What to Expect when You are Expecting

[Oriole]

This thread has a dual purpouse: first one is to share a weird incident, and a second one is to get some info on the book.

1. I love seeing babies, I want one, can't wait to have one, but not planning on one right now. I usually don't discuss my baby plans at work. Two days ago in my mail box here I found that someone put a used copy of "What to Expect when You are Expecting". :bigeyes What does that mean??? I'm pretty sure I don't look pregnant. Who dunnit? I don't want to walk around asking questions like that to give people ideas, but I am sooo curious as to the thought behind this event.

2. I often see it mentioned in a negative way here (the book that is), and wanted to know why. Specifics help. Thanks! :love

[KatieJD]

Did somebody get the wrong mailbox? Do you have any close friends at work who could be playing a joke on you?

I like to call it "What you can't do and should be terrified of while expecting" :lol

It puts pretty severe limitations on pregnant women and it jumps to the worst of conclusions when answering questions, it is very mainstream in my opinion and dedicates a lot of space to medicalized pregnancy and birth and very little space to normal, natural pregnancy and birth. From what I hear it has been known to give pregnant women panic attacks and takes a strong fear-based approach. It was given to me at the beginning of my pregnancy, I thumbed through it and threw it out when my midwife said NOT to read it :lol There are a lot of other books out there that are informative and take a more positive perspective on pregnancy and childbirth, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is a great one.

[Sunshine4004]

That is definitely a wierd incident. Is a friend at work playing a joke on you or maybe is hoping you will start TTC?

I have read a lot of negatives on here about the book but I personally own it, read it and like it. I would also recommend it to a friend who is pregnant.

[Baby_Cakes]

That book is just so full of what if's it should be titled What to Fear When You're Expecting. It's very mainstream in it's assumptions, very "run to your doctor if" sort of mentality. It's got some just plain ridiculous information in it, stuff that makes you wonder, okay WHO is writing this? Do they really think I"m that dumb? Please, only use it as a doorstop.

On the other hand I love the Great Expectations book. More liberal in its thinking, more helpful information.

As for you receiving the book like that, I'd say either joke or somebody put it in the wrong mailbox! Who DOES that?!

[jenniferadurham]

I got the book bc my hubby wasn't understanding what I was going through...IE, mood swings, why I being biotchy..etc. It helped. PLus it tells you what your baby is doing every week, growing wise that is. I read it with my first and this one. I don't really read the q/a part of it. Most of it doesn't apply to me; I only read what applies to me. I usually get most of my info on here or my Dr.

I don't think it's a horrible book, but to each his own.

[rebecca03]

I agree with the above posters about the book. I rented it from one of the local libraries, and I've thumbed through it mostly. It's just full of "don't do this, don't do that" sort of stuff.

Not to mention, it is also painfully boring to read.

[KatieJD]

ve the Great Expectations book. More liberal in its thinking, more helpful information.


This book is much better IMO. I couldn't think of the name of it but it is a lot more rationally written, and I think it was actually written by midwives.

[JSMa]

That is so weird that someone would just give you that book! lol :hug


The best advice a friend gave me for that book is read it with a grain of salt. Every scenario is pretty much worst case. Like if you are 20 lbs overweight you better go on bedrest. :p Puh-lease!

Some stuff in it is helpful and informative. I like reading what is going on and such during the baby's growth... the week to week book I have is better I think. But still both tend to put a lot of negative just in case stuff in there, that I'd rather not read.

[tjjazzy]

i think you have to know how to take what you need from the book and ignore other stuff (like the perfectly developing bellies on the illustrations of pregnant mom--they can make you feel like a hippo.) it's a matter of analyzing it by talking to other moms, using your own intuition, researching, and talking with doctors/midwives/etc.

[grniys]

I like What To Expect When You're Expecting. I have a copy, and I think they have a new edition out I'll probably buy this pregnancy. Like a PP said, you have to take what you want from the book and leave the rest, so to speak. I do that with a lot of info books like this.

It's got lots of info on pregnancy, and while it's not in depth about any pregnancy issues, it's great with the general knowledge.

As for the negative stuff, it's an information book and does tell you what can go wrong. It's very general and prepares you, just in case. I'm glad I read it, because when I miscarried my second baby knowing what I read about m/c's in the book really helped comfort me some. And of course I used it a lot during my first pregnancy.

[Fyrestorm]

Every paragraph seems to end with:

"it could be normal or you could be miscarrying"

My VERY mainstream psychiatrist calls it the Evil book and told me to burn it instead of reading it.

The what you should and shouldn't be eating parts seem downright unhealthy and dangerous.

It also seems to be more about indoctrinating you into hospital and medical proceedures than giving birth.

I believe it goes on to basically recommend something similar to ferberizing.

Just a horrible piece of fiction.

[yogamonkeyjo]

I completely agree with most of the pp. Ina May's book is much better and it has the informative bit (which I like) and birth stories (which I skip).

The one middle-of-the-road unbiased book on general pregnancy and infancy that I've found (and LOVE) is From the Hips. It seems to be good, general, unbiased information for all types of moms and births. It's a great starting point to help direct you to the type of other books, websites, etc. that will be personally beneficial to you.

[chic2chic]

:eek the book to stay away from!!

pregnancy is not an illness, but if you read that book, you will think it is.

(also, stay away from "what to expect the first year" etc. there are about a million better pregnancy/baby books out there, starting with dr. sears)

[Sarah W]

I like What To Expect When You're Expecting. I have a copy, and I think they have a new edition out I'll probably buy this pregnancy. Like a PP said, you have to take what you want from the book and leave the rest, so to speak. I do that with a lot of info books like this.

It's got lots of info on pregnancy, and while it's not in depth about any pregnancy issues, it's great with the general knowledge.

As for the negative stuff, it's an information book and does tell you what can go wrong. It's very general and prepares you, just in case. I'm glad I read it, because when I miscarried my second baby knowing what I read about m/c's in the book really helped comfort me some. And of course I used it a lot during my first pregnancy.


I agree. I really enjoyed the book. I wanted a basic book filled with what happens during pg and what I can expect. I didn't think it was scary at all.

[PookieMom]

I have around four or five copies of that book. People just keep giving it to me. They find it at yard sales, in dumpsters, on the street....Seriously, If it was a good book I would not be throwing it out like that and every where you look people are trying to unload that darn thing on you. I just keep throwing them in a box when they land on my step. I would never pass them on to anyone (that's just plain mean) so here they sit:eyesroll

I'll have enough for a bonfire pretty soon! Weenie roast, anyone?

[thefragile7393]

It's an okay book. I can't say I hate it, but I can't say I like it. I like Dr. Sear's Pregnancy Book and Birth Book better, as well as The Baby Book. I HATE What to Expect The First Year and The Toddler Years....but the Expecting one I'm just blase about.

[yogamonkeyjo]

I have around four or five copies of that book. People just keep giving it to me. They find it at yard sales, in dumpsters, on the street....Seriously, If it was a good book I would not be throwing it out like that and every where you look people are trying to unload that darn thing on you. I just keep throwing them in a box when they land on my step. I would never pass them on to anyone (that's just plain mean) so here they sit:eyesroll

I'll have enough for a bonfire pretty soon! Weenie roast, anyone?

:twothumbs:lol

[Awaken]

I have around four or five copies of that book. People just keep giving it to me. They find it at yard sales, in dumpsters, on the street....Seriously, If it was a good book I would not be throwing it out like that and every where you look people are trying to unload that darn thing on you. I just keep throwing them in a box when they land on my step. I would never pass them on to anyone (that's just plain mean) so here they sit:eyesroll

I'll have enough for a bonfire pretty soon! Weenie roast, anyone?

:lol I agree! I just recycled mine rather than give it to anyone. The month by month baby growing info was nice, but the rest of it, eh. I think it's in this one, or maybe WTE the first year, where it says something like "In many cultures mothers carry their babies in slings, which helps calm the baby and give them access to the mother's breast. Ours is not one of them." :confused:

And to the OP- that is really strange! Maybe it's a sign?? It'll be pretty funny one day when you figure out what actually happened- I bet it was an accident, put in the wrong box, and the intended recipient will wonder what happened to the book their coworker was supposed to give them!

[Fyrestorm]

I have around four or five copies of that book. People just keep giving it to me. They find it at yard sales, in dumpsters, on the street....Seriously, If it was a good book I would not be throwing it out like that and every where you look people are trying to unload that darn thing on you. I just keep throwing them in a box when they land on my step. I would never pass them on to anyone (that's just plain mean) so here they sit:eyesroll

I'll have enough for a bonfire pretty soon! Weenie roast, anyone?

:eat:

[PookieMom]

I think it's in this one, or maybe WTE the first year, where it says something like "In many cultures mothers carry their babies in slings, which helps calm the baby and give them access to the mother's breast. Ours is not one of them." :confused:



Yep, I'm still trying to figure out, according to those books, what our culture does do for the baby...:scratch...apparently not much :shrug Or "do only what your told by smart people like us, because your not smart:nono"

[PookieMom]

I'm so sorry, OP!!! I got way off topic. Maybe someone, who doesn't know just how craptastical that book is, thinks you'd be a wonderful mother and is trying to give you a hint:wink

[thefragile7393]

Yep, I'm still trying to figure out, according to those books, what our culture does do for the baby...:scratch...apparently not much :shrug Or "do only what your told by smart people like us, because your not smart:nono"

Or smart doctors :eyesroll

[Ruthla]

I read that book when I was pg with my first- I honestly can't remember if I ever read it with subsequent pgs.

What I liked about it is that it was a book about pregnancy, not birth or infant care. 14 years ago, it was the ONLY book like that I was able to find. I could read it and focus on "what my baby is doing NOW, not just think about birth or BF that was in the distant future.

I loved the "what your baby looks like now" parts. I didn't love the medical everything, the poo-pooing of homebirth, the "this is the test you're going to have at this particular checkup" etc.

I didn't find the book frightening or anxiety producing, as I'm not too badly affected by medical information or "worst case scenarios"- it's just my personality. For me, it's a relief to read about, say, miscarriage or some rare but serious complication, and realize that I only have 1 of the possible signs, so I can stop worrying. Other people will look at the same info and say "OMG, I have one of the possible signs of this" and freak out.

I really enjoyed the book because I was enamored with everything pg, birth, and baby related at the time. WTEWYE was the only "mainstream" book I devoured, all the others came from LLL's or my midwife's library (or my Mom bought them for me but were titles from the LLL library.) I was able to enjoy the good parts and ignore the bad parts. IMO, What to Expect the First Year was much, much worse, with bad parenting advice, misinformation about BF and introducing solids, etc.

[gwerydd]

i didn't like it's descriptions of cesareans. it said something about being able to lie back and relax while the doctors do all the work. my cesarean was nothing like that, lying back and relaxing wasn't exactly foremost in my mind. :irked:

[bigeyes]

I loathe that book.

I am not prone to throwing things when angry, but when I was pregnant I heaved that piece of crap across the length of 2 rooms at about 7 months. :irked:

[honeybee]

For a book on all-around good pregnancy and birth information that is unbiased, I would recommend The New Well Pregnancy Book by Samuels and Samuels.

WTE holds very negative connotations towards natural childbirth, and also midwifery and -heh- don't even mention homebirth. It is basically a "how to be a good patient and do everything your doctor tells you" manual. It does not include any research or studies about interventions, or really even give you credit for being an intelligent person who can make a good choice. It just fills you with fear and then says "ask your doctor."

If you want to be an advocate for yourself and make informed decisions with the input of your caregiver, I recommend Henci Goer's book The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth.

[Ligeia]

This book was given to me as a gift and it was totally useless, even bordering on offensive at points! It's just way too mainstream for me. I remember one paragraph specifically talking about prolonged nursing and how one has to be careful with letting little boys do this because o my goodness, you'll be exposing your breasts to them! I leafed through it and learned a little about what to expect with bodily changes and things like that but as other pp have mentioned, just don't let it get you paranoid about all the horrible things that COULD happen if you don't do exactly what your doctor tells you!

[MKury]

I think that going into childbirth totally unaware of what is going to happen to your body is not necessarily a great way to begin parenthood. That said, if WTEWYE is the ONLY book you could find to determine what is going on it is an okay read. As pps said, it is extremely medically minded and prepares you for the worst scenarios and the likelihood of interventions, etc. I was told when it was given to me not to read ahead of the week or month I was pregnant, so as not to scare myself. I scanned through it, and returned it to Barnes and Noble for credit :o . I purchased Henci Goer's book, "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" with the store credit and gained a thorough understanding of what was going on.

As for the reason behind someone giving you the book when you are NOT currently expecting- it's just weird. I'd probably take it back to the mail room with a post it attached saying "Return to Sender" :D

[yogamonkeyjo]

I scanned through it, and returned it to Barnes and Noble for credit :o . I purchased Henci Goer's book, "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" with the store credit and gained a thorough understanding of what was going on.

As for the reason behind someone giving you the book when you are NOT currently expecting- it's just weird. I'd probably take it back to the mail room with a post it attached saying "Return to Sender" :D

ooh! :lightbulb: two great ideas!

[tangledblue]

I have to say, I find WTE useful as sort of a general reference, supplemented with other info and common sense. I've been looking at it as I go along, mostly to look at the list of "things you may be experiencing" at the beginning of each chapter and being relieved that I'm not experiencing most of them! I think that's why it seems scary to some people, but every pregnancy is so different I think it helps people to know what's normal or not. I do like the baby development parts.

It's gone through a lot of editions so I'm surprised to hear about the backwards attitudes some previous poster mentioned--I haven't read the whole thing, so I don't know if the newest edition is still anti-sling, etc.

[Klynne]

For a book on all-around good pregnancy and birth information that is unbiased, I would recommend The New Well Pregnancy Book by Samuels and Samuels.

WTE holds very negative connotations towards natural childbirth, and also midwifery and -heh- don't even mention home birth. It is basically a "how to be a good patient and do everything your doctor tells you" manual. It does not include any research or studies about interventions, or really even give you credit for being an intelligent person who can make a good choice. It just fills you with fear and then says "ask your doctor."

If you want to be an advocate for yourself and make informed decisions with the input of your caregiver, I recommend Henci Goer's book The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth.


I totally agree with this. I was given wte by a friend who raved about it. I skimmed through it and was totally unimpressed. There are so many other really good books about pregnancy out there. pp's have given some good suggestions.

Can you just pass the book on into another mail box?:p

[Kleine Hexe]

It's a book that tells you how to be a good and obedient patient and do whatever the OB tells you.

I also put the book down after seeing the sentence, "If your baby can unbutton your shirt herself to nurse then it is time to stop." There were also subtle negative comments about LLL.

[~sweet pea~]

I didn't think it was scary at all.

Ditto. I have it, I've read it and somehow managed to come away from it without being frightened to pieces. I often wonder if I have the same text other people are talking about.... At worst it's a little general and mundane, as in you might experience fatigue and morning sickness in your first trimester. Not exactly the sort of information that has me running for the hills. The chapter on pregnancy nutrition is helpful, IMHO. In its quest to cover all the bases, it does get into issues that you personally may never have to deal with, e.g., placenta previa. So you kinda have to flip through it and skip things that don't apply to you. No big deal, IMO, but some people find this annoying. It's not a book that's going to be entirely about you.

All that said, WTEWYE is definitely more mainstream and medicine oriented than natural childbirth oriented, but I didn't think it was excessively so. Whether or not you think so will depend on how much mainstream vs. crunchy you are and if crunchy, how tolerant you are of anything mainstream.

To balance out the information, I would recommend Henci Goer's The Thinking Woman's Guide to Birth. It's biased on the midwifery/natural childbirth side of things (it's honest about the bias, though, which I really appreciated), but does give an excellent and well researched perspective on why many mainstream interventions are frequently a bad idea.

As to finding the book in your mailbox, my guess is that you either have a joker for a friend/co-worker or it was put in your mailbox by accident. I'd put the book in a conspicuous place with an anonymous note "Did anybody lose this?" If the book disappears, it was probably a mistake. If it returns to your mailbox... well, you'll have to come back and post us an update.

[natural_momma]

Ooooo, it's the curse of What to Expect! The same thing happened to me, and I was pregnant in 6 months! (literally, some random person at work gave it to me, for some still unknown reason)

I liked the descriptions of the fetus at each month. Other than that, it was basically "What to Expect if You Are a Good Girl and Don't Question Anything You're Doctor Says You Should Do" I had so many other good books I didn't pay much attention and don't really remember any specifics. "Your Pregnancy Week by Week" is even worse though.

[kalirush]

It didn't scare me, but I felt it was patronizing as hell.

[Rockies5]

It didn't scare me, but I felt it was patronizing as hell.

yes totally. I fidn then everywhere and do pic them up at yardsales regularly to get a few more out of circulation

[PookieMom]

yes totally. I fidn then everywhere and do pic them up at yardsales regularly to get a few more out of circulation

oh yeah, me too. Want to join my bonfire? :D

[arahzel]

I'm going to have to go back to reading WTEWYE. I read it a few years before I was expecting because a friend was pregnant and I was curious.

I recieved a copy from base when I got pregnant with my daughter. I read it until I got to the "best diet" or whatever it was called. I tossed it when it told me not to eat ice cream. EFF that! If I'm going to have a craving, I'm giving into it without guilt! I didn't even notice it though, until someone pointed the whole guilt complex out to me.

Now I want to see how far the book went with the guilt complex out of curiosity! :)

[Arwyn]

It's completely not evidenced based. I haven't looked at the newest edition (other than to note that for the first time, the woman on the cover is NOT sitting down, in a rocking chair!), but the previous editions that I have looked at (including the next-to-most-recent) talked about episiotomies as a neutral-to-good thing (research has shown about 3000 times that episiotomies are damaging, worse than tearing, and almost never, ever needed), had a comparison chart of birth positions that talked about lithotomy and semi-reclining as perfectly fine (they're really not), doesn't even mention homebirth as a possibility, discourages natural health care, and talks disparagingly of LLL.

If you want a book that tells you what mainstream doctors and patients believe in the USA today, it's a great book. Otherwise, it's neutral (week-by-week info that could be gotten online, for free) to damaging (encouraging episiotomy and epidurals, discouraging breastfeeding, etc).

[Oriole]

I can't send it "to the mail room" as there is no mail room in our building. The secretary sits right next to the mail boxes, and she is the one that distributes the mail from outside. I did ask her if she placed a book in my box, she said no...

Anyone could have done it, really. I have seen THIS book in the lunch room, for anyone to pick up for about 2 weeks. People leave books they have read for others to read. The question is, how did it travel from the lunch room (where anyone who wanted it could have picked it up), into my box.

P.S. I absolutely don't mind getting pregnant... I'm with WANTING but waiting tribe here. Maybe I have friends from MDC at work, and not aware of it? :innocent

[Augusta]

Yep, my midwife calls it "What to expect to go wrong when you're expecting". It's not so much that it's "scary" or "terrifying" but more just anxiety producing. There are good parts to it like how they describe what's going on with the baby and your body each month but those tidbits are available in many books. The first 3 months are just filled with info that leave one practically expecting to miscarry. The nutritional advice is over the top. If I only allowed myself 1 dessert a month.... well I guess that would be great in a perfect world but how realistic is it? I wouldn't go so far as to say it's evil and I do own a copy (rookie mistake from my first pregnancy) but I never loan it out with the rest of my reference books to friends.

[Awaken]

yes totally. I fidn then everywhere and do pic them up at yardsales regularly to get a few more out of circulation

I do this, too! With Ezzo, the Pearls book, and Ferber!

[christigpa]

I got the book bc my hubby wasn't understanding what I was going through...IE, mood swings, why I being biotchy..etc. It helped. PLus it tells you what your baby is doing every week, growing wise that is. I read it with my first and this one. I don't really read the q/a part of it. Most of it doesn't apply to me; I only read what applies to me. I usually get most of my info on here or my Dr.

I don't think it's a horrible book, but to each his own.

A book is what you make of it - to me it's not my pregnancy bible nor is it my sole source of pregnancy knowledge. Again, to each his own.