The Introvert Advantage

Kylix · 06-04-2003, 11:42 PM

I'm reading a fabulous book right now called "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney which pretty much describes the differing characteristics of introverts and extroverts and upholds introverts as a necessary part of society.

This book is awesome because it really helps me to understand myself and why I act the way I do sometimes and what I need to do to restore my energy and live in a very extroverted centered and celebrated world (75% of the world is extroverted).

All around us are subliminial messages that convey that being extroverted is synonymous to being healthy--that some how being introverted is a flaw or something to be worked on or overcome. This book seeks to debunk that myth and to show the worth of introverts. She calls it evening the field, I believe.

The author also explains that being shy and being introverted are NOT the same thing. Shyness is a social anxiety. Introversion is means that you gain energy internally (by being alone for example) and can become overstimulated by external objects (like other people)easily.

It's a good book for both introverts ourselves and extroverts who have close relationships to introverts. The book has a chapter on extroverts who are in relationships with introverts as well as extroverts who have introverted children.

(It also has pretty blue typing in it instead of the boring black print

)

Kylix

Lindy · 06-05-2003, 09:40 AM

Kylix, thanks for recommending that book, I'll look it up. Everybody in my family is introverted. Some of us are shy too. We definatley need our time alone, other people don't understand that. It is good to be married to someone that understands me. I have one child that needs more social interaction than the rest of us. It is hard work for me to see that she gets that interaction, but it makes me happy to see her happy. Thanks again, I'll look for the book.

Pigpen · 06-05-2003, 11:58 AM

I'm definately going to get that book! All my life I've been "accused" of being shy, which I knew I wasn't. I could easily approach anyone to talk, if I felt like it. I seriously value my alone time which is getting more difficult with children. My kids are very social, so I end up doing a lot for them which is not a problem. I just KNOW I need to balance that with my own quiet time. Thanks for bringing that to our attention.

Kylix · 06-07-2003, 10:19 PM

I too am both introverted and shy. It's nice to know the difference however. I want to work on the shyness-the lack of confidence in social settings but I LOVE the fact that I'm introverted. I like that my brain works differently than most. I like that I need alone time. And my favorite thing about it all, I like that I live in my inner world.

The author explains it by using the analogy of extroverts being lighthouses that shine their beacons out to world. Introverts however can be likened to lanterns. They glow and radiate within.

I've found that many people can't and won't accept me for how I am. That hate that sometimes I retreat to refuel. They don't like that I naturally show less expression on my face. They don't like that it takes me longer to find my words when speaking (as a result from the longer and slower acetylcoline pathway that introverts apparently have according to the book) and thus it makes it look like I'm holding back or keeping secrets.
Does anyone have that problem?

Kylix

Lindy · 06-08-2003, 10:19 AM

I takes me a long time to find the words I want to say. Sometimes it even takes me a while to process what someone else has said. Some people think I'm stupid, I'm not! I have memorized things to say in day to day conversations with people at the grocery store or library or something like that so I don't have to think, it just comes out. But, if they ask a question that I haven't prepared for it sort of throws me for a loop. LOL!!!
I really appreciate people who are willing to take the time to talk to me and really listen. I accept that I am this way and love myself for it. I try to help my children to see the advantages too. I want them to love who they are, and be happy with it.

glh · 06-09-2003, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kylix
They don't like that I naturally show less expression on my face.
Kylix

I have had that happen to me many, many times; when I think I am conveying one emotion and it is taken as something else by the other person. I am quiet and somewhat shy by nature. I really need some time alone every day or I feel like I will go nuts, not easy with three kids and an extroverted dh. My middle ds is an extrovert like dh, what a difference between him and my other kids.

Do other introverts have trouble with small talk? I am much better at it than I used to be, but it is still difficult-it just doesn't come naturally to me. Do you often feel misunderstood? I really didn't realize that the majority of people were extroverts until I read "Raising Your Spirited Child", which also gave me a lot of insight into the differences between intros and extros. I look forward to reading the new book. BTW, do most introverts love to read too? Maybe because books are easier to deal with than people.

flutemandolin · 06-09-2003, 04:40 PM

I'm definitely going to check that book out! I, too, have been accused of being shy all my life but if I'm shy how can I get up in front of 200+ people at church and play a flute solo, or defend a master's thesis, or anything else? DH hates it that I don't show lots of emotion sometimes, but I've accepted that that is who I am, I am an introvert, and if he can't accept me the way I am, it's too bad. People just over-stimulate me, even my own kids do sometimes, but why is it something you're just supposed to learn to deal with?

I also have a hard time making small talk and being articulate some times...and I've noticed it is worse at certain times of my cycle than others, so I figured there was a biological/hormonal basis for it...very interesting!

Thanks Kylix!

applejuice · 06-13-2003, 09:11 PM

I am an introvert and all of my life.

That is me and I am proud!

My parents were forcing me to be extroverted since they felt there was something wrong with me.

My mom forced me to take drama lessons.

I was mortified on a daily basis in this class.

I always knew there was nothing wrong with me, but I was treated as if I there was.

Extroverts need introverts to perform for.

Who else would sit and watch them all of the time?

ladylee · 06-13-2003, 11:45 PM

I've heard of this book & appreciate the reminder. I can function as an extrovert, but prefer being an introvert. I'm fascinated by this concept you describe from the book, Kylix-how people en masse think there's something flawed in being an introvert. I've always felt like I have an edge on most people (extroverts) though--it seems there's a big need for external attention & validation with many. I've enjoyed quietly maneuvering around those who grandstand and still "winning."