I had quite the run-in with PPD with my first daughter. I firmly believe that a major part of that was that after 4 years of infertility and 2 miscarriages I ended up with a c-section and was unable to breastfeed on top of that. It seemed like what I had always dreamed of was again deprived me.

I couldn't wait to get pregnant again so when DD hit 9 months we went for a FET and ended up getting pregnant with twins. It was a long road to find the right doctor, etc...but I had the best experience of my life almost two weeks ago now when I VBACed my twins, one of them breech. At first I was on a major high, but since we've come home, I feel like I really am on an emotional roller coaster. I want that pregnancy back so badly sometimes. I loved being huge and telling everyone that I was having one of each. I loved the labor and delivery. I loved having a doctor who supported me the entire way.

I've thought a few times that I just want to be pregnant again, but that's really not it. I want to have this last pregnancy back and relive it. It was just amazing. Stressful in not knowing that the VBAC would be successful, painful in the ligaments were so stretched out... I know I was getting desperate for the delivery because I was so uncomfortable, but now I would give anything to relive that.

We're definitely not done having kids. However, we now have three and our oldest is 17 months so we really need to take some time before getting pregnant again. My heart goes out to those who are trying to cope with having their last child. I know that's going to be one very hard time in my life. Fortunately, my husband is very supportive and probably wants even more kids than I do.

I just hate feeling this way. I feel like I have all these random thoughts about desperately wanting to be pregnant again but really needing to wait. At the same time, I don't want to have too many kids too close together because I really don't think I'm one for the double digits, so I want to space the kids out a little to make the childbearing years last as long as they can.

We also only have 5 embryos left for FET so then I wonder if we should stop when we run out of embryos. I know that depends on our rate of success, but part of me doesn't know what I would do if we did IVF aain and had more embyros left over than we could really use.

I'm still not quite sure if what I'm experiencing is fully PPD - nothing as severe as with my daughter - but definitely a strong dose of the baby blues. I just had the best experience of my life - the VBAC I dreamed of and worked so hard for for over a year - and now I'm so sad that it's all over.

Don't know if anyone else has experienced this or has any advice, but I appreciate you all letting me just get it out. It really does help somewhat just to talk about it.

Hugs and best wishes to all!

:Hug :hug

I think any big event we anticipate can leave us feeling a little depressed once its over. PPD also often recurs from what I've read and heard. Can you go back to a therapist you went to last time? Whether PPD or not, it's a big life change!