How to tell family in a sensitive situation

[kdf]

We just found out yesterday that we are pg. Well two weeks ago my Brother and SIL had a miscarriage with their first baby. Now I don't know how to tell my family. They knew we were trying and we did technically conceive this baby before they had the miscarriage. We are very excited about this baby but I am worried that the rest of my family won't be as excited b/c of what just happened. So far we have just told my SIL and BIL b/c she is my doula too. I hate waiting to tell ppl so I really want to tell them this weekend. Any ideas on how to make this not so hard for them.

[rachel616]

Wow, that's a sad situation. :hug

Just remember that everyone can be sympathetic for your brother and SIL and at the same time be happy for you. It's a mixed blessing, for sure, but a blessing all the same!

You said your SIL knows already? Or is it a different SIL? If it's a different one you were referring to, maybe you could tell the ones who lost their baby first, and see if they have a problem with the family finding out about your pregnancy so soon. They may want a little time to mourn before the whole family hears the news and excitement of your pregnancy.

It's probably true that the family will worry about your baby too, and that would be normal even if your SIL hadn't miscarried. It shouldn't prevent them from being excited for you though! Remind them to take it one step at a time and be happy for you now. Miscarriage is always a worry but not something that should overshadow the joy of another pregnancy!
Good luck!

[ruthmg]

I'm in a similar situation. I am very close with my sister, who is having major inferitlity issues. I haven';t told her yet. I was going to last night, but she was having friends over, so i couldn't. I'm just going to come out and tell her, becuase I don't want her to hear it from someone else. She lives in NM (I'm in FL), so I can't tell her in person. But I will do it after dinner (so she has food in her stomach) and jsut come out and tell her. She knows that she is sensitive about this, and she will be happy, but I understand that she will also be sad, upset and will cry.

So understand that their happiness for you might be tempered by sadness, envy, and other complicated feelings. And know they might be upset with you, but it will pass.

[JSMa]

:( That is so sad. :hug

I think what a PP said about approaching the SIL and Brother this happened to and somehow gently tell them. It's a delicate situation for sure. My heart goes out to all of you.

[thismommy]

As much as you don't want to wait, I would probably wait a couple of weeks to give them time to move on a bit (and maybe ovulate). Dh and I found out that we were pg with #1 right after his sister gave up her first baby for adoption. We didn't share with that part of the family for a while.

[rachel616]

Also, congratulations! :) I know it's a tough spot you're in, but you still deserve congrats!

[quietserena]

If it were me, I'd wait a few more weeks, both for things to settle for you and for her. I've always taken 12 weeks to be the magic week after which it's safe to tell because the m/c risk is lower but in this case i'd wait to 16 even.

However, if you're really close with them, it might be hard to hide the morning sickness and tiredness and such...

:hug congrats

[leerypolyp]

Having been on the other side, I also want to recommend waiting as long as you can stand.

[jenniferadurham]

Wow, that's a sad situation. :hug

Just remember that everyone can be sympathetic for your brother and SIL and at the same time be happy for you. It's a mixed blessing, for sure, but a blessing all the same!

You said your SIL knows already? Or is it a different SIL? If it's a different one you were referring to, maybe you could tell the ones who lost their baby first, and see if they have a problem with the family finding out about your pregnancy so soon. They may want a little time to mourn before the whole family hears the news and excitement of your pregnancy.

It's probably true that the family will worry about your baby too, and that would be normal even if your SIL hadn't miscarried. It shouldn't prevent them from being excited for you though! Remind them to take it one step at a time and be happy for you now. Miscarriage is always a worry but not something that should overshadow the joy of another pregnancy!
Good luck!



I agree

[kdf]

Wow, that's a sad situation. :hug

Just remember that everyone can be sympathetic for your brother and SIL and at the same time be happy for you. It's a mixed blessing, for sure, but a blessing all the same!

You said your SIL knows already? Or is it a different SIL? If it's a different one you were referring to, maybe you could tell the ones who lost their baby first, and see if they have a problem with the family finding out about your pregnancy so soon. They may want a little time to mourn before the whole family hears the news and excitement of your pregnancy.

It's probably true that the family will worry about your baby too, and that would be normal even if your SIL hadn't miscarried. It shouldn't prevent them from being excited for you though! Remind them to take it one step at a time and be happy for you now. Miscarriage is always a worry but not something that should overshadow the joy of another pregnancy!
Good luck!

It is a different SIL. The one that knows is my dh's sister. The whole problem is I don't hide my secrets very well especially from my mom. She always knows when something is up. I will try to not tell them but it might be hard. Thanks for the advice.

[hattifattener]

I've been on the other side of this, with my

[hattifattener]

Whaaaaat? I was not done typing that! :)

I've been on the other side of this, with my SIL and I conceiving at the same time, and then me miscarrying, and then her breaking the news to me that she was expecting. I think she did a good job- she told me right away, so that I wasn't the last to know- that would have been bad. And she told me in a way that took my feelings into consideration- sort of "I'm not sure how to tell you this- I've been feeling so bad for you guys..." type of thing- not expecting me to be all happyhappy. You know?

[dbsam]

I've been on the other side of this, with my SIL and I conceiving at the same time, and then me miscarrying, and then her breaking the news to me that she was expecting. I think she did a good job- she told me right away, so that I wasn't the last to know- that would have been bad. And she told me in a way that took my feelings into consideration- sort of "I'm not sure how to tell you this- I've been feeling so bad for you guys..." type of thing- not expecting me to be all happyhappy. You know?

I agree w/this.
I had several miscarriages and it made me feel worse when people were afraid to tell me they were pregnant or even avoided telling me. Although I was sad for myself, I was still capable of being happy for others.

[mom2annika]

I told my sis last night too. She mc'ed with her first a couple months ago. I figured she'd want to hear it from me rather than someone letting it slip. She WAS happy for us, though still sad about her own loss I'm sure.

[kdf]

So I told my mom today and she thinks that I should wait another two weeks before I tell my brother and SIL. Which I am ok with. I am only going to see them this weekend and then I won't see them again for a couple of weeks so I think I can keep it quiet. My mom knows that they will be happy for me but they will be sad too. And my mom not really excited for me. Well she said she is happy but she never gave me a hug or said congrats or anything. So I am a little disappoint.

[mom2annika]

Sorry kdf. WOO HOO we're excited for ya! Embrace it!

Your mom is prob just trying to insulate herself from another potentially painful situation.

:hug

[kdf]

Actually I called her and told her I was hurt and she knew exactly why before I had to say thing and she said she was sorry and they are happy for us. So it is all fine now.