Preschool Separation Anxiety

Ellen Craine

My 3yo (will be 4 in 3 weeks) son began attending preschool every, Tues. and Thurs., a few weeks ago. He has been having difficulty saying goodbye to me in the morning and over the past few days it has escalated to him clinging to me and getting so upset that he almost throws up. I had been hanging in the entrance until he joined the group and got distracted, which seemed to work well. But after a couple weeks of this, he began to refuse to leave my side all together. He would get upset the night before, saying "i don't want to go to school..." and immediately when he would wake up in the morning. I tried to acknowledge and explore his feelings, "school's not fun because mommies aren't there...". The teacher and school are telling me to drop him off and immediately leave...the quicker the better. I'm told that he does calm down quickly after I leave. And I'm VERY confident that this is a safe, warm environment for him. I just don't feel comfortable leaving him while he is in such a panic. He has always been slow to warm up, sensitive, intuitive, and cautious and the "cold turkey" method doesn't seem to fit him. I've never used this method with him in any other area or time in his life thus far. How should I handle this?

It is important to keep in mind that some separation anxiety as you describe it is normal for this age. You even seem to be saying that this seems to be part of his personality. While I cannot tell you what to do because only you can make that final decision, I can give you some things to think about. Here are a few questions for you to ponder as you assess the situation: 1. Is there anything different happening at home that he might be reacting to? 2. As safe as you think he is at this school, is there something that might be making him feel unsafe? 3. Is it possible that the style at this school just isn't a good fit for your child and his personality as you know it to be? 4. Is it possible that he just isn't ready for school and needs another six months to mature?

To help you answer these questions you might want to have an evaluation with a local child therapist or psychologist. In addition, you might want to visit this website www.whywaldorfworks.org for information on an alternative school setting and find out if one is even available in your area.

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Preschool Separation Anxiety

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