How do I get him to know I'm serious?

yasinsmama · 11-05-2009, 10:11 AM

DS will do something like push the button on the tv to turn it off, over and over. Or knock over the trash can so it will open (it has a lock, but it open when he knock it over). I tell him "no, the trash is nasty" or something like that, and I pock up the can, or turn the tv back on, or put back whatever he took down. Then he just does it again. After a few rounds of this, I get down to his level and look into his eyes and yell him no again. He looks at me for a second, then laughs. What do I do when I'm serious, but he laughs?

Dreamy · 11-05-2009, 10:20 AM

At 18 months, if he doesn't stop the behaviour after the first few times I tell him he's not allowed, I remove him from the situation and engage him in a game, book or snack. He's not yet old enough to understand "why" he can't do certain things, so I'll just keep distracting/redirecting until he "gets" it.

yasinsmama · 11-05-2009, 10:27 AM

Does he stop doing it? I've tried distraction, but he just goes right back to it.

waiting2bemommy · 11-05-2009, 10:30 AM

how old is he? my ds responds well to time out and he definitely understands. i don't know if that's something you want to do but it works well for me. if he is not playing nicely with a toy (like throwing his cars at people) i will wanr him the first time and then put the toy in ":time out" for some reason this really gets to him and it is a lot easier than engagin with him in a wrestling match over whether he will or will not sit in timeout.

gretelmom · 11-05-2009, 10:33 AM

I would reserve the really serious tone for the last time you let him do it. He flips the trash, you say "No spilling trash" then you pick it up. If he does it again, you say it very seriously at his level (like you are) and immediately remove him from the room. Or, if you can't, put the trash where he can't get it. I've been known to put the trash either outside or all the way on top of the counter. Gross, I know, but if you need the trash there (like when cooking) then it's a way to make it work. He'll get it eventually.

I also do some toddler talk, I know some people don't agree with it, but I say things like "No spill trash. Dirty. No dirty in house." Not in a baby voice, normal or stern voice, I just find it is clearer for them. "No hit dogs. Doggie ouchie." I talk to them normally otherwise, but if I'm trying to make something clear, I try to omit the unnecessary words.

Whenever my kids are doing something like this I know it's that old saying, all bad behaviour comes from unmet needs... Sometimes we can't meet their needs (cooking dinner, have to finish work by deadline, etc) and then you have to accept that what he's saying is "Mommy, I really want to play now, I need attention". As a WAHM I can't always give it 100%, but I try to at least understand.

Dreamy · 11-05-2009, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yasinsmama

Does he stop doing it? I've tried distraction, but he just goes right back to it.

If he keeps going back to it I remove it from his reach, block it off, or bring him somewhere he can't get to it (usually upstairs). If you can't block off the TV, maybe uplug it - then it'll lose it's appeal! I've done that with our touch-screen remote - I just switch it off, then it's no fun anymore and he moves onto something else

yasinsmama · 11-05-2009, 01:02 PM

thanks for all of your suggestions. I'll keep them in mind the next time he's driving me crazy.

hrsmom · 11-05-2009, 10:22 PM

Sometimes we have to go to a different room for distraction to work! It seems like the really big things that I've wanted her not to do (hit the dog and walk in the street) it took her a few weeks to stop doing. She eventually has gotten it. I think those are the only two, actually, since our trash is not accesible and she hasn't figured out how to work the knob on my 30+ year old tv!

I'm not sure they can "get" that we're serious. I've had times when I've raised my voice with my LO, and a minute later it seems to me that she has no clue that I'm even frustrated with her! Like I'm just making more noise than usual. Your kiddo will get it, though, for sure!

lifeguard · 11-05-2009, 10:30 PM

Ds totally does this. His favourite is the stairs, laughing the whole way up & even harder when I get up to come get him. We have had to make it so that there is nothing in the livingroom/diningroom area that he can't do 'cause he just does. not. get. no.

boringscreenname · 11-06-2009, 07:30 AM

My 14 month old is the same freaking way. He loves to unplug my laptop cord from the computer. He goes to it, shakes his head no, and then unplugs it. I just keep it put up now because it's too tempting for him.

He likes to bite it too, but he'll go over to it, then look at me with raised eyebrows and ask, "bite?" I don't know what the appeal is but every time he tries I tell him "no biting" which usually works. Fortunately that's the only time he's interested in biting.

The other big thing he likes to do is get into the dog's food and water dishes. He's not sneaky at all though, he giggles then crawls as fast as he can toward the kitchen. I catch him, distract and redirect a million times a day. I could put up the dishes but the dog grazes throughout the day so I'd be putting them up and down a hundred times a day.

I don't think there's any way we can really communicate to them that we're serious, especially not at young ages. I just redirect and distract all day long and try to remember that the dog's dishes or whatever he's getting into won't always be this fascinating.