For all practical purposes...

[MarineWife]

there's no reason for me to want another child. I have 3 wonderful boys. Sometimes I feel like I'm not capable of taking care of them much less one+ more. When I married my dh I already had my oldest. My dh only wanted 2 kids so he only wanted 1 more. I wanted 2 more. He reluctantly agreed to have a 3rd but I agreed that would be it. At the time I didn't think I'd want more than 3 although I'd always be open to having more if it happened.

Then I started getting that feeling that I really wanted another baby. I would so love to have a girl. I also feel like I could just keep having babies until menopause. I talked to my dh about my desire to not try to get pregnant (we've had some fertility issues and I had 3 miscarriages before ds3) but not prevent, either. DH was still adamant about not wanting anymore. So, we were TTA using charting and withdrawal. One time dh didn't withdraw and I got pregnant. 2 weeks later my dh deployed. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 11 weeks.

Now I find myself feeling almost desperate to at least not prevent getting pregnant. The idea of actively trying to prevent makes me want to cry. I don't know if this is hitting me now because I may have to face that soon. I haven't had to think about it with dh gone but he'll be coming home soon. I think I can still handle him withdrawing but don't know what I'll do if he tries to use a condom.

When I think about things in practical terms, I think I should not have any more babies. We have enough. But, I have this very strong desire to have more anyway. I don't know why that is or why I can't just let it go and be content with what I have.

[mama to 2 girls]

's I have days like this every once in a while and dh had the big V over a year ago. But they are very fleeting moments and only happen like I said very seldom.....

I think it's just natural to want more kids....I start thinking why am I not putting my perfectly good eggs to work! Why am I having to deal with stupid annoying AF every month for nothing! Then I realize it's just hormones!! and then I realize that I agreed to dh getting the V and that I was happy with it at the time....DS was only 2 weeks old and I wanted to have him get it done before my baby fever returned and I wasn't thinking responsibly or rationally. That's how we ended up with ds (don't get me wrong I LOVE him to death)...dh was supposed to get the V done after dd2 but I talked him out of it because he waited to long and my baby fever came back and believe me it wasn't hard to do because I always threw it in his face that the next one could be a boy!

Like I said I love ds to death but he has SERIOUSLY pushed our marriage and emotions to the limits.

I like you have many days where I know that 3 is my limit....so everytime I start having one of those days, usually when I am having a good day I quickly remind myself of all the bad days and that we did make the right decision.

Sometimes it's hard to make that decision to "close down the baby factory" but I always say doing what's right isn't always easy.

Whatever decision you and your dh come to, I hope you can make peace with it.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by mama to 2 girls

I like you have many days where I know that 3 is my limit

I guess I've always sort of felt this. From the beginning with my dh I always thought 2 more would be enough. But, like I said, I have always been open to more. DH wanted to get a vasectomy but I wouldn't agree to it for a few reasons, one being that I'm not ready to shut that door absolutely. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting more children. I don't think that desire is irresponsible or irrational. I just don't get why it's becoming so desperate for me. I want to be able to take it or leave it and not obsess over it. I want to get rid of this ache in my heart that I get when I think about my dh preventing it.

[mama to 2 girls]

I didn't mean it was necessarily irresponsible or irrational for you. I don't think it's wrong either. But for us it would be irresponsible for us to have anymore children....We have a VERY tiny home and dh makes just enough for us to live off of and adding one more to our family would just not be fair to the rest of my kids. Not to mention I already feel spread sooooo thin that I wouldn't feel right having to take my already spread out time with each of them, one on one.

I think for some people that ache never goes away.... I could just go on having baby after baby on some days and I know it would probably never end, I would always want another.

[MarineWife]

Gotcha. I was replying more for you and maybe others reading this. I think our society thinks people who have lots of children are inherently irresponsible without looking at the individual circumstances.

The only reason it would be irresponsible for me to have another child is if I weren't in the right place for it emotionally. Like you said, feeling spread too thin as it is and then just putting more on my plate. Sometimes I feel like that and sometimes I think we'd be all right with another. I felt that way sometimes when I had just one child. Which one prevails?

Now, my dh would probably say it would be financially irresponsible for us to have another. We are not hurting financially in any way. He stresses over the financial burden of supporting our family, though, so that's what is forefront in his mind (I think).

[BettinaAuSucre]

i sometimes feel like 2 is enough, especially since they are from two different fathers.

And i am going to school and have ever increasing social engagements to attend to. but i am sure thats not exactly what you meant, but i never felt like 2 was enough for me personally. i dont think anyone should feel badly if they dont fit the social norm for the nuclear family.