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Eman'smom
08-23-2003, 12:06 PM
My mother has been visiting for the past week, I know most pregnant mommies with a 2 year old would love to have mom/grandma visit, but unfortunately that isn't our case.

My mother just knows what buttons to push and makes me nuts, for years I've been saying how she stresses me out and raises my bloodpressure, well now I have proof, I have borderline high BP.

I go to the midwife Thursday, dh tell my mother that I won't want her there, I'm 36 weeks and it was the GBS test, I really didn't want mom there while the midwife was poking around. She still insisits on going, even though I then told her that I really wouldn't be comfortable with it. I know most people don't get it, but mom and I don't have the best relationship and I really wouldn't want her there for the test.

Anyway she goes, but gives me a hard time about having to wait in the waiting room until after the test, I think it's reasonable for her to wait a few minutes and then come in, but apparently not.

Anyway to get back to the point the nurse takes my bloodpressure and says "wow that is a bit high", then the midwife comes in and comfirms yes it's a bit high, but it's still in the "high/normal range" I forgot to ask what the actual number was. The midwife wasn't worried, since I have no other symtoms or risk factors, but it's so upsetting. I've never had anything but a normal or low reading, through both pregnancies, even ds's delivery my bp's were great, even when I went in for the miscarriage I might have been trying to not cry, but my bp was normal. But mom visiting for a week, and up it goes.

She left this morning, and now I'm sad she's gone, how ironic is that, she makes me nuts, and now I worry about blood pressure readings but I'm still sad.

Anyway I just had to get the whole thing off my chest. I'm going to spend this week doing some relaxing and meditating and hope that next week it's back to normal.




peacepie
08-23-2003, 12:25 PM
hi
glad you could get that off your chest!
don't worry so much about your blood pressure, i'm sure everything will be just fine.
my mom used to drive me crazy too. she was invited to both my ds's home births and was late for both too. we moved to the west coast to have our own lives (and a dd) . my mom visited a few times, and we didnt always get along, but were starting to. nothing specific, just our personalities(pessimist vs optimist?).
i did not want or need her help and she wasnt inclined to offer any, so i can relate to most ppl not relating to not being 'close' etc.

anyway, my mom passed a couple of months ago, and no matter what our relationship dynamics were, we were close, and i miss her like crazy, and if i have another baby it just wont be the same; she might not have shown it well but my mom tried to be there, and i probably needed her more than i realized.
i think older generations come from families where ppl showed their feelings differently;
and as crazy as they can make us, our mommies will always be there for us, and they will always care!
good luck, and don't worry about your mom till the next visit, and even then, take it all in stride. figure out which buttons she's pushing and turn them all off!!(sure easy for me to say, those buttons in me have been shut down permanently)

take care of yourself! happy meditating!

rubidoux
08-24-2003, 10:41 PM
Eman'smom,

Your mom sounds like mine in a lot of ways - especially in that she doesn't seem to respect your wishes/boundaries even when you state them expicitly. (And, btw, I wouldn't want my mother around for a pelvic, either. I can't believe that she didn't understand that or, at the very least, go with the flow.) So, when my mom is around, even if she's behaving relatively well, I feel really uptight because I know that if it comes down to it, her wants/needs are going to trump mine. It makes me happy she's not going to be around during the rest of my pg, because I'm sure that I would also end up with bp issues.

When my mom first found out that I was pg she said (did not ask) that she was going to visit for ten weeks! :eek I feel like I have spent my whole pg putting limits on her trip - first I said she could come but not till at least a week after the birth b/c I wanted time for dh and I to bond w/ baby and get used to being parents and be able to really pay attn to each other. She thought I was being selfish!!! Ugh. I have managed to "win" that and several other battles since then (and her visit is now six days :D and she's not getting here till 3 weeks after the dd) but she has made it perfectly clear that she has no respect for my position on these issues and that I'm depriving her of the grandmotherly experience she's always wanted - as if I should give up the motherly experience I want, so I *really* do not have high hopes for this visit. I mostly just hope that I'm feeling well enough by then to hold my breath for six days!

I bet your bp will be normal again at the next visit.

J.