Doesn't want Daddy

Dear Parent,

Your son is normal, and he is lucky to have you as his mother. He is thriving and clear about what he needs. Even though you feel overwhelmed, you have been responsive to his needs. Stay rooted in your natural motherly instincts, and be at peace with yourself, no matter what others say. You will feel a lot less exhausted when you trust yourself and your baby.

For the baby, mommy is the greatest thing that ever happened. When you go to the other room, his world collapses. Some babies are at ease with such movements, others are anxious. Honor your baby as you have been doing. But, you can also help him feel comfortable with his father or other helpers, and find ways to care for yourself while you carry your baby.

The way to help your son feel comfortable with his dad is to make sure he does not lose you when with him. Have your husband connect with his son playfully while in your arms. Your baby should sense your ease and joy with your husband's presence. Be together, the three of you. Not one or the other. No losses. Eventually, when your son is fully secure, he will lead the way to being with his father.

Do not try to make this happen. If the baby is anxious he will go back to the fear of losing you. Trust your baby and have no goals other than loving him and responding peacefully. If he senses that you are trying to get away, he will be scared to let go. For a while, he may reach out to daddy and then right back to you. Trust his process. He is building his own sense of safety.

Touch him while in his father's arms. Stay connected. Do not leave. Once your baby is comfortable in daddy's arms in your presence, they can both watch you bathe or do your own things without losing you. This allows the baby to know that you stay in his life while he is with his father. Gradually, he will trust his father. Once your son feels comfortable with your husband in another room, instruct your husband to respond quickly if your son is looking for you. Tell him to promptly take him to you with joy and ease. The rest will unfold naturally.

The idea of holding your baby all the time is vital but does not mean that you don't care for yourself. Take him on you while you care for yourself. Do you have a good sling or snugly? There are many kinds. Try and find the one that gives you the most ease and freedom. Your arms should stay free to do your own things while you carry your ten-month-old. If he is too heavy, I suggest that you appreciate the great excuse you have for sitting in your arm chair and enjoying your son and accomplishing nothing else.

Finally, I want to remind you that nothing stays the same. If you choose to be present and at peace with reality, being with your baby becomes the most nurturing thing you can do for yourself. By the time you read this response, your baby may have moved on anyway. Every stage in the child's life is there for a purpose. He moves on best when each stage is completed on his terms. Soon you will miss it.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort  www.AuthenticParent.com