Older Children Present at Birth

[juliem]

Has anyone out there had their older children present at a birth? I'm very excited to have my 4 year old at the upcoming birth and am having to deal with the look of horror on peoples faces who've starting asking me where my son will be during the birth.

I tell them of course he'll be at home with us since we're having a homebirth. I'm not worried at all about his reaction to the birth as we've been preparing him for this for several months now and he's always been really in tune with me. I'd love to hear anyone stories about older siblings present at birth.

Thanks

[dnr3301]

Hi Julie!
I was at my youngest sister's birth. I was 8. It is one of my strongest memories. I don't remember much about her being an infant, but I remember every second of the birth. I thought about it while I was in labor. I am planning on having my will-be 3 year old at my next birth.

I would think that hospital births are a little scarier, just due to the large number of unknown personnel coming on and out of the room, "doing things" to mom.

I think as long as you've talked to him about it and you feel comfortable, go for it. You will get weird looks from someone no matter what you are talking about.

I am having my mom with me at the birth to be primary watcher of dd, just so I don't have to deal with the small stuff, and my mom is also really comfortable around and trusting of birth, so I know that she will talk to dd about what is going on in a way that fits with how I would do it.

Rebecca

[browneyedsol]

I would also recommend that you have one person there that your son is very comfortable with...to be fully responsible for just him.

My then four year old was "sort of" present for his younger brothers birth. He was there for some of my labor until close to transition and then was taken for a walk...then to a place near but not too near to wait for the birth...he and his caregiver came into the room almost immediately afterward and saw his fresh little brother just moments after he emerged.

I am glad I did it this way because my four year old honey pie was *very* worried about me. I had a waterbirth. There is a picture of him looking at the murky bloody water with such a concerned *look* on his face even though he could see we were all okay! He was very happy to meet his brother...but it was a lot to take in. The process: wave of contractions, blood, moaning, high energy...may be difficult for a child this age to fully experience. Having him present the entire time may be too loaded for him. I felt that spiritually, witnessing a birth was more earthly biology than my son needed...still being in the magical realm of early childhood. Babes really do come from...heaven!

Just wanted to share my thoughts. Do what is best for you and yours!

:hippie

[TrishLynne]

My first two are only 23 months apart. I did NOT have my first at his sister's birth, and I don't regret that decision. I was actually able to get him to sleep, go to the hospital, have the baby and my DH was home with him before he woke up, they came to get me and we were home by 9 a.m. :)

I did have my older two at my third's birth, and it was fine. They slept through 99% of it, we woke them up just in time to see her pushed out. I had heard that siblings would have a stronger connection and have no rivalry if they were present at subsequent siblings births, but I don't think it made much of a difference for us. I did end up having a severe post-partum hemorrhage and having an ambulance transport (homebirth), so I do wish in some ways that they had not been present.

I considered having my three older kids at my fourth birth but decided against it, and I'm SO GLAD. It was FAST and PAINFUL beyond belief and there is NO WAY I could have done any parenting while in labor (and at that time my 3yo was stuck like GLUE to mama).

As always, YMMV. :)