were you promiscuous as a teen?

[meowee]

I hope this conversation is allowed (please keep it clean)! I am wondering if any of you were promiscuous as a teen and now regret it and/or do not want the same for you DC. This is slight spin off of the age limit for dating thread, where it was mentioned that often premature or excessive sexual activity in teens is sought out by the child/ teen to replace the nurturing they are not getting at home.

I know "promiscuous" may sound like a judgemental term, I don't mean it that way, just couldn't think of a better term.

[fire_in_july]

Originally Posted by meowee

This is slight spin off of the age limit for dating thread, where it was mentioned that often premature or excessive sexual activity in teens is sought out by the child/ teen to replace the nurturing they are not getting at home.

I was what some would consider as promiscuous as a teen (though compared to many I knew, I was very restrained )

But it was in no way to replace nurturing I was not getting at HOME. I have a fantastic family (seriously, people with messed-up families are always jealous of mine) who I am very grateful for.

It was to replace nurturing/approval/positive attention that I was not getting from my PEERS. I was the outcast at school, mocked and teased endlessly, too tall for my age, too busty for my age, too "gifted" and intellectual to fit in, socially inept with those my own age.

But older guys LOVED me. (okay, most did not *love* me, but you know what I mean). I was desperate for the approval of peers - meaning people who WEREN'T related to me and didn't "have" to love me and be around me.

I *don't* regret it. But I will always be sad that it was so hard for me to fit in with or be accepted by kids my own age. Of course, it still IS hard for me to fit in with mainstream society - I think you just learn to deal with it better as you get older. And it doesn't hurt that I have a beloved DP now to forge through life with sharing my "misfit" status. I think that's what I was looking for then - someone to share the load with, if that makes sense.

[mamameg]

Promiscuous as a teen, regret it.

I definately was seeking approval and love I didnt feel like I was getting at home, especially from my dad. My parents did the best they could and were not abusive in any way, but they are naturally non-emotive people and we did not express love much, follow through on discipline, or talk about conflict or any of that stuff that makes a teen feel like their parents care about what they are doing.

I should also note, there was a lot of alcohol involved with my promiscuity. Again...

NO, I do NOT want that for my daughter. It's one of my biggest fears, actually.

[fire_in_july]

I forgot to say - I truly do not care if my teens are sexually active, as long as they are RESPONSIBLE about it in regards to pregnancy, STDs, and lying to people/using them in a way the other person does not want - which is all a pretty hard task for most teens to manage.

What DOES bother me is the thought that any of my children could go through the emotional hell that is being the adolescent outcast - and I don't have any idea of how to prevent that from happening. You can't MAKE other people accept you if they don't want to.

[Red Sonja]

Originally Posted by fire_in_july

It was to replace nurturing/approval/positive attention that I was not getting from my PEERS. I was the outcast at school, mocked and teased endlessly, too tall for my age, too busty for my age, too "gifted" and intellectual to fit in, socially inept with those my own age.

Same here, except for the busty part.

Looking at it now, I do consider it promiscuous. Not by the number of people (which really wasn't that high), but by my lack of emotional involvement with them. My first time (I ended up marrying and divorcing the guy later) was very confusing and painful. Most of the other sexual relationships I had as a teen involved me trying to find what I thought sex "should" be like, if that makes any sense.

[jcw]

I totally regret it. I was definitely trying to find some love, as both my parents were emotionally unavailable to put it mildly. I am not against sex before marriage for my daughter, but I do think that it should be done consciously and not with many people. My daughter is not yet old enough to have sex, but I hope that our relationship is strong enough that she will be open with me and talk to me about these things and let me try to help guide her without judging her.

[Vermillion]

Not promiscuous at all, and kind of regret it, though that wasn’t as option. Is that strange?

I started having sex at 17, and that was with my current DP. My only. Sometimes I wish I had experienced other guys though.

I’d rather my son/and future kids not sleep around, but I won’t be devastated if he/they have sex as a teen and have a few different partners. Humans are sexual beings and I feel sex is ok for teens that are truly emotionally ready, not just looking for something they’ve been missing at home. I do think that teens can be having sex for the right reasons too. All I want is for my kids to be safe, always protect themselves.

[Arduinna]

Do not regret my sexual past at all.

[SagMom]

I was, don't regret it. What I DO wish though, was that I had had someone to talk with about relationships. Some partners were relationships, others were not. Since there was not a healthy model of a good relationship in the home I grew up in, I was a bit blank on how the whole couple thing was supposed to be.

I wouldn't freak if my kids have sex as teens, but I hope they'll have learned how to treat others, whether the relationship is casual or serious or somewhere in between.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by Joan

I was, don't regret it. What I DO wish though, was that I had had someone to talk with about relationships. Some partners were relationships, others were not. Since there was not a healthy model of a good relationship in the home I grew up in, I was a bit blank on how the whole couple thing was supposed to be.

I wouldn't freak if my kids have sex as teens, but I hope they'll have learned how to treat others, whether the relationship is casual or serious or somewhere in between.

I totally agree with all of what Joan said here. It reflects my experience to a T really. I needed someone to discuss relationship stuff with, and outside of a few friends that only gave so-so advice, I had no one. I started having sex just after I turned 13. When I look back I can see that I was very young and totally looking for something that wasn't really there, but I do not regret it.

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

fire_in_july said almost exactly what I would say

I was what some would consider as promiscuous as a teen (though compared to many I knew, I was very restrained )

It was to replace nurturing/approval/positive attention that I was not getting from my PEERS. I was the outcast at school, mocked and teased endlessly, too tall for my age, too busty for my age, too "gifted" and intellectual to fit in, socially inept with those my own age.

But older guys LOVED me. (okay, most did not *love* me, but you know what I mean). I was desperate for the approval of peers - meaning people who WEREN'T related to me and didn't "have" to love me and be around me.

I *don't* regret it. But I will always be sad that it was so hard for me to fit in with or be accepted by kids my own age. Of course, it still IS hard for me to fit in with mainstream society - I think you just learn to deal with it better as you get older.

and

I forgot to say - I truly do not care if my teens are sexually active, as long as they are RESPONSIBLE about it in regards to pregnancy, STDs, and lying to people/using them in a way the other person does not want - which is all a pretty hard task for most teens to manage.

What DOES bother me is the thought that any of my children could go through the emotional hell that is being the adolescent outcast - and I don't have any idea of how to prevent that from happening. You can't MAKE other people accept you if they don't want to.

I just want my children to be safe and responsible... I did some pretty risky things when I was younger, and I regret being so irresponsible at times, however, not the acts themselves, if that makes sense...

I had a rough childhood, and for me, it probably was to try to replace a loveless and dysfunctional family... I probably was 'looking for a daddy', as I've been told before... *shrugs*

[Peony]

Originally Posted by mamameg

Promiscuous as a teen, regret it.

I definately was seeking approval and love I didnt feel like I was getting at home, especially from my dad. My parents did the best they could and were not abusive in any way, but they are naturally non-emotive people and we did not express love much, follow through on discipline, or talk about conflict or any of that stuff that makes a teen feel like their parents care about what they are doing.

I should also note, there was a lot of alcohol involved with my promiscuity. Again...

NO, I do NOT want that for my daughter. It's one of my biggest fears, actually.

: that was exactly me as well. I don't have a problem with sexually active teens as long as it is responsible.

[johub]

I wasnt really a promiscuous teen but I was very promiscuous as a young adult. I didnt get started until 17 and just before high school graduation.
I dont regret it per se. I was very lucky though.
What I want for my daughter is to be mature enough to handle her sexuality when it happens. In hindsight I think that 17 was a pretty good age.
I would love for her not only to be mature enough to handle the responsiblity, such as not getting pregnant or an std. But I also really want her to be emotionally mature enough to handle it without it being damaging to her spirit.
Joline

[meowee]

I think a lot of us have fears about our teens becoming sexually active "too early." whenever there is a thread on teens and preteens about teen sexual activity, it gets lots and lots of views, even if there aren't many responses.

My fears would be for my DC's emotions. When a relationship becomes sexual the risk of emotional damage gets much higher.

[mamadawg]

I wasn't. I was sexually active, but not promiscuous.

My best friend, on the other hand, was extremely promiscuous. I kind of lived vicariously through her.

I don't regret anything.

[UUMom]

Voted

[mshollyk]

i wasn't sexually active at all, barely even fooled around until i was 18, and i don't regret anything. i'm glad that i waited, but i do wish that it hadn't been such a big issue to my parents. they were very open about discussing stuff with me, but it was always with the understanding that sex is ONLY for marriage, so when i finally had sex (outside of marriage, of course), i felt REALLY guilty, and it wasn't safe because i had never thought about protection. i was also VERY naive, which was not a good thing.

[trmpetplaya]

I was definitely NOT promiscuous, but my best friend was. I was sexually active, but do not regret it because it was with my now dh and we waited till we were both ready and neither of us forced anything on the other

love and peace.

[jmhammond]

I was active, and regret it b/c it was also about fitting in for me. I want to ditto that I wished I had someone to talk to about relationships. If we can do anything for our girls, it's give them ourselves, mentors, aunts, friends, pastors, etc. People they can talk to about relationships and get sound advice; as opposed to the advice they are getting from their other inexperienced friends...

[~Megan~]

How do you define "promiscuous"?

I had one boyfriend that I had sex with in high school. Is that promiscuous? Whatever it is, I do regret it.