giftedness.

I think that's a false equation. Just because one part is correct doesn't mean the other half is, you know? Doing things early is often a sign of giftedness or brightness. It's not absolute, but it is an indicator.

I totally agree. However, what is out there in the popular culture is that if early = being bright, NOT being early is the opposite. Most folks, especially when thinking emotionally about their kids, are pretty black and white (I certainly am if I don't catch myself).

Think about it. WHY do other parents get defensive when someone says their dc learned to [insert development milestone] early? why are there accusations of "hothousing" or lying when these parents share their kid's early development? Why is it considered bragging?

Because in most people's minds, early = good, smart, advanced. And if early = smart/advanced, then the lack of early means the lack of smart/advanced.

But this simplistic model is wrong, as many posters have pointed out. A child gifted in one area may have many delays elsewhere. And regular old kids just develop on their own timetable - and often in fits and starts.

And as other posters have pointed out, I am also more proud of my kid when he has worked to improve something that is not easy for him vs displaying a natural talent. Talent, without the ability to work hard, is useless - and kids who get things too easily can be really handicapped later in life.

I DON'T want my child to associate "doing things more easily than peers or earlier than peers = accomplishment" because it isn't. At some point, his peers WILL catch up - and at some point he will find that things don't come as easily as they once did. And when that happens, the lessons of how to work through a problem will be come much more valuable than relying on inborn ability.

Gah, this topic touched a nerve, can you tell :duck:

Yes, I know. I have one of those children. However, I don't see what that has to do with a child doing something early as a sign of brightness/giftedness.

I think I'm misunderstanding you. I came to this thread late and I haven't read all of it. I am not disagreeing that extreme early milestones are signs of giftedness. But another poster said that if early=bright, then it infers late=dumb. And I'm just saying that even gifted kids have late milestones many times. Extreme early milestones may mean giftedness but late milestones do not mean lack of intelligence. That's all I'm saying.

I think I'm misunderstanding you. I came to this thread late and I haven't read all of it. I am not disagreeing that extreme early milestones are signs of giftedness. But another poster said that if early=bright, then it infers late=dumb. And I'm just saying that even gifted kids have late milestones many times. Extreme early milestones may mean giftedness but late milestones do not mean lack of intelligence. That's all I'm saying.

I was the one who said late = dumb - not that I believe that equation, but that much of the stress and passion around comparisons between kids has this as an implicit belief.

I believe that if you want to get to the heart of an issue, you have to unpack the assumptions. And a logical system where X = good cannot work without a converse, where the lack of X = bad.

I was the one who said late = dumb - not that I believe that equation, but that much of the stress and passion around comparisons between kids has this as an implicit belief.

I believe that if you want to get to the heart of an issue, you have to unpack the assumptions. And a logical system where X = good cannot work without a converse, where the lack of X = bad.


But I think that's false logic. There isn't a converse. You're taking one statement and applying opinion to it to create a second statement. You can't say that X has feathers so it must be a duck, but Y doesn't have feathers so it must be a fish. It's simply not comparable.

Parents, especially first time parents, worry a lot. And if a child is slightly late on a few things, they worry. If a child is consistently late on everything, they worry a lot. For good reason, though. But talking to other parents give them an idea of what to expect. I'll admit it - with my first child, I was freaking out because his cousin started walking at the same time as him and she was months younger. With my second child I had already experienced a broad range of normal so the only things that worried me were strong signs of delay.

I think this, more than anything fuels the idea of the analogy you're getting at - that a delay is worrisome, but a leap ahead is putting the child in a different catagory altogether.

I was the one who said late = dumb - not that I believe that equation, but that much of the stress and passion around comparisons between kids has this as an implicit belief.

I believe that if you want to get to the heart of an issue, you have to unpack the assumptions. And a logical system where X = good cannot work without a converse, where the lack of X = bad.

Oh, I agree with you that this is what people in general tend to think, even though it's not true. And to go a step further, what is often defined as "late" is usually within the range of normal. Actually, what is often is defined as "early" is also usually within the range of normal. Some 18 month olds don't talk at all (mine didn't, except for "Dada" and "dissie (nursie)". And some 18 month olds talk a lot. Both are within the range of normal. It didn't stop my pediatrician from urging us to have my son assessed and it didn't stop people from offering unsolicited "reassurance" over my son's lack of speech ("Oh, but you can see those little wheels turning in his head"). One is seen as late, the other is seen as early but both are within the range of normal. Now, an 18 month old who speaks in complex sentences who started saying many words in infancy and a 4 year old who doesn't speak...neither of those are in the range of neuro-typical.

Another example of people's funny perceptions. My sister's kids walked at 10 months of age. People made a big deal of that. My husband and I didn't walk until 15 months. Today, 15 months would be perceived as being "late". It's within the range of normal though. Neither of us had any gross motor issues and I went on to become a distance runner. My family's early walkers are not particularly athletically inclined. The range of normal is larger than people perceive.

But yeah, what is perceived by society as "normal" is a very tight subset of neurotypical. I have not found it helpful to speak to other parents to get insight on what's neuro-typical. Kids are different, people perceive typical to consist of a very tight sub-set of what actually is typical and also parents tend to unintentionally remember things as happening earlier than they did. I have found it much more helpful to look at developmental lists online.

But yeah, what is perceived by society as "normal" is a very tight subset of neurotypical. I have not found it helpful to speak to other parents to get insight on what's neuro-typical. Kids are different, people perceive typical to consist of a very tight sub-set of what actually is typical and also parents tend to unintentionally remember things as happening earlier than they did. I have found it much more helpful to look at developmental lists online.

yes, this is exactly my point.

The range for normal is decreasing, and there is a basic preference for earlier development as an indicator of ability/intelligence, so late bloomers can easily get tagged with the "slow, behind, developmentally delayed" really early in life - and I wonder how easy it is for them to ever shake them.

but I think that's false logic. There isn't a converse. You're taking one statement and applying opinion to it to create a second statement. You can't say that X has feathers so it must be a duck, but Y doesn't have feathers so it must be a fish. It's simply not comparable.

I don't disagree, but frankly, human logic is usually pretty illogical... ; )

Person A: So, how was Child's week?
Person B: Oh... Tues he was so grumpy! Thursday was interesting, because he started counting. Friday we had relatives over...
Person A: Tuesday was grumpy here too! And counting, that must be new and exciting, how high does he count?
Person B: To five, but he leaves out four (everyone laughs)

My cousin's playgroup:
My cousin comes in the door, admires snack tray, and then sits down "wow, what a week! Child started counting to five! But he leaves out four!" (everyone laughs)



And, I would be uncomfortable with either of these. Yes, at your group people may be more skilled about weaving it into conversation or being modest about it, but I still am not really interested in that sort of conversation. Playgroup days are long gone here, but I'm taking a moment to look back and appreciate that our playgroup included none of this stuff. I can't remember anyone ever talking about their kid counting or learning letters or anything.

I think this, more than anything fuels the idea of the analogy you're getting at - that a delay is worrisome, but a leap ahead is putting the child in a different catagory altogether.

Exactly.

It hurts all kids - the ones ahead and the ones behind. My 20 month old has language skills which are unusual for a 20 month old - but he is still only 20 months old and thinks like a 20 month old (okay, he thinks he is three but that is another issue).

The result is that my husband has spent his whole life trying to be the best and never feeling that he is. He is always under stress to do things perfectly. If he cannot do something perfectly, he will not even attempt it. He won't try any new sport, or activity.


or maybe your DH is just wired that way and it's not his mom's fault :wink

Some kids are just conservative perfectionists that way, independent of how they are raised.

My mother raised two well-adjusted children, one drug addict (clean and sober for years) and one who will be 50 and it still blaming my mother for her rotten childhood.

YES.
It was worse when she was younger, and some other playgroup moms reacted in ways that were just downright odd. This strikes me as so strange, though, because if I saw a child doing something remarkably early, like a three-year-old writing, I think -- no, I know I would think it was just so darned cool, period.

Definitely more so when they are young. Ds is nearly 7, and I find I don't get that feeling so much with him anymore. I totally agree with you on your last sentiment; maybe it's the teachers in us! However, you and I know that there are some parents who don't think "how cool" unless its their own child. Isn't it so strange to feel actual awkwardness because one's child is doing something advanced?

I don't think it's necessarily bragging to say what your child has been up to, what their interests are, how the day is spent.

I think there's a good way to brag-- when you're really proud of your child and just enjoy sharing that pride. I don't mind that, and I do it myself. But there's a nasty way to brag, too, where the emphasis is on comparing your child to other kids, and I don't like that.
:yeah:
I do some bragging about ds1, but it's partly because I really want him to know that I'm impressed. He's really got his head screwed on right, and I'm proud for him. I think I also worry because of his dad. I really want ds1 to understand that his dad is absent from his life because of his dad's issues, not because he's "not good enough". I won't say that, because I think that kind of comment can actually plant the idea in a child's head...but I bloody well want him to know he's "good enough".

Seems to me that one person's "sharing accomplishments" is another person's "bragging" LOL

How come when I share my developmentally delayed daughter's accomplishments I get looks of pity instead of enthusiastic support? I mean, I feel like I'm bragging....but it's totally taken as something to pity me for!

Does anyone really expect another parent to be excited if you share your DC's "accomplishments"? If your kid is ahead of the curve, you're seen as bragging. If your kid is behind the curve, you're pitied...can't win...

Just another thought to add...:)

peace,
robyn

How come when I share my developmentally delayed daughter's accomplishments I get looks of pity instead of enthusiastic support? I mean, I feel like I'm bragging....but it's totally taken as something to pity me for!

Does anyone really expect another parent to be excited if you share your DC's "accomplishments"? If your kid is ahead of the curve, you're seen as bragging. If your kid is behind the curve, you're pitied...can't win...

Bah - anybody who's giving a mom pitying looks for sharing her child's accomplishments is being ignorant!

My oldest were both early talkers...very early. DS2, on the other hand, is almost two and has about an 8 word vocabulary (he's learned 3 in the last week). I'm going to be sharing his accomplishments when he starts really talking, and anybody who pities me can go soak their head.

Share your dd's accomplishments here. I'll be happy for you and her, not pitying...and I think everyone else will be, too.

ETA: I don't think there is anything wrong with bragging about your kids as long as you aren't comparing them. They are beautiful and unique snowflakes, each parent should be able to talk about their child's uniqueness. :)

I had a slightly uncomfortable situation at the Gymboree outlet store yesterday. DD and I walked in and she went over to the chairs for the kids. There was a baby (around 9 mos), a girl around 2 and one extra seat. DD sat down and the kids "had conversations" with eachother. I walked off a couple of feet to look at a rack and DD yelled to me loudly, "mommy where are you?" This is her latest, favorite sentence. The mom of the two year old asked me how old DD was, and I said two. She stared at me and I calculated 27 months. She then started saying over and over how clear my DD was, looking concerned. Her DD wasn't nearly as clear as mine (I only heard her say 2 words) but it turns out that her DD just turned 2 a week prior. I just said, oh, well DD wasn't nearly as clear at 2 as now. I also said that 3 months makes a big difference at this age - which is completely true. The mom still looked upset, gathered her DD and left. I felt like I did something wrong. *sigh* Maybe I did, I can be clueless. :o

Seems to me that one person's "sharing accomplishments" is another person's "bragging" LOL

How come when I share my developmentally delayed daughter's accomplishments I get looks of pity instead of enthusiastic support? I mean, I feel like I'm bragging....but it's totally taken as something to pity me for!

Does anyone really expect another parent to be excited if you share your DC's "accomplishments"? If your kid is ahead of the curve, you're seen as bragging. If your kid is behind the curve, you're pitied...can't win...

Just another thought to add...:)

peace,
robyn

You can come brag here. I love bragging! :D

I'm reading this with interest because I'm wondering how or whether or when it's appropriate to talk about my child. I have found it very hard to talk about my daughter's birth on many boards because, while I realize that an easy birth has nothing to do with superiority, moral, physical, or otherwise, on my part, it always always seems to be taken that way. :( It's genetic. I have black hair and short labour. So what?

In real life, people have taken my decision to EC as kind of competitive. I know that my EC'd daughter will still be having accidents at two- they all do. I just want to be gentle and consistent with her. Plus, it's the norm here and would be weird if we didn't.

But I do feel like it's best not to mention the easy birth, the potty, because it could be taken the wrong way. Though, it is kind of annoying when everyone shares their birth stories and when you get to mine nobody wants to hear it. :irked:

Instead I talk about her birth mark. It's one of those things that is not really bad but that people seem glad their children don't have. :) Immediately makes them feel better.

Where I am nobody says anything about their children. It's considered bad luck to disparage or to praise. Everyone is used to it because it's the same universally so no child ever sees another get more praise than her.

I guess that's for the best, reading this thread.

Among the locals here, it also isn't the norm here to boast about one's child. People tend to do it in a way that isn't so off-putting so you don't encounter it too often. Done wrong talking about one's child comes off like a bad Christmas letter. You know the type - "Junior is studying art in Paris under the tutelage of a great master who proclaimed him a budding Michelangelo and little Missy, age 5, continues to amaze her professors at the University."

There's nothing wrong with taking pride in a child's accomplishments. However, one has to take into account the audience, the delivery, and the reason for making the statement. I would share information with close friends and family who I know are interested in DD. But I'm not likely to mention anything to casual acquaintences with children the same age as my DD unless they specifically ask and even then I wouldn't go into too many details.

Oh, I have to disagree with you here...I find that bragging is sooooooooo common here, but in more subtle ways. For instance. "Oh we are sending little Junior to x preschool so he can get into Punahou and yaddayaddayadda. Where do your kids go? Kahalu'u El? Ohhhhhhhh...." (my kids don't really go to kahaluu, btw)

But yes, the norm is to be humble and modest here, I just find it isn't always so when it comes to talking about kids...and school. What is the obsession with what school your kid goes to? (not you in general, just the general you) It drives me batty.

Oh, and I have to add, I am bragging about dd all the time, but mainly because she is special needs and any little thing she does is a huge accomplishment.

I'm sure nobody cares that dd wore underwear today, or brushed her teeth. But hey, in my world that's room for celebration! :lol I want to shout it to the woooooooorld!!!

Oh, I have to disagree with you here...I find that bragging is sooooooooo common here, but in more subtle ways. For instance. "Oh we are sending little Junior to x preschool so he can get into Punahou and yaddayaddayadda. Where do your kids go? Kahalu'u El? Ohhhhhhhh...." (my kids don't really go to kahaluu, btw)

But yes, the norm is to be humble and modest here, I just find it isn't always so when it comes to talking about kids...and school. What is the obsession with what school your kid goes to? (not you in general, just the general you) It drives me batty.

You forgot the pitying look that's accompanied by "Kahaluu Elementary. Ohhhh..." :lol

I know what you mean about the need to get into some exclusive school in our state but I guess I don't encounter it too often. I have a friend whose two kids go to Iolani and my bff's son goes to Punahou but they're very low-key about it. They don't mention it unless someone specifically asks where their kids go to school.

Oh the famous "where you wen school?" question. It drives me bonkers too. My personal theory is that there is still a blue-collar plantation era mentality here so high school education was/is the highest level of education to which people could aspire.

You forgot the pitying look that's accompanied by "Kahaluu Elementary. Ohhhh..." :lol

I know what you mean about the need to get into some exclusive school in our state but I guess I don't encounter it too often. I have a friend whose two kids go to Iolani and my bff's son goes to Punahou but they're very low-key about it. They don't mention it unless someone specifically asks where their kids go to school.

Oh the famous "where you wen school?" question. It drives me bonkers too. My personal theory is that there is still a blue-collar plantation era mentality here so high school education was/is the highest level of education to which people could aspire.

I actually like the "Where you wen grad" question, not so much because of where I graduated from but because it is a Hawaii thing & Hawaii is so different now- I feel like we are losing those connections. My personal theory on the question is that is similar to the Hawaiians chanting their geneology, you try to find something in common to make a connection.

Way to go 3 opihi! You should be very proud of all those accomplishments. I feel the same way too, esp. when it come to clothes. DD doesn't want to where clothes or diapers- it is a struggle most days. Today we had dinner at the Olive Tree Cafe & DD was sans shirt. Everyone thought my little boy was adorable.:lol

I think everyone can tell the difference between talking about what our kids our doing in a non-competitive way, and doing it in a way which places a child above all others. Around here I notice people need to put it out there that their kids are in the GATE program when they first meet you, etc. etc.-I myself am more interested in talking about how my dd loves sports, math, reading, etc. without assigning value judgments of how good she is (or better than someone else) at something.

Around here I notice people need to put it out there that their kids are in the GATE program when they first meet you, etc. etc.-I myself am more interested in talking about how my dd loves sports, math, reading, etc. without assigning value judgments of how good she is (or better than someone else) at something.

While it does seem show-offy to tell a brand new acquaintance that one's child is in the GATE program, I disagree that by doing so, it's equivalent to "assigning value judgments" or comparing one's child to others. Moreover, I think it's a problem for parents of gifted children that other people perceive them to be comparing or bragging when they make a statement like, "My child is in the GATE program."

Moreover, I think it's a problem for parents of gifted children that other people perceive them to be comparing or bragging when they make a statement like, "My child is in the GATE program."

I'm sure I could see it from that point of view as well. My child will probably end up being in the GATE program when she's older. What I'm saying is that for me, it's not something I would necessarily bring up, especially with people I don't know well. For me it's enough to say my child loves reading, math, sports, etc. without pointing out how strong she is at something.

Can I just say, this goes to show that no matter what we say about our kids, if someone is feeling sensitive, then she will take it as bragging?

I thought GATE was such a waste of my time, to be honest. It's not that I'm so darn smart, it's just that the quality of the teaching was not much better than in the other classes. Plus they never tought us grammar or a foreign language. This is a whole other thread but whether or not my daughter is gifted in that area, I'd rather homeschool. Or live in a cardboard box and send her to a private school or something. For those of you who are keen on GATE, if you weren't in it yourself...

I thought GATE was such a waste of my time, to be honest. It's not that I'm so darn smart, it's just that the quality of the teaching was not much better than in the other classes. Plus they never tought us grammar or a foreign language. This is a whole other thread but whether or not my daughter is gifted in that area, I'd rather homeschool. Or live in a cardboard box and send her to a private school or something. For those of you who are keen on GATE, if you weren't in it yourself...

Just like with schools, GATE is different everywhere. My class over the years put out a newspaper, wrote and directed our own shows, took more field trips and went more in depth than any of the other classes. Our 7th grade teacher taught us trig for the heck of it, and we spent at least half a year creating our own self-sustainable communities on the moon, with reports that were over 100 pages on every aspect of life, plus a model to go with it.

G&T down at a school I looked at for the youngest, though, was a once a week pull out class where they did logic puzzles and graphed problems like how much laundry a family does in a week. It wasn't worth it and seemed to be almost insulting to the kids who were in the program. There's no way I would let a child of mine participate in such a class!