HElp! friend's 30 m.o. knows 2 words

[mocha09]

Help! I am pretty sure that my friend's son has autism, or at least some sort of developmental delay.

He can say 2 words: Night, ya (short for good night, see ya) and he says this for goodbye, not even at night time. I forgot...he also says cheese when the camera is out. Okay, 3 words.

He NEVER responds to his name being called. NEVER. He also never listens, or seems to know what you are saying.

He babbles a lot, but it is nonsensical babble.

He is not interested in other kids, would rather play by himself. Sometimes he hugs and makes noises at my dd, when he is hyper, but she is one of the many things he runs around and focuses on.

Mostly he plays with toys by himself, like a chain or a belt, jiggling it and crumpling it, or swirling water around, or lining cars up.

I know that there is something wrong. However, my friend seems oblivious. She said to me other day, "I'm glad that he plays by himself. Then I can watch TV." (Her parenting style is a whole other thread). Here's the deal, I don't enjoy spending time with her, because I'm not enjoying her personality especially. She's a new friend. However, I'm really concerned for her son. She and her husband and her parents don't seem to think there is anything wrong. She brought it up at her mom's group once or twice, and everyone there assured her that each child learns at his own pace. I think they were irresponsible in assuring her of that.

So, do you agree that there may be autism? If so, please give me advice on how to bring this up to her. I don't want to offend her and I wnat to bring it up in such a way that she'll take action. She has anxiety disorder, and is afraid to drive places and afraid of new people, so even if she does agree he needs assessment, it will be a chore for her to do something about it BTW, they are dirt poor and don't have any insurance.

Advice appreciated!

[anythingelse]

well, actually I would let this go now and say nothing. She is a new friend and you have already brought this to her attention once. Maybe if you do not care if you stay friends you could push her to take him to be evaluated by his doctor .:confused:

But when your local school district does preschool screens suggest the both of you going together and at that time they will do a pretty broad evaluation of both hearing, speech, and motor skills.

I am the mom of a child that loved to play alone and he also was pretty nonverbal and is totally fine. I am also the mom of a child that has CAPD and played with others but did not start to talk till he was four. I had another child that could speak in complete sentences and read by the time he was two and he also always preferred his own company and loved to line up his cars :)

Her moms group is correct in that kids' abilitys and growth/change cover a wide wide range for what is 'normal' and rapid speech development in little boys is normal for a child 30 months, they can go from two words to talking non stop clearly and distinctly without articulation errors in a period of six months.

I wish you luck sorting this out!

Mary
mom to ds 14 1/2, ds9, ds6, dd 3 1/2

[mocha09]

Thanks for your insights, Vanna's mom. Your kids have run the range! I'm still thinking of suggesting something to her, though, because if she can find a state-funded assessment, I don't see how it could hurt. I'm concerned still by the fact that he doesn't respond or seem to know his name, and that he doesn't respond to requests/commands, or seem to understand any language. (By the way, I haven't brought it up to her at all yet.)

[Festivus]

I used to work with and evaluate kids with autism/pdd. It does sound like it could be that, but I suppose it could be other things.... If it were my child I would get him somewhere for evaluation. That's tricky with a new friend... I'm not sure how you bring it up. Even if she showed any concern that he isn't talking you could suggest an evaluation by a speech language pathologist and he or she may spot something. ????

[wemberly]

If you call around a bit (to WIC, your pediatrician, or the state's early intervention 800#) someone should be able to tell you about the next scheduled ChildFind in your area (it's like the preschool evaluation, but for the 0-3 age group). Perhaps you could go to a ChildFind together. The sooner, the better.

Good Luck!
paige, adoptive mama to Elliott

[Jennifer Z]

wemberly's idea is a good one. I am pretty sure there are intervention programs that are state-sponsered. Since she has an anxiety disorder and has problems meeting new people, going with her (maybe under the pretense of having both of your kids evaluated) might be helpful to her.

[indiegirl]

I think it sounds like a hearing issue. My dd has a hearing loss--you've listed many, many signs of kids with a hearing loss in your post.

Talk to her NOW because a lot of funding runs out when they turn three. Developmental windows close if he isn't speaking and it will be much harder to get him talking if its a hearing issue.

Jesse

[mocha09]

I hadn't really considered it could be a hearing issue, because he comes running if he hears something interesting on the tv, or if he hears cars pulling up he runs to the door. Perhaps he could have a hearing loss in certain frequencies?

Anyway, I did check out the local programs, and found a free developmental screening for kids 0-3 that happens once a month. I gave my friend all the information. I hope that she brings him.

On a positive note, he has picked up another word: teeth.

Thanks for your suggestions.

[mocha09]

Well....my friend took her son in on Friday, and the people said it is very likely he has moderate to severe ASD. She wasn't clear on a lot of the details, but they want to do more tests on him this week.

I am so glad I listened to my instincts on this, and gave her the information.

Thanks for all your advice.

[JessicaSpalding]

It has been really interesting reading these posts. My husband's brother has twins, aged 23 months. They were born at 32 weeks premature, after a traumatic birth (mother had preeclampsia, had a seizure, and had to be airlifted to a hospitol 2 hours away).

These kids came to my dd's 1 year birthday party, and they were like wild animals. They made little or no eye contact. The boy was obsessed with the cabinets in the kitchen. The girl threw toys on the floor, picked up a book and was running explosivly through the house flapping her hands. Most significantly, neither of them speak. Their mother maintains that they have spoken 20 words once, but never repeated them. The girl was also making odd grunting noises, like a pig, and had this really troubling whine, or a cry, it was hard to categorize. They had to be physically restrained most of the two hours. Neither reacted to their names being called, not even by the parents. It was really disturbing. They just didn't seem right, nor did they seem happy or comftorable in their own skin.

My husband and I think that the girl has some kind of autism, we don't know about the boy. But the parents and just clueless! They joked about having the "wild ravaging hordes" and other "well, that's just how they are" kind of comments.

I am having a real hard time holding back from calling them up and begging them to have the twins tested.

What do you think? Does this sound like autism or am I being dramatic?

[mocha09]

I've been doing more reading on Autism and Asperger's.

First, and update on my friend..she moved out of state, and in the state where she moved to she had him evaluated again. In her new state, they claim that he has language delay and is likely on the autism spectrum; that more evaluations need to be done to know for sure.

In her old state, they told her right away that he was typical for the autism spectrum.

Anyway, this speaks to me about different experts/evaluators making different (although very similar) diagnoses... it seems that in my state, they jumped right in, where as in her new state, they want to be sure what they are dealing with, and go through the process more scientifically; screening first, indepth evals next.

My friend pulle dhim out of the program because it is funded/entitled through special education, and she doesn't think that her son is "special." Her new thing to help him is to literally--have him watch teletubbies over and over (she taped it) because he mimics their noises and actions, and she sees this as improving his skills....

Anyway....Jessica, to your original concern. Gosh. I don't know. Did you only see them once? Could they have been having an off day? At 23 months, I don't think the language issue would be that much of a cause for concern unless they don't make progress in the next 6 months or so. Espcially considering that with their premature births, they would/could be 21 months. But not answering to their names is weird.

For most parents, denial is completely normal. In fact, it's the first step in the grieving process. Maybe on some level their parents know that something is wrong, but are just going through the grief of knowing all the hopes they have for their children are changing? It's too bad when people (like my friend) get stuck in denial for too long....their kids suffer, especially when early intervention is the key to sucess.

Well, I'm not being very articulate tonight. Too tired. Thanks for your post.

[Jennifer Z]

Originally posted by JessicaSpalding
They made little or no eye contact. The boy was obsessed with the cabinets in the kitchen. The girl threw toys on the floor, picked up a book and was running explosivly through the house flapping her hands. Most significantly, neither of them speak. Their mother maintains that they have spoken 20 words once, but never repeated them. The girl was also making odd grunting noises, like a pig, and had this really troubling whine, or a cry, it was hard to categorize. They had to be physically restrained most of the two hours. Neither reacted to their names being called, not even by the parents. It was really disturbing. They just didn't seem right, nor did they seem happy or comftorable in their own skin.

My husband and I think that the girl has some kind of autism, we don't know about the boy. But the parents and just clueless! They joked about having the "wild ravaging hordes" and other "well, that's just how they are" kind of comments.


I wasn't there, but I thought I would just tell you about my 22 month old. First, I really don't think he has any autism or autism spectrum illnesses. My ds is wild at times, especially in a place he hasn't been to recently. He is obsessed with drawers, doors, (opening and closing repeatedly), stacking and unstacking cans in the pantry. When excited he throws toys enthusiastically. Although he has demonstrated routinely that he can respond to his name, when he is in a new distracting environment, he will often completely ignore any verbal instructions at all from me or dh...same with the eye contact thing...at home he has an amazing focus, but away from home he sometimes is looking at everything except me. He is simply incapable of being still. If he is required to be still, we have to restrain him and he just goes nuts being restrained. (we do everything we can to avoid a situation where he has to be still because he is doomed for failure.) Although ds doesn't run around flapping hands, he does, for no reason apparent to us, run through the house and bounce off furniture. He also doesn't speak so that he can be understood. We are starting to be able to decipher his language, but it is a slow process. I ran into another pair of twins that are about 26 months and their parents said they had a language between the two of them, but don't speak "english" yet.

Some kids just are more physical and energetic than others. Many are different creatures away from home than in their home environment. There is no way for me to know without seeing them if they trully are similar to my ds, but many of the behaviors you described are.

It might also be that the parents aren't "clueless", but just accustomed to the level of energy. Many other people don't "get" my ds, but my parents just laugh because "it brings back so many memories" of their bundle of energy girl. His parent say much of the same. (of course, dh spent some time in a bd class and has some OCD issues for a few years) I do watch for signs of autism, ocd and adhd. Every once in a while I see a symptom or two, but when I check the lists of the overall diseases, my son definatly doesn't fit it yet. There are several mental health professionals in my family, so I am pretty aware of the possiblities and not particularly afraid of them having issues...just watching so I can get intervention when needed.

ok, this is too long already, so I will close.

[maura]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Jennifer Z
I do watch for signs of autism, ocd and adhd. Every once in a while I see a symptom or two, but when I check the lists of the overall diseases, my son definitely doesn't fit it yet.

Hi Jennifer,
Some things you mentioned remind me of my 33 month old son. He has sensory integration dysfunction (SID). He tends to get wild in new situations and around new people. He has gaze aversion - won't hold eye contact for an appropriate length of time. He'll throw toys with some abandon. Some characteristics of SID are similar to autism but he does not have autism, only SID. (Although all autistic kids have some amount of SID). He's in OT now with a therapist trained to work specifically with this disorder.

He really needs to crash hard into things throughout the day. We're working on giving him the input he needs to keep his system more regulated. Especially in new environments, his sensory system gets overloaded and he can't properly channel all the sensory information. Talking to him, getting him to look at me and listen to me becomes simply too much. A book on the subject is The Out-of-Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz.

Maura