Law Enforcement families?

[MamaStarbird]

I know you're out there! I'm feeling cranky and need to vent.

Dear DH, I know you love your job and of course I'm thrilled about that big drug bust. But when you leave for work at 1 pm and don't get home until 4:30 am (when I'm waking up with cranky DD who was restless all night) and then go straight to sleep until it's time to go back to work, and then come home at 6 pm for a home-cooked dinner but can't hold DD because you're in uniform, and then go back out on the road until long after she's asleep, and you're working eight days straight this week...I start to get a little pissy. And it's totally out of your control, and you offered to just stay up with DD at 4:30 am so I could sleep in, but then you'd be working without having slept and that would make me worry more than I already do, and I don't blame you at all and I'd never want you to switch careers, but sometimes a husband with a boring old 9-5 job (that pays way more than you're making as a cop) doesn't sound all that bad...

deep breath..

Okay, feeling much better! :wink

How about any other LEO families? Want to share?

[doulamom24]

My dh is in the academy right now so i don't have a ton of venting to do...but I really do get annoyed when he puts clothes with OC spray on them in with the rest of the laundry!!! That can't be good. Or he comes home from defensive tactics and tries to fight everyone in the family because he learned some "cool new moves".

Also, do you ever get used to all of the signals? Like a foreign language! :)

vent away mama, I'll listen.

[onlygirls]

DH is coming up on his one year anniversary. He graduated from the academy Jan 2007 after 12 years in the Marine Corps so we are happy with the pay. ;) I think his dept is one of the highest paid in an area with a low COL so it works for us.

My vent is what we call "Early Friday". He has two shifts. Either T, W Th off or Sat, Sun, Mon. When he has weekends off, he works Thurs night, comes home @ 7:00 am and sleeps. He has to be back at work Fri night, leaving our house @ 5:30 PM. He basically works all day Friday so when he gets home Sat he is EXHAUSTED and the "day off" is wasted. :irked: We hate that schedule and it causes so many problems. It works better for him to be off during the week.

Overall, I like the hours and the pay. I don't worry about him at all. Compared to Iraq, this is a piece of cake. :D

[doulamom24]

My dh did nine years in the Navy! We have pretty decent pay here too. It's kind of a shock taking the pay cut from the Navy at first, but the offduty work is incredible (when he is allowed to do it.....).

They also have a really good schedule. 5 days on 5 days off. One of the reasons he decided to stay here and do police work rather than go somewhere else.

What has been the most challenging thing for you so far?

One of my most embarassing moments was when I went to one of our local uniform shops and was going to buy him something for his birthday. He had only been in the academy for a month and a half. I asked the clerk what she thought would be a good gift for a newbie officer and she said very loudly, "You can't buy anything that says POLICE on it" and then made me stand there forever! I got him an organizer for his car eventually, but she was less than helpful. And I felt so out of place. I guess it's probably how I felt at the NEX the first time. ;) I'll go to the other supply store from now on though. Learned my lesson.
:wink

[justKate]

Hi!

My Huz is a coastie but does more border-patrol type stuff.... He usually works regular days except every 5th day is a 24-hour shift when he can't leave base at all. Which means he either spends $$$ ordering in every meal or I have to take him dinner, breakfast, and lunch. It's a PIA.

And of course the 24 hour shifts always seem to fall on a Fri/Sat/Sun, which really ruins the weekend.

Thanks for letting me comiserate.... :o

[hopefulfaith]

Dear DH, I know you love your job and of course I'm thrilled about that big drug bust. But when you leave for work at 1 pm and don't get home until 4:30 am (when I'm waking up with cranky DD who was restless all night) and then go straight to sleep until it's time to go back to work, and then come home at 6 pm for a home-cooked dinner but can't hold DD because you're in uniform, and then go back out on the road until long after she's asleep, and you're working eight days straight this week...I start to get a little pissy. And it's totally out of your control, and you offered to just stay up with DD at 4:30 am so I could sleep in, but then you'd be working without having slept and that would make me worry more than I already do, and I don't blame you at all and I'd never want you to switch careers, but sometimes a husband with a boring old 9-5 job (that pays way more than you're making as a cop) doesn't sound all that bad...





Bolding mine. I hear ya, sister. :wink Sounds familiar....

[MamaStarbird]

Oh my gosh, justkate, a 24 hour shift is crazy! And I'm sure it takes at least another 24 hours to settle back into a normal routine.

And doulamom, I've learned that there is nothing in the Galls (http://www.galls.com) catalog that DH doesn't think he desperately needs. The joke in our household is that any ordinary item (ie, socks, underwear) when available in the color black and referred to as 'tactical' is suddenly a must-have!

And everyone with a DH who used to be in the military, thank you for reminding me how grateful I am that DH didn't go that route (and he came pretty darn close). No matter how frustrating or scary his job can be, at least I get to see him every day and know that he's okay:joy:. Thanks for giving me a little perspective!

[onlygirls]

I should add that there are departments that are not as safe as DH's, so that is why I don't worry about him. In another city (LAPD) I might not be so relaxed.

However, they are at risk every time they go to work. That is why I always tell him to be safe and I love him. :blowkiss:

[SAHDS]

Hello!

DH has been a LEO for over 7 years now (after doing 4 years in the Marines). We absolutely LOVE his choice of career! He works 4 days/week - 10 hour shifts (graveyard). He gets home minutes before the LOs wake up, goes to sleep minutes after hey leave for school, wakes up minutes before they come home from school and leaves minutes after they go to sleep. To our kids, he' a SAHP with a full-time job, LOL.

DH does work in a pretty dangerous area, though. For reference, the COPS crew was riding with them for about 5 weeks. It's always something different. And, yeah, it sucks when I get the call that says "I've been in a shooting, I'm fine." But, he loves his job so I can't complain. Also, the pay and benefits are amazing (although we do live in a high COL area)!

Anyone else enjoy ride-alongs? My first was on Easter Sunday and I was petrified but it was so cool to see him at work. I swear, he is a completely different person.

Also, about the uniform stuff - DH is a NUT about it. I swear, it seems as though there's not too many days when he doesn't have blood or spit or God-knows-what on him and he is super careful to take care of it.

Oh, and I cannot recommend this book enough:

BUY THIS BOOK! (http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Survival-Law-Enforcement-Officers/dp/0971725403)

[CheapPearls]

I found you! I was wondering what happened to the LEO families tribe just earlier today.

I put that book on my wish list. Thanks! :thumb

My DH is still in the academy too, only 8 weeks left! :thumb He spent 3 years AD Army and is now in the National Guard as well as going law enforcement. What fun. :p But hey, he gets both his boyhood dreams fulfilled.

I do have a question though for the experienced wives. How do you help them deal, emotionally, with that they encounter on the job? During their last ride out week, Dh and his FTO handled a rape case that ended up being screwed up for different reasons (nothing that was the officers' fault) and the guy has fled the country (Found that out today). DH is angry and upset about it and I feel a bit helpless on how to help him deal with the emotional aspect of this job. Does it change the longer he's on the street and he gets used to it? I don't mind being an outlet and listening to him but it also upsets me so I'm not sure if that helps him much. Gah. What can I do? We live in Austin TX so there is always crazy stuff happening. Am I driving myself crazy over something that isn't a big deal? Do your SOs even talk with you about job stuff? (Does that book you linked cover this?)

Can you tell I haven't really talked with other LEO wives lately? The only wives I know, their husbands are in the academy to so that doesn't help. I'm reading I Love A Cop, that was given to me and the other wives when our guys started the academy but it's actually pretty depressing and I'm having trouble focusing on it.

[SAHDS]

I've heard I Love A Cop and Cops Don't Cry are both fairly depressing. The book I linked is amazing. It explains things in a very casual but informative way. DH and I have both read it and appreciate everything in it.

As for dealing, good question. DH doesn't dwell, you just can't. The only thing you can do is your job, anything else is out of your hands. Worrying about anther/prior incident could distract you and, in LE, that could be quite dangerous.

DH does talk to me a lot and, thankfully, his best friend (of 7+ years) is his partner so they talk a lot and that always makes me, and his wife, feel very good (plus his wife i a cop in Seattle, so she knows all about it). But, he definitely doesn't "bring his work home" like a lot of other cops.

Trust me, read that book ASAP and it will set you, and your DH, up for success. So many things are explained and it's good to have a heads up before the need to fix a problem arises.

If you have questions, or want to chat, PM me any time :D

[CheapPearls]

Thanks! I can see I was rambling a bit in the middle of the night. Haha!

There's another cadet in the academy that he's becoming good friends with (which works because I'm friends with his wife :lol) that will be in the same sector and probably the same shift after they are commissioned. I'm sure that they are going to use each other as a sounding board when stuff starts to get to them.

With 2 weeks of ride outs with FTOs, that was the only thing that bothered him. It may just be the circumstances because things did get horribly screwed up when they shouldn't have and the guy got away. I can see where that would make him angry. He was talking to me about it last night and I just started thinking about the future. He fell asleep before I could talk to him about my worries, I'll have to bring it up today and see what he says about it.

[MamaStarbird]

Oh, and I cannot recommend this book enough:

BUY THIS BOOK! (http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Survival-Law-Enforcement-Officers/dp/0971725403)

Thanks! DH bought "I Love a Cop" years ago, leafed through it, and told me, "Don't read this! It'll just upset you," so I've never even opened it.

For the most part, DH hasn't been that emotionally affected by work. Minor things he can talk out with me. He'll often come home at 5 am still full of adrenaline from whatever he was working on that kept him out late. He always insists he's too worked up to sleep but I encourage him to get in bed and tell me about it, and by the time he's done telling the story he's always asleep :love. Of course, by then I'm wide awake, but no big deal...

The worst thing he's dealt with was an officer-involved shooting (where, thank Goddess, he wasn't the one who had to fire his gun, his canine didn't get sent into danger, and the officer who was shot will make a full recovery). For that, the best thing for me to do was give him space to do what he needed to feel better. In his case, that meant meeting up every night with the other guys involved and getting drunk while talking through what had happened. My mom helped me with the baby so DH didn't need to worry about not being there for us; we understood that he needed to take care of himself first or he'd be a complete wreck.

[onlygirls]

My DH also works for APD. :thumb

I guess it depends on the sector, but there is NOTHING going on where he is...and he is ok with it. There isn't a lot of crime in Austin. DH mostly deals with DUI's and is considering the 55 unit (DUI) later on.

DH's deployments in Iraq were hard on him. Nothing compares to what he lived through, so work doesn't have the same effect on him. I think the only thing that would shake him up is seeing child that has been abused or killed. We talk about his work every day, he loves his job.

I read a couple pages of I Love a Cop and was ready to throw it away. I didn't really like the family activites that they had at the academy. We have found a great group of friends through his shift and get together with them regularly so there is my support if I ever need it.

[CheapPearls]

My DH also works for APD. :thumb

Awesome! :thumb

Maybe it's just just we moved here (in May) all kinds of exciting things seem to be happening. :lol

[SAHDS]

The worst thing he's dealt with was an officer-involved shooting (where, thank Goddess, he wasn't the one who had to fire his gun, his canine didn't get sent into danger, and the officer who was shot will make a full recovery). For that, the best thing for me to do was give him space to do what he needed to feel better. In his case, that meant meeting up every night with the other guys involved and getting drunk while talking through what had happened. My mom helped me with the baby so DH didn't need to worry about not being there for us; we understood that he needed to take care of himself first or he'd be a complete wreck.

DH was in a shooting about 2 months back (he wasn't hit, but the 'bad guy' was). He took it very well, I was a bit tense. The other 2 guys involved (one who has been a friend for 8 years) and their wives went out to dinner with us that night and we all talked through everything. It was nice to get it all out. DH works a pretty crazy area so I don't think he's as affected because it's a part of the job all the time. He is still mad that he hasn't gotten his gun back, what a baby. DH isn't a drinker thank goodness, that can be a slippery slope (if you read the book I lined, it talks about that quite a bit).

DH had the opportunity to work where we live but he turned it down because it's so boring. The deputes out here get maybe a call a week. I'm sure he'll try for S.W.A.T when that becomes available (he did S.W.A.T - CQB - in the MC for 2 years). I told him I wanted him to do K-9 cause I want another dog, LOL. Their dogs are awesome, we LOVE them!

Don't you love how much you save in gas with a take-home car (if your DH has one). Nice little perk, especially since DH works 45 min. away.

Oh, and the uniforms are HOT! DH's is midnight blue (looks almost black) and he wears the jumpsuit style. :p

[MamaKath]

:hug
I completely understand! I am pretty sick of beings ships passing in the night. He has been at this dept for 6 years, worked at another for about 3 years. Interesting to hear that I am not the only one whose dh started after they got married/serious.

[Valkyrie9]

Hi! My husband is a conservation officer and this is hunting season, so I totally get the upset over the schedule. Matt works seven days a week and we often only see him for an hour a day here and there, and he wonders why our daughter doesn't seem to want him around--she's 2.5 and has a hard time adjusting to having him close when she hasn't seen him for the last 23 hours. Another stress is that his department doesn't give them overtime, so he's got comp time out the wazoo and he goes into use-or-lose with his vacation time. He gets jacked, big time.

Anyway, he's taken the Emotional Survival classes once and raved about it. I hope it comes through our area again.

Hi to all the other LEO moms out there!

[justKate]

Ahh! Valkyrie9, my real name is Casey too! My dad started calling me Kate when I was little and it stuck... Can I ask how old you are, if you don't mind? I'm 27 and I don't meet a lot of Caseys that are both female and old enough to be mamas!

MamaStarbird, of course the tactical version is better. It has to be. It costs more.

[Valkyrie9]

Ahh! Valkyrie9, my real name is Casey too! My dad started calling me Kate when I was little and it stuck... Can I ask how old you are, if you don't mind? I'm 27 and I don't meet a lot of Caseys that are both female and old enough to be mamas!


That's so funny! Casey is a nickname for a lot of people, and it is funny to hear of one getting a nickname that stuck. It's my given name, and I was named for Casey Tibbs, who was a world champion rodeo cowboy. (My mother...) Anyway, I'm 34!

[CheapPearls]

Hey everyone! How's your week been going so far?

I got a question. :D How do you handle those "F the police" people? I got somewhat attacked on a blog post today so it got me thinking about it. What happened today was more mildly funny then anything but I've seen a lot worse. On the internet is easy to ignore it but have you ever met someone IRL like that?

[Valkyrie9]

You know, I don't think I've had to deal with it IRL. The only thing I can think of is my dumb little brother telling DH about his college plans because he wanted to be an investigator of insurance fraud, "Not one of those bottom-feeders who writes tickets." DH and I just blinked a few times and wrote it off to my brother being a nimrod. (And hey! Thanksgiving is almost here and I'm sure to have more fun stories like that to share soon...)

As far as the internet goes, I have had to ban myself from certain places where I am sure to get into a discussion. The local newspaper comment section is one such place: I finally realized that I cannot change an idiot's mind by posting an insightful comment. What I say might resonate with people who are moderately-minded, but you can't stop a wacko from being a wacko. All you're going to do is stress yourself out.

I think it's best to just walk away, even though lambasting them would feel so much better. :o

[MamaStarbird]

The local newspaper comment section is one such place: I finally realized that I cannot change an idiot's mind by posting an insightful comment. What I say might resonate with people who are moderately-minded, but you can't stop a wacko from being a wacko. All you're going to do is stress yourself out.

Oh my gosh, the newspaper's online comments are the absolute worst! DH used to get all worked up over them until I pointed out that it's the same five UAVs posting in response to every story.

In real life, interactions are usually surprisingly positive and hilarious, like kids running into their teacher outside of school. However, we do go out of our way to avoid potential conflicts--changing lanes at the supermarket so we're not behind someone whose son we've arrested, never going to local bars, etc.

[SAHDS]

Tonight is DH's "Friday" meaning his last night of work before his 3 days off. We'll probably see a movie, maybe put up some Christmas lights, watch football of course.

Negative people... what are you gonna do? I just laugh it off and realize they're the first people to call 911 asking for help :eyesroll Oh well. Let them work for minimum wage doing some crappy job, bitching about something they are completely ignorant about while my DH is out putting his life on the line for strangers.

Loooooong story about this, DH did make my nearly-18 y/o brother cry last week. He deals pot and is all upset about this-and-that and "the cops can't do this" and blah, blah, blah. After an hour on the phone, DH finally told my brother that the reason he hasn't seen our kids (his niece and nephew) in the last 4 months is because we refuse to bring them into that type of situation. My brother LOST IT. Started bawling, even though he had a friend over. I hope it hit home, the kid is on a bad track. DH still feels bad but it needed to be said and heard.

And meeting people when out... awkward. We've seen them at Home Depot and church! They always want to shake DH's hand and give him the "turned-my-life-around" story. Sure. Thankfully, DH works in a different town so we don't see anyone anymore.

Yeah, the online newspaper comments are bad. Although, after DH's shooting, they were extremely positive except for the ridiculously obtuse comments containing a lot of misspelled words and Internet slang. *le sigh*

[AkRotts]

Hi Everyone. I hope you don't mind if I join you:D

My husband has been in law enforcement for 11 years. He is currently a state trooper where he has been for the past 7 years.

I have been a dispatcher for the past 7 years. I get to tell hubby where to go at home & at work:wink:D

We both LOVE our jobs, although we do often bring our work home with us. We also frequently forget ourselves and speak in 10 codes:o Because of this our oldest daughter has learned all of our 10 codes so she can understand what we are saying:D

There are definitely some drawbacks to both of us working shift work. At least right now we are both high enough in seniority that we can pretty much pick and choose our shifts and while we don't work the same shift, we do have at least one day off together. Starting next month we will have 2 days off together, YAY!!! I work day shift and he works swing shift, so I get home just as he is leaving for work and he is usually just going to bed when I get up. I HATE not getting holidays off!!! It wasn't such a big deal when we just had one daughter (she is now 23), but now with the 3 little ones, having to work Christmas is a pain!!

I am glad to have found other LEO families:D

[CheapPearls]

Hello AkRotts!

How is everyone's weekend going?

Dh is at work, I wake up to my son throwing up all over my bed and my vacuum is broken so I don't even feel like cleaning. Meh.

But besides that, I have new books from the library to keep me busy. :D

[mama2annabelle]

Hello! My DH has been in law enforcement for close to 2 years now. He worked in sales for 10 years before that and made a really good income.
We are struggling to adjust to the crazy hours and disappointing income of law enforcement. When he started he was promised all kinds of overtime opportunities, but the department had some major budget cuts soon after he started and the OT is just not happening. I am really not happy with his career change at all!

[Valkyrie9]

Hello! My DH has been in law enforcement for close to 2 years now. He worked in sales for 10 years before that and made a really good income.
I am really not happy with his career change at all!

Welcome! Do you think your DH's income is more secure in this economy than it would have been in sales? Are the benefits better? (I'm just trying to help ya find a bright side.)

Our weekend is going okay. DH is the acting supervisor right now while his boss is on vacation, but he's been able to spend most of the weekend at home--that hasn't happened in several months!

[SAHDS]

Hi all, just checking in. Welcome to the new ladies!

Welcome! Do you think your DH's income is more secure in this economy than it would have been in sales?

That's what I was thinking. My cousin's DH is in sales and hasn't had a paycheck in 8 weeks. I'm trying to talk her into having him apply with DH's dept. (to no avail).

I'm surprised the pay is bad, where are you in FL? Is he city, county, state? Has he thought of transferring depts.?

[beachbaby]

Hi, mamas! I was just thinking about the LEO family support tribe and am glad to see it's still going! May I jump back in?

DH has been in LE for almost 10 years now--he started as a dispatcher while in college, then as a seasonal officer (he works in a resort town that hires about 100 officers just for the summer months), got hired full-time, did years on the road and in narcotics, and is currently a detective and SWAT. It's been a long, sometimes hard road. But, right now we are in a lull--his busy season at work is ending, no middle-of-the night call outs lately, 4 days in a row off this week (unheard of! it's bliss!), so I'm feeling :love. BUT, ask me in the middle of July and I'll likely have a different perspective! :wink

It's nice to have MDC/LEO support...it gets lonely out there. My crunchy friends don't really 'get' LE and I don't have much in common with the other police wives in DH's department. :shy

[CheapPearls]

Dh got his shift assignment for after he's commissioned! I'm SO happy. :joy: He'll be working evenings Thursday - Sunday. This works so well for us and homeschooling. During his ride outs, we realized how much smoother life was with the evening shift. This way he'll be able to spend more time with the boys when they are in good moods, rather then the 5pm meltdown that happens every day when he gets home from the academy.

I just wanted to tell someone that might understand. :) Only 5 weeks left until graduation. DH is SO ready to be on the streets.

[mama2annabelle]

Do you think your DH's income is more secure in this economy than it would have been in sales? Are the benefits better? (I'm just trying to help ya find a bright side.)

Yes and yes! Thanks for pointing out the positive! I've been feeling very negative lately. He was in car sales and we would definitley be struggling a lot right now if he still did that. Plus he has excellent benefits now which he didn't have before.

I'm surprised the pay is bad, where are you in FL? Is he city, county, state? Has he thought of transferring depts.?
He with the county...Sherrif's dept. The pay is decent, just not what we're used to. I shouldn't complain, at least it is a secure income.

[Valkyrie9]

He with the county...Sherrif's dept. The pay is decent, just not what we're used to. I shouldn't complain, at least it is a secure income.

It's hard to get used to--it really is. My DH works for an agency that requires a college degree and a lot of technical skills, PLUS full certification as a state peace officer. We turn and look at State Patrol and they do not require a degree or the specialized knowledge, and their starting salary is about $2/hour less than what DH gets paid after being with his agency for 15 years. It kind of stinks, but you have to factor in job satisfaction, I guess.

[MamaStarbird]

Dh got his shift assignment for after he's commissioned! I'm SO happy. :joy: He'll be working evenings Thursday - Sunday. This works so well for us and homeschooling. During his ride outs, we realized how much smoother life was with the evening shift. This way he'll be able to spend more time with the boys when they are in good moods, rather then the 5pm meltdown that happens every day when he gets home from the academy.

Congratulations! A shift that work well for your family makes SUCH a difference. And congratulations to your DH for being almost through the academy.

How is everyone planning to make Thanksgiving work? Anyone lucky enough to have DH home with them? Mine is technically working but he's got permission to be at home listening to the radio in case he needs to be called out. I don't think he's even going to have his uniform on. (And let's hope he doesn't get called out after dinner; there's NO WAY he'll be able to get his duty belt on after eating all that food!) My parents are coming up to help with the cooking, too, so even if DH has to go out on the road, I won't be sitting home alone with the baby.

[AkRotts]

I have to work Thanksgiving,:irked: but DH has it off. At least I work 6am-2pm, so I will be home in time for dinner:wink


Christmas is going to be difficult this year though. I get off at 2 and he starts work at 3, so we will pass each other on the road:eyesroll

I do have Christmas Eve off and he is trying to get it off, which will work:thumb

[SAHDS]

DH took tonight off, so he wouldn't have to sleep in til 3 pm tomorrow and also took tomorrow night off. Then he has his regular Fri./Sat./Sun. off too.

[onlygirls]

DH works tomorrow night but that doesn't affect T'giving. He leaves around 7:45 and everyone is done with dinner hours before that. I am bummed that he won't be home to watch the kids so I can do some Black Friday shopping. I'll figure out a way to make it work. ;)

We lucked out with his schedule. He has Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, NYE and New Years day off. :joy:

So far, it is nice having him work nights (graveyard) with our oldest in school. He can go to school events during the day, even though it cuts into his sleeping time. He doesn't miss anything because he is so grateful to have that option. The kids are in bed when he goes to work so I get ME time. Yeah, not a bad gig for the most part.

[monkaha]

:wave

Glad this thread is up and about again! Nothing to add right now, but subbing-I'm sure I'll be back.

Happy thanksgiving, all. Stay safe!

[AkRotts]

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!!:D I hope you all have a wonderful day!!!!

I just got to work and I am already counting down until I get off and can go home to dinner:wink

[SAHDS]

How's everyone doing? I'm bored. DH picked up a few hours overtime and won't be home until 1. I think I'm going to rifle through some Christmas decorations :p

[Valkyrie9]

I'm bored too. I'm having a hard time motivating today. Anyone know of a game to play?

[PinkinPA]

I'll join in :) My Dh has been a LEO for 10 years. He loves his job, sometimes I don't. He is on midnights now for about 3 or 4 years. After reading through the posts, I can relate to almost everything.

[SAHDS]

I'll join in :) My Dh has been a LEO for 10 years. He loves his job, sometimes I don't. He is on midnights now for about 3 or 4 years. After reading through the posts, I can relate to almost everything.

Welcome! What hours does "midnights" encompass?

[PinkinPA]

His midnights are 9pm to 7am. He is bored, but it keeps him out of the summer sun!

[SAHDS]

His midnights are 9pm to 7am. He is bored, but it keeps him out of the summer sun!

Those are DH's hours too. It works perfectly for our family. Plus, it's usually the busiest time and DH loves that (he's sick like that).

So, last week, DH took my little brother on a ride-along. I didn't sleep a wink! He's 18, but still... I was a wreck.

[PinkinPA]

I'll never do a ride along again. All I got ws a lousy 4 hours of paperwork after catching a neighborhood vandal!

[monkaha]

I've never done a ride along. I'm curious to see what DH does all shift. Seems like it would be a lot of boring with a few minutes of excitement. Not my cup of tea. I think I'll just stick to hearing the highlights when he gets home. :)

[SAHDS]

I think I've discussed my ride-along, but here goes:

So, DH finally cornered me after I don't know how many tries. The facts were against me... 1. The kids were at my cousin's for the night... 2. It was a Sunday (usually slow, right?)... 3. It was Easter for cripe's sake... so I went. Let me tell you...

I was in absolute awe of my husband. Where's the drool smiley...

At home he's fairly quiet and reserved. He lets me call the shots and backs me up in my decisions. He's conservative, not a screamer, etc.

BUT.

He was a different person. He was in control and he was dominant. He knew what had to be done and did it while remaining so professional. He was quick, blunt, did I mention dominant :innocent

Wow, thinking back now even gets me all worked up, LOL.

I don't know if I'd do it again soon (we ended up going 125 on the highway after listening to a play-by-play shooting that was going on with another deputy and some drunk crazy), but I am so glad I did.

Whew. I highly recommend it.

Plus, it felt like a date night.

HEY, to think about it, it was our first night away together (in 10 years) without the kids. HA HA.

[KTDad]

This is an awesome thread...I will have to show it to my wife. I would love to join in if I can.

I have been in LE for a few years and I love my job! The schedule sucks and the idea of not coming home to my DW and DS is scary but I NEVER regret my career choice.

Some posts mentioned how spouses can help a LEO cope and all the responses I saw rang true for me. I would like to add though that one of my best coping methods is talking with coworkers. In all other matters of life my DW is my main confidant but for work stuff....I don't really want to see the horror/concern/lack of understanding on her face as I rehash something. I want some to say "I know what ya mean man" and know that they really do know. Does that make any sense?

TACTICAL = AWESOME!

I have a question: Do you or your spouses want your children to stay out of LE? I love my job and accept the risks but the thought of my child doing it someday scares me.

[SAHDS]

Welcome, KTDad!


I have a question: Do you or your spouses want your children to stay out of LE? I love my job and accept the risks but the thought of my child doing it someday scares me.

DS has already said he's joining the Marine Corps when he gets older (just like his daddy did) and then he's going to join the force and be his partner.

I don't really worry about DH much, he's so good at his job and if something is going to happen, there's absolutely nothing I can do to prevent it, so why waste time on the negative? Instead, I try to be there for him when he needs me and stay completely involved, in a positive way, in his job. Of course, that may be different when it's my little boy.

Ugh, DH is working overtime right now because of the horrible flooding going on. Has to watch out for those looters, LOL. How boring.

[monkaha]

Welcome, KTDad!

I don't really worry about DH much, he's so good at his job and if something is going to happen, there's absolutely nothing I can do to prevent it, so why waste time on the negative? Instead, I try to be there for him when he needs me and stay completely involved, in a positive way, in his job. Of course, that may be different when it's my little boy.



:yeah:

It helps that I make a concious effort to not watch those "America's wildest Police Chases" and stuff like that, where they show cops getting shot/hit by cars, etc. When those images are in my head, it's harder to not worry.

As far as the kiddos wanting to go into LE, I think I'd be ok with it. I'd like to think that as long as my kids are happy in their chosen professions, I'm happy too. But, you know, ask me in 15 years or so, and we'll see how I'm really coping. :lol (I don't think it'll be an issue with DS though. He's gonna be a ninja chef. :love )

[KTDad]

:yeah:

(I don't think it'll be an issue with DS though. He's gonna be a ninja chef. :love )

LOL....I love the ninja chef idea! Reminds me of my little brother very honestly wanting to be a mountain lion. I guess ninja chef has better odds than that at least.

My wife has said she copes in a similar way to what SAHDS and monkaha said. In the academy I used to share all the videos we watch to train us what can go wrong but I got the impression those didn't need to be seen by anyone in my family other than me. DW and my parents would all watch them very willingly but once I realized they only made them fret it seemed like a bad idea.

That is really great that you trust your spouses do a great job. Since you know them best, I bet you are totally right!

[SAHDS]

So, DH's/the county's contract is up for negotiation but since the economy is in the crapper, the union is holding off for a year to get a better one. Which is fine with me because they'll get the retro anyway. So, this month he got a 6% cost of living raise. His COL raise is always in January but I always forget when it comes.

Thank GOD for recession-proof jobs!

[Valkyrie9]

Thank GOD for recession-proof jobs!

I am with you on that! Both DH and I have pretty secure government jobs and we're so thankful for the stability.

How's everyone doing?

[SAHDS]

Good here. DH's bid for vacation is coming up, I think we're doing the end of June or the beginning of July. He'll probably take a month off like he usually does.

Nothing else much to report...

OH! We got a letter from the hospital saying they needed us to fill out paperwork on DH's claim (or whatever). I'm thinking, he went to the hospital after getting in a fight (broke a guy's nose and had to get his hands checked out :eyesroll) on duty so shouldn't his work take care of that? I mean, yes his insurance is through his work but it still shouldn't be us taking care of the paperwork and stuff, right?

Does anyone know about that?

[Valkyrie9]

OH! We got a letter from the hospital saying they needed us to fill out paperwork on DH's claim (or whatever). I'm thinking, he went to the hospital after getting in a fight (broke a guy's nose and had to get his hands checked out :eyesroll) on duty so shouldn't his work take care of that? I mean, yes his insurance is through his work but it still shouldn't be us taking care of the paperwork and stuff, right?

Does anyone know about that?

I certainly think an on-the-job injury needs to go through his workman's comp claims person. The HR department surely must have someone with some knowledge of that. Did he fill out any paperwork at the time of the injury through the workplace?

[MJ13]

Can I dig this thread up? PLEASE!!! :o

My DH has been in LE for 2 1/2 years and was in the USMC for 6 years before that.

I came here tonight looking for a LEO thread so I'm glad I found it - I just hope someone still reads it!!! :wink

I just ordered that book off amazon that was recomended earlier in the thread. The author, Dr. Gillmartin, spoke to DH's department recently and he talks about him often.

BUT! I need help. Does anyone elses DH work a rotating schedule? My DH works 12 hr shifts days for 4 weeks then nights for 4 weeks. I just feel like the poor kids never know what is going on - heck I barely know what is going on. He is never around at the same time or same day. Our DS who just turned a year wants nothing to do with daddy and I can tell it's killing my DH. I just don't know how to help. Anyone have this all worked out and want to give me some brilliant advice??? :D

[Valkyrie9]

Well, it's not a rotating schedule my DH has as a game warden--it's no schedule. He's almost always on call. So hunting season is totally hellish. My DD and I see him maybe 6 waking hours a week from mid-September to the end of November. She gets very cranky and unresponsive with him during that time.

The only thing I can tell you is that he really needs to focus some quality time with the kids to keep that from happening. Little ones do seem to forget who That Other Parent is when one is gone for extended periods of time. The good news is that my DD always comes around and is really close to Daddy when he's at home more frequently.

Some guys might feel upset about having to work that hard to get their kids to like them, but it isn't because the dads aren't likeable. It's that the kids just don't know how to interpret the schedule. Good luck!

[MJ13]

ah yes...quality time... I remember that... :p

We're in the process of moving - only 30 min away but we're gutting and redoing the other house which is what DH is working on in all his free time... While I'm here packing and keeping the house clean for showings :o

DS has also had a terrible stomach bug for the past week so he only wants mommy which isn't helping the daddy situation. Thankfully we're almost over that!!!

[monkaha]

I guess that's the upside to my working on DH's (ever-changing) days off; the kids get daddy-time. Of course, _I_ never get any daddy time. :lol

I hate rotating shifts. They keep changing how often they rotate, too. It was every year, then every 6mos, now every 4mos. And not a true rotation, DH says that in order for him to get days, someone has to quit. So he just goes back and forth eves and nites. yuck.

[CheapPearls]

Hey y'all!

Dh is in his FTO period now. He absolutely hates day shift. I'm worried it's really burning him out but at least he only has 5 more days of it after today. I can't wait for March and he gets on nights. The evening shift have already wants him back so hopefully they can get him a spot once FTO is over.

I don't really worry about the kids. My oldest (almost 5) is voicing some opinion to being a police officer. A couple months ago he didn't want to be a cop but he wanted a taser. Haha! If they want to go military (which I'm sure one of them will) or law enforcement, I just want them to be happy. I may panic on the inside though. :lol

How does your DH (or how do you KTDad) carry his off duty gun, or does he carry it at all? My DH will not leave the house without his gun and I understand his reason. It's a bit weird to get used to but whatever. It doesn't bother me and the kids don't really even notice anymore.

Usually he has it concealed but last Wednesday the shirt he was wearing really didn't allow that so we walked around the zoo with his badge and gun on his belt, out in the open. More then a few people did more then glance at it. I worry that it makes other people uncomfortable, especially with all the kids running around. I don't know, ya know how some people feel about guns and police officer or not, they don't want them in that close of proximity of their little ones.

Just wondering how it works with other officers with concealing vs open view. Everything is so new and y'all are the only "veteran" people I have to ask. :)

[Valkyrie9]

My DH quit carrying concealed a long time ago--it was about the same time I talked him out of the fanny pack! :lol I couldn't handle the fanny pack and he couldn't think of any other way to conceal it. I don't think he misses it at all anyway.

So how's everyone faring through the economic troubles? DH's department is definitely taking a hit--they were just told FTOs cannot get any overtime for the training periods. It was super-low anyway, five hours per week for a three-week period, and now they won't even let them do that. Sadly, this does not mean DH won't be working overtime; it'll just mean he's not getting paid for it. :irked:

[Shaundac]

I just saw this tribe and wanted to say hi! My name is Shaunda and my DH has been a Police officer for a few years now. He was a jailer before that. It is definitely hard sometimes with the shift. I don't see him at all on Monday-Wednesday because I work 1030a-400p and he works 200pm-1040pm. I hate that I don't see him and that he works funky hours and misses all holidays. But at least I know there are others out there like me that have to deal with this.

[Valkyrie9]

Hi, Shaunda! Glad to see you here. :love

[Shaundac]

Thank you! I'm glad to be here and talk to others like me!!

[SAHDS]

How's everyone doing with the recent police shootings in Oakland and Pittsburgh? DH is being safer (not that he wasn't already, but even more so now on "routine calls"). I'm not too bothered, I suppose. His job is so dangerous already that I guess I'm mentally prepared as well as I can be. Whatever is mean to be. Still sucks big time. My heart and prayers go out to their poor families.

:candle

[monkaha]

His job is so dangerous already that I guess I'm mentally prepared as well as I can be. Whatever is mean to be. Still sucks big time. My heart and prayers go out to their poor families.

:candle

:yeah:

:candle

[onlygirls]

The Pittsburgh shooting made me more aware of how the dispatchers can make deadly mistakes. The woman who took the call asked if there were weapons in the house, the mother said yes, but the information was not given to the officers. They didn't stand a chance with that guy and he was wearing a bullet proof vest so unfortunately, he survived.

It is a dangerous job, but I still feel that DH is safer here than in Iraq.

:candle for the families

[onlygirls]

How do you handle people threatening your LEO?

DH arrested a guy last night for suspended license and his wife was arrested by another officer for public intoxication. The guy went ballistic on DH but he was sober. I listend to the audio from the tape. He threatened to kill DH as well as many other violent and explicit threats toward me and our kids. I looked him up on myspace and saw his picture.

Normally, I would not think twice about it because we live a good distance from where DH works. This couple lives 1 mile from DD's school and 6 miles from our house. We have a travel trailer stored around the corner from them at a friend's house. DD's teacher just moved to that neighborhood and I told her what happened too. I am going to find out if they have kids that go to the school. Sometimes DH will drop off/pick up DD in his uniform. I don't want him to be recognised and make the connection to our daughter. :angry

We live in a gated community, but I am considering activating our alarm system. When DH started carrying, some nutjob was driving all crazy, stopped at a green light and came towards our car b/c he said DH cut him off. I was glad DH had a gun that day and now it goes everywhere with us.

I don't think there is anything else I can do but it rattled DH and of course that affected me. Job security I guess...there are losers everywhere. :irked:

[KTDad]

It is extremely understandable why threats against your husband would be troubling both to you and him. I have been threatened too and my wife and son always pop into my mind at those times.

The only consolation is that threats are almost always just big talk and when the idiots have cooled off a little, they realize that messing with an officer or their family is the very last thing they will do in their lives. Bad guys dont generally fare well after doing something to one of us (and you and your children are included in "us").

For the sake of good practice, always be aware of your surroundings and don't be afraid or embarrassed to act on your instincts. You might feel silly waiting in your car for a strange person to get further down the street before you get out, but hey...seems worth it.

Lastly, thank your hubby for carrying concealed. It is an annoying, cumbersome, and tiring thing to do but it shows he takes safety seriously. Or he just likes his toy... ;)

[MayBaby2007]

The only consolation is that threats are almost always just big talk and when the idiots have cooled off a little, they realize that messing with an officer or their family is the very last thing they will do in their lives. Bad guys dont generally fare well after doing something to one of us (and you and your children are included in "us").



This is basically what dd's dad said when I asked him about the threat question last night. He said most times it is just someone talking crap--but if it's someone who's remotely serious and/or capable of following through with a threat to a LEO or his family, the bad guy is taken aside and given a "tune up" ;) And that's the way it should be.

OP, I think your DH also needs to stop picking the kids up in his uniform. It doesn't seem safe and it will make your kids a target--either for bad guys or for other kids to pick on them.

DD's dad always has a gun on him. Always. Sometimes 2. (And he carries oozies and all other sorts of big guns in his trunk....he loves his toys though!). I'm surprised by how many of his co-workers don't carry off duty--though more are starting too with all the recent shootings. He pays attention to his surroundings. He glances at the people in a restaurant before we get a table to see if he notices any people he's arrested. If he does, we go somewhere else.

Things are different when you're a cop or cop's family. Our kids (he has 2 boys and our daughter) are extremely sheltered--no sleep overs, and his boys (teens) have only been to a couple of (well investigated) friend's homes. People give me crap about being ultra paranoid with my daughter....but things are just different for LEO's/family, IMO. They are for us, anyway.

GL with everything, onlygirls :hug

[onlygirls]

Update: He posted $10,000 bail and already has a prior conviction for retaliation. We talked to a prosecutor who lives in our neighborhood and he will see who is working on the case. Hopefully the scumbag will go to prison for this since he has prior felonies.

Surprisingly, there are a lot of cops around here. 3 live on one street in our subdivision. There is a program called DOGS (Dads of Great Students) where the guys come to the school to volunteer since it is usually the Moms doing everything. There is a K9 cop who is there on a regular basis. DH has been at school for career day. He picks DD up in uniform because he has to leave for work right after she comes home and if he doesn't pick her up from school, he will not see her at all. I would like to think our school is safer for having a police presence all the time, but you never know who is watching.

[SAHDS]

This is basically what dd's dad said when I asked him about the threat question last night. He said most times it is just someone talking crap--but if it's someone who's remotely serious and/or capable of following through with a threat to a LEO or his family, the bad guy is taken aside and given a "tune up" ;) And that's the way it should be.


I don't mean to be harsh, but that's one of the reasons why LEOs have bad reps. Giving someone a "tune-up" because they were using their right to free speech is horrid. When someone talks crap or makes threats, it's not okay for a civilian to touch them so why should the badge make it acceptable? That's an abuse of power and I hate to even see it mentioned.

onlygirls - I've been there. DH works a bad area (it's a 45 min. drive from us) during the graveyard shift so he gets all the crazies. A good number of them make threats to him and myself and our children but it's just them putting on a show. I'm thankful my DH doesn't compromise his morals and stoop down to their level. He usually just laughs at them.

As for your DD, if uncomfortable, can you both pick her up and you run in to get her? That sucks to fear for our children. :hug

[onlygirls]

We pick her up in the car line. Today DH had to get ready for work and I picked her up. As soon as we pulled into the garage, he gave her a kiss goodbye and left. He took a couple days off, so she has spent time with him this week. If not, she would have been so sad when he left. It is important to us that he spends time with her asking about her day, etc. Next week he is going to a different unit and we are excited about that. Take home car. :carrot

I know people get threats on a regular basis, but I think if you have a bad feeling, go with your gut. This guy threatened to sodomize my children and shoot them in the head. He was sober. He lives close so, it is possible that we would see him at the grocery store or going out to dinner. We are taking it seriously enough to have our alarm system activated. When we built our house I said we didn't need to activate it because we live in a gated community.

We talked to one of DH's coworkers and I said that my friend told me to get a gun. He couldn't believe that I didn't have one already. Not related to this incident, but as a LEO wife. I didn't plan on it but I can see the appeal with a spouse working at night. This is all new to me.

[ellah]

Bumping this...is this tribe still around?

DH is a cop and I'm a dispatcher and we've both been doing this for some years, and have been married for five. We don't have kids and are on the fence about having them. I have been going back and forth for years, DH is just going with the flow. I am nearing 30 and he's nearing 35 and the topic of kids has been back on my mind after being on the back burner for a while. I have posted on LEO forums, child free forums, and now parenting forums and I guess I am just researching my options, so to speak. One huge thing stopping me is simply the horrors of the world. Sometimes I wonder "why bother?" Part of my thinks having a child could be wonderful but after what I see and deal with every day I can't find the optimism I know I'd need to be a halfway decent mother. How do you guys handle the crap that comes with the job, and how do you overlook it and see enough good in the world to put on a happy face for your kids?

[ZoraP]

Ellah, I responded to your post about "baby junk" and then saw that you'd posted this one. Although dh and I are not involved in law enforcement, I think that I can offer an answer to this: it does children a disservice in the long run to raise them to be too naive about the world, so I think law enforcement parents are in a good position to be excellent parents. Children need home to be a safe haven, so protecting that for them would be important. But you won't have to pretend like everything is peachy everywhere -- you can be surprisingly honest with kids without turning them into freaks. ;)

My ex-stepdad was a cop and he had trouble with his own psychological health, which meant that he brought his PTSD home with him and didn't handle his kids very well (I only knew him as an adult but he told me about his first family and mistakes he made with them, and his job obviously interfered with his whole life.) If you feel that either you or DH is emotionally affected by your work enough that having the volatility of a child in the house might be too much for either of you, consider dealing with that first before having children.

But in terms of dealing with the generally crappy state of the world, you may find that having a child will itself give you some optimism and a new sense of purpose that will help you cope better with your job. And even if you love your job (I also work and really enjoy what I do), you'll probably find that your priorities shift a lot if you do have a child and the job won't be as emotionally central as it is to you now.

Here's one other idea that may sound off-the-wall, but I think that limiting TV in the home or not having it at all is one way to protect kids from the trauma of all the "ick" out there before they're ready to handle it. My kids rarely watch TV but we read the news and talk all the time about significant events. I just think the lack of sensational video input is the reason they don't get nightmares or have ungrounded fears. That said, they're not naive. My older dd was stalked recently on her way home from school and realized right away what was going on and how to protect herself. But she never panicked, perhaps in part because her mind wasn't full of horrifying, gratuitous images of what might happen. (I was very proud of her, and of us, for giving her the right tools.)

[polka123]

Wow, I've not been here in a few yrs. Glad to see some still here & new ones !
anyone on FB?

[ryansgirl384]

LEO family here to....:love