my anxieties

[wolfmom]

I don't really know what i want to accomplish with this thread but i really feel like i need to share with someone. I am 7.5 wks pregnant now with my 3rd child. I lost my second in august at 11.5 wks and have been thinking alot about it this last week. i knew the last pregnancy wasn't going to come to term. some how that part of me knew. i found out at 9.5 wks that the baby had never developed past the first couple wks. the loss itself was partly healing and partly traumatic but i feel pretty good about it now. afterwards i was really obsessed with getting pregnant right away 'cause i really thought that my children shouldn't be any more that 2.5 yrs apart. well lo and behold this baby should be born when my son is 2 yrs 7 mo! I am really hegding my bets by trying to leave the option of lossing this one open but i do think i will get to see him/her be born. what i am most suprised at is my feelings of protection and animosity towards interventions. I don't want to tell anyone about this baby 'cause i want him/her all to myself(and dh). I don't want an ultrasound, partly 'cause i've never had a good one, and partly 'cause even if everything looks fine something could still go wrong. i don't even want to go to the midwife. if the baby is okay it will keep growing and i will feel it sometime and if it's not i will have a natural m/c again. i thought i would want more that this after a loss but i feel so at peace most of the time. strange, huh? anyway, i do so want this baby that i am very impatient to start showing or feel the baby move. even just feeling my uterus would make me happier.
well, thanks for letting me share my beautiful babies with you all. hopefully i will have another one to nurse in the summer!
peace and health,

[Jacque Savageau]

Jenny, I'm so glad you felt comfortable sharing here. Your feelings and anxieties are exactly why this forum was started :hug

Every lose is unique to every person. Reading your post I can understand how you're feeling.

As you know, we have little control over what happens during a pregnancy. I think you need to go slowly and give yourself the time you need to feel comfortable with this pregnancy. Having an ultrasound won't change the outcome, so, if you don't want one, you may want to forgo it.

Remember to eat healthy and take good care of yourself. Get plenty of rest and try to keep stress down as best you can.

Let us know how your feeling - you're in my thoughs.

[Britishmum]

wolfmom, I can really understand what you are saying. I don't think anyone can predict how they will feel about a pregnancy, especially after a loss.

I'm sure your instincts about the pregnancy are correct. I knew when I was going to lose my baby, and I didnt have that feeling with either of my other pregnancies. I also knew that my two children were girls, but that my lost baby was a boy. You know that this baby will be born healthy at full term. I'm sure that you are right.

I'm so pleased for you. Take care of yourself and the baby. :hippie