DS (4years) just started at a new Montessori school last week, (they are in the Summer Camp program until Sept, but it is the same teachers, same rooms, just non-Montessori activities during the summer). I was so excited to get him in to this school, he was on the wait-list for a year. I toured and interviewed several schools, and finally made the decision to switch him to this school. It has an excellent reputation "around town", (people who's parenting styles I am not familiar with though...) and is considered an excellent school in terms of academics. It is also the only Montessori school in my town that offers some kind of care 12 months of a year, all day (i.e. includes before/after care, summer camps and Christmas/March break camps). I WOHM FT so I need something consistent for my DS all year, every day.
It is not cheap, (it is a private school that goes to grade 8) and we made the decision to move him here from his previous daycare because I really think he'll thrive in a Montessori environment. I was impressed at my visits, I had heard great things, the location is great, it provides consistent care all year, etc.
BUT...on his first day, I witnessed the teacher giving a 4 yo boy a time-out for grabbing a toy from another child. They made him go and sit by himself on a chair away from the other kids and told him to "think about what he had done". Then they eventually led him back to the group, and said, "next time you want a toy, you will use your..." and he said right on queu, "...words". So obviously this is not the first time it has happened. I was just shocked. I was told in my tour they didn't use time-outs. Apparently they do. They didn't speak meanly, they were calm, but everyone was staring and I felt bad for him. I felt he was humiliated a little, ostracized, singled out.
So I am talking to the "head of school" today and I mention the time-out to her and ask if they routinely use time-outs. Her response was that it depends on the level of the child's "disobedience", (her words
) if he was routinely "disobedient", and this was a method that they found worked on this particular child, then yes, they would, but that it wouldn't normally be a "knee-jerk" reaction; they would try to use other methods first. She said that if the child was "extremely disobedient", then they would ultimately remove the child from the class.
I told her that I was surprised as I hadn't thought that "obedience" and "time-outs" were in line with my understanding of Montessori philosophy. She had no comment and just said she was sure it was done appropriately.
WTF?
: Is this what I have signed up for? I have already paid a $1000 non-refundable deposit, plus $1200 first months fees, and they say you are committed to paying for the whole year if you cancel. I have spent hundreds of dollars on the school uniform, I have lost my son's spot at his other daycare, I don't have any other Montessori options, and there are still lots of reasons why this school is a good choice for us. But, are these things appropriate for a Montessori school?
What impressed me during the tour was how polite and calm all the children were, even the grade 8's politely saying "excuse me" and smiling "thank you" as they passed us in the hall, all the Casa children working quietly and independently, the teachers using calm quiet voices when asking the children to "quiet down" or use "walking feet in the classroom". Everything seemed so serene and peaceful (for a room full of 18 3-6 year olds). But now I am wondering, were they made to be "obedient"? Is this why none of them "misbehaved"?
Is it possible that this woman just used a poor choice of words, and if my son ends up having to sit on a chair by himself, "thinking about what he's done..." is it going to do him long term harm? We just don't do time-outs at our house and the whole thing is just surprising to say the least...
Now I will say that I was equally shocked by how the rest of the children all politey asked other children if they could borrow a toy, or share a toy, or join in a game, and the responses were equally polite. I kept expecting "normal" 4 yo behavior, grabbing of toys, arguing, etc. so I guess what they are doing is "working"...
Thoughts?
It is not cheap, (it is a private school that goes to grade 8) and we made the decision to move him here from his previous daycare because I really think he'll thrive in a Montessori environment. I was impressed at my visits, I had heard great things, the location is great, it provides consistent care all year, etc.
BUT...on his first day, I witnessed the teacher giving a 4 yo boy a time-out for grabbing a toy from another child. They made him go and sit by himself on a chair away from the other kids and told him to "think about what he had done". Then they eventually led him back to the group, and said, "next time you want a toy, you will use your..." and he said right on queu, "...words". So obviously this is not the first time it has happened. I was just shocked. I was told in my tour they didn't use time-outs. Apparently they do. They didn't speak meanly, they were calm, but everyone was staring and I felt bad for him. I felt he was humiliated a little, ostracized, singled out.
So I am talking to the "head of school" today and I mention the time-out to her and ask if they routinely use time-outs. Her response was that it depends on the level of the child's "disobedience", (her words
I told her that I was surprised as I hadn't thought that "obedience" and "time-outs" were in line with my understanding of Montessori philosophy. She had no comment and just said she was sure it was done appropriately.
WTF?
What impressed me during the tour was how polite and calm all the children were, even the grade 8's politely saying "excuse me" and smiling "thank you" as they passed us in the hall, all the Casa children working quietly and independently, the teachers using calm quiet voices when asking the children to "quiet down" or use "walking feet in the classroom". Everything seemed so serene and peaceful (for a room full of 18 3-6 year olds). But now I am wondering, were they made to be "obedient"? Is this why none of them "misbehaved"?
Is it possible that this woman just used a poor choice of words, and if my son ends up having to sit on a chair by himself, "thinking about what he's done..." is it going to do him long term harm? We just don't do time-outs at our house and the whole thing is just surprising to say the least...
Now I will say that I was equally shocked by how the rest of the children all politey asked other children if they could borrow a toy, or share a toy, or join in a game, and the responses were equally polite. I kept expecting "normal" 4 yo behavior, grabbing of toys, arguing, etc. so I guess what they are doing is "working"...
Thoughts?