friends child who i babysit

my2 · 11-04-2009, 05:13 AM

thankyou for your advice

Linda on the move · 11-04-2009, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by my2

its not a paid job but rather a favour everyday.
i dont know what to do.today i felt likejust walking away fromthis boy.im stressed but i promised my friend.

It's an unpaid job so it's OK to quit. A promise to a friend has an end in sight, but this doesn't. I'd handle it like quitting a babysitting job. I'd say something like,

"I'm so sorry, but this isn't working out. You'll need to make other arrangements."

If I could stand it, I give her a week to make the other arrangements, but I'd be very clear that was it.

You may lose your friend, but you'll get your home back.

russsk · 11-04-2009, 07:19 AM

You babysit every day as a favor? That's a mighty big favor! Sounds like this is an untenable situation, that the hitting/threatening doesn't even have to factor into - that is, he has behavior issues that are stressing you out and causing problems with your kids. Time to end this arrangement. Give your friend a week or two notice to find someone else, then get back to taking care of your family.

nextcommercial · 11-04-2009, 09:38 AM

I would set a clear date. Don't go even one day past that date. In fact, make BIG plans for the next day so she can't talk you into doing this any later than you want.

I understand that she needs the help. But, not at the expense of your sanity and the well being of your family. She will find something else that works, and he will be fine.

Eventually you will feel taken advantage of, and that's the worst feeling ever. You deserve better. It was great that you have done this for any length of time. But, it's time to stop now, and you will be happy when it's all done.

LROM · 11-04-2009, 10:15 AM

I agree with everyone else - it's absolutely appropriate to say to your friend "I thought this would be manageable, but it's not and I have to stop."

I would add though - and this is what I'd do, but a lot of people probably wouldn't get into it... I would also ask her if she'd like to know some of the things I do with my kids that makes my kids a lot more manageable than her son!

Does she know how difficult her son is, and that some of the advice she's given you about how to handle him has been shown over and over again to make his behavior WORSE, not better?

If she's a friend it might be good to tell her that. Not sure how open she'll be to hearing it, but at the end of hte day it's the reason you can't do her this favor anymore and she might benefit from you telling her, even if it takes awhile for her to really understand.

Good luck!

annekevdbroek · 11-04-2009, 05:21 PM

Ugh. I had a friend in a very similar situation. She ended up having to give a very specific end date. Like, as of November 15 I can no longer care for your child." The other mother was just not taking the hint otherwise and was dilly dallying over making other arrangments. It's ok to say "I can't do this."