i'm trying to figure out HOW i'm gonna do this, unschool my soon to be TWO Children, provide for us, save up for my own car (i share my mom's right now...), etc. how i'm gonna make it. w/out stressing out too much... my mom and her boyf are helping me out right now as i'm prego but my mom is an absolute stress case the past few days about money and its stressing me out cuz its now obvious they cannot afford to carry our rent. (its $1000. for a shoebox of a cute condo in the same resort her and her boyf live in...it includes internet, electricity...) and its becoming quite obvious my mom can't manage her overwhelmed feelings re. money (nothing new) so how the heck is she going to manage my soon to be 5yo dd and my newborn son once i'm working a few hours a day???!!! she doesn't seem competent right now. its great having her so close by and its beautiful amongst the pines here in this resort w/ the hot tubs we use and pools........but now i'm thinking the payoff isn't worth it. a stressed out distant edgy mom more often than not and strings attached to the money i'm dependent on re. paying our rent here. (they put us in the condo when we arrived back in OR from MN where i just left my now ex fiance)

sooooo i have a few options.....there is a local co-housing community here and rent would be about $800 a month. utils wouldn't be too much i don't think.... or there are much cheaper apts that are actually pretty nice that are around $500 a month for a one bedroom..... i have a domestic violence grant that would help me pay my first and deposit for an apt.

my mom said but utilities are included where you are now and she's so close by here, and that it wouldn't be cheaper...plus sharing her car would be tougher, the cost of gas for her to come over and so forth. i feel trapped. i want to be independent. yet i'm pregnant and i "only" get $500 cash assistance, for whatever the food allowance doesn't pay for...food stamps are $300 which is awesome. that wouldn't even be enough while pg to pay for my rent... child support wouldn't kick in til a few months from baby's birth probably and i don't get it for meghs bio father...i want NOTHING to do w/ him especially and he's vindictive even though he is a serial baby girl maker and so forth...and he is around here someplace in central oregon as well, so i never established paternity re. him. this baby's bio father is in MN so i'm not too worried about him..........

so i'm not sure which route to take...stay here for a few months and deal w/ my mom's stressed out edgey bitchy attitudes OR get megh, baby and i into a low income nice apt. for like $500 a month and that would lower what my mom and her boyf help pay for each month til i am working. they'd only be helping w/ say, a few hundred per month compared to $1000.

i'm posting here cuz this kind of IS a communal family support system we have going on...its just that my mom and her boyf seem to be drowning in expenses and such and it seems to be putting them deeper into the water. any ideas?

once baby comes i could clean houses as there are many wealthy people around here that want good housecleaners. i don't want to be away from my kids.....much. hmmmmm what do u think? if mom wasn't so spent financially and so nasty in her attitude i wouldn't be so quick to go elsewhere but its grating on me and megh too.
thanks.
lis

ps-update this morning: my mom ordered an ice cream cake at ben and jerry's for meghs' bday yesterday. to p/u today and have tonight as her boyf's sons w/b here tonight and we thought it'd be nice to celebrate w/ them here...i overheard her boyf tell my mom to cancel it, it is just a 'place in their freezer'. what he doesn't know is it is personalized. i am getting annoyed that he seems to think HE is in charge of the family 'budget' we now have. i'm annoyed how little money we have to work w/. fine. i'll bake my baby a cake then. i will not be controlled again. i know they are helping me so much but its just overwhelming me to again be told what to do. i can't stand it.

i can tell my mom and her boyf don't want us to move but this budget stuff is obviously too tight. they can't afford this. and i don't want to be told what to spend my money on. ugh. this sucks. i'm gonna go to the store and get a cake mix and frosting.

and then there is my mom and her boyfs way of discipline, so to speak, which is not like mine. my mom is really boring and a stress case lately, very rude w/ megh and i. i can't stand being w/ her as she is just always on edge...gets annoyed w/ so much. i'm walking on eggshells for megh. so my mom and her boyf have this rule that all kids have to drink and eat at their table (which is tiny and only holds 2 people...maybe 3 if you pull another chair out of someplace...). this bothers me because i've always allowed megh to have my trust and spills happen, even w/ adults, even at tables. my mom's rule she says is less to clean up around the house...give me a break. i asked my mom, can i eat at the coffee table, then, as megh wanted to play go fish while i ate my cereal there. nope. can't eat at the coffee table. i did before as did my mom w/ me! i just feel megh is being constantly criticized and controlled and she needs less. then my mom crumpled up my mom's notes she had on the table and then wouldn't give it to her and put it inside this empty clay vase on my mom's floor by the fireplace. she wouldn't let my mom get to it. my mom was getting very flustered, rolling her eyes and giving that pouty i'm annoyed and watch-out look. megh does NOT need this. my mom hates to be compared to my ex, tom, but i'm sorry, she's doing a lot he did...just way too untolerant and annoyed w/ my dd. megh is obviously hurting by my mom's attitude... i said to my mom, 'i think she is feeling distrusted when you won't let her drink or eat anywhere else...we don't do that in our home...and she does just as fine as i do...my mom said 'well not in this house, that is our rule...and i don't think that's why (megh was acting the way she was)..." i said 'oh yah it is!!!' ' (yeah since when can't we eat away from the table...since this boyf became king of the hill? my mom adapts to every man she's been w/...its sickening...) my mom mutters, obviously to me, 'this has gotta stop'. i said 'what has to stop' and she said 'this behavior...' i just said nothing. sigh.... i have told my mother to be patient w/ megh and now she's expecting megh to just do whatever she says. she is NOT her mother. i am. we have a certain way we live, we are unschoolers, i am more meghs' facilitator than her dictator or ruler...so how do i get around this...i told megh at nanny's house there are rules...and megh continues to rebell against them there. my mom isn't patient w/ megh and gets pissy. i really wnat to move away from her again now...i'm getting so frustrated for megh. and obvsiouly my mom has no patience for megh how is she going to for a baby on demand AND megh if i'm working? i need to figure something out. i can't live like this. all controlled. i know her and her boyf mean well but i just don't like this in my immediate family circle. any advice?

Lisbeth, can you get some daycare assistance? I know it's not ideal, but it sounds like it would be better than your kids staying with your mom. It sounds like you'll have to make some sacrifices somewhere. But I think, ultimately, you'll be happier if you are not dependent on any one person. It will still suck to be dependent on the state, but at least it's not a person who has expectations of you and Megh, that you can't possibly meet. I'm sorry you're in such a rough place. :hug I know unschooling is your ideal, and perhaps you can get back to that in a few years, but maybe you need to just let Megh go to school and get daycare assistance for the baby so you can get a job and move somewhere you can afford on your own. I can't imagine being in such a difficult place and alone.

If it were me, I would suffer it out for about 2 months just to get settled in with the new little one. Then I would look into getting some daycare vouchers and low income housing so that you can work and have your own money, not being dependent on your mom/her bf. Hopefully you could make enough to get a cheap and reliable car. (They are out there! I drive a 1991 buick and it runs great) I know you wouldn't be able to unschool then, but for right now it seems like some sacrafices need to be made to keep your sanity. I wouldn't be able to be dependent on someone with strings attached. I wouldn't want to be told where I can and can't eat!

yes maybe i can get her into the waldorf school here...it is so beautiful and they are so relaxed w/ the kiddos...i'll have to check into them and see if they will take whatever the state would help with...there are other local places too that are waldorf-y and more holistic. i'd hate to have megh in a daycare/preschool setting but you are right, it may just be much better emotionally for my megh...maybe i could even work at one of these places since i used to do in home childcare as well as in childcare centers/preschools. thing is i am pregnant right now and yet this pressure of this tight budget and rules from my mom and her boyf are creating stress within me and i'm getting antsy and frustrated and wanting my independence. this sucks. i don't want to be from my dd...and soon to be baby boy...can't believe i'm going to have TWO kiddos now to think about...man oh man oh man. maybe i'll put a resume together...send them out...i may be able to have sheamas with me too... :loveeyes:

oh i just found an ad on craigs list for another place in this resort that is $200 less than this one we are in, plus it is much bigger. the other nice thing is we wouldn't have to come up w/ first/last/dep-just a $150 cleaning dep. my mom is going to email the owner...its a short term rental but that may be what we need...and my mom and her boyf can get hopefully that this is short term here. i'm sure its in a building by mine or in the same one maybe...so moving wouldn't be too bad...they are furnished as well. we shall see!!!

megh has a cold...had a fever last night...gonna go out and buy some more tylenol for her relief...poor baby.

so gooey, what would you do if your child was also rebelling against grandma's 'new' rules re. eating and drinking in her house? man oh man its so annoying...megh has had enough criticism and distrust from tom, etc. and i don't agree w/ the mainstream way of this. megh is very careful. i just think its part of a control thing. even moms boys sons who are 9 and 14 have this rule when there.

Why is your mom being so weird about where your dd can eat? As long as she doesn't make huge messes/ruin furnature I really don't see the big deal. I am wondering if it is just her wanting to control you guys since she is helping financially? The poor kid is already going through enough with the recent move, to have to deal with rules like that. :gloomy: Can you maybe talk to your mom about it? Or atleast have her rule about no "messy" foods are to be eaten away from the table? Do you think she would be open to talking about it? I assume she also wants what is best for your dd, or she wouldn't be helping you guys out.

I think you are in a really hard situation, and it must be a constant struggle. I do think however you might benefit from having more understanding for the people trying to help you out. You are being financially supported by your mom, and there are not many times in life where getting that kind of support comes without any strings. I wonder if maybe accepting some of her quirks might make you happier? She may not be on the same page with you about everything, but she is trying to help you out. If you really need her help (and I think it sounds like you do right now), then I think you have to accept some of her rules, and understand that it is their money. I think after the baby, and after a few months it will be much, much easier for you to get out there on your own. I hope this doesn't sound harsh because I really don't mean it that way, I really want to get across that sometimes if/when we accept others for who they are, especially when we can not change our current situation, we are much happier.

What a tough situation, Lis. I agree with the other pp who said that you will probably feel better emotionally if you're not dependent on one person...
And childcare in a more "formal" setting might not be bad for Megh right now, even though you are intent on unschooling in the long term. The structure *might* be helpful for her.

What about http://www.co-abode.com/ for housing? You might be able to live with another mama who you could share childcare with too...

I know you were thinking about doing childcare for $ but you'll probably get more $ for your time if you clean houses. Before I went to grad school, I was cleaning and making $25/hour with a two hour minimum. I'm sure you could charge $25-30 now, especially if you're working in upscale areas. So you could probably still make enough $ and maximize your time with Megh and Sheamas. Just a thought. :shrug

thanks mamas.... isaacsma, would you think i'd need to get lic/bonded to houseclean? did you do that on your own? that is one thing i have considered, housecleaning...there is no way i can do it now, w/ all this pubic symphisis/sciatic pain i'm experiencing, but w/in a month or so after baby is here i don't see why not...

i will also check out co-abode. i have heard of this before. the cheaper apts run around $500 for a 1 br.

i do appreciate my mom and gregs help but it does seem greg likes to impose rules just to do it. i think he's a bit hard on his boys if you ask me...one has good boy syndrome and the younger has 'bad boy' syndrome. just constantly is on them...criticizing this or that move they make. its hard to make megh cooperate w/ their ways though so that is my hard part... and its like my mom isn't respecting that we have a different way of living in our home...our family. she is constantly contradicting her way and her beliefs.

Lis, I never did get bonded/insured. I have no idea what the process for that would be? I just made a bunch of signs and put them up in a nicer condo/townhouse community on the mailboxes and in the community building. I also put fliers on doors in a swanky neighborhood. I got enough clients from that to pay the bills and have some some extra spending $ and didn;t work that many hours. I had a few people willing to vouch for me as references. All my clients were very happy, but I am *really* anal about cleaning !:lol

$500 for an apt sounds pretty good to me and then you wouldn't have to deal with a roommate. :p

I hear you on appreciating what your mom and her bf do for you but at the same time feeling like there are strings attached to their generosity. That sucks, but what can you do if you need the $, right?

bingo isaacsma on the strings/financial thang.... and yeah i'd much rather have our own home than share w/ strangers...

well maybe i'll put a flier together...did you provide your own cleaning products? what did you always bring w/ you? did you use your own vacuum or someone elses? so you say charge 30-40...? is that hourly??? years ago i think the going rate in marin county, ca was about 10/hour so you would get about $40 for about 4 hours of cleaning per house... my mom has a cleaning lady that she uses sometimes and has said she put in a call to her re. maybe taking me under her wing or for some advice...so far, no call. :irked: i'm thinking non-toxic 'green' cleaning would be desireable here as well........... thanks isaacsma!!!

i know my mom is nervous as i am 37 w/ no career under my belt but ya know i have plenty of things i've done i can fall back on.......for instance, i could turn into a manager of a cafe/coffee shop easily once i got the knack of espresso making again (i used to own a drive thru hut when i was pg w/ megh...location sucked so i bailed after 2 years of trying to make it...) or i could teach preschool someday again after i assisted and got my credentials but i'm just not into that anymore....my whole parenting/educating philosophy has changed sooo much since becoming a mama. i know i can do this. i think being on my own and making my own money will make me feel so good.

on another note, does anyone know about going to say, community college or some speciality college w/ quick courses say on medical assisting or transcription or something...can single moms get some sort of paid compensation for living expenses while going to school???