Hi moms
I decided to start this thread because it seemed like there was a common hush about exactly what happens during a m/c and what you see. Specifically I am talking about looking at the baby, describing what he/she looked like and how it made you feel. I'm not sure if it's because it's too painful to describe what happened, or if we think it might be too painful for others to read, or if maybe we might think it's too graphic....
But I learned tonight that it can be very therapeautic.
So a disclaimer here--if you think this may stir up emotions that you aren't ready to feel, or if this may be too heavy for you, please stop here.
For me it was a little different. I just experienced a blighted ovum and learned about it around week 10. The u/s showed a 6 week placenta/sac.
I still felt a loss, but mostly I have been a little frustrated and very disappointed. I'm not the world's most patient person and having to start over again for me just seems to suck.
I'm not a good first trimester person. Constantly pouring over the internet and books waiting to see when my baby will look like a baby, when each ear pops through, when the paddles turn into arms.... I just can't wait for each step. Plus being a chronic HPT'er who has access to doing them via serum rather than urine, I find out earlier than the average person. I'm crazy, by the way ;o)
Almost exactly a week from when I went to the ER with spotting, I m/c on my own. It took about an hour and began with period like cramping. Prior to it, I was experiencing period type bleeding but not many clots (very tiny ones if any), and no cramping at all.
So when I started cramping I knew that was probably it.
It was just like labor because I remember not wanting to move AT ALL which is how I felt with both of my labors. So I just waited and breathed... It felt like early to mid labor. I felt a few gushes from time to time but after one of them I immediately felt COMPLETELY different and it was over. I kind of thought it was a break because I didn't feel anything come out, yet I felt so different, just very alert. Strange.
So I went to the bathroom and as soon as I sat down, PLOP! It really shocked me. I fished it out and it was the placenta. It was kind of the size and shape of half of a large banana. I didn't see a sac which is what I really wanted to take a look at. I thought maybe it had broken and was part of what I thought was a membrane on the placenta.
I left if alone for a while but then went back to it because I just had to take a look at this wonderful thing that my body had made even though it didn't house a baby. I still felt like it was a special and marvelous thing.
It kind of looked like a tumor!!!
I nosed around in it for a while and then saw on the surface a tiny clear spot and scraped away what was on top of it and found the sac! I was just amazed at how tough it was. I guess it would make sense for it to be tough, but you just never realize! It was the size of a grape which kind of confused me, I thought it would be bigger. I had to pop it to look inside in case there was something there that the u/s didn't see. Also just because of curiosity. For some funny reason I was thinking "We have clear fluid!" LIke there'd be meconium (too much baby story lol).
After that I put it in a baggie and put it into the freezer. I'm not sure what to do with it since we don't own the home we live in right now and don't want to bury it some place where I won't be staying. I just feel as if I should respect it and keep it and do something cool with it. I made it! I'm proud of it anyway. It's what made my boobs sore for 2 months. It's an amazing thing.
I'm amazed at my body for doing it on its own. This is the first birth I've had where my body decided when to birth and not a doctor. This could have happened too--an ob could have asked me to have a d&c just like they asked me to be induced. TWICE.
But I did it naturally and easily at home. A nice preparation for my upcoming homebirth which will hopefully happen within a year's time.
I realize I was very lucky; I've read of many women who have problems afterwards with excessive bleeding and what have you. But it's important for everyone to share the experience that THEY had so we can understand how everyone is different and also have an idea of the different scenarios.
I also realize how lucky I am in another respect; that because I've had two normal, healthy full term pregnancies, I am confident that I can produce another one. That's not to say I'm not scared to death that something can go awry; I can't stop thinking about it sometimes. But at least I can be at peace knowing that my body can do it.
Some of you mommas have some very difficult stories to tell and don't have the luxury of *knowing*. My heart goes out to you and I know that your strength can come from a place just as important.
Take care
Karen
I decided to start this thread because it seemed like there was a common hush about exactly what happens during a m/c and what you see. Specifically I am talking about looking at the baby, describing what he/she looked like and how it made you feel. I'm not sure if it's because it's too painful to describe what happened, or if we think it might be too painful for others to read, or if maybe we might think it's too graphic....
But I learned tonight that it can be very therapeautic.
So a disclaimer here--if you think this may stir up emotions that you aren't ready to feel, or if this may be too heavy for you, please stop here.
For me it was a little different. I just experienced a blighted ovum and learned about it around week 10. The u/s showed a 6 week placenta/sac.
I still felt a loss, but mostly I have been a little frustrated and very disappointed. I'm not the world's most patient person and having to start over again for me just seems to suck.
I'm not a good first trimester person. Constantly pouring over the internet and books waiting to see when my baby will look like a baby, when each ear pops through, when the paddles turn into arms.... I just can't wait for each step. Plus being a chronic HPT'er who has access to doing them via serum rather than urine, I find out earlier than the average person. I'm crazy, by the way ;o)
Almost exactly a week from when I went to the ER with spotting, I m/c on my own. It took about an hour and began with period like cramping. Prior to it, I was experiencing period type bleeding but not many clots (very tiny ones if any), and no cramping at all.
So when I started cramping I knew that was probably it.
It was just like labor because I remember not wanting to move AT ALL which is how I felt with both of my labors. So I just waited and breathed... It felt like early to mid labor. I felt a few gushes from time to time but after one of them I immediately felt COMPLETELY different and it was over. I kind of thought it was a break because I didn't feel anything come out, yet I felt so different, just very alert. Strange.
So I went to the bathroom and as soon as I sat down, PLOP! It really shocked me. I fished it out and it was the placenta. It was kind of the size and shape of half of a large banana. I didn't see a sac which is what I really wanted to take a look at. I thought maybe it had broken and was part of what I thought was a membrane on the placenta.
I left if alone for a while but then went back to it because I just had to take a look at this wonderful thing that my body had made even though it didn't house a baby. I still felt like it was a special and marvelous thing.
It kind of looked like a tumor!!!
I nosed around in it for a while and then saw on the surface a tiny clear spot and scraped away what was on top of it and found the sac! I was just amazed at how tough it was. I guess it would make sense for it to be tough, but you just never realize! It was the size of a grape which kind of confused me, I thought it would be bigger. I had to pop it to look inside in case there was something there that the u/s didn't see. Also just because of curiosity. For some funny reason I was thinking "We have clear fluid!" LIke there'd be meconium (too much baby story lol).
After that I put it in a baggie and put it into the freezer. I'm not sure what to do with it since we don't own the home we live in right now and don't want to bury it some place where I won't be staying. I just feel as if I should respect it and keep it and do something cool with it. I made it! I'm proud of it anyway. It's what made my boobs sore for 2 months. It's an amazing thing.
I'm amazed at my body for doing it on its own. This is the first birth I've had where my body decided when to birth and not a doctor. This could have happened too--an ob could have asked me to have a d&c just like they asked me to be induced. TWICE.
But I did it naturally and easily at home. A nice preparation for my upcoming homebirth which will hopefully happen within a year's time.
I realize I was very lucky; I've read of many women who have problems afterwards with excessive bleeding and what have you. But it's important for everyone to share the experience that THEY had so we can understand how everyone is different and also have an idea of the different scenarios.
I also realize how lucky I am in another respect; that because I've had two normal, healthy full term pregnancies, I am confident that I can produce another one. That's not to say I'm not scared to death that something can go awry; I can't stop thinking about it sometimes. But at least I can be at peace knowing that my body can do it.
Some of you mommas have some very difficult stories to tell and don't have the luxury of *knowing*. My heart goes out to you and I know that your strength can come from a place just as important.
Take care
Karen