Can we have a "I Have One Child and I Am DONE. NEVER AGAIN!" group? - Page 2

SweetPotato · 10-24-2009, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Holiztic

And there's something that really nags at me when I think about this kind of reasoning (I mean the thoughts in this thread):

If I'm NOT having the next kid because I don't want to live through all the hardship, does that mean that I would go back in time and erase DS/DD so as to not live through THAT hardship? So I flash forward to a possible future with another DC and think that not having them is like wishing I hadn't had DS.

Basically I ask you all: is your current DC worth what you went through? I assume most of you will say yes. So why isn't the next one? Maybe for some that hardship is worth it to be a parent, but after one that's accomplished and all bets are off. I guess its more than that for me. I don't know...

I'm not arguing or trying to change anyone's mind, I'm just trying to work through this stuff myself!

For me, the decision to not go through everything again is a decision that I'm making in part FOR my dd (not BECAUSE OF her)-- I want her to have parents who are able to focus on and enjoy our time with her. I have seen our personalities and our limitations, and I want us to have more patience for her, not less. I want us to be able to continue parenting her with gentleness and compassion, not pushing her to grow up too quickly by forcing her to go to sleep alone, etc. (not saying that's everyone, just that I fear it would become an issue for us with another baby) And most of all, I don't want her growing up, watching us endure miscarriages, prolonged bedrest, and heartache, and perhaps wondering why she wasn't enough. I don't want another child nearly as much as I want to cherish the precious child I already have and grow my relationship with her. She owns my heart. She made me a mother. She is enough.

ilovemygirl · 10-24-2009, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SweetPotato

I don't want another child nearly as much as I want to cherish the precious child I already have and grow my relationship with her. She owns my heart. She made me a mother. She is enough.

I couldn't have said it any better.

Megamus · 10-25-2009, 08:13 AM

Absolutely beautiful!

Pibble · 10-25-2009, 02:04 PM

When my son was 9 months old (and 18 months and 24 months and 36 months), I said that I was absolutely totally done after having one child. I disappointed many grandparents by saying so out loud, even. I had no major complaints about pregnancy and delivery, but caring for a "spirited" infant and toddler was something that took me completely by surprise. My son was bright, curious, full of energy...and just seemed to cry more, sleep less and get into mischief faster than all the other kids in his playgroup.

But when my son reached age 3 1/2 we started to get the hang of each other and I started thinking that maybe a second child wouldn't be the end of the world. It took another 2 years, but last month, my second child was born. And even with the double responsibility of looking after a 5 1/2 year old and a newborn, things are still easier than they were when DS was born. And thank goodness they are easier because there were many times during this pregnancy when I was close to panic about the thought of having 2 kids.

I'm not trying to change anyone's mind, and I don't think that children "need" siblings or that people will regret not having a second child. I just wanted to throw in my .02 that it's OK to change your mind in the future, and sometimes the second child really is easier than the first (though having a large age gap between kids may help)!

CatsCradle · 10-25-2009, 05:32 PM

We have one DD and it is on purpose and we love it.

thyra · 10-25-2009, 08:02 PM

I've hated being a mother. I love my son with all my heart, soul and self. But becoming a mother has been a miserable, terrible experience. I think that if I were to have another he/she would be to repair the damage done to myself after Lincoln was born - which I don't think is fair to him at all.

I never ever ever ever ever want to go through again what I'm going through now. I'm not sure it was worth it this time, so a next time is NOT going to happen.

DariusMom · 10-26-2009, 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thyra

I've hated being a mother. I love my son with all my heart, soul and self. But becoming a mother has been a miserable, terrible experience. I think that if I were to have another he/she would be to repair the damage done to myself after Lincoln was born - which I don't think is fair to him at all.

I never ever ever ever ever want to go through again what I'm going through now. I'm not sure it was worth it this time, so a next time is NOT going to happen.

Thank you for your honesty. Do take care of yourself.

Angelplum · 11-06-2009, 10:17 PM

I'm kind of on the fence. I had horrible morning sickness 24 hours a day for 2 months straight. After it finally went away, I had constant heartburn for the last 3 months of pregnancy. My labor lasted 28 hours, the first 20 were without painkillers.

My beautiful DD was extremely high needs. She didn't sleep through the night until 1.5 years old. The first years, she slept a total of 8 or nine hours a day, including nights. I had no help from my family. I was so exhausted and sick all the time. As she got older, she still demanded constant attention...no playing quietly by herself! I had to hold her all day long or she would cry.
I love her with all my heart, but the first 2 years were so physically difficult for me, I was determined that I would never go through it again.

Now that she's 4.5, I sometimes start wondering what it would be like to have another baby. I kind of miss the baby cuteness. And my memories of the difficulties of the first 2 years are starting to fade. But I had a pregnancy scare last month, and I was terrified! The thought of having to give up what little freedom I've gained since DD has become more independent is unthinkable!

caj · 11-06-2009, 10:56 PM

I'm with you. I LOVE my daughter dearly, and she was completely planned. But I won't go through pregnancy again, and I'm not a kid person. I don't really like kids, I like my daughter but I don't have the touch with others.
Celeste is very very VERY clingy but also she's an intelligent and artistic baby. She's a sweetheart, and now that she's 5 I love the fact that we can get to talk. You know? I could go on forever and those 9 months of pregnancy were worth it becuase she's here..

But another child is out of the question, my husband and I agree with that and besides he's 47 and feels he's too old to have another child. We are just fine the way we are.

Angelplum · 11-07-2009, 03:50 AM

Caj,

I know what you mean...I'm not a kid person either, but my DD is different.

BTW, I am in Washington, too. We just moved up here this year.

MommaSuzi · 11-07-2009, 10:10 AM

we're stopping at 1 because I really feel our family complete as is. Nothing is "missing". Of course we've had struggles, but I love parenting and my child is a wonderful gift. Financially, having another would greatly impact the choices we can make. Of course we could find a way, but I really don't want to. I want to be able to send dd to the preschool of my choice, rather than be limited on what we can afford. I want to be able to send her to amazing summer camps when she is older. And 30 years from now, I can envision being in a position to afford to take her and her family on vacation. If we had 2 or 3 kids, and they each grew up and found partners and had 2 or 3 kids, that would be a hugely expensive vacation to take everyone along.
When it comes down to it, I just don't feel a "need" to have another.

Magali · 11-07-2009, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cherry Alive

So, I decided I'd like to keep my child's childhood (and the rest of my adulthood) simple. Years ago, I believed the stupid stereotypes about onlies, but then I met my husband. He's an only, and he's also a very happy and well-adjusted man.

I really like what you said here. I don't think we will be having more than 1 child because we don't seem to be very fertile. And this was a very emotional issue for me. But I have moved past it (for the most part) and I am focusing on all the very positive things about having an only child

. For some of us, having 2 or more isn't physically possible, and I have decided to throw sterotypes out the window, because my son shouldn't be branded with "only child" syndrome because there is something wrong with me that I can't have any more kids.

Magali · 11-07-2009, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SweetPotato

For me, the decision to not go through everything again is a decision that I'm making in part FOR my dd (not BECAUSE OF her)-- I want her to have parents who are able to focus on and enjoy our time with her. I have seen our personalities and our limitations, and I want us to have more patience for her, not less. I want us to be able to continue parenting her with gentleness and compassion, not pushing her to grow up too quickly by forcing her to go to sleep alone, etc. (not saying that's everyone, just that I fear it would become an issue for us with another baby) And most of all, I don't want her growing up, watching us endure miscarriages, prolonged bedrest, and heartache, and perhaps wondering why she wasn't enough. I don't want another child nearly as much as I want to cherish the precious child I already have and grow my relationship with her. She owns my heart. She made me a mother. She is enough.

Momma2Gianna · 11-07-2009, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caj

I'm with you. I LOVE my daughter dearly, and she was completely planned. But I won't go through pregnancy again, and I'm not a kid person. I don't really like kids, I like my daughter but I don't have the touch with others.
Celeste is very very VERY clingy but also she's an intelligent and artistic baby. She's a sweetheart, and now that she's 5 I love the fact that we can get to talk. You know? I could go on forever and those 9 months of pregnancy were worth it becuase she's here..

But another child is out of the question, my husband and I agree with that and besides he's 47 and feels he's too old to have another child. We are just fine the way we are.

I too do not feel myself as a "kid" person. I have mine, and I love her, but I was never the 14 year old that was called for babysitting. I wasn't irresponsible, I just didn't like it. My parents tried to get me into it (probably to make some money and teach some work values) so I babysat I think once, for someone, and a few times for my neighbor out of necessity. I didn't seek out children to play with, and even now - I enjoy my daughter immensely, but I dread playdates and having other children around.

readermaid · 11-07-2009, 03:45 PM

I'm in. It isn't that I had a difficult pregnancy or labor. Or that DD is too much for me. She's awesome. It's just that I don't feel a need to do it again. I felt done right away, which surprised me. But nearly two years later, I still feel that way. DH is usually okay with having just one, but occasionally laments that we won't have a boy. But he comforts himself in the idea that I'll probably change my mind in a few years. I doubt that I will, but neither of us is taking any drastic measures any time soon--just in case.

caj · 11-07-2009, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma2Gianna

I too do not feel myself as a "kid" person. I have mine, and I love her, but I was never the 14 year old that was called for babysitting. I wasn't irresponsible, I just didn't like it. My parents tried to get me into it (probably to make some money and teach some work values) so I babysat I think once, for someone, and a few times for my neighbor out of necessity. I didn't seek out children to play with, and even now - I enjoy my daughter immensely, but I dread playdates and having other children around.

I'm with you, I like teenagers though. I work at a highschool and I'm surrounded by teenagers half of my day. But small children - mmmm no. When Celeste invites her little friends over, I leave all the hard work to my husband, 5 little girls in the same house is not pretty, the noise is almost unbearable.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelplum

Caj,

I know what you mean...I'm not a kid person either, but my DD is different.

BTW, I am in Washington, too. We just moved up here this year.

Really? I've been living here for 9 years now...

Momma2Gianna · 11-07-2009, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caj

I'm with you, I like teenagers though. I work at a highschool and I'm surrounded by teenagers half of my day. But small children - mmmm no. When Celeste invites her little friends over, I leave all the hard work to my husband, 5 little girls in the same house is not pretty, the noise is almost unbearable.

Really? I've been living here for 9 years now...

How funny!! I like teenagers too!! I just love the way they think...Even though they tend to be "teenagers" - (read: immature and self centered at times), they haven't yet been made cynical by adult experiences, and still believe they can save the world.

And on a seperate note, Hi Washington neighbors!! I'm in Oregon! I LOVE the PacNW, rain and all!!

boatbaby · 11-08-2009, 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SweetPotato

For me, the decision to not go through everything again is a decision that I'm making in part FOR my dd (not BECAUSE OF her)-- I want her to have parents who are able to focus on and enjoy our time with her. I have seen our personalities and our limitations, and I want us to have more patience for her, not less. I want us to be able to continue parenting her with gentleness and compassion, not pushing her to grow up too quickly by forcing her to go to sleep alone, etc. (not saying that's everyone, just that I fear it would become an issue for us with another baby)

Yes ma'am! I got pregnant easily, had a great pregnancy, I don't consider my DS to be high needs, I am young enough to have more... I just love being able to be a family of three. I cherish the down time when he's sleeping or having a daddy day. I love the concentration we can give each other. Most of my friends with 2+ seem spread so thin and so frazzled all the time. I don't want that.
Also, toddlerhood kicked my butt

caj · 11-08-2009, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma2Gianna

How funny!! I like teenagers too!! I just love the way they think...Even though they tend to be "teenagers" - (read: immature and self centered at times), they haven't yet been made cynical by adult experiences, and still believe they can save the world.

And on a seperate note, Hi Washington neighbors!! I'm in Oregon! I LOVE the PacNW, rain and all!!

I love all my teens, some of them are funny, or others intelectual. They are so different from eachother. I love them, they have interesting things to say, but DD as a teenager is a whole different story, i'm actually terrified.

I love the weather though, it's going to rain every day next week and it's getting colder but I like this kind of weather

Lilygoose · 11-09-2009, 08:45 AM

Right there with you mommas! Our 1 year old DD is plenty. We had decided before we were pg that we would only have 1, and so far experience has reinforced this decision. I did not enjoy being pregnant. Constant morning sickness the whole time and a husband who worked second shift left me lonely and depressed. I had a natural non-medicated birth that was profound, painful, and wonderful (actually liked this part, call me crazy, but it was such a primal and vibrant time. I felt so alive, strong, and amazing). I had never been a "baby person" although I like toddlers and up. Our DD is energetic and funny, I love her, being her mommy and part of our family of three! As to single children having isses, I don't agree. I was raised an only child (I have 2 half sisters, but did not live with them) and hubby was one of five. I share better, am more respectful of others feelings, and have more self-confidence. I am also close to my mom and remember alot of special moments we shared, which would not have been the same if I had a sibling (not worse with a sib, just not the same). Hubby loves his family and they are wonderful people, but it is not the same.