Here is his answer...

[laralou]

Is he not the stupidest man alive? If you have any doubt, reread my letter. He doesn't pay attention to anything I said.

The thing that pissed me off the most was that he wants my son to get in contact with him! Huh? Why does he not understand about it being his responsibility? See, this is why you make them do all the work from birth on.... I was the one to keep up the contact and now he doesn't even understand that he is responsible for it.

And I never asked him to not call at all. What I asked was for him to be consistent with whatever contact he had. ARG! He is so stupid. I do not want to write him back (I think he is trying to trick me into talking to him more, I don't need this sh*t, they keep sucking me in and trying to put it all on me) but I am going to be pissed when he tells ds in the future that I told him not to call. That is not what I said!!!! Of course, I am keeping these emails to prove to ds what really happened.

(Sorry I had to delete his words! Against the rules! Thanks for all who read it and gave me helpful suggestions!)

[Elphaba]

.

[laralou]

I am. Just rereading it to post it here ticked me off. But you are right to laugh. He is really a fool.

I am just withstanding the temptation to write back and say, "Fool! Reread my letter!" Seriously, I am having a hard time not writing back to tell him that it is his responsibility to maintain contact. Do you think I need to write and say it again? Didn't I say it clearly enough the first time? I am afraid to write because it will just encourage him to write me more when I told him I don't want contact with him.

[Irishmommy]

Well, he did get one thing right, you are a amazing woman!

[laralou]

Thank you, Irishmommy! You guys help me so much!

[Mamabear]

Laralou, I have read the letter you sent to your ds's father. You stated everything that you needed to quite clearly and in a straightforward manner. No, of course you do not need to remind him again that it is his responsibility to maintain contact. You said it very well the first time. On the whole, his reply to you sounded so sincere and sorrowful. I assume that he has behaved like this in the past and thinks that he can still play you if he says the right words. If it is safer for you emotionally and healthier for you psychologically to not interact with him, then just don't except for the very minimum needed. You seem to be a fine person, Laralou, and a strong woman who is capable of setting firm boundaries and deflecting manipulation. Stand in your power!

[laralou]

Thanks, Mamabear! That is what I needed to hear. I agree. He says all the right things (why I worry he will "charm" ds) but he isn't sincere at all. I have heard this crap for 8 years and he never follows through. I appreciate your support.

I feel silly laying this all out like I have but it has really helped me. Everyone near me has a very biased opinion. You all have really clear unbiased opinions.

[Mamabear]

Hey, sweetie, don't feel silly at all. Reaching out for the support you need is such a healthy thing to do! The only other option you have if the people around you can't be there for you is to hold it all inside. I'm sure we will all come to these boards at one time or another with something that is just to big to handle on our own. Sharing as you have has just made you all the more human in my eyes. Be gentle with yourself, and remember it's YOUR life and you are free to live it as you see fit. Keep us posted. Hugs to you!:love