What to do? Three year old constantly hitting/pinching/sometimes biting

[AidansMommy1012]

Whenever my three year old ds gets angry or frustrated, he almost always lashes out physically. My older ds frequently has bruises on his arms because ds2 pinches him so much (ds1 is rather practiced at pushing ds2's buttons, and so usually gets the brunt of ds2's anger and frustration). The biting has become less frequent. I've noticed that he rarely goes after dd; I think it's a combo of the fact that he's aware that she is much smaller than he is, and for whatever reason, they just seem to come into conflict much less than ds1 and ds2. What do I do? We've talked and talked and talked to him about it. I try to stay on top of the situation so I can prevent things from snowballing to the point that ds2 starts lashing out, but sometimes I have to nurse dd or go to the bathroom or fix a meal. Dh works nights, so he's asleep during the day and I'm on my own with them.

[mammal_mama]

My youngest dd used to get so aggressive sometimes, there was a long period of time when I just avoided taking her out around other kids any more than what was necessary to meet the needs of my older dd. In my dd's case, she'd get aggressive without even being angry.

I just watched her like a hawk, and was quick to intervene if she started hurting someone. I would take her aside and talk with her about how her behavior affected the other children, how it hurt, and so on. Sometimes I would have to forcibly remove and restrain her from situations where she got out-of-control.

It felt neverending, and I got periodic feedback from others about how my gentle techniques obviously "weren't working" and how I needed to start hitting her.

But time passed, and I kept plugging away ... and gradually started noticing that the aggressiveness episodes were getting fewer and farther apart. And now, at 4 1/2, she gets along pretty much splendidly with other children. So, hang in there! It may seem like forever but things do change! Children really do learn!