So since this baby will (hopefully) be born at home and I am the only one with a license to drive, there is NO way he is getting circ'ed. BUT, I do want to make Dh feel as though he at least gets a say in this. You know, as long as it is the correct say and all. I brought it up right after our US and he threw out the famous line "well, everyone in my family is circ'ed and so will my son" Yea, right. I told him I was not going to have the conversation till he did some research and i dropped it. We were at lunch and i didn't want to ruin it.

Since then i have e-mailed him that penn and teller video. Not sure if he watched it or not. Yesterday I sent him the link for nocirc.org and a question if he watched the video (I sent it like 2 weeks ago now). No resopnse so far, but that is kinda how we work. He did make a comment yesterday about doing "research" (not circ related as far as I know) and came up with some crazy stat that 1 in 5 women need to have their wedding band cut off because their hands swell and they don't realize till too late. At least it is pregnancy related, kinda....

So i am taking it slow with him. This is a whole new game for him and i want him to think it was his idea. when the end comes though (you know, birth and all), I will put my foot down if necessary, I just hope he will realize that circ is a bad idea before i have to do that. Does that sound overbearing?

Well since he cannot drive my argument with my DH would not work:( I told him with our son that if he wanted to mulitate his son he had to be responsible for the Dr visit, find one that used anestia(sp??) & he had to be in charge of diapers until it healed~

So here we are 13 years later with an intact son:)

Melissa

DH figured we'd circ a boy, but I said absolutely not. We haven't had any further discussions, but we're having a homebirth, so I'm thinking that it might just take care of itself! haha.

ETA: we don't know if it's a boy or girl anyway, so maybe we won't have to deal with it this time.

It's kinda funny (but cool). I tried to have this discussion with my husband, to make sure he felt included in the decision (I've just read a lot more about everything baby) and okay about our "decision" and he really just left it up to me. So, yeah...no circ here. I've brought it up a few times, because I really do want him to know that I value his opinion, and I want him to be a part of things, but I guess he either doesn't care, or just trusts that I've read enough to know what I'm doing.

I brought it up by asking what he thought about the subject first, and that really helped. He assumed we'd circ because that's what everyone does, but was open to discussion. Now I throw out facts now and then when I read something. I never get a 'this is how it will be or else' attitude. There was a brochure at my birth center that I picked up and left on the kitchen table, and I saw him looking at it one day.

Yeah, I'll win this one, but he'll think it was his idea. :wink Just kidding, we do tend to discuss things and he is a pretty rational guy.

Nope, but only because our baby is a girl. That was one reason for finding out... time to change his mind!

It's kinda funny (but cool). I tried to have this discussion with my husband, to make sure he felt included in the decision (I've just read a lot more about everything baby) and okay about our "decision" and he really just left it up to me. So, yeah...no circ here. I've brought it up a few times, because I really do want him to know that I value his opinion, and I want him to be a part of things, but I guess he either doesn't care, or just trusts that I've read enough to know what I'm doing.


That's how it was here with J. Luckily circ hasn't even come up this time around. :)

funny enough, it was a make it or break it issue that I brought up with my partner before we were firmly together. Had she not agreed, out she would have went. best of luck to y'all.

I actually haven't brought it up with DH at all yet. Our first son was circ - but he has a hypospadias so it wasn't done for routine reasons. I don't think it will be difficult at all to get DH to agree, but I guess I better check since we know it's a boy!

my first two sons are, but my first son had issues with a buried penis so we did it and just so we wouldnt possibly have to deal with the same issues with the second we did it again. I have mentioned not doing it this time just to see but dh is on the fence so we'll seehow it goes i would rather not do it .

Well, we had ds done, just because Dh and all his brothers are uncirc, and his one stupid brother at the age of like27 decided to circ himself ( yes, he had mental issues realated to drug use). any ways dh was convinced that there was no other way. my ds cried for like two days straight, pure hell. I will NEVER put another child of mine through that again. Dh is not circ, so I am not worried about the baby being uncirc. But I feel terrible for mutilating my first ds.

Our first two sons are circ'd. I wish they hadn't been.

DH wants this one done, too. I told him he has to make the appt, take him, etc. I also asked him to make an informed decision about it and not just do it because we've done it that way in the past.

I was lucky, DH was against circ even before doing any research! I figured there would have to be a heck of a good reason for cutting off a part of my son before I would consent to it, so I did a lot of research and discovered there's no good reason at all.

Mamas please research this issue fully before making a decision; visit the Case Against Circumcision forum, there are a lot of knowledgeable women and men there. Don't just leave this up to DH, this is your child too and your job is to protect him. I personally wouldn't go the route of telling DH he has to make the appt, change diapers, etc., because if he's really adamant he might decide it's worth it. Things will be a lot more pleasant if your DH agrees with your decision before the birth, but please stick to your guns even if he remains unconvinced. The burden of proof is on HIM, he's the one that wants to perform cosmetic surgery on your son without his consent. And remember that ultrasounds can be wrong, so be sure you know what you'll do if your girl turns out to be a boy!

I am having a girl. HOWEVER, at my first MW appointment, when we were asked about preference (circ vs. no circ), I said NO, and DH did not argue. He was very nonchalant about it. I'm not entirely certain if it was just because it seemed so far off that he didn't want to worry about it, or if he genuinely doesn't care. If we ever do have a boy, I'm hoping he won't decide to argue about it at the last minute or something. :shrug

Good luck to all of those having boys! I hope all your SOs eyes will open & realize circ is pointless and harmless.

I have been lucky too. Dh is not circed so it has never been an issue. Actually we had a doc tell me my oldest should be circed. After the appt I told dh they wanted to set up a surgery date. Dh went to talk to the doc and reamed him until the doc told him he was just trying to do what he thought I wanted. Huh?

Had it been an issue, I would have put my foot down. I don't consider it overbearing if you are protecting your child.

We never found out before ds was born that he was a boy, but I've always known that I did not want to have any of my (potential) son(s) circumcised. When I was just a couple months pregnant, I mentioned it to dh, and I was actually going to let him make the decision (though now I know better). When I mentioned it, he was completely against leaving him intact. Well, I was upset, but just kept throwing things out there about how it is so unnecessary, etc, etc. Also my younger half-brother is intact, so I talked with him and with my step-mom. Eventually he came around, and it was kind of like I was leaving it up to him (I really have no idea what I would have done if he'd not changed his mind...it just makes me sad thinking about it!). A couple months after ds was born, dh thanked me for talking him into leaving ds intact. :love

One of the first things that went through my mind after we found out this baby is a boy was, "Yay, another intact boy in the world!!" :lol

I think, OP, that you should just kind of let it be for a while, maybe throw out a couple facts here and there, and hopefully he'll come around. You still have a few months to let him come to his senses. :wink Scour the circumcision thread (http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=44), so that you feel more and more confident in your decision.

I wish you the best of luck!!!

ps-I wanted to watch the Penn and Teller video, but had to stop watching when they showed the........I can't even say the part....I started crying just watching a second of it. Bummer, because I'd really like to watch all 3 parts! Why, oh why are routine infant circumcisions still done?? :(

I want DP's input on other parenting issues, but I didn't give two hoots about his circ preference and I didn't care if he felt included or not! I knew early on that would literally have to happen over my dead body, and preventing it was more important to me that preventing even a major blowout. It's not like we were going to break up over it not happening - I just can't imagine that. So I was willing to get pretty tough about it. :)

I don't think it's anyone's right (parents, penis-havers, whatever) to get to "consider" mutilation of another individual. Period. To me, if a person thinks that way they don't get a vote. I'm sure your heart's in the right place to try to come to consensus, and I hope that happens for you guys. But in my experience, there's been quite a bit of parenting that happens on the fly when only one parent has to own a decision. If he doesn't come around, you have to just go ahead and take the reins, yk?

Good luck! :)

moved to The Case Against Circumcision.

I want DP's input on other parenting issues, but I didn't give two hoots about his circ preference and I didn't care if he felt included or not! I knew early on that would literally have to happen over my dead body, and preventing it was more important to me that preventing even a major blowout.


Completely agree. Some things are non-negotiables. Just as I wouldn't ever for one microsecond, entertain the possibility of having cosmetic surgery performed on my DD's genitals, so it is with my DS.

my first two sons are, but my first son had issues with a buried penis so we did it and just so we wouldnt possibly have to deal with the same issues with the second we did it again. I have mentioned not doing it this time just to see but dh is on the fence so we'll seehow it goes i would rather not do it .
Cutting off more skin will make a buried penis worse not better so I am confused by this statement. Actually one of the complications of circ is buried penis.


Cutting off skin = make things smaller so if he already had buried penis then cutting off more skin would make it worse since the skin was pulled even tighter.

If it was the kind of buried penis where the tendons (think that is the right term) are to short then that had absolutly nothing to do with the foreskin at all and going into the pubic mound and cutting those tendons would have fixed the buried penis.

I am thinking I am either missing something here or your Dr. out and out lied to you.

Cutting off more skin will make a buried penis worse not better so I am confused by this statement. Actually one of the complications of circ is buried penis.


Cutting off skin = make things smaller so if he already had buried penis then cutting off more skin would make it worse since the skin was pulled even tighter.

If it was the kind of buried penis where the tendons (think that is the right term) are to short then that had absolutly nothing to do with the foreskin at all and going into the pubic mound and cutting those tendons would have fixed the buried penis.

I am thinking I am either missing something here or your Dr. out and out lied to you.

no you are right lol sorry that was a mistake by me I was typing and talking to my kids. I didnt even go back to read the thread either after I typed it. I meant to say phimosis because he wasnt circumsized to begin with and was having complications urinating and ended up getting utis and we were in the ER frequently and that was the diagnosis they came up with . Well then we had him circ and now he has a buried penis but we believe it is mainly from the fat pad that he still has there, he isnt overweight or anything just has the fatty pad above his penis still . sorry about the confusion!

OK thank you for clarifying that. How old was he when the phimosis diagnosis was made because before puberty unless he had been retracted forcibly there is practically no way he had true phimosis. It cannot be diagnosed until puberty or after without trauma being involved.

Having a foreskin does not cause UTI as a matter of fact it protects against it. Did he have a urinary tract anomaly ie urinary reflux? Was he tested for that? If he did indeed have the reflux then his circ was absolutly unneccissary.

It would very very unusual indeed for a tight foreskin (that is what phimosis is) to occure in a young child. Could you explain more about the problems he was having urinating? I understand if you dont want to go into detail but it sure could possibly help someone else who's ds is going through the same thing. If you have time also read over this thread http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=764732 and see if anything there is familiar with what he went through with before the circ.

The only true reasons for circ are actually frostbite, gangrene and cancer anything else can be treated another way 99.9% of the time.

:yeah:

Often if they have infections and/or trouble urinating, it's because they've been unnecessarily forcefully retracted, that causes the damages resulting in a "need" (:eyesroll) for circ.

Even if an intact male has been retracted and having infections, that doesn't mean you need to go straight for penis amputation.

With our first, circ was a major topic of discussion. DH kept going back and forth on the topic, although I was against it. One thing that really helped was when DH heard others (a nurse at the birth ctr and a CBE) mention they thought it was a bad idea.

With this baby, there is absolutely no question that there will be no genital cutting.

:yeah:

Often if they have infections and/or trouble urinating, it's because they've been unnecessarily forcefully retracted, that causes the damages resulting in a "need" (:eyesroll) for circ.

Even if an intact male has been retracted and having infections, that doesn't mean you need to go straight for penis amputation.


Well we didnt go straight for it but it was the choice we made then so...thats pretty much all I can say about it.

With the first, I would say I was leaning about 75% against circ when I brought it up to DH. He had never even really considered not circ'ing, but he knew that I do a lot of research on any kind of decision like this, so he was open to reading more about it. I'd say he was about 60% against it when we found out we were having a girl and didn't have to worry about it anyway.

This time, we still don't know what we're having at this point, but now we are both against circ and I don't think there's any question. I think it really helped for DH that in the meantime, his best friend had a boy who is intact and the friend is really open about talking about it and complaining about stupid people's comments, etc. DH told me that his friend asked him if we would circ if we had a boy and that he told him no, so I guess he's made up his mind!

(Now I just need to work on him on cloth diapers and we'll be set! ;) )

I am terrified it will be WWIII. I DO NOT WANT TO CIRC- but DH is adament that (if it's a boy) that he will be. I HAVE NO CLUE WHY DH is so adamently for Circ- as I question that he ever was. When he and I first me I was CERTAIN her was not circed but he "is sure" he is. DH has foreskin that completely covers the head of his penis when he is not "stimulated" and when he is stimulated- the forskin is still able to move freely to cover the head of his penis.
Everytime I bring up his penis- he thinks I'm making fun of the fact that he has so much foreskin... (I truly think he has issues - and was made fun of or something) because he has never been this passionate about anything.

I would love others input on this issue because I thought it was settled between DH and I and it is not.

I'm having a boy. Our oldest is a boy now 13. My plan for him was to be intact, but DH never agreed. DS was born with a seriously deformed penis. He had almost no foreskin and it was not attatched. He had surgery to correct it at 16 months. The forskin was used to lengthen his urethra. He looks circumcised.

Now DS wants this boy circumcised so he looks like his father and brother. I told him he needs to educate himself. There is no medical reason for circumcision, if he finds one I'm willing to discuss. I really don't want this to be a fight but nobody is touching this baby unless we have a reason.