i created monsters

poopzmom · 11-03-2009, 07:38 PM

I hate, no I loathe breastfeeding. I want to be done. They are monsters. They claw and grab at me all day. I can't sit down because it I do they pull at my shirt and scream. they scream and cry all day because all they want to do is be held and nursed. i feel like a failure. I feel like I would have been better off popping a bottle in their mouth and a pacifier putting them in a dark room and letting them cry when I had the chance. i tried letting them cry when they woke up last night. They were hysterical. Screaming, tears running down their face. I gave in because I just wanted sleep. I want to be done with nursing but they are such fanatics. I have scabs all over my body from the scratching and pinching while they nurse. I am angry and resentful and I want my body back. I nursed 2 babies for 15 months and I have had it. I see other babies all snuggled asleep with pacifiers happy and content and I feel like such a failure. I made these babies dependent on me and they are miserable all the time because I can't give them me all the time. I want to be done with nursing. I hate it. I hate it so much. I thought I was feeding my babies the way God intended it to be but how could this be the way He intended it to be if its so uncomfortable and down right horrible.

titania8 · 11-03-2009, 07:50 PM

is IS hard sometimes. i know i went through periods like that. but you are NOT a failure. you are to be commended- do you know how few moms of twins even consider nursing their twins? bravo to you.

it sounds like maybe they might be going through a growth spurt. is that possible? how old are they? might they be distracted by going outside for a walk or playing with a toy at the kitchen table/in a highchair? perhaps a snack?

is there any way you can get an hour or 2 break to regroup? i know for me that makes all the difference in my outlook and ability to handle the incredible neediness that is parenting, particularly parenting twins.

hang in there mama, it gets better.

**MCatLvrMom2A&X** · 11-03-2009, 07:55 PM

when was the last time you had a few hours to yourself? If there is any way at all try to do so if you havnt in a while.

Set boundaries on nursing. If they start to pinch or scratch then nursing time is over. Yes they will probably cry but they will learn fast to not hurt you or they dont get to nurse. I would also consider night weaning if you havnt already. This will give you a huge break at night. It will take time but it will be worth it in the end.

poopzmom · 11-03-2009, 08:27 PM

i haven't had a couple hours to myself since my before I had my daughter 3 1/2 years ago

My mom died 10 days ago so i am just so stressed out. And nursing 2 needy 15 month olds is just putting me over. I just get so jealous of other people who put their kids in a crib for hours and have hours every day to themselves. The girls scream hysterically if I unlatch them. They never sleep long unless I can't take it anymore and put them in the car and ride around for hours. I thought I was doing the right thing by not using pacifiers and co sleeping but now all I have is regret. Other moms put there babies in their rooms for 2-3 hours a day and then get another 12 hours at night. my babies don't go an hour on their own. I am doing something wrong. This is just exhausting and I feel like I messed up. They are so miserable all the time and so am I.

I really hate nursing this time around. I nursed my 3 year old for 22 months and she was the same way but there was only one of her. So I feel like its my fault they are all so dependent on me

OGirlieMama · 11-03-2009, 09:23 PM

You poor thing! I am so sorry for the loss of your mother - I cannot even imagine dealing with that grief and still taking care of 15-month-old twins. I don't have advice or words of wisdom, just a hug.

obxbound · 11-03-2009, 09:54 PM

Oh babe. I soooo wish I had good advice. I just want to reach through the computer and give you big hugs. I cannot imagine how difficult things are for you right now with loosing your mother, but add to it babies who need your attention. I just want to send you HUGE HUGE hugs.

@MCatLvrMom2A&X had some great ideas. They are old enough now to start setting some boundaries. Don't feel guilty doing that. You NEED it. It will help you be a better mother and gain your sanity back. I can tell you that I have days where my oldest and my twins are clawing at me (and I'm only nursing the twins) and I'm about to pull my hair out. I can't imagine the intestity of where you are.

While I nursed my oldest until he was 23 months as well, if you are feeling like its time to wean consider doing it. I am a firm believer that you and babies have to want to otherwise it is draining.

Before you make any decision, if it is at all possible please try to get some time to yourself. I know that can be so much easier said than done, but sometimes stepping away and outside gives you perspective. Not that it will change your mind, hell it might even reaffirm it, but at least you will make decisions with a clearer head. Don't forget about growth spurts, development stuff, and of course all of the complicated emotions that you are processing right now and how that is plays out with them.

Most importantly....PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK..I agree with the previous poster that most moms of twins don't consider nursing more or less make it 15 months!!!!! You are a very strong and determined woman to have made it this long.

I'm sorry for the ramblings.

ivymae · 11-03-2009, 10:13 PM

I saw this on recent posts, so I'm dropping in...

For nursing your little ones for 15 months. You've nursed for 30 months, not 15! That is something you should celebrate.

on losing your mom recently. I lost my mom 8 years ago this month, and I still have hard days every so often. Grieving is a physical process as well as an emotional one, so be gentle with yourself and everything you are feeling. I get touched out with my singleton, and I've not recently gone through a trauma - what you are feeling is normal, but that doesn't mean you just have to take it and deal. Nursing etiquette is important to learn, and I think it sets a good example of self care. I completely understand not having the energy to fight that battle right now, but it sounds like weaning would be a battle as well.

Insist on some time to yourself - can you pay a sitter? Can you bribe a friend? Are you active in a church or community group? You have given SO much to those around you, you need to refill your cup.

dknees · 11-04-2009, 07:16 AM

no advice, just wanted to send hugs.

esaesa · 11-04-2009, 07:20 AM

Sorry about your mom.

Been there w/ the nursing. My life totally changed when I set limits. It took dh's help of distraction and lots of juice/smoothies, but nursing 2 x a day is something I can keep up with as opposed to nursing two toddlers a jillion times a day. Like pps said, you have done a great job making it this far. Only 12% of multiple moms even attempt nursing. What you've done is astounding. Any decision you make for the good of your family and your sanity is ok.

Intertwined · 11-04-2009, 09:04 AM

I have been absolutely blown away by how hard it is to nurse twin toddlers. BLOWN AWAY. I nursed my third to 16 months and my second to 12 months and then she started nursing again for a while when she had just turned 2. And still, it's been NOTHING like nursing two 17 month old babies. There are some days when I want to hide. I don't sit down much because as soon as my butt hits the couch they are all over me. There are MANY days when I want to be done, too.

I do want to point out that you might be feeling a bit like the grass is greener. I bottle fed and pacifiered my first two babies and I didn't really get that much more sleep. They still cried and were extremely needy at this age. It's just part of the year and half year old crowd.

You haven't done anything wrong, I promise.

I am so, so sorry to hear about your Mom. That must be terrible. I lost my beloved grandmother 11 year ago and I still ache inside; although time has done much to soften the pain. Please be gentle with yourself. And I second (third?) the idea of trying anything to get out and get some time to yourself to greive. My husband and I are going through a separation right now and I'm extremely short on patience and grace with my children unless I am getting regular breaks.

You've done a wonderful job for your babies Mama. It's time to start lovingly setting some boundaries for your sweet darlings. No more pinching or scratching. If they do, they have to get down and stop nursing. They will NOT like it but I bet they are pretty smart and will pick it up very quickly. Nursing nice=nursing long. Being mean means you have to go down.

shukr · 11-04-2009, 09:55 AM

nursing multiples is intense on the sunniest of days, let alone in the depths of shock and grief

my dear friend weaned her singleton at 6 months when her mum died. she couldn't process everything and be giving to her dd in that way too, so your heightened distress is totally understandable and normal.

that doesn't mean you can't set some new boundaries and keep nursing. they are probably extra clingy because you are trying to work through some seriously strong emotions and dc's tend to extra cling to us in those times to stabilise themselves too.

can any other family give them extra cuddles and story time to take some pressure off you?

blessings
xxx

4Marmalade · 11-04-2009, 12:25 PM

So sorry that you are going through a rough time.

Nursing twins is hard. Even when you are in a good mindset and have other things under control. It's still hard.

My twins are 16.5 months and I am going through similar situations. You would think that nursing toddlers twice before this would help me know what to expect, be more patient and know that each step is a phase but it doesn't. I still get annoyed, frustrated and look for the easy way out.

Like many of the pp's said I think now is the time to set limits. My two are becoming much more demanding and while I don't mind nursing often I do mind them poking at each other, making each other cry and the refusing to let go when I'm done. I can only tandem for so long and if it's much past my limit and they refuse to let go I get so squirmy and irritated and just want to cry. It would be so helpful to have someone around to help you while you set those limits. So, when you unlatch them and they cry, there is someone there to take them outside for a walk, read them a story, etc... I know it doesn't seem that simple. Many times my two cry even when dh takes them.

At night we started to encourage nightweaning by having them sleep with dh and I went to another room. They would fuss a bit (more angry than sad) but surprisingly went back to sleep fairly quickly. We were down to them nursing only 1-2x/night (which is totally fine with me) as opposed to the 10+ times. Unfortunately, they were recently sick so I went back into bed with them and the nursing increased. It was fine while they were sick but now that they're better I need to leave again because they woke up sooo many times last night. Is there someone who can help with some of the night time wakings?

I know that I've gone through times feeling that I've done something wrong to create the mess we're in. But that's when things are bad. When you get to the light on the other side (and I cross my fingers that that time is coming soon) you will hopefully feel very differently and know that you did the absolute best you could at the time and that your children are thriving and your love for them is why you made the choices you did.

Take care.

kjoy2 · 11-04-2009, 04:15 PM

A million hugs to you

The other ladies have offered wonderful advice. I think that if you & your DH work together to night wean the babes, then the solid sleep you will start getting will do wonders for everyone in the family.

beckyand3littlemonsters · 11-04-2009, 05:50 PM

to you mama, i can't offer advice as i don't have twins i think your amazeing to be still breastfeeding twins at 15 months not may singleton mums even manage that, hell with chloe and cameron i didn't manage that. try not to beat yourself up too much you are doing a great job.

mom_of_steele · 11-04-2009, 09:31 PM

Props to you for nursing that long! My boys are 2 weeks today and I think I am going to go insane! I'd say you have done a really good job already. I think your sanity is pretty important...if I were you, I certainly wouldn't feel guilty for weening at that point. You have to have balance, ya know?

Freud · 11-05-2009, 12:16 AM

Hugs to you. Just know that it is okay for you to stop nursing. You've done a great job and you're not a bad person/mom for wanting to stop. Do what is best for you.

wbg · 11-05-2009, 07:19 AM

Big hugs Mama!

In the interest of full disclosure I am not a twin Mama! My first 3 arrived pretty close to each other, but not at the same time so I know that I can not give you first hand twin super mama knowledge.

You are just awesome. And it is okay to be exhausted! Your little "monsters" have been given the best start in life! Right now, they are living the dream! It is such an exhausting age that they are at.

I am only feeding a singleton at the moment and it is a roller coaster. For a few weeks she nurses mainly at bedtime, in the morning and once or twice between that. Then suddenly, she goes on a feeding, nursing rampage and my breasts feel literally abused! I can not begin to imagine that feeling doubled.

Some things that help are letting DH get her in the night and I sleep in a different room. Sometimes this works out great. Other times, it makes no use, only her Mum and her abused boobs will work!

On weekends letting him take her out for a few hours somewhere fun and distracting so she does not miss me and I can just move freely in my own space without being at her back and call for a feed.

Anyway Mama...you are a rock star. I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom and wish you much love and warmth and support during this time.

Any chance you can find a lactation counsellor/ postpartum doula that could come and support you a little in the week? If finances are tight, consider trying to find a student who would welcome the experience at a reduced fee. I hope you find the best path for you and your little ones.

twin_mama · 11-11-2009, 04:34 PM

You've nursed your twins for 15 months!?!?!?! You are my hero....I quit after 6 months. It was the hardest. thing. I've. every. TRIED. to. do.

I just wanted to say wow...kudos to you. I'm very impressed.

BabyMae09 · 11-11-2009, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twin_mama

You've nursed your twins for 15 months!?!?!?! You are my hero....I quit after 6 months. It was the hardest. thing. I've. every. TRIED. to. do.

I just wanted to say wow...kudos to you. I'm very impressed.

you are amazing. i saw a woman last night with twin boys, and she and her dh were bottle feeding them. they were about six months old, and i remember thinking 'well, all four people in that family look happy and well-fed!'

and you've gotten some great advice!!