Homeschooling vs. Private school

[lovelee]

I'm not really sure where to put this post

We have been homeschooling since kindergarten (last year) and did first grade this year. However my husband and I decided to put her in a private christian school after Christmas break, so she is scheduled to start tomorrow.

I don't know how to feel, I've had a HORRIBLE time trying to process all my feelings concerning homeschooling and school.

I need to start by saying that my MAIN reason for "wanting" to homeschool is simply just to be with her (them). I like being with my kids (6, 3 and 8 mo.)and can't imagine them being gone all day!! However, I do not have a strong desire to be their "teacher". I also do not necessarily feel comfortable with the unschooling approach hence my delima. We get "on track" and do a couple of weeks of "school" which she does love (and always shows amazing prgress), but with proding (which I HATE).

I don't know if my problem is a "control issue", or if I'm being overly controling, or if I'm just holding on too tight. I don't want to smother them.

The other thing that bothers me is that weve never really fit into our local homeschool group and so I don't have any support and she doesn't really have any friends. She is a SUPER social person and complains to me all the time about not being able to be around any kids.

When we are all with each other ALL day every day then we are fighting. I also don't want all our memories of school at home to be negative.

I intend to do all these great "schooling" opportunities like go to the nature centers and the homeschooing field trips, but we just never get to it. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding her back by homeschooling her, that I don't give her what she needs. I find myself making excuses becuse of having a baby around. However I'm not the first person to have a baby and homeschool, so then I feel like I'm just making excuses and being lazy.

My husband is fine either way and supports me in whatever "I" decide, however the main educating responcabilities are mine, so he has left it up to me to make the final decision. He does have a preference to school though.

BUT, when I think of her going to school tomorrow I feel like I'm having a panic attack. In my mind I'm saying, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it!"
I think of all the family experiences she'll miss, she plays with her baby sister all the time and I think of all the experiences in her life I'll miss, like writing a good "R" and her art pictures, etc...

I keep trying to tell myself it isn't final and forever and if it doesn't work out we can pull her out, but I don't think that will happen. She is SOOOO excited to start tomorrow and quite frankly I think she will love it. She went last week and met with her new teacher (who is wonderful) and she just can't wait to be there. I'm glad she's looking forward to it, and I don't want to impart my reservations on her (though I don't know how I'll take her with out sobbing). I don't want to loose her...

I don't know if my "feelings" are legitimate. If I really shouldn't go through with it, or if it's just "first day of school jitters" that I just need to deal with.
Any insight is greatly appreciated, I need it!!

[chfriend]

I don't have any words of wisdom, except that if it doesn't work for you and your dd you can always change your minds. Maybe this move will help both of you clarify what you both need and want.

If she loves it, that will let you both know something important. If she doesn't you can both get a fresh perspective on what you're doing at home.

[Monda]

Durring my childhood I was Hsed, and went to both public and private schools at dif times in life. The Christian school I went to was small and used Abeka books (a good but expensive option). I stayed way ahead of grade level in that school and had a few friends. Private schools still have many of the problems of PS but not as bad...it is still the traditional set up with workbooks and texts reports and grades, but the class size is usualy small and keeps things in focus. I think it is a good option with HS is not working. In fact, I still think that if we could afford it, my kids would be in private rather that HS simply for the friends factor. But I def consider HS or Private heads and tails above PS.

[phathui5]

We personally wouldn't use a normal provate school for our kids, even if it was Christian and had smaller classes. One of my big reasons for homeschooling is wanting them to have freedom and flexibility and I don't think that you can get that at any traditional school setting.

And I know this one isn't a big deal to a lot of people, but I'll never put my kids in a situation where they have to ask someone else's permission to go to the bathroom. If you have to go, you just go. It's not up to someone else to decide.

[Fieryfly]

No real insight here, other than I am planning on sending my homeschooled 9yo to ps next fall. He wants to go and is very excited about it.

I have a friend who sent her DD to ps for first grade this year. For my friend, it seemed that homeschooling wasn't working out the way she had envisioned it, and yes she had a toddler at home too.

It is true that your DD's family time will be reduced, but the experienced have not disappeared forever. Schooling decisions are not set in stone, and as you mentioned, homeschooling may be a good option at another point in time. If you are worried about lack of family time and opportunities to do those enrichment things(visit nature centers, etc) they can still be done with lots of planning and persistance. There will be evenings, weekends and school vacations that will allow for uninterrupted sibling playtime.

Good luck with the first day tomorrow!

[MaWhit]

Since it is so close and she's so excited about it, I'd go ahead with a trial. But know that this is not just a change in education, but in lifestyle, and let her know this, too. If it is not working for the whole family, you can change course. If you withdraw her, get her feedback on her favorite things about school and try to bring some of that home. Friends? Invite some over for playdates. Recess? Invite her friends for playdates in the park, and show her that she can go even more often. Certain classes? Well, put her in classes outside of the home. This would also address this issue:

When we are all with each other ALL day every day then we are fighting.

This doesn't have to be fixed in stone. Life is fluid and ever changing, as this will be. ((hugs))

[Openskyheart]

Both of my kids used to go to a great little private school. We prefer homeschooling, but it wasn't *terrible* and my dd especially still has great friends from her school.

Two years ago, when it was apparent that school was not the best place for ds to be, we gave both of the kids a choice - to stay in school, or to homeschool. My son, then 8, chose to homeschool. My dd, then 6. chose to stay in school. Last spring, at 7 1/2, she chose to join us in homeschooling. I honestly don't know if we will homeschool all the way through until adulthood. It's really up to them. If tomorrow either one or both woke up and said they wanted to go back to school, after checking to make sure it wasn't just a passing fancy, and making sure that that was what they truly wanted, off to school they would go.

Homeschooling is not for every kid or every family. And that's O.K. If you feel good about the teacher, and your dd is excited about going, then give it a shot. You *can* always change your mind at a later date. We are fortunate enough to have a homeschooling community in which we feel we fit *better* than we had in the school community. If we didn't have this kind of connection, I'm positive my dd would still be in school, and my son may even have decided to go back by now. I wouldn't underestimate the importance of social contact for certain kids. That's homeschooling philosophy heresy to some :LOL , but that's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it!

Laura

[Mamax3]

One of the great thing about homeschooling is that you can always come back to it, if ps isn't working for you.

My kids go to public school, I began the year fall 2003 homeschooling then found out I was pregnant and vomited 24/7 for 26 weeks, we ended up putting them into school because I couldn't get anything done with them schooling wise, and was too sick to even read to them or anything. They ended up loving school and so far we have been very happy with their teachers and friends. We are very involved and communicate regularly with their teachers.

I still fantasize about homeschooling one day, and probably will again someday, but for now, sending them to public school is working for us.

Good luck, and you will know soon whether it is right for you or not.

[lovelee]

Thanks everyone for the great responces!

She did go, and *she* is really enjoying it so far she says. At bedtime when we are laying alone together a few things have come out, things that have made her embarrased or whatnot, but so far she loves it. I suspected she would, that may change in a few weeks when its not "new" anymore, but it may not.

I MISS her terribly! I hate not being there and seeing all the things she's doing. I hate not having lunch with her, I hate not being there to be the one she ask questions of, I miss doing crafty things together, and her doing them at school instead. Yesterday, she got left behind in her classroom, because as the kids were heading for the gym she went back to check something at her desk. When she tried to go back to the group, they were too far ahead and she didn't know how to get to the gym so she sat alone in her classroom and drew. I know this doesn't seem like a huge thing, but I just hated not being able to be there for her and help her. It's probably just my being overly emotional right now.

My other concern is her homework at night. She brings home 2 mathsheets, spelling words, memory work, and reading. Last night it took us an hour (she must work slowly?) to do the math and spelling (we didn't practice memory work) and then she read for 15 minutes and I read to her for 25. Thats almost 2 hours of our night dedicated to school again! I had thought it would be best for her to do her homework quickly when she got home to leave the rest of the night free, however so far she gets her written work done, then it's time for supper, then we read and she has an hour for free time, ugh!

I think so far it's MORE work for me, so far (I know it's still early) I feel like *I'm* still homeschooling, just on top of her being gone all day. Maybe it's just like this because she's just getting started, I don't know.

We had an ice storm in our area and I've been watching the news and praying for a "schools out posting" funny it's me and not her! I soooo wish she could stay home today, and I can't wait till friday and she gets to be home all weekend! I guess I'm just feeling that life goes by so fast and now things are passing sooo much faster already, I just don't want to miss it
Anyway, I guess we are still in an adjusting phase, maybe it will get better...

Whit, I can definitely see how this is going to be a life style change.

Those of you who with kids in school, did you find the adjustment hard, if so HOW DID YOU DO IT??

Thanks

[Monda]

Originally Posted by bellafinn

I think so far it's MORE work for me, so far (I know it's still early) I feel like *I'm* still homeschooling, just on top of her being gone all day. Maybe it's just like this because she's just getting started, I don't know.


Thanks

This is a sad fact that I try to remind parents of when they think sending their kids to school will take a lot of the school work out of their (the parents) life. I think for grades 1-6 you spend about the same time either way, either Hsing or helping with school homework. Once they get older the school homework increases (usualy to 30-45min for each core subject) and since I have not hsed a child that age, I have no idea what amount of times it takes to HS at the level.

All this to say, set up a mental scale in your mind, balance back and foth how things are going, and if it becomes really unblanced, then decide what side is best for your family.

[lovelee]

How long is a fair try?? It just isn't feeling right to me. I'm still trying to sort through my feelings, but I don't *think* it's just because I miss her.

I don't want to make flaky decisions though and pull her out as a knee jerk reaction, so "if" I still continue to feel the same way, how long is long enough to see if this will work??

Thanks!

[mama_kass]

There are so many ways to find friends for your children besides sending them to school! Also, I think it is nice to send them to a class once a week that is theirs without Mommy. My son goes to a Science class and it is his choice if he wants me to stay or leave. Some weeks he wants me to stay and some weeks he feels like doing it alone. What about dance, soccer, girl scouts, potery class, ect.?

If you are all fighting a lot I would suggest two things. Maybe mama needs time to do things she really wants to do. Like going out with your friends once or twice a month. Maybe taking a class once a week. My other suggestion is to change your approach to education. I know lots of families that tell me that their approach to education changes every year to meet the needs of the family.

Are you just burnt out on hs? Take a break! Are there any laws in your state that say you can't take a couple of weeks off?

Whatever your choices are in the future I hope that it all works out.

One more thing. About the homework. There will be more and more every year and less time for playing and visiting with family. Ask anyone who has their child/ren in school.

[Linda KS]

Originally Posted by bellafinn

How long is a fair try?? It just isn't feeling right to me. I'm still trying to sort through my feelings, but I don't *think* it's just because I miss her.

I don't want to make flaky decisions though and pull her out as a knee jerk reaction, so "if" I still continue to feel the same way, how long is long enough to see if this will work??

Thanks!

I honestly don't you think you should pull her out just because you miss her. It isn't a matter of how long of a try, it is the reason behind it. The thing is, you weren't happy homeschooling AND you aren't happy with your DD in school. I think there is a bigger issue (not sure what) that you need to work through before making any changes. I think you need to work out your own happiness regardless of how your DD chooses to be educated.

Chances are that your Dd will eventual decide that school is a drag and want to come home on her own. I think you should welcome her with open arms when that happens -- if it is next week or next year. BUT I don't think that you should saddle her with your feelings because that is a burden that she doesn't need. This needs to be about her -- not her wanting to make you feel better.

About the homework -- what happens if you don't make her do it? One of my friends who homeschooled through 3rd grade had huge homework issues with her DS for about the first 8 weeks he attended 4th grade. She didn't make him do it because forcing him to do school work *didn't* work for them when they were homeschooling and was the whole reason he was in school. He eventually decided to do the work without is mother making him. After his first quarter at school he was settled in and doing well, but it was bumpy at first.

[anythingelse]

I would give it three to four weeks to make a choice and let her be the one to make the choice. That will be sufficent time for her to understand the workload she is taking on and the new peer group she is going to be interacting with.

If you had not already enrolled her my advice would be to stop homeschooling and just not do anything for a full year. She is only 6??? A child at that age can do 'nothing' for a full year and catch up on academic goals in a very short period of time prob one month of direct instruction for an hour a day. Read up on delaying academics and then sign her up for some homeschool brownie troop or a beginning dance class for to make girlfriends.


Also I would take this time to look at myself closely, to see if my personal emotional needs are getting met. What are you doing in the way of destressing for yourself?? This sounds like it has been a rough time. Be sure you are eating right, take your vitamins, get out for some walks enough if this is cruddy winter weather. I would be very honest about what my expectations are for my days of getting out of the house and goals I have and write them out. Are you disorganised about other things like fixing meals or cleaning house or errand running?? Is it just homeschooling?? Have you tried to simplify your life or daily routine?? Do you often feel tired? Have you had any blood work done since our last baby to rule out thyroid problems or have you had experienced signs of Post partum depression or problems recently breastfeeding like spells of mastitis??

If you change your mind tonight and withdraw her from the private school tomorrow I would not think you were a flake. I would respect your choice.

You could take that money you are going to spend on school now and join a gym for yourself that has childcare and a local children's museum or zoo to go to regularly. You could hire a teen aged homeschool girl to come in and tutor your daughter, or a preteen girl to read aloud to her and do art stuff together social things do not need to be kids your dd age

(((HUG)))
mom to ds16, ds10, ds7, and dd 5