rosebuds
07-24-2003, 09:01 PM
Well, here is my story, sorry if it is long, just want you to have an idea where I am coming from and where I want to go.
Ashlin, my frequent night nurser, is 18 months old. She is also a frequent day nurser as well, not one of those babies who is too busy to forget about nursing! We can be anywhere doing anything and if she gets a notion of nursing she is all over me until I give it to her. Story time at the library, swinging at the park, grocery shopping, you name it, nothing to distract her!
I also have a 3 y/o dd, whom continues to wake in the night unless we are sleeping together. She no longer nurses. She pretty much self weaned (and dont offer/dont refuse implemented) when she was 17 months old and I was about 5 months pregnant at the time, my milk must have dried up. She continued to night wake after weaning but only if mom wasn't beside her. It has been practically 3+ yrs. since I have slept through the night. :zzz
We have been cosleeping with both girls since each were born. Unfortunately dh has been bumped from our bed for about the last 8 months (?) apprx. He is ok with the idea of the family bed but has made statements to the effect "I know we have a family bed but I am no longer in it. :eek He also never expected our 3 yr. old to still be cosleeping with us (I must admit I didn't really expect her to still be in our bed either). While I absolutely love cosleeping I beleive it is time to move on and accept that they have rec'd many benefits up to this point. My dh has been so understanding and generally supportive up to this point and I want to give something back...in this case his place in our bed. :)
My dh I cant really count on for night time issues. Not that he isn't perfectly willing but he works shift work, sometimes starting very early in the morning, sometimes late in the evening. On occasion when I have needed a breather he will take Ashlin and walk around with her but that just upsets her further and I end up feeling worse for having 'abandoned' her to my dh.
Sooooooo, knowing that Delaney (3) isn't ready to be on her own yet, knowing that if Ashlin is right beside me I will continue to wimp out and just roll over and put the boob in her mouth and she will continue to night wake, knowing that dh is getting anxious to have our 'couple' bed back we decided to get Ashlin her own bed, Delaney already has her own bed. We now have the girls beds in one room, I share Delaney's bed with her and Ashlin in her toddler bed about 2 ft. away. My intention is to get Delaney used to sleeping in her bed, night wean Ashlin and have her sleeping in her own bed and then off to my bed I go!
Ashlin loves her new toddler bed. She plays on it, gets cozy in it. Says ahhhhhhh (in a cute kind of way) whenever we say Ashlin are you sleeping in your own bed tonight? And she will run to her bed hop up and hug her little moon pillow. So she is fine with her bed, actually will wake up when I am putting her down and sees that she is in her own bed and rolls over to get comfy and falls back to sleep. This is good. When we first got the bed I had intended on letting her just nap in it for the first week or two and give her time to get used to it but she was so excited about her new bed that I did not want to lose any momentum. KWIM? So, so far so good as far as the bed goes and with her in it and me in Delaney's bed it makes it nearly impossible for me to lie down and nurse Ashlin to sleep, forced to get up and try other methods first.
Now we are kind of lost with our bedtime routine at the moment. It used to be that Delaney, Ashlin and I would all read stories in the family bed and then lights out and Delaney would chatter away until she fell asleep and I would try nursing Ashlin to sleep. This was when dh wasnt available for bedtimes. When dh was available he would read to Delaney in her room while I nursed Ashlin to sleep in the family room. That was then, now we have moved out of the family bedroom into the 'girls' bedroom. We have been in the 'girls' room for 4 nights now. All 4 nights dh has been home so he has been able to play with Delaney while I get Ashlin to sleep, dont know what I will do next week when he wont be here. :confused: Our bedtime routine has been snack, wash up, jammas, stories, nurse till drowsy or full then lie down with her on her toddler bed and rub her back/sing lullabies till she falls asleep. This worked well tonight, took about 30 minutes of me lying with her but she fell asleep without tears, she actually held my nipple without expecting to get it into her mouth :eek On the nights that she wont lay down with me she cries for 'boobies' and I have to get up with her and bounce her around. That is never easy as she throws herself about in hysterics, crying, sobbing. My heart breaks and so does my back! I find earlier in the night she is easier to get to sleep. It is late in the night, rather early in the morning 2am to 5am that are her worst times for not going to sleep without nursing and probably not coincidentally my weakest hours for giving in. I also have been talking to her about mommy's boobies go to sleep too. Tonight she actually said bye bye to them.
I just cant bear it when she gets so upset with me when I dont nurse her. I know that all I have to do to calm her (and get her back to sleep) is let her nurse but it just lets the cycle continue. Her cries get so high pitched and near hysterics. When I do offer her the breast she immediately calms down and looks up at me with her big brown eyes, so thankful for the nursing. It is soooo hard but I am confident that when she is night weaned we will all be sleeping better.
I am going to need reassurances that by letting her cry I am not hurting her emotionally. I will never leave her to CIO on her own, I am always there with her talking to her calmly that mommy loves her, its time for sleep, while holding/rocking/singing/rubbing whatever I can do to try and soothe her without nursing. I cant seem to let her cry for more than 20 minutes. It seems that if she goes that long I HAVE to breastfeed her. Do you think that is counter productive or I should follow my instincts even if it prolongs the desired results. How long can you bear to hear your ds cry? (not to judge, I am just curious if I should try and let Ashlin go longer) One thing that I try to do if I end up nursing her is to not let her fall asleep at the breast and if she does I purposely put her to bed not as gently as I once would have so that she kind of rouses and sees where she is and sort of falls asleep again, sometimes works other times back fires.
Anyways, that is probably more info than you can register, perhaps more than you need...sorry for that :)
I will pm you again tomorrow to let you know how my night went. I hope your night goes well!
Another option to pm'ing each other would be to post on the boards so others can join in and offer thier ideas or join in our efforts, the only drawback is I wouldn't want to clog up the board just with our stuff, what do you think???
Ashlin, my frequent night nurser, is 18 months old. She is also a frequent day nurser as well, not one of those babies who is too busy to forget about nursing! We can be anywhere doing anything and if she gets a notion of nursing she is all over me until I give it to her. Story time at the library, swinging at the park, grocery shopping, you name it, nothing to distract her!
I also have a 3 y/o dd, whom continues to wake in the night unless we are sleeping together. She no longer nurses. She pretty much self weaned (and dont offer/dont refuse implemented) when she was 17 months old and I was about 5 months pregnant at the time, my milk must have dried up. She continued to night wake after weaning but only if mom wasn't beside her. It has been practically 3+ yrs. since I have slept through the night. :zzz
We have been cosleeping with both girls since each were born. Unfortunately dh has been bumped from our bed for about the last 8 months (?) apprx. He is ok with the idea of the family bed but has made statements to the effect "I know we have a family bed but I am no longer in it. :eek He also never expected our 3 yr. old to still be cosleeping with us (I must admit I didn't really expect her to still be in our bed either). While I absolutely love cosleeping I beleive it is time to move on and accept that they have rec'd many benefits up to this point. My dh has been so understanding and generally supportive up to this point and I want to give something back...in this case his place in our bed. :)
My dh I cant really count on for night time issues. Not that he isn't perfectly willing but he works shift work, sometimes starting very early in the morning, sometimes late in the evening. On occasion when I have needed a breather he will take Ashlin and walk around with her but that just upsets her further and I end up feeling worse for having 'abandoned' her to my dh.
Sooooooo, knowing that Delaney (3) isn't ready to be on her own yet, knowing that if Ashlin is right beside me I will continue to wimp out and just roll over and put the boob in her mouth and she will continue to night wake, knowing that dh is getting anxious to have our 'couple' bed back we decided to get Ashlin her own bed, Delaney already has her own bed. We now have the girls beds in one room, I share Delaney's bed with her and Ashlin in her toddler bed about 2 ft. away. My intention is to get Delaney used to sleeping in her bed, night wean Ashlin and have her sleeping in her own bed and then off to my bed I go!
Ashlin loves her new toddler bed. She plays on it, gets cozy in it. Says ahhhhhhh (in a cute kind of way) whenever we say Ashlin are you sleeping in your own bed tonight? And she will run to her bed hop up and hug her little moon pillow. So she is fine with her bed, actually will wake up when I am putting her down and sees that she is in her own bed and rolls over to get comfy and falls back to sleep. This is good. When we first got the bed I had intended on letting her just nap in it for the first week or two and give her time to get used to it but she was so excited about her new bed that I did not want to lose any momentum. KWIM? So, so far so good as far as the bed goes and with her in it and me in Delaney's bed it makes it nearly impossible for me to lie down and nurse Ashlin to sleep, forced to get up and try other methods first.
Now we are kind of lost with our bedtime routine at the moment. It used to be that Delaney, Ashlin and I would all read stories in the family bed and then lights out and Delaney would chatter away until she fell asleep and I would try nursing Ashlin to sleep. This was when dh wasnt available for bedtimes. When dh was available he would read to Delaney in her room while I nursed Ashlin to sleep in the family room. That was then, now we have moved out of the family bedroom into the 'girls' bedroom. We have been in the 'girls' room for 4 nights now. All 4 nights dh has been home so he has been able to play with Delaney while I get Ashlin to sleep, dont know what I will do next week when he wont be here. :confused: Our bedtime routine has been snack, wash up, jammas, stories, nurse till drowsy or full then lie down with her on her toddler bed and rub her back/sing lullabies till she falls asleep. This worked well tonight, took about 30 minutes of me lying with her but she fell asleep without tears, she actually held my nipple without expecting to get it into her mouth :eek On the nights that she wont lay down with me she cries for 'boobies' and I have to get up with her and bounce her around. That is never easy as she throws herself about in hysterics, crying, sobbing. My heart breaks and so does my back! I find earlier in the night she is easier to get to sleep. It is late in the night, rather early in the morning 2am to 5am that are her worst times for not going to sleep without nursing and probably not coincidentally my weakest hours for giving in. I also have been talking to her about mommy's boobies go to sleep too. Tonight she actually said bye bye to them.
I just cant bear it when she gets so upset with me when I dont nurse her. I know that all I have to do to calm her (and get her back to sleep) is let her nurse but it just lets the cycle continue. Her cries get so high pitched and near hysterics. When I do offer her the breast she immediately calms down and looks up at me with her big brown eyes, so thankful for the nursing. It is soooo hard but I am confident that when she is night weaned we will all be sleeping better.
I am going to need reassurances that by letting her cry I am not hurting her emotionally. I will never leave her to CIO on her own, I am always there with her talking to her calmly that mommy loves her, its time for sleep, while holding/rocking/singing/rubbing whatever I can do to try and soothe her without nursing. I cant seem to let her cry for more than 20 minutes. It seems that if she goes that long I HAVE to breastfeed her. Do you think that is counter productive or I should follow my instincts even if it prolongs the desired results. How long can you bear to hear your ds cry? (not to judge, I am just curious if I should try and let Ashlin go longer) One thing that I try to do if I end up nursing her is to not let her fall asleep at the breast and if she does I purposely put her to bed not as gently as I once would have so that she kind of rouses and sees where she is and sort of falls asleep again, sometimes works other times back fires.
Anyways, that is probably more info than you can register, perhaps more than you need...sorry for that :)
I will pm you again tomorrow to let you know how my night went. I hope your night goes well!
Another option to pm'ing each other would be to post on the boards so others can join in and offer thier ideas or join in our efforts, the only drawback is I wouldn't want to clog up the board just with our stuff, what do you think???