First cycle TTC after MC - and I am worried about everything!!!

[Shakti]

This was the first cycle that we TTC after our MC 4 months ago. I just started my period today, so we know we missed it. But yesterday, when I might still have been pregnant, I was worried about everything, from DH's 'old' sperm (meaning we hadn't had sex in quite a while) to I seem to have ovulated on CD 15 (which is the same day I O'd the month we conceived the baby we lost.) I was actually hoping that I *wasn't* pregnant, because if I was, I was sure that I would lose that one too! Yikes! I need to get a grip and RELAX!!! Is every month going to be like this?!?

Thanks for listening to me vent. :-)

Patti

[karenpl]

{{{ Patti }}}

How I recognize your stress and your worry. For me, it almost was easier when I found out that I was not pregnant, because then I could start looking forward to a new cycle, instead of worrying about yet another loss.

I have found that there is not real solution, or magic formula. For me, it helped to go out in nature, hike a lot, sit a lot at our local beaver pond, and contemplate things. I did things like looking at the turtles there, and visualing them as symbols of the nice, strong, healthy eggs I was ovulating. I felt drawn towards the dragonflies dancing around me, and let them symbolize the spirits of my lost babies. It made me feel better to imagine them dancing around me.

I had several deer encounters that strengthened my belief that at some point everything would turn out all right. I would have my keeper baby, and everything would be ok.

I find a lot of peace and solace in gardening. And there's always cooking and baking for me, it does lead my restless worrying energy into healthy and rewarding snacks and meals.

What I felt strongest, is that the solution had to come from inside me. I had to reach a state of mind, where I could just kind of let go and not worry as much (still have a small bit of caution in the back of my mind at all times I think).

I felt strongly that I really wanted to try again, even with the possibility of another loss. If we would not try, I would have nothing, I would feel empty. If we would try, and we would be successful, we had the chance of a live baby. And even if it would go wrong again, I still can experience the joy and wonder of pregnancy.

Hmmmm, not sure what I really want to say, but I did want to share my experiences. I hope you have ovulated by now, and will get a BFP soon! And that this little spirit will stick around, so that you can hold your sweet baby in your arms next year!

Karen

[Abylite]

I know how you feel too. We finally are TTC for the first time since our second loss 4 months ago. Something "hit" me this month and I felt the need to go for it even though my mind said wait until November. Maybe a summer baby wants to be born.

I wish you all the best and we are here for you.