How do you feel about your midwives (or birth attendents)

[mtnmoonmama]

Originally Posted by Katie34

Okay, so here is the thing that is really making me mad right now! And I must say that sometimes I get mad about somehting and vehement about it and later feel mellow or differently about it.
But right now I am feeling mad that my midwives are charging me $3600 to attend my birth.
And this is why: I am hoping that their presence will be somewhat like what J-Bean described in her post on this thread. In which the midwives will be there, but they will mostly be popping in and out and doing a little but not at the center.
So- then I have to pay them $3600 all out of pocket, just to be at my birth?
anyway- I am meeting with them tomorrow for my monthly check in. Please don't flame me for this, I am just venting my own personal experience of this right now. Which is that we have a bunch of expenses right now, like most people. Paying for heating for the winter, trying to get a new bed and some baby things. Some house repairs, general things. And we are fine with it- it is just life.
But I guess my point is that in some ways I wish I were courageous enough to do unassisted rather than pay 3600 to midwives just to be there.
And I know there is a chance I may need them, I guess. And ideally I would like some kind women who have attended births to be at my first birth and assist me if I need it.
I just think they should charge $1000, or maybe $200o. But $3600, when my only other choice is hospital birth or unassisted, just feels way extreme and I feel resentful of it.
(it kind of feels like extortion - to be extreme here and express my vehemence )in that I want a home birth, yet my health insurance (blue cross) will pay for a hospital birth in full- but not a cent for my home birth! So I am mad that #1) the system in which I pay my monthyl insurance gives full pay for hospital birth and not a cent for homebirth- that is messed up and
2) the midwives, knowing that most insurances where we are do not pay for homebirth, charge each of us $3600 to do a homebirth!
Again- I am just pissed off in this moment about this and so venting strongly. Knowing myself, when I type an opinionated post like this on MDC I usually regret it and often delete it later! Because I get non supportive responses telling me why I shouldn't have my strong opinion and showing me the reasons why I am wrong.
If anyone had one of those, I apologize if I have been offensive but I am just venting my own feelings of having to pay my midwives 3600 that I could so use for other things right now, for somehting that I feel is just them attending my birth.

Katie, I feel the same way and my midwives only charge 1000 (or 1200, can't remember). Luckily my insurance does pay for midwifery care here and that 1000 is extra, to pay for their extra home birth insurance (which I get - I know they don't get full reimbursement from the insurance...). I am still having a hard time with it - mostly because I did pay it last time and my son came so fast that they weren't here (nor needed, for that matter). So, I felt a little ripped off....which is why we are kind of planning to go unassisted this time - although I feel like I'm being dishonest with them in a way. I decided I am going just going to have to talk to them next appt and ask flat out if they will still support me if I decide to go UC - like will they still give me prenatal care and would they come over to do a postpartum and newborn check. I'm scared to ask for some reason though! So silly. I have an appt thurs, so I'll let you know how it goes! Don't feel bad for feeling like that though - it is a lot of money!

[Katie34]

mtnmoonmama Thank You!! I am really glad someone understands how I feel. I feel a little like- oh well, this is my first time so I don't have the "right "to say that maybe they aren't that needed. Yet my instinct is that they will really be on the periphery. Already when we meet it is rather silly- we just sit and chat for an hour. It is fine and all- but in all- the amount of money does not feel right. And we could use that money for so many other things right now. I am so glad you feel the same way- I mean, not that you feel that way but that you understand how I feel and support it.

so how are you meeting with them right now and going UC in terms of payment? Like, for me- I have paid them half and still owe them 1800. argh. I don't know. vent sigh grumble

[aramat]

$3600 does seem like a lot to me, but I can't remember where you live. I know doulas who work for free in some places, charge $400 in others, and charge over $1000 in major metro areas--so I imagine midwifery fees can vary greatly.

Almost a decade ago, in Texas, we paid an OB about $2500 for a vaginal birth, although we also had to pay the incredible hospital fees afterward (uninsured). He was not present at the birth OR the postpartum visit, and we had the typical 20-minute appointments after sitting in a waiting room forever.

In Georgia, we paid $2500 to our homebirth midwife, including all appointments, which were at least an hour long--but which I had a looong drive to get to. I ended up using ALL of my sick and vacation time for the YEAR in order to make all my midwife appointments--which SUCKED because I went back to work full-time when baby was six weeks old, and I could no longer leave the office for less than an emergency! I did not have luck getting insurance to reimburse afterward, but I was not persistent. I was thrilled not to have a hospital bill. I did opt to visit an OB/GYN a few weeks after the birth to have my stitches checked (b/c it was a complicated tear -- but the doc said my midwife did do a good job stitching) and skipped my midwife's 6-wk check-up.

In Brazil, we are paying $4000 for the birth, but also $150 for each appointment, which is usually about two hours long and in our home. I actually feel like we are getting a serious deal, even though at first we thought it was too much to pay; we had met another midwife first, and she charges about half of this. BUT, turned out she was not nearly as experienced, so I'm feeling very glad I didn't let money affect my decision.

Katie, if there are any complications in the birth or postpartum period, you won't mind the money you spent if the midwife is good. And if there are no complications (and there won't be), you can get your UC next time... So you can think of the current payment divided in two--$1800 for this birth, and $1800 for peace of mind in the next birth.

Maybe you can get on the horn with the insurance company and give them a piece of your mind while you're still feeling testy. I hate when they don't want to cover CHEAP, SAFE HOMEBIRTHS--especially AFTER an uncomplicated birth has taken place!

[mtnmoonmama]

Originally Posted by Katie34

mtnmoonmama Thank You!! I am really glad someone understands how I feel. I feel a little like- oh well, this is my first time so I don't have the "right "to say that maybe they aren't that needed. Yet my instinct is that they will really be on the periphery. Already when we meet it is rather silly- we just sit and chat for an hour. It is fine and all- but in all- the amount of money does not feel right. And we could use that money for so many other things right now. I am so glad you feel the same way- I mean, not that you feel that way but that you understand how I feel and support it.

so how are you meeting with them right now and going UC in terms of payment? Like, for me- I have paid them half and still owe them 1800. argh. I don't know. vent sigh grumble

Yeah, you sound like me in that you really don't need the support! I wouldn't want to sit and chat with my midwives for an hour - I've got s**t to do, lol! I know some people have wonderful relationships with their care providers and that is awesome, but I've just never felt like I'm there to make friends....

My insurance pays for all the prenatals and I actually just received the bill for the 'homebirth fee' which would be due next week. They also have full hospital privileges, so if I chose a hospital birth the insurance would cover it and I wouldn't have any out of pocket expense - so, originally I thought I'd just go along like I was planning a hospital birth, then 'oops' have the baby at home....but I really don't feel okay with being sneaky about it. I'm just scared they won't support me - or worse, try to scare me out of it. They've joked about having someone camp out at my house around my due date because of my last birth - but also, at my first appt, when I mentioned that for financial reasons we might need to choose a hospital birth, the midwife said "I don't blame you and if the baby comes as fast someone will just come over to check you"...so, it sounds like it would be okay......just not sure if they'd feel the same if it was 'planned' that way....I know, I'm rambling!

[Katie34]

mtnmoonmama you are not rambling. I am interested in your story and would like to hear it.
It is an interesting journey- trusting oneself, and how far to take that about childbirth.
And finding where to make compromises. And the crazy exorbitant prices of medicine related things.
That is great that your insurance pays a good portion of your midwifery care. I hope it goes well for you when you talk with your midwives about this. So do you want to do an UC and then have them do pre and post natal check ups? Or owuld you rather have them there and it is just the money issue?

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

Ugh - thank you for reminding me ONCE AGAIN how lucky I am to live in a province where midwifery care is fully provided by the province (as is OB care). It would completely suck to have to deal with financial issues as well as everything else to do with pre- and post-natal care. I do have exorbitant fertility treatments to pay off, but at least I know there's no new bills racking up.

I know it's different for everyone, but I really did appreciate a knowledgeable woman being present at our first birth, to guide us through the process and reassure us. In our case it was a great L&D nurse, but she was a midwife in my eyes. OB popped in for 4 minutes to catch the baby. I'd have been very annoyed if I'd paid out of pocket for that!!

[Katie34]

Yeah, I really do like the idea of a knowledgeable woman to be at my birth. I really want that. It is just the money thing, I think.

[mtnmoonmama]

Originally Posted by Katie34

So do you want to do an UC and then have them do pre and post natal check ups? Or owuld you rather have them there and it is just the money issue?

Yes, really I'd like to do an UC and have the pre and post checkups - my ultimate dream is to birth totally alone....but I feel like i'd be cheating my dh out of something so beautiful that I wouldn't do that. I am someone who likes quiet and activity around me in birth is just distracting. Then there is always the nagging 'what if's' that make me question whether I'm being too confident in having this baby uc. If something went wrong, could I forgive myself? Probably not. We live 5 min from the hospital though and if something didn't feel right, I would go in a heartbeat. My son was just sooo fast! Hopefully I'm not fooling myself in thinking this one will be too
I suppose my plan will just have to be that if time is not on my side, I'll head in for a hospital birth, but, when baby comes quick I'll be realdy!

I may have told this story already, but in case I didn't....I woke up to a contraction, had 3 more, thought I had to go to the bathroom (thinking, alright, I'm cleaning out, baby's coming today!) went and sat on the toilet and Kenji crowned! I yelled for my dh, squated next to the toilet and next contraction had my baby. It was AMAZING!!!

[Katie34]

ah. I totally made peace with my midwives today. Dh and I went to our monthly meeting with them. This is kind of how I work, I get pretty charged up about something and then process it intensely- but then I can come to peace with it.
I can understand- now- the amount they charge and am glad to have them on my team.I only feel sort of embarrassed and annoyed that I spewed my stressed moment on the homebirth page and now I have all this stuff out there which Idon't even feel anymore!

Anyway- we had a really peaceful meeting today.

[SheBear]

Originally Posted by Thandiwe

I was very saddened by the lack of interest and professionalism regarding those issues, and so there really was not a strong relationship. Unfortunately, I had placed a lot more emphasis on *that* relationship than on the one with my husband for the birth, so I was let down. This time I'm really focusing more on my husband and I for the birth. I just really felt disconnected from him last time because I wanted to rely too much on my m/w and her support/expertise. I didn't trust my own body or my relationship w/DH.

I can relate to so much of this!

I'm still feeling a bit raw from my last midwife's utter lack of anything resembling professionalism and care, so I'm a little bit scared to "like" this new midwife as much as I think I do.....gun-shy, I guess. Don't want to be disappointed again, if that makes sense.

But I am SOOOO with you on realizing the importance that--midwife aside--I've got to protect and nourish the relationship dh and I have, in general and relative to this birth.

My last birth was awful in that respect. I shut him out in a very ugly way. Not saying he didn't deserve it to some degree, but it really became quite yucky, and not just for the short-term. It definitely affected my ability to birth openly....added to the midwife-induced stress I was already feeling, it's no wonder that I was fully dilated but refusing to push for over 3 hours!

But even worse, to me, is that I can see in retrospect that I robbed him of the joy of his daughter's birth. He was there--he was supporting me physically and doing whatever was asked of him, but emotionally, he was very shut down and distanced from the process. I could tell at the time, but couldn't fix it, yk? And that's something I can never give him back--the chance to redo her birth in a way that we could share the joy and pain of the moment and experience it through a common bond of closeness.

So, that's my focus....I can't exactly change the way I am in birth--I'm not touchy-feely or lovey-dovey (neither is he!) but I am going to do everything in my power to keep us on the same wavelength and not stir up sh*t just because I can!

It's gotta be me and him....any outside support from a midwife or anyone else....that's just gravy!

[SheBear]

'sokay, Katie! That's a lot of money to throw down for ANYTHING....dh still has moments of resentment about the $ because he thinks with insurance a hosp. birth with an OB would be "free". Problem is, there's no such thing as free.....and he hasn't counted up the real cost--and I'm not speaking figuratively; I mean the actual financial cost of an OB and hosp. birth! Esp. since this pregnancy spans two calendar years, so in Jan our ins. will rolloever and we'll once again have to meet the deductible before ins will pick up anything!

I think he thinks that since we've done it before and know what we want, we could just waltz into a hospital birth and get what we want, the hospital "Machine" notwithstanding. I strongly disagree...I say you buy the hospital ticket, you better be prepared for the hospital ride! So, since I'm not willing to go UC (just not my thing) this is worth it to me. Doesn't mean it's easy to sign that check each time when all we really do is measure my fundus and talk about nothing in particular for an hour. But there are many many things I'm willing to sacrifice in order to be able to afford this. Quite frankly, even if we ended up with a transfer and had to pay hospital bills anyway, it would still be money well-spent, IMO.

[lostinspain]

I'm usually just a lurker, but this conversation has really interested me. My insurance paid for my first daughter's homebirth (800 Euros, which I thought was inexpensive). My second homebirth cost me about $1,500 out of pocket, although I could have had a "free" hospital birth. This included prenatal care, homevisits, etc. Though it was quite a bit more, it still seemed reasonable (probably because my income had also increased considerably)
Now I'm planning my third homebirth, and like you all, I feel like I could really do the whole thing on my own. And the bill for 1,800 Euros seems like pretty crazy inflation--until I started looking at what exactly the money is for.

My two professional, working midwives, with families of their own, will be on call 24 hours a day from the first day of my 37th week through the end of an (unlikely 42nd) week. And they'll split the money between them. I guess a little perspective helped me to take this a little more in stride. Really, even if all they do is arrive to write out a birth certificate and weigh the babyI think they'll have earned their pay.