19 month old DD not good at sharing

dexlor · 11-07-2009, 05:59 PM

Not that I think at this age, that they should get the concept of sharing yet. But I see others her age and I don't always them react the way she does. First of all, when we go to playgroups with her age range...she is more clingy to mommy or daddy and has no interest in the wee ones. If another child her age approaches her she looks warily at them, then either runs to me or DH or yells "NO" at them. Today at the playground we ran into a "friend" from playgroup. She had a bit of a hissy fit because she got on the playset (slide, climby things) with her. She does this with the cats at home too. If they walk on her blanket or get near her blocks or whatever, she yells and says "No". I don't know where she gets this from. We don't watch TV (except for an Elmo dvd where he yells "mine" when Zoe holds his blanket). She is in daycare and is the youngest (3 days a week and only 4 other kids). We try to say "gentle voice"..."be gentle". I don't know how to curb this. I'm starting to feel like I've done something wrong, but not sure what. What should I say when she does this? What should I do? I also know DH and I aren't a model for this behavior as we never argue (when we have a disagreement, we just are not as goofy and are more quiet).

Thanks!

Shami · 11-07-2009, 10:03 PM

My dd was and still is a like this, although she is mellowing out a bit. She just turned two, but at 19 months she was just like this. We always modeled gentle friendly behavior, but at that age, they just can't do it yet. Even now I wonder what is she thinking? For example, a little girl she knows well, will run to her smiling and saying her name because she is excited to see her. My dd will run to me and hide, or she may hold her hand out and say, No! Sometimes if someone gets in her space goo gooing at her (say, another child a little older) she might even pinch their face. I am always horrified. On the other hand, i don't think I'll have to worry about her being bullied on the playground. It's almost like she cannot read their emotions. Why in the world a happy child running and calling her name would freak her out is beyond me. So, I am working on telling her about emotions. There is a term for emotional intelligence I think it is emotion IQ, or something like that. I draw faces and talk about how I look when I am ____________. And now that she is older I talk about the meaning behind different faces and reactions and such. I just take opportunities out in public and during play times to point out different emotions and reactions among people. Sort of matter of fact.
About the modeling, which I wholeheartedly believe in as my main form of discipline, since I am always (usually) gentle and friendly, I was wondering where she gets this kind of behavior. I think it is innate and is possibly a form of self preservation. She is an only child and rarely has to share.

Many times children lie about things or say they didn't do it when they did do it. Parents don't typically model this negative behavior, so where do they get it? It must be a form of self preservation that is innate. I guess we have to help them figure out what is right and wrong and how to fix things when they mess up.
Hope more chime in...love to hear others' thoughts, since I have pondered this so much.

dexlor · 11-08-2009, 10:55 AM

Thanks for your response! We do show her different emotions a lot, even in books that aren't about feelings per say, just that illustrate them. And if she's sad, happy, frustrated, we say it and tell her how we know "you are crying, you are smiling, etc..). It helps to know that this is typical for some kids and we may never know why. Sounds like your DD is being raised in a loving, caring environment!

I would love to hear from others too! Thanks again!