How do you explain abortion to your children?

ananas · 01-31-2008, 11:00 PM

I know how heated and ugly this subject can get and that's not what I'm looking for at all. I don't even want to know how YOU feel about abortion.

But, if your child hears about it and asks what it is, how do you explain? Do you wait until they ask or is it something you tell them beforehand?

becoming · 01-31-2008, 11:53 PM

My 6-year-old hasn't asked yet. I haven't mentioned it. I have thought about it in the past, but I haven't come up with an explanation that I'm satisfied with. Thanks for posting this thread.

swellmomma · 02-01-2008, 12:01 AM

I have no idea how I would handle it. It has never come up. I would like to think I wouldbe able to tell them the truth, and share my beliefs on it without it becoming a preaching session, but I really don't know. I guess it would have to do with the age of my children and why they are asking, as in are they young and asking because they heard the term in general or because they know someone who is having one done kwim.

DreamsInDigital · 02-01-2008, 12:17 AM

My oldest son and I have had a discussion about it because he heard some kids talking about it while they were outside playing together. I gave him the basics without getting too much into detail, answered his questions and let him know he was free to come to me with questions about it at any time. He's about to turn 9. If he'd been younger I possibly would have struggled more with what to say, but he is entering the age when children generally have sex ed. in public school, and I feel that reproductive information, birth control and safe sex, etc. are not discussed enough with open, honest communication in most schools. We homeschool, BTW, and he knows quite a bit about pregnancy from asking questions while I've been pregnant.

kaylee18 · 02-01-2008, 12:17 AM

When I was very young (about 7, I think) and asked my father what "abortion" meant, he said something like:

"Remember how a baby has to grow inside its mother for a long time before it's ready to be born? Well, abortion is when a child is taken out of its mother too early, before it has grown enough to be able to live outside the mom's body, and so the child dies."

When I was several years older, I learned that was not quite accurate, since the child is killed prior to birth in most abortion procedures, and since many abortions are performed after the gestational age when survival would be possible, had the child not been killed as part of the procedure. However, I think his explanation was very thoughtful and appropriate for my age at the time.

kaylee18 · 02-01-2008, 12:18 AM

I also knew about pregnancy and abortion for years before I knew anything about sex. Knowing that babies grow inside their mothers, and that they can only come out through labor or surgery, does not require the knowledge of exactly how they get in there.

swellmomma · 02-01-2008, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DreamsInDigital

My oldest son and I have had a discussion about it because he heard some kids talking about it while they were outside playing together. I gave him the basics without getting too much into detail, answered his questions and let him know he was free to come to me with questions about it at any time. He's about to turn 9. If he'd been younger I possibly would have struggled more with what to say, but he is entering the age when children generally have sex ed. in public school, and I feel that reproductive information, birth control and safe sex, etc. are not discussed enough with open, honest communication in most schools. We homeschool, BTW, and he knows quite a bit about pregnancy from asking questions while I've been pregnant.

My kids know lots about sex, pregnanct, STD's but this has not as of yet come up, they are teh same age as your son (8&9), how did you phrase things to him, and did you bring it up because you overheard the topic come up in play, or did he ask you?

The kids have asked about homosexuality, Aids, herpes etc due to a combination of commercials, tv programs and kids in the neighborhood. They have asked questions about pregnancy due to my pregnancies, they know about m/c due to mine, but the topic of abortion has not come up at this point. Is this something that should be left until they ask, or brought up to them?

Jessy1019 · 02-01-2008, 02:45 AM

I've talked about it with my five year old for a few years now. I just explained that when a woman gets pregnant, she can have an abortion if she doesn't want to have a baby, and went on to say that doctors can perform the abortion by taking the fetus out of the woman's uterus, or the woman can take specific herbs or a pill to cause her body to remove the fetus itself.

I am 100% pro-choice and it comes up a lot in our house. I want my kids to be pro-choice too, and for me, that means making sure that their first exposure to the concept of abortion have them thinking of it in a positive way.

ETA: Oh, and she did ask, but it was after hearing me explain that one of the reasons a certain president is an a$$hole is because he wants to force women to stay pregnant when they don't want to be.

stormborn · 02-01-2008, 03:05 AM

It hasn't come up yet but I'm sure it will soon...we walk past a church on the way downtown that has the dozens of crosses with the big signs up.

I guess I'll start with the fact that it is a procedure to end a pregnancy and go from there.

allegra · 02-01-2008, 06:23 AM

Well, they'd have to know about the mechanics of sex first. They'd also have to know a pregnancy can occur by accident. They'd have to know about contraceptive methods.

I've got no idea of what I'd tell a very young child. One who already knows about everything I listed above, I'd just explain it's a method to end pregnancy without getting too graphic on the details.

mommy2abigail · 02-01-2008, 07:32 AM

It would depend on what age my child was. That being said, I wouldn't sugar coat what it is. I would be honest. I'm assuming that the child in question has an understanding of sex, how one gets pregnant, ect. If they are old enough to know that, I think (of course it depends on each individual child) they would be old enough to know. I would also give my (strong) opinion on it. I don't expect that they agree, but I wouldn't hide how I feel about it.

the_lissa · 02-01-2008, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jessy1019

I've talked about it with my five year old for a few years now. I just explained that when a woman gets pregnant, she can have an abortion if she doesn't want to have a baby, and went on to say that doctors can perform the abortion by taking the fetus out of the woman's uterus, or the woman can take specific herbs or a pill to cause her body to remove the fetus itself.

I am 100% pro-choice and it comes up a lot in our house. I want my kids to be pro-choice too, and for me, that means making sure that their first exposure to the concept of abortion have them thinking of it in a positive way.
.

This is how I will handle it too.

Qestia · 02-01-2008, 07:42 AM

huh, if a young child asked me I'd probably do as Atticus Finch did when Scout asked him what rape was in "To Kill a Mockingbird": ie "carnal knowledge of a woman forcibly and without her consent." I guess the abortion equivalent would be "termination of a pregnancy". I don't imagine going into more detail until after the birds and the bees are well understood.

mamazee · 02-01-2008, 07:43 AM

It came up here when there was some kind of political discussion or something. I told my daughter that if a woman is pregnant and doesn't want to be pregnant anymore, that it is a way to end the pregnancy so she won't have a baby.

She already knew about pregnancy, birth, and very general information about sex.

2crazykids · 02-01-2008, 07:48 AM

Quote:

, and since many abortions are performed after the gestational age when survival would be possible,

I'd like to know what this poster meant by this comment. It doesn't seem to make any sense at all. All of the people that I have known to make a choice to abort have done so way before any sort of viability...And I know A LOT of women who've had abortions so my sample number is pretty good.

Hmmm...I don't think it's developmentally appropriate to discuss the mechanics of abortion until the child is in the pre-adolescent stage.

But if the subject comes up here's what I would say depending on the age.

3-6 years: Abortion is a medical procedure for women. Or abortion is something a woman has to go to a doctor so that they don't have a baby until they are ready.

7-10 years: First, I think the child needs the mechanics of sex and conception as background knowledge for understanding the concept of abortion. I would not even begin to discuss abortion until the scaffolding of knowledge detailing bodily changes, puberty, menstruation, cycles, overall health and hygiene, and human pregnancy and birth are discussed in a developmentally appropriate manner with the parents or other loving family unit.

Again, if the subject comes up one must be prepared. If pregnancy and birth and everything before that have not been discussed I would simply say what I wrote for children 3-6 years, and I would add: I would like to explain what abortion is in more detail with facts and reasons, but I want you to understand first what it means to be pregnant and sexually active. I will come back to your question as soon as we cover all the information that comes before understanding abortion. There is nothing wrong with telling children honestly, you need to know THIS first then I can teach you THAT. I think that way the children will hear all the important, hopefully balanced information from YOU, and then clear up any misconceptions they may have.

These are just some ideas, I hope others have more ideas to add! Great question.

BunnySlippers · 02-01-2008, 07:57 AM

It has not come up yet, at 5.5 she is aware that gay is just as normal and acceptable as straight, adn two days ago she saw a passionate kiss and I manged to talk us through passionate kissing with someone you like/love, but are not related too, without getting into details she did not ask for(and I felt she was not ready for).

ummm, anyway back to the subject. I think my response would be along the lines of it is a medical procedure to keep an egg or fetus from growing into a baby when the woman is not ready for one.

cappuccinosmom · 02-01-2008, 08:37 AM

Our oldest (almost 5) knows that babies grow inside thier mothers "tummy" before they're born, but he doesn't know the mechanics of sex. I don't think he needs to to have a basic grasp of what abortion is.

He has asked because of something he heard on the radio, and I explained that some women do not want a baby growing in their tummy and have it taken out (and the baby dies).

We are pro-life and so further explanation will come in the context of that and our faith.

ann_of_loxley · 02-01-2008, 08:41 AM

If my DS ever askes - I will tell them the basic facts. The same I would with everything else. ex: 'how do you go to the toilet?'...me: 'well first you pull your pants and trousers down and then you sit on it ...'...etc... Basic facts. What is abortion...well they do this and this etc.
How he applies his own morals and values to that will be for him to decide.
However I may ask him how he 'feels' about it when he is older and he may ask the same of me.
I think if a child is old enough to ask, then they are old enough to know and I wouldnt ever lie to my child, though I may 'dumb' it down a bit depending on their age just so they can understand it better.

riebee · 02-01-2008, 08:58 AM

Why my kiddos have asked me.

I have calmly explained that it is a process where a woman makes a painful decision to end her pregnancy before the baby is born. It's not an easy decision, nor a popular one, and most women don't really want to do it- but feel they must.

My eldest is 19 and knows the whys and whatfors now.

phathui5 · 02-01-2008, 10:01 AM

Ibtl