Not sure where to post, but anyway...

[KitttyKat]

My story is kind of a strange and long.
Last May my husband hurt his shoulder, so he wasn't feeling to romantic, then I got sick, so I wasn't feeling too romantic, then I went on anti biotics, and I always got a yeast infection, so there was not action the entire cycle.
I was charting because I was diagnosed as peri-menapausal last February and I started taking Vitex. I was charting so see how my cycle was progressing.
I charted while I was sick (easy to do since I had no fever) and saw a clear thermal shift on CD 14 right where it had been since I started the Vitex.
I quit charting after that since I felt it was unnecessary until CD 1.

When my period was 3 days late I woke up spotting and figured I was late (maybe not really because it was CD 29 and my cycles where between 24 and 28 days on Vitex) because of the antibioics.
I was really confused when the spotting only lasted about two hours.
3 days later I told he husband that we need to do the deed because I wanted my period and sometimes sex brings it on.
Nothing.
and more nothing.

Then my boobs got sore and I started having nausea and food aversion.
I figured the anti-boitics just screwed with my bacteria and that was messing with my hormones. Pregnancy wasn't an option because we didn't have sex until after I was later. And besides...I'm peri-menapausal.

This went on until Monday August 11.
Until then I was growing increasingly emotional and irritable. I had lost 12lbs because cheese was the only thing I could eat that didn't make me sick.

The day before a woman that I work with who is 17 weeks pregnant started teasing me about getting a pot belly. She poked me and said 'Wow, your belly is hard just like mine.'
Then I started thinking about how I had lost 12lbs but my pants were getting tighter. I decided to call the doctor the next morning, but then Monday morning I woke up feeling completely better. My boobs didn't hurt and the nausea was gone, and I was happy, and I had energy. I was almost like euphoria. Then I spotted this strange yellow for about an hour before my period seemed to start as normal.
The yellow was a red flag in my mind because I've only done that once before. Right before I had a miscarriage 2 years ago.
But my period was normal. It was a normal flow, with no cramping, and no bloating. Just like all my periods were.

Then Wednesday morning I woke up to the most horrendous cramps I've ever imagined. I went to the emergency room and found out I was 8 weeks pregnant with no heartbeat.
Thursday I passed it naturally in a blinding blur of burning pain.

Friday I saw an OBGYN that the hospital sent me too.
He checked to make sure everything was alright and he confirmed everything had been passed. Then he asked if we were planning to try again.
I said NO WAY.
I even asked for birth control...since I can't trust charting anymore because it showed me a thermal shift and I go pregnant anyway.
I was given some paperwork on my choices and told to call back in a couple months when I was ready.

When we got home, my husband told me that he didn't want birth control. He didn't want to chart and try, but he didn't want to prevent either.
He wants to 'leave it in the hands of fate'.

The husband and I work in the same building, so everyone knows both of us, and while I was out for a week the word of our loss spread like a wildfire. When I go back to work everyone, even people I didn't know, where coming to offer words on the subject.
People would hug the husband and say how sorry they were, then they would tell me what a great dad he would be and I should try again as soon as possible.

Right now I feel pressured, I feel uncared for or about, and I feel that no one will listened to me.
There are moments when I feel great and hopeful and I want to try again, and there are moments when I think it's an insane idea. I'm 40 with no living children, two miscarriages, and no idea why I miscarried.
These miscarriages are really hard on both the body and the mind, I can't keep doing this.

But if I was to decide to try again how long should I wait? Should I go back to the doctor and tell him I changed my mind? I can feel my hormones trying to get back on line and I feel like I'm trying to ovulate. I'm charting, though not seriously, and my temps are mid range. I'm assuming that's because I still have pg hormone in me.
And about the pg hormone...someone told me that I have to keep having it checked to make sure it's going down because if I get pregnant with old hormone still there it can cause brain damage. Is that true?
How long does it usually take for he hormone to go away?

Help...I need opinions...

[trinh86]

I'm sorry you had to go through such hard experience. I think that you need to talk with your husband about your feelings. This will help make the relationship better. If he knows how you feel, you would not think that he is not listening or will not listen. After all, he's your husband; I'm sure he loves you dearly to be there for you, especially in such time of need.

Further, about the pregnancy hormones: that I am not completely sure about. Many people tell me that the hormornes go down to zero before you could get pregnant again. For your miscarriage (an early one), your body would probably fall back to normal very soon.

I know that you're 40 and it's a bit old to have children, but my mother was 42 when she conceived me. I'm 22 now and she's 64. The joy of having a kid is great and whether one should try to conceive still at this age is a personal choice.

The miscarriages were/are hard on you. Since you have had two miscarriages, you should definitely seek out for testing. There are many factors to miscarrying. There are some conditions that can be treated before trying to conceive again. And yes, people are right. Many doctors will not order the tests if you haven't had three miscarriages because your chances of having a healthy baby is still high, but don't be fooled. Things are different for everyone. Push for the tests. If s/he simply rejects you, find a different doctor. If you plan to start ttc again, make sure you take folic acid one month prior. Folic acid does not prevent mc, but it does prevent many syndromes, etc. for the growing fetus in the first three months.

The fear is great. If you make it through the 20th week mark, you may still experience a stillbirth. The pain is much greater because you have develop a 'relationship' your baby in the belly--his/her kicks and so forth. I had a stillbirth at 31 weeks and 4 days. My point is that even though the precetage of pregnancy loss may be low, the chances are still there. So ask yourself what you want more. Are the feelings of wanting a baby stronger that it overwrites the fear of losing another child. This is a hard question and you seem to still be confused.

By the way, I believe that your husband desires for a child. Well, who am I to judge, right? But it just seems like it. I think you two should talk it over and share the deepest feelings that both of you have.

[BlissfullyLoving]

:Hug I am so sorry for your losses.

You will not be able to get pregnant again until the hCG is 0. You will not ovulate before that. You had a natural miscarriage, so generally it is recommended to wait 1-3 cycles. Everyone seems to think that 1 month is sufficient. There is no good evidence either way, and mostly the recommendation seems to be based on emotional factors. You can see the dr if you want, but it is probably not necessary.

I had an earlier loss then you (natural too), and it has been 8 months since then and my cycles are still irregular. The length of the pregnancy does not seem to dictate the length of recovery or return of fertility. It can be a few weeks or many months before you ovulate again.

I am so sorry that you feel alone and unheard. That is exactly how I have felt about my loss since it happened. In my experience people were not very sensitive about how devestating and life changing our loss was for us. It sucks. :hug The women in this area are very supportive...come here whenever you want or need.

I understand your confusion and fears. I do not have any answers about what you should do, or how you should go about figuring it out. That is just too individual to know. I think that after you have some time to grieve you will know what you want.

I am sending you lots of peace, light and clarity. :Hug

[KitttyKat]

I'm not really sure exactly what I'm feeling. It's like someone threw a firecracker right in the middle of everything. My hormones, my emotions, my very sanity seem to be all over the place. I feel like I'm going crazy.
Logically I feel like there is no lose.
I'm not lacking something today that I had last week. I didn't even know it was there until it was already gone.
It came as such a shock.
I went to the emergency room in terrible pain and when they asked if I could be pregnant I said no, we didn't have sex.
Then they said my urine came back positive and it was like a punch. While we were waiting for an ultra sound my husband and I were even joking about it. He said he wanted a paternity test to check for God's DNA cause he wasn't there. I said I wanted to paternity test to see who was 'doing me' while I wasn't around.
Before we could really absorb the idea of being pregnant we got an ultra sound that showed no heartbeat. The tec showed us a shot of the baby and my first thought was "I hope that's a still shot because the little white dot in the middle of the bean should be flickering." I looked at my husband and he was already in love. I didn't say anything. I just let him have his moment. I would let the doctors say something and I hope I was wrong.
We had to wait 45 minutes for the doctor and it was like they were watching for my husband to leave to come in. My husband had to go and call work because he couldn't come in. As soon as he left the doctors came in and confirmed that there was no heartbeat, then they were gone before the husband came back.
I had to tell him and the look of heartbreak in his face made me start crying.
Then they sent me home to pass it naturally with a number to call withing 48 hours just in case it didn't.

It was like 3 punches.
1. Your pregnant.
2. It's not alive.
3. Go home with it still there.

I never got freaked out at the idea that it was there and not alive, because I never really got a hold of the idea that it was ever there.

Now I feel insane for no reason.

I've tried to tell him how I'm feeling but he just stares a me and says I can't really make choices until my hormones calm down.

I finally gave in (mostly to shut everyone up) and told him that I would talk to the doctor in 2 or 3 weeks and discuss my options about trying again. I'd love to have a baby, but I don't want to loose another one. If the doctor can give me better the 50/50 odds with a reasonable explanation, then I will give it one year. And if I loose another baby then I refuse to consider pregnancy ever again.

I'm pretty sure the problem is low progesterone. I've battled it off and on since I was 16 years old.

[Quate]

First, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss :hug. I think your mixed up emotions are a very normal response--of course partly because your hormones will be naturally messed up, but partly because it's a very hard situation. I don't know--to me it sounds like you feel insane for a very good reason. As a side note, telling my husband we had lost our baby was also the worst thing I've ever had to do.

Just a thought about the progesterone--from what I've read around here, those losses usually occur much earlier, like around the time your period is due. I don't know if it can be responsible for later losses or not.

:hug

[KitttyKat]

Why can you only have low progesterone at the start?
Seems to me that problems can arise anytime. Especially if you start out treating something and stop.

[KitttyKat]

Last night I was laying in bed and I suddenly had the smell I always get right before I ovulate. It also has a bit of a taste mixed with all he usual signs of ovary pain, sex drive, and cervical fluid.
This morning I have an obvious thermal shift.
It's 10 days since I passed the tissue and 12 days since bleeding began.
I'm confused as to when I start counting...with the bleeding or with the tissue loss.

[BlissfullyLoving]

Last night I was laying in bed and I suddenly had the smell I always get right before I ovulate. It also has a bit of a taste mixed with all he usual signs of ovary pain, sex drive, and cervical fluid.
This morning I have an obvious thermal shift.
It's 10 days since I passed the tissue and 12 days since bleeding began.
I'm confused as to when I start counting...with the bleeding or with the tissue loss. I would count it since the bleeding started.

[KitttyKat]

In just 5 minutes I found 3 web sites that state it's scientifically unsure whether low progesterone causes miscarriage.
I did find one site that says that if a woman has a luteal phase defect (which I implied when I said I've been battling low progesterone all my life) and is taking progesterone supplements (which vitex can be considered) while pregnant and stops, her chances of a miscarriage go up greatly. Especially in woman over 35 (which I implied I was when I said I was 40).

I also read that one counts from the day the placenta detaches from the uterus (which is neither the day you start bleeding nor the day you began passing tissue). It's usually (and this is a big USUALLY because every woman is different) the day you have the worst of the cramping. You have to count from this day because you pg hormone starts going down after the placenta is detached. Sometimes remaining tissue can make you hcg levels continue to rise.