What would you do regarding babysitting job?

luckygreen713 · 11-03-2009, 01:42 PM

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this. Anyway, I gave 2 girls, 3yo and 20mo. I need to make money somehow, so I babysit. I need a job where I can have my kids with me because I can't afford and don't want to have them in any kind of daycare. So,right now I am babysitting fir afamiky with an 8mo. I bring my girls with me to the family's apartment, we are here 4 days a week.

I'm having problems with this job and I don't know what to do. The family is very nice and very laid back. But their apartment is not a very nice place to be. It's dirty. Especially the bathroom. The father often forgets to flush the toilet and he often dirties the toilet seat and leaves it that way (I'm not talking urine). Their bathmat smells very strongly of mildew and I don't think it's been washed in the 2.5 months that I've been coming here. They don't have a table with chairs to sit and eat, so I have to feed my children at the coffee table. Their dog eats our food if I turn my head for a second. And because my kids are used to searing in their booster seats to eat, they don't eat well here because they're free to walk around with their food. This makes a mess that I feel responsible for, adding to my stress.

I make good money and that's the only thing keeping me here. I feel bad that I have to bring them here, but until I find another job, like s child yo care for in our own house, I can't quit because of the money. I wish I could tell them to bring their baby to me. But I feel nervous yo ask them and I don't wNt to hurt their feelings. As a parent, what would you do?

sebandg'smama · 11-03-2009, 01:59 PM

Why can't the baby come to your house?

-Melanie

buttercup784ever · 11-03-2009, 02:08 PM

How would you feel about asking for more money to clean their house? I don't think I could stay in a house that dirty with my kids all day. And that's not just messy, that's unsanitary. I wouldn't clean it either, unless they were paying me to do so.

I wouldn't worry about hurting their feelings. People who are dirty KNOW they are dirty. They just don't care as much about it.

**chaoticzenmom** · 11-03-2009, 02:09 PM

Taking 3 kids to someone else's house all day would be too much for me to handle. I'd ask if they can bring her to you and if they can't, then find something that works better. Is there a park nearby where you can get out? Can you take the baby anywhere?

APToddlerMama · 11-03-2009, 02:12 PM

I would just tell them that it is "too much" to get your kids off and ready to go every morning, and you'd love to continue working with them, but are going to be caring for kids just in your house from now on, so if they're interested, you'd love to have them drop their baby off. Maybe you could agree to give them a slight discount in exchange. good luck!

r&mmommy · 11-03-2009, 02:19 PM

I would talk to the parents and let them know they need to clean their home. And I'd be prepared to walk. Initially my reaction would be to clean it, but that's not something I'd want to start.

tanyam926 · 11-03-2009, 02:21 PM

Maybe tell them that if would be easier for you to watch the kids at your house bc then your active toddlers have their own toys and place to make messes?

They probably won't mind, and that's what I would do if the situation were otherwise okay and the only problem is the dirty house.

BTW, I agree w/you and pp who said they couldn't stand to be in that mess all day. When it's your own mess it's bad enough but someone else's stinky mess? No way!

cattmom · 11-03-2009, 02:24 PM

Throw the bathmat in the washer and then the dryer, if they have one. Put the dog outside when you eat, or figure out a way to babygate or secure the dog in another area of the house while you eat. Tell your children that they can only have food while they are at the coffee table, period. Inform the parents that the bathroom needs cleaning, and that you don't feel comfortable doing that level of cleaning while taking care of all three children.

If I were you, I would be nervous suggesting a move to your house. They are already paying what you say is good money to take care of their child in their home, and your attention is already divided between three children. If they wanted to make the leap to out-0f-home care for multiple children, they could probably find a licensed child care center for more safety, less money, and about as much attention.

weliveintheforest · 11-03-2009, 02:29 PM

I would ask them about doing care in your home. If you explain that your kids have their toys and it's easier for you to care for them all, they may be willing. The worst they can say is no. Can you offer to pick up or drop off their child? That might help.

demottm · 11-03-2009, 03:43 PM

Ask the parents if it would be fine to take the baby to your house for part of the day. Ask them to leave the carseat or you could always get a spare. As long as you have space in your car there should be no problem.

I also watch another little boy to supplement our income. But since the family only has one car between two working parents I am responsible for all the transportation. It works out well, because we can start the day at their house, go to my house(or bouncehouse or whereever) and then come back to their house for nap time.

It took some time for me to get used to traveling with the three kids, but 4 months in I am doing it like they were all my own.

just_lily · 11-04-2009, 09:18 AM

There is no WAY I would have my child in that environment every day. Or myself. I would be afraid it would lead to depression.

Feces on the toilet? Really?? Not acceptable. How does one even DO that??

Their home is your workplace, and they are responsible for making sure it is clean and safe.

It is hard because you need the money, but you have to stand up for yourself. And your girls. Can you start looking for a new position before giving notice on this one?

I do childcare in my home, but on the weekend do respite care for a family with two young boys, one of which most likely has autism (they are seeking diagnosis). They prefer me to come to their home because they worry about my dogs (who are fine, but that is their choice). I bring my daughter with me most days. They live in a condo apartment and it is super cluttered. Not poop-on-the-toilet-seat dirty, but just stuff everywhere. They don't have any childproofing so that is frustrating because I spend a lot of time redirecting my everywhere-one-year-old. And it is HOT. They have their thermostat set to 25C (I just converted that with google and it is 77F) and I feel like I should wear my bathing suit while I am there.

I would much, much rather care for the kids at my fully child proofed home with a big open playroom, but this is the arrangement we have. It only works because it is only a few hours on the weekend. There is NO WAY I would be able to be there every day, and if they ever want to expand care they will have to come to me.

luckygreen713 · 11-04-2009, 11:35 AM

Thank you all for your replies and advice. And please pardon my typing mistakes, I'm using my phone with it's tiny little keyboard.

I went into this arrangement knowing that the apartment would be small but ithought I could handle it. I met the family and got hired before they actually moved into this apartment. I didn't see until 3 days before starting to watch the baby. I have tried and tried to have a postive attitude, because I agreed to it and I knew what I was getting into. But I have been doing it for 11 weeks and I feel I am at a breaking point. Even if they would clean their nasty bathroom, I would still have to keep my kids in basically one room all day with nowhere to feed them. I do put the dog in the couples bedroom when I feed my kids, but only if the baby is awake, since shebarks the whole time she's in there. I was going to bring a child-size table and chair set to keep here, so the kids can at least sit at a table to eat, but it doesn't solve the dog problem. Also, I take the kids outside fir walks and to play, I can't go anywhere by car because i cant fit another car seat. And with winter coming I won't be able to spend as much time outside.

I am so nervous to mention anything to them. I am not a confrontational person and I am afraid of losing them altogether. I think I'm going to tell them that I thought I could do it, but it's harder than I thought and that I will give 2 weeks to either find someone else or start bringing the baby to me. I will charge $2 less per hour than they are currently paying me. In the meantime, I am already trying to find something else in case they decide not to come to me. My kids don't really seem unhappy here, but I don't think the environment is very healthy, so I feel guilty bringing them. I pack toys and books for them but they end up playing with the baby's toys and they seem bored. At least at home they would have all of their stuff, and my mom would be able to come over to help me, since she lives close. I hope they decide to bring him to me, or that I find another family.

cattmom · 11-04-2009, 01:45 PM

So even if the house is clean, you don't want to go there. The apartment is too small, your kids are bored, and even if you shut the dog in the other room, the dog barks and interferes with the baby's naps.

Okay. Two weeks notice seems a little abrupt, in my opinion, if you are interested in giving them a real choice about childcare. Ask yourself how much notice you would like if they wanted to drop your services. How long would it take you to find another reasonable job? If you want to sit for them long term, ask yourself how you want to be treated, and treat them that way.

Also, in addition to the cost reduction, consider what you are offering the baby, not just your own kids. Will she have more space to play? Better meals, when she is older? Is your space truly, really babyproofed? Is there better access to the outside? If you have something to offer, offer it.

You said in your original post that the "good money" is the only thing keeping you there. This is after 2 1/2 months of taking care of a now 8 month old four days a week. If by now there is not some kind of affectionate attachment to the 8 month old that's also keeping you there, I hope for everyone's sake that you move on.

r&mmommy · 11-04-2009, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Okay. Two weeks notice seems a little abrupt, in my opinion, if you are interested in giving them a real choice about childcare. Ask yourself how much notice you would like if they wanted to drop your services.

With all due respect, she is *babysitting* Two weeks is the standard notice, even in the child care world.
Most parents will drop a sitter/nanny like a HOT potato if they think they've found a better deal elsewhere (and I'm not talking about cases where abuse is suspected). It sounds like the OP has tried to work with what she has been given and is unable to make it work. It's time to end the business arrangement.

cattmom · 11-04-2009, 02:22 PM

This isn't two weeks because the OP is moving or found another job or anything else. She wants to change their agreement. In this case, two weeks sounds like she wants to keep them over a barrel.
And around here, two weeks is not the standard but the minimum notice. Courteous notice is more along the lines of four to six weeks.
And as far as dropping a nanny like a hot potato for a better deal - I haven't seen that. In my experience, most parents place a lot of value on attachment, affection, and connection between child and caregiver - and once you have that, there is no better deal elsewhere.

**LynnS6** · 11-04-2009, 02:27 PM

It doesn't sound like this job is a good fit for you. Sometimes it's better to cut your losses and move on.

Even if it were spotlessly clean, I can't really imagine keeping a dog, a soon-to-be-mobile infant, a toddler and a three year old in a small apartment. If the family wants in-home care, they might be better off employing someone who doesn't have kids. If you want your kids to be able to eat at a table and be able to move around/get energy you, you might be better off finding a different place to work, or working out of your home.

annekevdbroek · 11-04-2009, 05:19 PM

I am so grossed out by the thought of the poo covered toilet that its hard for me to get past that.

Anyhow, I'd offer to watch the baby at your house. I think it is reasonable to say to the family that the arrangement will work better becuase there is more space and because w/o the dog you will be able to focus even more on entertaining the children. $2 an hour is a lot, it may very well be worth it to them. Is it still worth it to you to do the job for $2 less per hour?

I hope it works out. I'd offer a minimum of 2 weeks notice to allow them to either figure out the logistics of getting the baby to you or to make other childcare arrangements.

Hoopin' Mama · 11-04-2009, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cattmom

You said in your original post that the "good money" is the only thing keeping you there. This is after 2 1/2 months of taking care of a now 8 month old four days a week. If by now there is not some kind of affectionate attachment to the 8 month old that's also keeping you there, I hope for everyone's sake that you move on.

I would be curious to see what other people think of this idea. I've never had in-home child care and never done it. However, it is a business arrangement and I don't know if affectionate attachment counts for keeping someone in a job. Kind, attentive, and caring, sure.

I don't expect our preschool teachers to move on if they don't feel attached to my kid.

r&mmommy · 11-05-2009, 06:13 AM

Quote:

I would be curious to see what other people think of this idea. I've never had in-home child care and never done it. However, it is a business arrangement and I don't know if affectionate attachment counts for keeping someone in a job. Kind, attentive, and caring, sure.

I don't expect our preschool teachers to move on if they don't feel attached to my kid.

I think people take it very, very personally when a child care provider complains about a situation (NEVER the child!) . I know this personally, because I am a child care provider

People forget that at the end of the day this *is* a business arrangement, period. I do develop attachments toward the LO's in my care - but the only children I have an obligation to are my own - meaning that if for some reason a child (or more likely their parents) are not working out and causing me/my family stress, then I will terminate the arrangment. Understand as a profesional, I will work very hard to make changes so it doesn't get to this point, but I can only do so much.
In this case the situation sounds unsanitary and unsafe, and I would have said something to the family at the beginning, making it clear it was unacceptable. I think the OP is afraid of being fired if she mentions anything. And that's sad.

OP, best of luck.

sebandg'smama · 11-05-2009, 07:17 AM

I feel like I'm missing something? Why can't you have the child come to your house?

A simple, this isn't working well for my children, they need to be in their own home?
-Melanie