Asset-Focused Parenting

Here are just a few ways you can continue to help your children's forward movement so that they can develop relationships of trust with their own minds:

Instead of focusing on what goes wrong, begin to study and amplify what's right about you and your child. As you tuck your child into bed, ask for and share three things that went right during the day.

With your child, begin a joint study of the causes of positive events. What about his studying for that math exam made it possible for him to get such a great score? What was it that made you feel so excited about what happened at work? What made it possible for your daughter to learn to play soccer so readily: was it watching someone else, or being told how to make a particular play before she had to do it? How did he and she resolve that fight instead of beating up on each other?

Post "Strength" stickies on the refrigerator, a different color for each member of the family. A strength is anything a person does that gives them energy when they do it, and that they've always been able to do really well. Jerome would have a sticky for strategic thinking, Ana Li for inquiry, Dawna for communication.

Let each child design a play time for the rest of the family, based on his or her strengths. Jerome might have the whole family plan scenarios for the next vacation. Ana Li might interview each family member about the ways they are smart, and then make a big chart that anyone could add to. Dawna could tell stories at dinner on Tuesday nights about strengths she noticed each family member exemplifying during the week.

Do a family boredom study: Have each family member study their own minds when they are "bored," and report at dinner what they discovered about what boredom feels like in their body, how to turn boredom into daydreaming, what triggered their boredom, what happens when they use a Strength in a task that has always bored them, etc.

Have Family Focus meals: Each dinner can be a time when the entire family focuses attention on one person, asking questions about their latest hero or heroine, what activity has made them happiest that week, what three things went well, how they've used their Strengths to face a challenge, etc.