Hi - not sure if I belong here but....

[dharmama]

.....I know I need to step out of the 2 week waits for a while -- too many people coming and going while I continue to wait and wait (don't get me wrong....VERY happy for everyone....it's just taking a toll on me personally).

We haven't hit the one year mark yet (it's been 9 months) but TTC is certainly taking longer than we anticipated.

So anyway....hope you don't mind if I hang out here a little.

Thought you'd all appreciate this craziness.....

I went for my first infertility appointment on Friday. What a scene. In order to have insurance cover infertility treatments I have to start with my MD for the first round of testing and get a referral to see an RE if needed.

My MD is a nice enough guy. He's been my GYN for a few years and I like and respect him....I just don't agree with him most of the time. (I have already decided that I will switch to a mid-wife for my next annual exam or prenatal care - whichever comes first - but for now I am established with him and I was able to get an appointment fairly quickly.)

Anyway....when my appointment began with him saying....

Let's talk a little bit about how to get pregnant. :rolleyes: I knew it was going to be a long afternoon.

I tried to interrupt and tell him that I've been charting, I know I'm ovultating, I know we are timing BD-ing correctly etc. but he apparently felt he needed to give me a basic high school health lesson.

He went on to tell me how "easy" it is to get pregnant and how we couldn't have survived as a species for millions of years if it was hard.

:angry

Okay at this point I was starting to lose it.

I understand what he was saying but considering that the reason I was there, sitting on the crinkly-paper covered table is because I'm finding getting pregnant to be anything but EASY....I thought that was a really insensitive thing to say. :(

After sitting there while he listened to himself talk for about 20 minutes he finally agreed that my next step would be to have DH get a SA, me to have a blood test to confirm O and check my thyroid (although he DID finally look at my charts and he said.....oh yeah....you're ovulating all right. Your chart is beautiful. But he has to have the blood test to "proove" to the insurance company that I'm indeed ovulating).

Our insurance system is insane (but that's a whole other rant). :LOL

So......DH is going to do the SA tomorrow. He's really nervous about it but we both feel that this is what we'd like to do and whatever the results of all the testing.....it brings us another step closer to holding our babe (biological or adopted -- however s/he choses to come to us).

So....this is kind of long. Sorry.

Part introduction. Part rant. Part processing we're we are at I guess.

Thanks for being here!

~Erin
:love

[Astrid]

:wave Hi mama-wana-be

I am not sure if I belong here either, it hasn't quite been a year (although it feels much longer) We started ttc last December.

I went to see my Dr in April because my cycles seem really out of whack. I charted and I am ovulating and having approx 28 day cycles, but I start spotting anywhere from day 18 - day 21 until af starts. My dr doesn't feel like this should affect my getting pregnant... I am not so sure though. She wouldn't do anything to help me because my dh and I have a son together so we obviously can get pregnant together she says :rolleyes: although that was over 5 years ago...

Don't you just love the helpfulness of Dr.s? :rolleyes: I wish we could see a midwife for fertility issues but I am in Canada and you don't go until you are pregnant.

I have been lurking for awhile on the 2ww board but I couldn't bring myself to post on it. I feel like you, very happy for the people who graduate but it made me wonder what is wrong with me, why isn't it happening for me.:(

So I am going to see my dr one last time at the end of the month. I will be leaving town for the winter so it is sort of my last try to get some drs help until next spring (I am leaving the province, not sure that I am covered for non emergencies) Part of me thinks that maybe it will happen because I will not be thinking about it so much (yeah, right:D )

Writing this has helped me feel better, I feel like there is no one to talk to in real life who understands. I am a private person and haven't told anyone what I am going through. It has been frustrating when people keep asking why we don't have another child yet...

But I try to maintain positive thinking "I can and I will conceive a healthy baby!" Sometimes it is hard to be positive though.

This is getting long :blush
Good luck with your tests, I hope they provide you with helpful answers :)

[dharmama]

Thanks Astrid. Nice to "meet" ya.

Glad it helped you to write it out....it felt really good for me too.

We're going to hold off on the SA for a couple of days.....this morning was just too rushed trying to get out for work and I know DH is apprehensive about it so I'm not going to force it.

Anyway....good luck!!! PM me anytime you want to chat!!
:D

~Erin
:love

[dancinggirl]

Hi Erin,

I am glad that you are seeking some answers.

That sucks about your Dr. being so insensitive.

As I was going through my journey of "infertility" i realized how hard it is to actually conceive and maintain a pregnancy. Our bodies have to be 100% intuned to even be able to conceive. Your and your dh are in my thoughts and prayers. I know you will find your answers. If you need someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me. Maybe we could even get together.

I will never forget my short journey of" TTC and infertility" it felt like a lifetime and it will be with me for a lifetime.

:hug
Jerilyn

[dharmama]

Thanks Jerilyn!!!

I would LOVE to get together with you. I'll PM you! :D

We got DH's SA results last night and all is well. :thumb Now on to my testing next week.....


~Erin
:love

[Astrid]

:thumb Good luck with your tests!

[Jish]

Erin, keep us posted.:love

[AdinaL]

Hi Erin.

Know exactly how you feel.

This is a great group of ladies. They are wonderful supportive and fabulous to talk to.

Keep us posted.

[Bluedragonfly]

Hey Erin & Astrid, you sound like me too. My daughter turns 4 in a few weeks, and I am really starting to get anxious about their age gap. Been charting since January this time, and I know I'm ovulating, but I do believe in what you said, our hormones must be tuned perfectly to work the magic of ovulation, conception, and then implantation. Unreal, eh. Some women are born super fertile and some of us have a little more trouble timing it.

When I was ttc my daughter, I found out I had a thyroid problem. Fixed it. Since I'm not the invasive type, I desperately wanted to conceive without artificial help. So, these are the things I made sure of:

1. I was ovulating, with temps, charts, cf & I think one ultrasound.
2. my luteal phase was long enough
2. dh wasn't shooting blanks
3. His sperm was compatible with my ferning fluid:)

I did have one other thing done, a hylspesomthing-ogram. Where they inject dye in to see if it flows down your fallopian tubes. It was painful, but good to know that I didn't have a blockage. Some women get pregnant immediately after that, but it took me at least 6 more months.

Hugs and luck to you Erin!

[dharmama]

Thanks!

I got the results of my progesterone test back last night -- I am O-ing (which I already knew from charting but needed the blood test to prove it to my doctor). They also checked my thyroid (based on family history) and that was normal. :D

My next test - if I'm not pregnant this cycle (SOOOOO hoping that I am) is to have the dye test to check my tubes.

The testing was interesting...had a phlebotamist (NO idea how to spell that...too lazy to look it up :rolleyes: ) was male and I think he was younger than me. He had to ask me what the test was. When I told him it was to check if I was ovulating he sort of made a motion like....woa...stop right there. I don't need to know any more.

Then the lab sent the results to the wrong doctor (also one of my doctors but not the one who ordered the test). The "wrong" doctor's office called me with the results just the same. I thought that was kind of odd....don't they look at my chart and say...huh? we didn't order this test.

Anyway....talked to my OB/GYN's office today and got it all straightened out.

Bluedragonfly ~ Nice to "meet" ya. Glad we can support each other!! :D

~Erin
:love

[naturegirl]

Hey Erin. Glad to hear the tests are turning out good so far. :D I haven't gotten the guts up to do any testing yet and dh really doesn't like the idea of a SA.

I think we are in similar situations, in more ways than one. We both have been ttc for about the same amount of time. I really hope we can "graduate" somewhere around the same time together. Hopefully you will "graduate" here shortly (I know you are in the 2ww) and I will gladly join you in about a month. :)

Have you taken Vitex? Is it supposed to help with lp also? I don't know what I did last month to lengthen my lp? I haven't changed anything except get a cranial-sacral therapy treatment a couple of weeks ago...I even purposely didn't take prog. this cycle. So that wasn't it.

I still can't believe I am having such trouble ttc. :crying No one in my family has ever had trouble before. And, ironically, I am about the only one that eats right and takes care of myself as far as wellness care, exercise, meditation. etc. I feel like some of my skeptical family members are pointing and laughing at me becasue I spend so much time and energy on taking care of myself and using "alternative" care and look where it gets me... All my junk food junky, medicine taking, stressed out, no-exercise siblings are popping them out. Why? Why? Why? :crying

Sorry for the rant. I am just so confused and I just do not understand...(Being on cd1 sure doesn't help :rolleyes: )

Good luck to everyone who is trying so hard.

Cheryl
:hippie

[Bluedragonfly]

Oh man I know what you mean Naturegirl! I am the same exact way - my family, even in-laws, think I'm loopy for not eating mass-farmed meats and veg, GMO, actually caring if there is hydrogenated fat in something, not ever microwaving plastic (or even standing next to the mic when it's on and basically hardly ever using the thing), always choosing the healthy alternative, placing a ton of weight on the connection between exercising and my mental/physical health, actually caring what I put in and on my body. (dh is a convert, after a decade of me doing the shopping). I don't talk about it unless asked, and I never make a scene over anyone else's food served but geez, I've gotten alot of flak in my time. I've been this way since I was 14. I guess I never gave a damn what these folks thought of me in this regard, just being true to myself. I mean, what's more important, our long term health or ??

So your sister never had trouble conceiving? How old are you, if you don't mind. And do you chart religously, because that is the first step. By the way, my dh didn't want to sit in a room with a magazine for the sa either, so we took the cup and...ahem...parked real close to the clinic. We were certainly relieved to know he has no problem, and it's a cheap test to rule out.

Anyway, if any of you ladies are in your twenties, you are going to be just fiiiiiine, you're doing the right thing by taking care of business now.

Erin, the doctor probably told you that your immediate cycle after the hyseplsomthing-ogram, you may get pregnant so make sure you're trying REAL HARD that month. The idea being if there was any minor blockage, the dye shoots it out.

Keep us posted!

[jenniferB]

Erin, i had the same feeling about the 2ww boards. people coming and going and coming and going. i felt like the doorman.

so, just wanted to pull up a seat and say hello to all of you. glad to have the company. hope that we can start a new board soon entitled "people who are pregnant after trying for what seemed like forever"

~jenn

[naturegirl]

Bluegragonfly, I am 27. I will be 28 in December. This is my 6th month charting. I am actually thinking of not doing any medical interventions/testing until I reach the 30 mark. That is just for me. My sister was 31 when she had her first. She is 38 now and thinking about ttc her 3rd. I kind of feel bad though because I think she is waiting for me to get pg. first before trying because she knows how long/hard we have been trying. :(

Welcome Jennifer. That sounds like a good thread to me! :) I am starting to feel like the "charity case" over on the regular 2ww. It is great to have all the wonderful support but I think sometimes I get more than usual because I am the "special" one who has been around for soooo long. :rolleyes:

Cheryl
:hippie

[gonnabeamom]

Hi Erin & Cheryl.

I'm on cycle 10, 36 yrs old, had all the tests done, but not eager yet to jump into the high intervention conception business.

I am also a health freak, but I got that way by having health problems, not on my own.

The mystery of why it's easy and hard is I think the most amazing thing about this journey for me. Sometimes I feel like the universe is just trying to teach me to stop thinking it straight lines-to stop believing there is a simple correllation between doing the right thing and having the right result.

I did a lot of research after I a miscarriage a few years ago (that's how I found out I was pregnant) and I still marvel at the tension between all the things that must go right to produce a human being, and the fact that there are 6 billion of us walking around. We're all such unlikely miracles.

My latest acquisition is a fertility monitor (I'm a big gadget head, can't believe I didn't get one of these before). It's annoying stupid and simple, but a big help for me because my charts never make sense, and I seem to O late, late in the cycle.

[Bluedragonfly]

Naturegirl, you are not "the charity case"! How long have you been actually trying - longer than six months? I mean timing lovin's for the right day.

We practised unprotected whoopie for 3 years (all prior to buying an imperative book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility, got prego within 1 year of having it. Although I had occasional extenuating circumstances preventing even trying (dh is a musician and traveled off and on during a 2 year period:crying), from charting and timing sex, I can see that I have a window of like 1 hour a month for conception to be possible. But it was my *#!@ goal in life to catch that hour! I finally did.

Believe me I sympathize with you as your clock is ticking in your heart and in your mind, just as mine was. Do you have this book and/or understand all the principles of our fertility? To some degree, it is the reason I got pregnant with my daughter (at age 29). I have been charting again since last January, but only seriously trying for timing for 3 months. Now I'm considering buying a saliva microscope, and looking for some positive feedback on them.

Jennifer, I'll join you on that thread. I'm on a mission.

If I could do it, you guys can too.

[dharmama]

Hi you guys...

Just wanted to check back in with my update......after 9 months of trying...we finally have the :+ we've been praying for.
:)

My head is really spinning....it still doesn't seem real.

I have been journaling throughout our TTC journey and at some point I would like to share some of my writing. But for now I thought I'd just share a little bit of my experience...

I know everyone's experience is unique...but for ME....I now realize that I had to heal some deep hurt and trauma from my past before my body could conceive.

I should add that prior to TTC I would have said I was fine....totally mentally healthy and healed..."all better"...but this journey took me deeper into the pain then I would have ever gone on my own.

Looking back it feels like each month that I experienced the pain of not conceiving, I peeled off another layer of my protective armor....deeper and deeper into my past wounds....until finally this month I had a powerful breakthrough and surrender moment. It was very painful, raw and intense but I truly believe that this had to occur to clear the way for our baby.

I know I still have work to do through my writing and meditation. But I feel really good about the place that I am in now and the work that I have done thus far. I am so grateful for MDC and all of my supportive friends. Please know that you are in my thoughts and that I continue to be here for all of you...wherever your journey leads.

~Erin
:love

[dancinggirl]

Naturegirl~ I am so sorry that you feel like a charity case. I just want you to become pregnant .
I personally have a special interest in you , Adina L, and Erin because you were all with me when I first started ttc. YKWIM??
I feel the joy of all the BFP and I really feel the sorrows of all the BFN. I am so emotionally involved in all of you guys because TTC has played such enormous role in my life. If it was not for you guys at MDC I do not know where I would be.

[AdinaL]

Well Cheryl, you are certainly not a charity case to me!!! I think we have been on the ttc board for the same amount of time, no? I want us both to be pregnant!! NOW!!!! :LOL

It will happen. I would like to just see a + once. I have never even seen that in all my time of trying. I don't even know if I CAN get preggo.

We wil get there. I think that the stars just have to align correctly for each of us. Babies come when they want, not when we want, unfortunately.

And besides, aren't we the last of that bunch....mamsoleil had her baby, erin is pg, dancinggirl is pg....that leaves you and me right? So our number is coming up!!! I can feel it!!!

Much :love and :baby :dust!!!!!

[naturegirl]

Thanks everyone! I was feeling especially down that last post I guess! :confused:

Bluedragonfly, I have ttoyf and I thoroughly understand my fertility. I am a wholistic doctor and I specialize in pediatrics and peri-natal care, including conception. True, I have only been temping for 6 months now however I was paying close attention to cm and "moods" before that.

I didn't know that Erin was pregnant! I just got back from a trip and haven't been around for a week or so.

CONGRATULATIONS ERIN!!! :D :D :D

I am actually very thankful I didn't get pg. last month because of the strenuous hike I went on. It was the hardest hike I have every taken and I think if I was pg. it would have been bad news. Now I am ready though and dh and I have been doing our fair share of bding already! :wink

Adina I am with you! This would be a great month to get a BFP!

Thanks for all the support ladies and :hug dancinggirl, you are all great!

Cheryl
:hippie

[Jish]

Cheryl and Adina, I'm here to spread a bunch of my baby dust on you two. :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust :dust

There, that should be enough to go around. Good luck this month, ladies.:thumb I'm rooting for you.:love

[naturegirl]

Thanks Jish!

:dust :rotflmao :dust

[AdinaL]

Thanks Jish!!!!:D

[Bluedragonfly]

Naturegirl, AdinaL you are both in my prayers, as is everyone on this page.

October sounds like a good month to me.

XXXOOOXXX

[naturegirl]

Thank you bluedragonfly. :hug I appreciate all the prayers, babydust and support!

Adina, how are you doing? It seems that Erin started this thread right? And she is now pg! :love Maybe this is the lucky place to be for us ttc for awhile...(fingers crossed smilie:D)

Gonnabeamom, sorry about the recent visit from af. How are you feeling? :hug Hope this is a lucky thread for you too very soon.

Cheryl
:hippie

[AdinaL]

Doing well over here!! Maybe this is a good place to be! I hadn't thought of the fact that Erin started this thread and then shortly thereafter ende dup pregnant.


I am currently 5 dpo...and figuring that this isn't the month....I thought I was going to WAAAYYYY before I did....

Check out my chart and you will see what I mean.

Didn't have sex anywhere NEAR my O date.

But I can't shake the I am pregnant feeling. I have no symptoms, I have nothing to base that on....but it is there.

Let's hope!

How are you doing??

[Astrid]

:blush Coming back a little bit late, but had to say

:balloons Congratualations Erin :balloons

I am doing the not charting, not temping, trying soooo hard not to think about getting pregnant plan... which is easier said then done since it is hard to forget or not notice dates.

I hope this is the month for all of us to be :belly :D

[naturegirl]

Welcome back Astrid. Good luck trying the "not trying" method. :)

I thought I would be able to do that but I was wrong. Back to temping, etc. Although I kind of feel I need to because I am using prog. cream post O and don't want to start it too early or late.

Adina, there is always hope. I am happy to see you back.

Cheryl
8 DPO and not feeling a thing. :(
:hippie

[Bluedragonfly]

I am just 3 days past O, and we are perRAYing we cracked the egg!! I am scared to go into the 2ww thread, since it has like 40 pages. Here seems like a good place to be.

It's a trip how every month I work toward this goal of babymaking by learning more, applying, waiting, feeling positive about certain signs, feeling apprehensive about others, feeling positive again, feeling doubtful because every darn month that wicked witch shows up again. Going into denial about it, then realizing she's walked her ass right through the front door. I'm sorry, she's not really wicked, infact we have a decent, amicable relationship, but it's the SIGN, the depressing moments that indicate it's over, for that month.

And then I wake up optimistic, fresh and grateful to have another month to try and apply something else I've learned. For instance, I changed my thyroid med on Day 3, and quit ALL caffeine, including chocolate :scared........:crying, but you know what! On day 11 I had a record breaker for ew - over 10 inches! Wooohooooooooo!!!!!

Erin, good for you girl!

O*C*T*O*B*E*R

[dharmama]

Thanks you guys! :)

I'm checking in on you all and sending lots of positive thoughts and :dust your way!!

I'm still kind of in shock (but in a good way of course). Not sure what made this THE month and not the other 8 that we tried but I am filled with gratitude and am just enjoying every moment.

:heartbeat :dust :heartbeat

~Erin
:love

[Astrid]

Naturegirl, sometimes not feeling anything is a good sign :)

Im still not thinking about it, I don't even know what day my last af. If Im not pregnant by next summer though I am sure I will change my plan...

[naturegirl]

Well af showed again late yesterday. On to cycle #12 ttc. The, if it doesn't happen this month I am "officially infertile" cycle. :rolleyes: Hope you are all fairing better than me today...:(

Cheryl
:hippie

[gonnabeamom]

Nature girl,

We too are approaching "official" infertility.

Today I'm pretty good. The first day of every cycle suck completely :bawl. all day long, curse the fates, cuss myself out, look for blame, etc.

Usually by the time my period is gone, I can face the world again. It's not easy ever but it's never as hard as those first few days for me.

:hug

[gonnabeamom]

Nature girl,

We too are approaching "official" infertility.

Today I'm pretty good. The first day of every cycle suck completely :bawl. all day long, curse the fates, cuss myself out, look for blame, etc.

Usually by the time my period is gone, I can face the world again. It's not easy ever but it's never as hard as those first few days for me.

:hug for you

[AdinaL]

I passed the "officially infertile" a while ago. it actually gets easier without that little landmark looming. then you can just sort of accept that title, for what every it means, and move on.

But is does suck to just get there....I remember all too well.

:hug

[naturegirl]

Thanks ladies :hug.

Now that I am over that first day of :af I feel better, a little. I was really hoping I'd have a baby in my arms this Christmas. Now I will be lucky to have one in my womb. I hope we all have babies brewing by Christmas this year. :)

Cheryl
:hippie

[AdinaL]

What a wonderful wish. For everyone here to be pregnant for Christmas.

That is my sincere wish for all of you. That you all get the wonderful news and the best Christmas, Chanukkah, Solstice, etc...present that you can possibly ever get. Sometimes I want you all to be pregnant more than I want me to be. :)

Much :love and :baby :dust!!

[Bluedragonfly]

Naturegirl, I really like the sound of that -

"Baby Brewing"

:D

[coleslaw]

Is this the thread to join? We have been trying since last summer. As some of you know, my LP has been too short that whole time. Only now is it 11 days. Should I count all of thse other months or start fresh now that I have a do-able LP? I would rather count all those other months so that I don't feel as if I wasted time.

Got about a week left before o-ing and I dont' have any desire to bd. Dont' know why. Hope the urge returns before o-date! :D