When Unschooling is Illegal

Dear Cecilia,

Before answering your question, I would like to remind you that homeschooling was not legal in the USA until parents took action and demanded such an option. While taking care of your own children, consider also taking a political action to bring freedom of education and parenting to Germany.

The family, not the school, can be the greatest influence on your children. Many parents join the school effort and in a way “gang” on their child with the teachers. I suggest you do the opposite. Let each child know that school is there as an addition and that you support her direction. If teachers complain, always be on your child’s side. If they praise, be impartial. Don’t join the teacher’s point of view and don’t add yourself to the crew that obeys the teacher’s requirements. It is up to your children to do or not do homework. You are the mother, not the school representative. 

Show no interest in grades or achievements in school. You can be happy with your child if she is happy, but also let her know that it makes no difference to your love and adoration of her. Grades are one way school controls children and many parents volunteer to be under that same control. This leaves the child seeing school as the center of her life and that her value and identity depend on school achievements. You can eliminate this painful and imprisoning experience by having a light attitude of, “Do as you wish in school.” You can be supportive and helpful if a child asks for help, but don’t be invested in the outcome. 

Talk with your children freely about what they see and feel in school, always listening, understanding and appreciating their point of view. Don’t put the school down either; you want the child to flow with life and not join millions people who feel victimized by the system. Reality dictates that they have to go to school. Empower them to make the most out of it. 

Let the children skip school when desired and possible. One family I know have their child take music lessons seriously and got permission to practice every morning and skip the first two hours of the school. You may discover a loop that can provide such flexibility. 

Make life away from school rich and fulfilling, and your children will see school as part of a larger and wonderful picture rather than the center of it. They will learn how to survive there in terms of social relationships and of academic expectations, but they will not see school as life, because they will have a life outside the school, rooted in themselves and unconditionally loved.

Warmly,  Naomi Alodrt   www.AuthenticParent.com