Took wife in for first OB visit at 7 weeks

[DCRC]

Keep in mind this is are first pregnancy.

The wife really likes her OB/ GYN doctors. She feels comfortable there as they are sensitive to her fear of doctors and needles.

Anyway, She goes back first for her regular exam, and then they call me back to go over my questions and wanted to discuss doing an ultra sound.

The wife and I both want to have a natural pregnancy with little intervention, no ultra sounds, and little if any testing.

They were fearing, or trying to put the fear in us that she could be ectopic soley on the fact that she spotted for 3 days around the time AF was do at the end of Jan.

We (wife and I) assume that was just implantation bleading, which they never even brought up.

We both agreed no on the Ultra Sound, and then the doctor agrees that its probably not an ectopic pregnancy, but to let her know if there was any more spotting.

What suprised me they did no blood, or urine work. ???? They want her to come back in 4 weeks for blood work.

I don't understand why they didn't check hormones (HCG,and progesterene-SP). RH factor, and anemia while we were there.

Wouldn't the at least verify pregnancy, and that the hormone levels are on target?

She was a nice doctor, but we will be looking elsewhere, mainly for the fact that she delivers out of the Houston Womans Hospital, which does not allow the baby to remain with the mother the entire time. She did say that she tries to deliver babies naturally, and that she was dissappointed with the hospitals high (40 %) section rate.

I think I would like a home birth, or birth center delivery, but the wife wants the security of a hospital, if anything were to happen.

Our comprimise will probably be having a doula, and/ or midwife at baby friendly hospital if one exist.

[Irish]

It's pretty common nowadays not to have quantitative HCG blood analysis done, a positive pregnancy test (urine, even at home) is more than enough. The home pregnancy tests are often more sensitive than the doctors ones. Even with HCG numbers the results aren't very telling unless multiple ones are performed to gage increases.

I did have a number of blood vials taken, I already know my RH status but they checked my iron levels because I've had anemia issues since my last pregnancy. I think they typically do a screen for immunity to Rubella as well. I don't think waiting another 4 weeks for any of these would be of any concern, unless of course, the unthinkable were to happen (you'd want to know both of your RH factors at that point).

Enjoy the pregnancy!

[~Megan~]

If she does have a fear of doctors looking into homebirth might be a really good option. If you look at the research you will find that the normal hospital interventions (even just walking in the door!) inteferes with birth and causes problems.

[alegna]

:wave

I'm in Houston too! The Houston hospitals right now are just awful for natural birth. Look into homebirth midwives :thumb There are lots of great choices in town.

-Angela

[DCRC]

It's more so the environment than the doctor that bothers her. She's also not big on needles at all. If they start talking technical about procedures, or blood work she will about pass out.

That's the main reason why I do all the research, and I am here on this site.

She is real big on doctors and people that are sensitive to her fears.

So it's important that we find someone with goood bedside manors, as well as being qualified.

I'd consider a homebirth, or birth center. She has the fear that if something went wrong she would want to be a hospital.

She use to have a friend that was a nurse and she told her a story of a lady hemmoriging during birth and almost died if they hadn't saved her.

Maybe hospitals are the reason things go wrong sometime, because they intervens.

If I can find data that supports that she would be safe birthing at home, or a birth center with a midwife she might go along.

Maybe you are more safe because your letting nature take its course and not intervening, I don't know? Would need data to back it up.

[alegna]

It's more so the environment than the doctor that bothers her. She's also not big on needles at all. If they start talking technical about procedures, or blood work she will about pass out.

That's the main reason why I do all the research, and I am here on this site.

She is real big on doctors and people that are sensitive to her fears.

So it's important that we find someone with goood bedside manors, as well as being qualified.

I'd consider a homebirth, or birth center. She has the fear that if something went wrong she would want to be a hospital.

She use to have a friend that was a nurse and she told her a story of a lady hemmoriging during birth and almost died if they hadn't saved her.

Maybe hospitals are the reason things go wrong sometime, because they intervens.

If I can find data that supports that she would be safe birthing at home, or a birth center with a midwife she might go along.

Maybe you are more safe because your letting nature take its course and not intervening, I don't know? Would need data to back it up.

Women's is an awful place to birth. I can't imagine they'd be respectful of your wife's feelings. I know at least two women who have been threatened there and forced to give their babies formula before being released.

Homebirth is at least as safe as hospital birth. Some studies suggest it is safer.

Perhaps the two of you could interview some midwives and let them answer your questions.

For research- check out anything by Henci Goer. She has well backed writing with lots of references to research to answer any of your safety questions.

good luck!

-Angela

[Mommyintraining2]

I really loved the idea of a homebirth with my first. However, I was scared to do it for the first birth. I went to midwives and had a hospital birth. There unfortunately was protocol they had to follow when my labor didn't progress as they wanted it. I had some interventions that I wasn't prepared for. But all in all, I would say it was a good birth experience.

However, the second time around I did the research and was absolutely ready for a homebirth. I realized how many unnecessary things they did at the hospital and I knew that homebirth was just as safe, if not safer than hospital birth. Of course, if there were an emergency, I was prepared to go to the hospital. I had a very capable midwife and a beautiful waterbirth at home with my husband and son with me. I would never go back to a hospital again knowing now what I do.

I have to say though that the hospital was a good choice for my first time as I wouldn't have been ready for a homebirth. Your wife needs to go where she is comfortable. That's so important so that she can focus on the labor and birth. If you decide you're not ready for homebirth, do try to find somewhere with a good record of respecting the mother's wishes and that is baby friendly. You will be glad you did.

[lovingmommyhood]

Women's is an awful place to birth. I can't imagine they'd be respectful of your wife's feelings. I know at least two women who have been threatened there and forced to give their babies formula before being released.

Homebirth is at least as safe as hospital birth. Some studies suggest it is safer.

Perhaps the two of you could interview some midwives and let them answer your questions.

For research- check out anything by Henci Goer. She has well backed writing with lots of references to research to answer any of your safety questions.

good luck!

-Angela

Sorry to butt in but my SIL also lives in Houston and was threatened at the hospital because she wouldn't give her DD formula for suspected jaundice. The OB was horrible to her about it. I wonder if it was the same hospital... :(

[DCRC]

WE are definitly NOT going to Womans Hospital based on what I've read and heard, and the fact that they don't keep the baby in the room and have an over 40% C-section rate.

On the plus side it was good to hear from my wifes OB, that she was not happy about Womans section rate, and that they don't keep the babies with thier mothers, maybe things will get better, or she will switch hospitals, in the future.


Angela Thanks for the reccomendation on Henci Goer, I was planning to buy "The Thinking Womans Guide to a Better Birth" for my wife, (and me).

[honeybee]

I wasn't ready for a homebirth with my first, either, but I wonder if I had done some of the research earlier or actually met a hb midwife if I would've felt differently. I had a great doc and a good hospital birth, but in retrospect (after experiencing a hb), I know how many of the annoying factors at ds1's birth were so unnecessary. But, then, hindsight is always 20/20.

Of course it is your wife's ultimate decision. The Thinking Woman's Guide is excellent. Your wife might also want to check out Birthing From Within, a great guide to processing our fears about birth and really cluing into what we want. She may also want to consider Bradley childbirth classes.

And kudos to both of you for not giving into fear to have an intervention you didn't really want. :thumb

[alegna]

Sorry to butt in but my SIL also lives in Houston and was threatened at the hospital because she wouldn't give her DD formula for suspected jaundice. The OB was horrible to her about it. I wonder if it was the same hospital... :(

Hospitals here are NOT at all baby friendly much less mama friendly :irked:

It's a VERY medical environment.

Could have been the same hospital ("top" birthing hospital in town... :eyesroll )

Or it could have been any number of others....

-Angela

[alegna]

WE are definitly NOT going to Womans Hospital based on what I've read and heard, and the fact that they don't keep the baby in the room and have an over 40% C-section rate.

On the plus side it was good to hear from my wifes OB, that she was not happy about Womans section rate, and that they don't keep the babies with thier mothers, maybe things will get better, or she will switch hospitals, in the future.


Angela Thanks for the reccomendation on Henci Goer, I was planning to buy "The Thinking Womans Guide to a Better Birth" for my wife, (and me).

:thumb

Most of the "main" hospitals aren't much better, sadly. Though Women's is by far the worst.

Interview some homebirth midwives :) I think you'll both be pleasantly surprised.

-Angela

[quarteralien]

Check out the stickies in the Homebirth forum for some good research on the safety of homebirth. You still have time to make this decision. Congratulations and good luck!

[Wheeler317]

When my husband and I first started trying I had the mindset that not only would I go to a hospital, but that I would also allow a epideral. Then I started READING and doing research. Then I phased into wanting to go to a hospital with a midwife. There are few midwifes that will do that. I kept reading. Now I am terrified of having to go to a hospital. However, I still felt like I wanted the security of not just being at home. For me a birth center was a great comprimise. (I chose Nativiti in The Woodlands :) ). At first my husband was leary, but after I quoted to him many of the statistics of Houston hospitals particularly, and convinced him GOD gave my body the power to do this, he is completely on board. My biggest question that I think really got him was, "how do you think women had babies before hospitals and epidurals and oxytocin?" The two books that convinced me and gave me the mental strength to KNOW that I can do this (I am typically I real winnie and hate any little pain) was...

"Ina May's guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin

"The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer

I highly recommend getting these for your wife.
My favorite if you only get one was Ina May's book. The stories alone are very inspirational.

Good luck in you endevor. :thumb

[alegna]

When my husband and I first started trying I had the mindset that not only would I go to a hospital, but that I would also allow a epideral. Then I started READING and doing research. Then I phased into wanting to go to a hospital with a midwife. There are few midwifes that will do that. I kept reading. Now I am terrified of having to go to a hospital. However, I still felt like I wanted the security of not just being at home. For me a birth center was a great comprimise. (I chose Nativiti in The Woodlands :) ).

Just for the record- birth centers have no safety advantage over homebirth. A homebirth midwife brings all the same equipment that is at a birth center.

-Angela

[quarteralien]

Just for the record- birth centers have no safety advantage over homebirth. A homebirth midwife brings all the same equipment that is at a birth center.

-Angela

It's interesting how much more accepted it is though to have to go somewhere to give birth, even if you would have the same circumstances and results.

[Marieke]

I'd consider a homebirth, or birth center. She has the fear that if something went wrong she would want to be a hospital.

She use to have a friend that was a nurse and she told her a story of a lady hemmoriging during birth and almost died if they hadn't saved her.

If I can find data that supports that she would be safe birthing at home, or a birth center with a midwife she might go along.

Maybe you are more safe because your letting nature take its course and not intervening, I don't know? Would need data to back it up.

I second Angela's recommendation of Henci Goer's book, it's an awesome read. It gives you references and summaries to medical studies in the back of the book, that she has used to make more easy to read points about at the beginning.

In regards to worrying about home birth, I think that's very normal for people for whom it is not the norm. And certainly in the US it is not the norm to birth that way. I hail from Holland, and there it is very normal for people to birth at home, and usually you can do so with your own local family doctor. I come from a long line of home birthers, my mother and the majority of her siblings were born at home, and my mother and I believe all her 3 sisters birthed at home as well. Now it's the turn of myself and my cousins (well, their wives, I'm the eldest female cousin) to take up the torch so to speak.

Definitely interview one, or more, home birth midwives. Any midwife worth her salt should be able to answer all the fears and worries that your wife (and you) may have. They are trained to see when problems might arise, and can stabilise you to transfer you to a hospital. My husband was a bit iffy about the whole idea when I first started talking about it. He's Australian-American and so did not grow up in a culture where home birth occurs much. The midwife answered all his questions, and now he's pretty gung ho about the whole affair, especially after the wonderful birth we had with our son, and looking forward to meeting his second child soon, again at home :)

Sadly I can't point you to specific sites and information about the safety of home births, with statistics and things. But it is quite common in many European and Scandinavian countries, and the lower rates of mortality and morbidity are often brought up, with of course the lower rates of intervention and subsequent c-section.

Good luck!


Marieke

[triana1326]

The only reason I'm not doing my "ideal" home birth and going to a birth center instead is that I live in an apartment building and there is literally no room for a tub rental. plus, the walls are paper thin, the backyard has NO privacy, and I fell in love with the birth center we chose.

If we had the space, or a private place outside I'd jump at the chance to have a home birth, even though this is my first.

Go with what your gut tells to you do - if you feel more comfortable at home then work towards that goal, and vice versa for a hospital birth. It doesn't matter what anyone other than you and your wife say - it's your birth, you're the boss, and don't let anyone deprive you of your ideal birth.

[Marieke]

It's interesting how much more accepted it is though to have to go somewhere to give birth, even if you would have the same circumstances and results.

I think part of it is that people don't realise that midwives come to a birth bringing that which would be available at a birth center.

Organisations like ACOG have certainly tried to snow under the idea of home birth too (and have tried so again just earlier this month), it's just not in their interests to promote it in any form. And midwives generally are not organised into large vocal organisations that can promote their work to a wider audience... it's all more grassroots.


Marieke

[Ironica]

Another thing you might want to look at with your wife is the movie "The Business of Being Born." I believe it will be available from Netflix starting next month. We walked out of it half-convinced we should do a homebirth ;-) and I'm someone who is VERY comfortable with hospitals! (We are sticking with a hospital birth, but have changed providers... and if we hadn't liked the new provider, HB was our next choice.)

There's several components to the movie, which is in documentary format. They follow a homebirth midwife through client visits and births. They interviewed several experts in the field of birth, including OBs with a positive view of homebirth and natural birth. They also present historical and statistical information that shows where we are with birth in the US and how we got here.

In spite of some of the horrifying information they present, the entire movie has a very gentle, positive tone. It's really more of a "Wow, we can do so much better! And here's how!" Than a "We're doomed... DOOMED!" type of presentation.

I think it should make anyone with a half-open mind far more comfortable with the idea of homebirth. It's not all-or-nothing; every good HB MW has a back-up plan in place in case a transfer is necessary.... so if something "goes wrong," your wife can and would go to the hospital for appropriate care.

[Shanana]

I agree that it's probably not a big deal for the blood work to wait 4 weeks. You guys are still really early on in the pregnancy.

As for homebirth ... Read the book Pushed (http://www.amazon.com/Pushed-Painful-Childbirth-Modern-Maternity/dp/0738210730/ref=pd_bbs_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203729311&sr=8-2) (I found it in our local library). It gives a ton of information on standard procedures in hospitals, and why doctors and hospitals make the choices they do. It's alarming how much of it is driven by fear of liability as well as what the liability insurance companies demand (e.g., we won't insure you if you do VBACs, etc.).

You mentioned that sometimes things go wrong in hospitals because of interventions and that is very true ... this book will help you understand how that happens.

Not that homebirths are risk-free either. Nothing is risk-free. But it's inaccurate to think that birthing in a hospital is safer than a homebirth, although many people believe this. Each of them comes with its own set of risks, although 99% of the population (in the US anyway) mistakenly believes birthing in a hospital is risk-free.

Read the book. It is very good. And I agree with Angela's suggestion to interview some homebirth midwives. It doesn't commit you to anything, and they can discuss how they would handle emergencies like a post-partum hemmorage, etc. You can visit the Finding Your Tribe section for your geographical region to get recommendations for midwives in your area. I also think it would be helpful for your wife to meet some women in real life who have given birth at home (again, you may find some people in your Finding Your Tribe section who would be happy to talk to her). I wanted a natural birth with my first child (and got one), but it never even occurred to me to give birth at home. I didn't know anyone that had done it, and it just seemed "weird". I even had the option of seeing a midwife through my OB practice and still chose to see an OB. Looking back, I don't even know why I made these choices! Now I know multiple people IRL who have given birth at home (and have spent lots of time here at MDC :lol), and it seems like the most natural thing in the world. IMO, being unfamiliar with something makes it seem "strange". Meeting people who have been through it and view it as natural and normal may help diminish the "strangeness" of things for her.

Good luck!

[boysmom2]

To the OP: I think you're getting lots of great advice here and I really have nothing to add, except this: Your wife is lucky to have you! I think it's so great that you're so involved and willing to research all of this for her. Good luck to you guys. I'm sure you will make the right decisions for your family.

[VeganCupcake]

OP, if your wife is uncomfortable with needles, medical procedures, etc., I think she would find a midwife much more sensitive to her concerns. There are exceptions, but in general, midwives seem to look at and respect the whole woman. And midwives are definitely capable medical professionals that you can trust.

If you're not ready to go for a homebirth, you might find that a hospital-based midwife gives you more what you're looking for.

You'll probably have to meet with a few before you find a perfect match for you. This is an important decision, so don't settle for someone who makes you uncomfortable in any way--and you've already walked away from someone who rubbed you the wrong way.

I met with several homebirth midwives before I found someone I felt good about--someone I really wanted to have as a partner and guide through my pregnancy and birth.

[alegna]

If you're not ready to go for a homebirth, you might find that a hospital-based midwife gives you more what you're looking for.


In general, I would agree. However (since the OP is also here...) *here* the midwives are VERY tied to hospital policies and have little autonomy.

-Angela

[Ironica]

FWIW, out here I had the same experience, and have a more relaxed attitude toward prenatal testing, monitoring, etc. with an OB than I did with the hospital MW practice I was seeing.

[DCRC]

Thanks for all the replies and information. I'm going to order the books and get to reading, and talk to the wife about interviewing some midwives.

Thank you.
Daryl

[TCMoulton]

Of course it is your wife's ultimate decision.

I think that this is the most important point of all. I too have a fear of needles and "medical talk" so it was important to me that I find a Dr that understood my fears and needs as far as my births were concerned. If your wife wants a hospital birth because that is where she feels most comfortable then I think that you should respect her birth wishes and support her choices. Not everyone is meant to have a home birth and there is nothing whong with wanting to birth in a hospital. I know how hard it is to have a fear of medical things, please support your wife and understand that what you want might not be what she sees as the perfect birth.

[DCRC]

"Of course it is your wife's ultimate decision. "

Absolutly, it is. I never said, or implied it wasn't.

If your wife wants a hospital birth because that is where she feels most comfortable then I think that you should respect her birth wishes and support her choices.

I think you have misinterpreted the tone and purpose of my post.

All I'm doing is finding the information and facts and presenting it to her and telling her how I fell and my opinions. It will be her decision.

[alegna]

You might also look into birthing centers if you think it might be something she'd be interested in. There are several around town.

-Angela

[TCMoulton]

"Of course it is your wife's ultimate decision. "

Absolutly, it is. I never said, or implied it wasn't.



I think you have misinterpreted the tone and purpose of my post.

All I'm doing is finding the information and facts and presenting it to her and telling her how I fell and my opinions. It will be her decision.

I didn't misunderstand your tone, I was just concerned that it seemed as if you were trying to find information to try and change her mind. I agree that there is nothing but good that can come from having a ton of research and information to educate oneself about birth and all of the choices that are out there, but when it comes down to it your opinions really aren't important, she is the mom, the one who will be giving birth. Her comfort is of the utmost importance and if that means that she will birth this baby in a hospital with an OB that makes her feel comfortable and in control well then that is what's best for her. I think that it is wonderful that you have decided to take such an active role in the birth of your child, just be sure that you let her come to her own decision about the logistics of her childbirth experience.

[TCMoulton]

You might also look into birthing centers if you think it might be something she'd be interested in. There are several around town.

-Angela

This might be the perfect solution if your wife feels uncomfortable in a hospital setting but is not wanting a homebirth.

[sunnymw]

Something you could do is to ask your wife to be open for a few minutes, and just set up an interview with a HBMW, and she'll be able to ask every what-if that comes to mind. I know it was really reassuring to MIL to see the recusitation equipment, what to do if there's bleeding, etc... maybe it'll calm her nerves as well!

[lolo]

I didn't misunderstand your tone, I was just concerned that it seemed as if you were trying to find information to try and change her mind. I agree that there is nothing but good that can come from having a ton of research and information to educate oneself about birth and all of the choices that are out there, but when it comes down to it your opinions really aren't important, she is the mom, the one who will be giving birth. Her comfort is of the utmost importance and if that means that she will birth this baby in a hospital with an OB that makes her feel comfortable and in control well then that is what's best for her. I think that it is wonderful that you have decided to take such an active role in the birth of your child, just be sure that you let her come to her own decision about the logistics of her childbirth experience.

I can see why you might be concerned about this husband trying to unduly influence (perhaps dominate?) his wife. However, this guy reminds me of my husband -- he's gathered all kinds of information, lets me know how he feels, and then lets me make the ultimate decisions relating to birth. It was similar for us: My husband would have preferred it if I'd gone to a midwife, but I was more comfortable with an OB-Hospital situation, so that's what we're doing. And because of his research, I know the drawbacks of my choice and feel more like I know what I'm getting into with a hospital birth ... but I still chose it. And now I can make better decisions for my hospital birth (e.g., having a doula, etc.). I feel like my husband sharing his opinions for how he wants the birth (it is his baby, too, after all) was a nice start to a 100% partner-parenting arrangement. I want him to give me as much input as he wants, because I don't want to shut him out of any pregnancy/birthing/parenting decisions -- I want our decision making now to set the tone for how it will be when we parent. I don't want to be the only one making decisions.

I totally understand your concern, it is her body, her birthing experience, and so on, but I think dads can let moms know what their opinions are without telling moms what to do. Of course this isn't always the case (and I may have projected my own relationship onto the OP's).

[Ironica]

I agree that there is nothing but good that can come from having a ton of research and information to educate oneself about birth and all of the choices that are out there, but when it comes down to it your opinions really aren't important, she is the mom, the one who will be giving birth.

I think it's an oversimplification to say that the partner's opinions "aren't important." They aren't deciding factors, perhaps. But there's a huge difference between having a partner who is comfortable with the care provider, birth environment, and birth plan, and having one who is NOT. So discussing things, sharing information, etc. is a really good idea.

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with a husband trying to find info that he hopes will change his wife's mind, so long as it's solid information and not someone's anecdotal experience or wild conjecture. For example, say you have the opposite situation (which is far more common around here): wife wants homebirth, husband is more comfortable with hospital. Yeah, we don't have a lot of love for the husbands who come home from work with this or that horror story about how "...and she would have DIED if they hadn't been in the hospital!" OTOH, if a husband came home with solid info about the local hospital's policies, c-section rate, and recs for some OBs practicing there who are known to support natural birth, and asked his wife to look at the info and talk to some of the doctors before making a decision, I don't think that would be inappropriate. Most of us expect our DH's to support us during labor and birth, and that is much, much easier for them to do if they really feel comfortable with the situation.

[alegna]

This poster has explained that doing this research is highly stressful to his wife. I think it's fabulous that he's stepped up to research and bring her information. :thumb

-Angela

[Shanana]

This poster has explained that doing this research is highly stressful to his wife. I think it's fabulous that he's stepped up to research and bring her information. :thumb

-Angela

I agree 100%!! I think it's fantastic to see him here trying to learn everything he can learn :).

It was similar for us: My husband would have preferred it if I'd gone to a midwife, but I was more comfortable with an OB-Hospital situation, so that's what we're doing. And because of his research, I know the drawbacks of my choice and feel more like I know what I'm getting into with a hospital birth ... but I still chose it. And now I can make better decisions for my hospital birth (e.g., having a doula, etc.).

(My bolding.)

I think this is critical. Many women do NOT know what they're signing up for when they choose to birth at a hospital. I agree that the OP needs to support his wife's choices, but I also think it's crucial that they be informed choices. It sounds to me like that is what he is trying to do. And like the pp I quoted, she may still choose to birth in a hospital, but will be better prepared to take steps to try to make sure things go the way she wants.

OP, I think you're awesome! :thumb

[LolaK]

I didn't misunderstand your tone, I was just concerned that it seemed as if you were trying to find information to try and change her mind. I agree that there is nothing but good that can come from having a ton of research and information to educate oneself about birth and all of the choices that are out there, but when it comes down to it your opinions really aren't important, she is the mom, the one who will be giving birth. Her comfort is of the utmost importance and if that means that she will birth this baby in a hospital with an OB that makes her feel comfortable and in control well then that is what's best for her. I think that it is wonderful that you have decided to take such an active role in the birth of your child, just be sure that you let her come to her own decision about the logistics of her childbirth experience.

:irked: First of all his opinion is important, he is half of a partnership and what he feels and thinks matters too. I get so incredibley irritated when I read over and over again, "who cares what your husband thinks." It does matter. Sure if you have a husband who refuses to listen to you, refuses to do research, refuses to read up on a subject maybe you should not take their opinion into account but here is a guy who is trying to help by doing a ton of research. He doesn't sound at all controlling or domineering so don't inject into his posts what you think he might be thinking.

[TCMoulton]

:irked: First of all his opinion is important, he is half of a partnership and what he feels and thinks matters too. I get so incredibley irritated when I read over and over again, "who cares what your husband thinks." It does matter. Sure if you have a husband who refuses to listen to you, refuses to do research, refuses to read up on a subject maybe you should not take their opinion into account but here is a guy who is trying to help by doing a ton of research. He doesn't sound at all controlling or domineering so don't inject into his posts what you think he might be thinking.

Yet at the same time I have read time and time again that if your husband is not behind your homebirth/unassisted birth that you should just inform him that it is your birth no matter how he feels about your choices. All I said was that he should respect the decision of his wife no matter what it is in the end, hospital birth or homebirth. I interjected nothing into his post, just stated that from the point of view of someone who shares some of his wife's fears that he needs to know when to stop trying to convince her what way of birth is best for her.

[JustVanessa]

First of all :w
Its nice to see a mam's partner on the boards.

I just wanted to mention that here (Canada) an OB doesn't even want to see you until the end of your first trimester. No urine or blood work done before then. I have never heard of a woman having hormones checked here at all....even when they are at risk for m/c. Its not something that docs here seem to need to monitor.

Good luck with your search for the right care provider. Sounds like alegna has some good ideas for you!