Oh mamas,
I could really use some insight here.
I have always been a cat person. When I was in college my boyfriend was allergic to cats so I got a hairless cat. I was incredibly attached to this cat. It died young from a heart condition and I was heartbroken. DH is also allergic to cats and it died shortly after we were married. I cried and cried for days and wanted another cat SO SO badly. Hairless cats are not totally fine for people with allergies. They are better, but not great (because they still have dander). I promised DH up and down that I would wash the cat every 3 days, and do everything possible to keep the dander down. He was worried but agreed because he could tell how desperate I was to have a cat. He is an animal lover, but cats make him very asthmatic. It was very selfish of me to have gotten another cat, but I was young and grieving.
We have been married almost 7 years. His asthma has only gotten worse. He has noticed that when he leaves for work and enters work, his lungs get better. We also have a dog (which he is allergic to as well but not nearly as severe). He is also allergic to dust mites and some foods. Even though he does test positive for dog allergies, they don't seem to bother him in the same way. For example, he works with a home health client and has for many years. THey always had a dog. He never had a problem. They just recently got a cat, and he's having issues there now too.
So I know in my heart of hearts that the cat is the main issue. He does too. He has not said anything to me about it, but I see him struggling with the asthma. Having to do take yucky inhaler meds etc. This time of year is when its the worst and its really getting to me to watch him suffer with this.
Also, since we've had kids, the cat does not get much attention anymore. I find myself mostly yelling at him for getting on counters, busting into one of the kids room and waking them up from a nap, etc. Its hard for me to recognize this about myself, but once I had my children he has definetly taken a backseat
DD is 3.5. She is very close to our dog. Not so close to the cat. She doesn't like him getting in her bed, and seems generally uninterested in him.
As a wife and mother, I am feeling like it was a horrible mistake to insist on getting this cat. My DH should not have to fight to breathe in his own home. Further, I'm beginning to look at DH as an aging man who is being damaged by this assault on his lungs. I look at this man I love dearly, his children who need to have him around, etc. and I feel that this is a much more serious issue than being inconvenienced. With the right kind of illness (pneumonia, etc.), DH could wind up in the hospital or worse if his lungs are already compromised.
The good news is that my cat is a legend at the Cat vet. He is treated like a rockstar there. All the technicians fight to be the one to come in the room with him and assist the doc. Even the doc seems smitten with him. I'm pretty certain if I tell them Ronin needs a new home, I'll have more than few cat fanatics that will shower him with love and attention jump at the chance to take him.
I mentioned gently to DD this morning that i think we need to find Ronin a new home so Daddy can breathe. She started crying and said she "didn't want just a dog." And wanted to know if we could get another cat. I told her that Dad's lungs hurt from the cat and so on and that we need to keep Daddy healthy. She said "but he's not in here" (meaning the cat not being in the room). She doesn't totally understand the way allergies work of course. My concerns are as follows:
1. I don't want DD to resent Daddy for being the reason the cat is leaving. I did explain to her that this was not Daddy's idea but Mommy's because Mommy loves Daddy so much.
2. I don't want to scare the crap of her about Daddy's health, but I also want her to understand that its not just an inconvenience to Daddy but that he could be very very sick because of this.
3. I don't know how to handle the actual placement of the cat. I would feel kind of wrong just whisking him away and telling her after the fact, but I also feel like a whole "say goodbye" episode could be far more traumatic.
Has anyone else been through this? What did you do? I did have a talk with DD later and asked her how involved she wanted to be with this process. I told her that I know its a sad situation but we love Ronin and we love Daddy and this is best for them both. She seemed sad but not as emotional at the second mention of this. She did say she wants to go with me when we give away Ronin.
On my 7th birthday, my parents put my dog to sleep without telling me. I realized later she was gone and I was sad and cried, but I don't remember feeling f'ed over by it. On the flip side, I know a girl in elementary whose mom brought her dog to the school to say goodbye to her before they put her to sleep. This poor girl was a mess. She pretty much had to be pried off the dog. I really don't know which is worse. And while we aren't putting Ronin to sleep, it is still a big loss for DD.
Sorry for the novel, but any insight you have would be great. I'm really at a loss here.
XOXO
B
: (7/2006) & a yard full of 
: waiting impatiently for late April 2010! 
Linear Mode
