How long after birth is it supposed to hurt?

[Elizabuddy'smama]

I've tried to nonchalantly(sp?) ask a few other moms this question but I've never really gotten an answer. . .

So how long after childbirth is it normal to feel MAJOR discomfort during sex? I was told that delivering my baby I had a small tear and I received a few stitches but it wasn't anything major. My husband was gone until my baby was 15 weeks-old so we didn't even try until then. I was having no other discomfort. Nothing else I do causes any discomfort. I know it's normal to be dry but a little KY should help that. I'm pretty positive that there's nothing wrong with me because there's no other pain or abnormalities.

How long should it hurt?

[mamapenelope]

What kind of hurt? A deep aching or a single painful part? Stinging? Bruised-feeling?

Are you feeling worried about the changes in your body? I know giving birth can wreak havoc on our perspectives as far as topographical issues...is this a problem for you?

Have you ever had pain w/ sex before? If so, is this like that pain?

I just wanted to toss in there that it takes many of us a long time to come to terms w/ the changes our bodies have made...even though I have yet to hear of a partner who wants to complain about those changes. You are not alone. If it feels like DP is smacking into your cervix during love-making, try a different angle. Does non-intercourse lovemaking bother you?

Lots of questions and maybe some answers,
:hug
mamapenelope

[seraph]

I had a pretty bad tear on one side from where Kaia's little fist got me. She's almost 5 months and sex is still somewhat uncomfortable - we use a lot of lubricant and go very slowly. Certain positions put more pressure on the scar than others, so we avoid those. It's been getting better over time, so I'm hopeful that eventually things will be more normal. I went to a local sex toy shop and got a big assortment of lube testers to try. "Liquid Silk" seems to be the best so far. Anything that's glycerine based will get sticky pretty quickly so we avoid those types. Also, a friend recommended I have DH massage the scar with the perineum oil (http://mamamoon.com/perineumpower1.html) we used in labor, but we haven't tried that yet.

[mamapenelope]

Seraph, great suggestions. :) I know massage w/ vitamin E oil is an old tried-and-true remedy for scars elsewhere (not only for pain, but to help lessen the appearance of scars) so it makes sense that massage would probably be beneficial to a mama w/ perinial scarring.

[Lucky Charm]

I'm really no help, as my second child caused a 4th degree tear, and i needed some serious repair work. and now 13yrs later, it still hurts.....but just at the beginning of sex, right when my hubnad enters me, and it hurts right there at the bottom part of my opening. sex is fine after that, but i have used astroglide for years. regardless of how enthusiastic i am, it still hurts, kwim?

by the way, his head is still huge, his shoulders wide!

[Elizabuddy'smama]

It only hurts in one place in one way. It's a stretching hurt. I just feel like I'm going to tear right open again. I get really tense because I feel if I relax then I would tear again. No, my cervix doesn't hurt. Nothing other than intercourse hurts-- but then we're not into foreign objects. I'm sure tensing up doesn't help and I know that's probably a major turn-off to dh but it still hurts really badly when I relax. Maybe having sex more frequently would help. At this point dh doesn't want to touch me because he knows I totally don't want to have sex. I mean I want to-- but I don't. . .
He's away for another 4 weeks so it's not like I'll be able to up the frequency until then but I will see him this weekend. You never know with the baby though if sex is going to happen.

I know it's putting strain on our marriage. I just feel like I didn't tear bad enough to still be hurting. I've read that it can still hurt even after you heal. But it didn't give a time line for how long.

I don't know if I'm worried about the changes in my body. I honestly am not really aware of a whole lot that's different that would be relevant to my sex life. I've always been a bit of a prude and I'm definitely not very adventurous in the bedroom. I probably wouldn't know.

Doesn't KY make a liquid silk?

Thanks for the feedback.

I really hope that no one I know personally reads this thread.

[Lucky Charm]

I believe KY does make a Liquid Silk.

I also feel like i'm going to tear again.

[LoveBirth]

Maybe they stiched you up too tight. I would try some perineal massage w/ vit. e to help loosen it up. If it still hurts after a few weeks of doing this, talk to your careprovider about it.

With my first, I was cut and tore almost into my rectum. At 5 wks we had sex using KY - it was a bit uncomfortable but not too bad. With my second, I had a first degree tear that I didn't want repaired. We had sex at 3 wks 2 days w/ KY and it didn't hurt at all! I think stiches can cause you to heal tighter and make sex more uncomfortable - esp if they put in a "husbands knot" - making you tighter for your dh sake. Its an archaic thing to do. If you had a midwife, I doubt she did this though.

[Elizabuddy'smama]

My stitches were done by a young femal OB-- not a MW. Gosh, that husbands knot thing sounds cruel and terrible! I hope this is not what she did to me!