Mama's without Kids Tribe 2008 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 877 Old 08-13-2008, 06:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The Mama's without Kids Tribe is a group of women who have found themselves at MDC for various reasons who do not and have no plans to have children. We're part of the MDC community, too, and have particular issues that have, in part, to do with carving out a place that's about mothering for women who don't think that they will mother.

Share with other mama's without children and who don't see them in the future.

Also there is a Not Mama's Yet tribe for those waiting to TTC.

-Rachel

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#2 of 877 Old 08-13-2008, 06:41 PM
 
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Where do I sign up? :

We have a bunch of kids in our lives--the Small Friends (four girls ranging in age from 6 to 13, now), our nephew D and our niece, Tali. We're both "great with kids" and love those we love. We tried for a few years to get me pregnant and it didn't happen.

Now, we're focusing on ourselves and each other. We're repurposing the playroom into an arts and crafts room and the kid bedroom into a dressing room (we have opposing schedules and this will allow us to share a bed without killing the whole sleep thing).

Since we've bagged the kid thing (at least for the next five years or whatever), I've really been wondering about my place here, but also can't imagine leaving.

Thanks, Burt's Girl, for the fabu new tribe!
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#3 of 877 Old 08-13-2008, 06:41 PM
 
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I'd like to be part of this tribe.

I am a woman who wants to have a child. I am, however, not sure if or when a child will be a part of my life. My partner does not currently want a child and we are definitely not in a financial position currently to have one. So I'm in a "we'll see" position.
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#4 of 877 Old 08-13-2008, 06:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, Burt's Girl, for the fabu new tribe!
You are so welcome. Thank you for the fabu new tribe name!

avengingophelia,

Be back later to share more about us!

-Rachel

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#5 of 877 Old 08-13-2008, 07:17 PM
 
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Subbing

I will share my store a little later.

: Thanks for starting this tribe!:
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#6 of 877 Old 08-13-2008, 07:55 PM
 
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This tribe appeals to me, too. As an auntie, friend, and social worker I have many kids in my life...nurturing comes naturally to me. At this stage in my life (40s) with a brand-new relationship I sure don't plan to have my own. Stranger thing have happened though...

Thanks for starting this tribe!
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#7 of 877 Old 08-13-2008, 08:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OK, got a few minutes to share. I’m so glad to see you guys joining in and sharing. It’s really nice to know we’re not alone here.

DW (34) and I (29) have been together 4.5 years and planned to have children. To make a very long story short, due to infertility issues we were unable to achieve that goal and just recently decided to stop pursuing the option all together. It was a tough decision for us but one we’re slowly getting comfortable with.

Right now we’re doing a lot of talking about what our future now looks like. We’re enjoying our hobbies, hiking, camping, and working in the yard and on our home. Terri is getting into Fly Fishing and recently took a guided day trip with her dad. She’s also into woodworking and we’re hoping to build a bigger workshop in our back yard to accommodate her better. Right now she’s in the garage and has to pull all the wood and equipment out and put it back up when she’s working on something.

I love crafting, just got into digi-scrapbooking, knitting, and reading a lot. Future pursuits I’d like to explore are pottery and belly dancing classes. The fertility drugs coupled with the stress of TTC helped me to pack on around 30 pounds. I’m now working with a dietitian to see if I can get my weight and health back into a better state. I’m exercising and trying to find more time for meditation and yoga. I’m also really into my spiritual path and want to put more effort toward that.

I work as a digital media producer which is a fancy way to say I work in marketing doing digital media, video, photos, websites, etc. Terri works as a production manager. I’m bringing this up because for the longest time I was extremely unsatisfied in my work. It wasn’t until recently that it started to turn around and now I’m really enjoying it. I can’t name what happened but I do think the pressure of TTC had something to do with that.

We have a lot of unanswered questions right now as far as our future but we definitely would love to do more traveling and to get more involve in charity work. This was the one thing that was really important to DW if we decided not to have children. She wanted to leave the world something, if not through children through an organization we can put a lot of time into, something we care about a lot. So that’s also being thought about right now.

Wow, that was a big share. Thanks for reading if you made it this far! Sorry to be so long winded. I’m not sure why I feel so forth coming and comfortable sharing so much here. But there it is.

-Rachel

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#8 of 877 Old 08-13-2008, 08:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah me again. I forgot to share my littles. Zack (7) is our nephew and we spend a lot of time with him. We recently took him on his first hiking trip! Rascal is our golden retreiver/shepard mix! We love our boys!

-Rachel

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#9 of 877 Old 08-13-2008, 08:49 PM
 
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What a gorgeous dog.

I have a big family and quite a few children in my life, but the major and constant recipients of my nurturing are my dogs and cats. Whom I can't help but introduce:

Leo is our old man dog. He's a rescue of questionable breed (ideas include Pyr, Wolfhound, Poodle, and OE) and we think he's about 8 or 9 years old. He's been with us for three years.

Ata is our younger dog. He's a rescued Anatolian Shepherd. He's about 3.5 and he's been with us for about 2.5 years.

Atticus is our tabby cat. He rescued at about six months old. We've had him for almost three years.

Esme is our tortie cat. We adopted her when our friends moved to Europe, about 1.5 years ago. She's about 2.5 or 3.

Illy is our newest addition. She's some kind of mutty cat, maybe partially Siamese. She showed up pregnant last October, and we think she's less than two years old.

We also do dog fostering. Our current foster, Belle, is a super sweet middle-aged beagle with some health issues. I'm completely in love with her and could definitely see keeping her forever if we can't find her the right home.
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#10 of 877 Old 08-13-2008, 10:43 PM
 
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Welcome, seastar! :
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#11 of 877 Old 08-14-2008, 10:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Seastart, welcome!

Grace, your babies make me want to run out and get a few more!! They are so cute and Leo is just beautiful!

We've looked into fostering also, but Rascal isn't always great around other dogs, no matter how hard we try to socialize him. He either likes them and is great or doesn't and isn't.

-Rachel

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#12 of 877 Old 08-14-2008, 10:52 AM
 
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I'm frog, a 37 year old lesbian living in SE Michigan with my partner, 31-year-old turtle, and a ridiculous number of cats. It was a hers, mine, ours situation--I had two, she brought one, we adopted two kittens and we thought we were done, but my cousin died in March and left two behind, so now we have seven. It's a lot of cats!

I'm an event planner by day and a tie-dyer by night. turtle makes jewelry, has a thriving pet-sitting business and is starting school in September, where she's going to earn her automotive technician certificate. :

I was with a former partner for more than a decade--she had no interest in kids. After she and I split up, I had a brief long-distance relationship with a woman who already had a child and got to thinking about having a baby. She told me about Taking Charge of Your Fertility and I started charting. She and I split up, I kept charting and decided I was going to do the single mama thing.

Enter turtle, totally out of the blue. I'd opened a myspace account and forgotten all about it. turtle found it and contacted me. I told her very early on that I wanted kids and was planning to try to get pregnant and told her that if she wasn't down with that, I would not be offended. She stayed and we tried to get me pregnant on and off for two years. We started on our own with frozen donor sperm. Then, a midwife came to the house to do IUIs. Finally, I did a cycle with an RE, injectibles and ultrasound monitoring. Never so much as a freakin' BFP. :

In between all of that, we started the foster care training and totally crashed and burned (I'm an outspoken advocate against corporal punishment and, well, that didn't seem to go over that well and I was pegged as a troublemaker). We withdrew just before our caseworker called to tell us we "weren't a good fit."

Also in the midst of everything, a friend asked us to consider adopting her niece and nephew. Long story short, that fell through. Twice.

So here we are. We're done ttc, we're not great adoptive candidates and we've put the whole kid thing on the back burner for the foreseeable future. We're focusing on getting out of the debt we incurred ttc. We're concentrating on ourselves and our relationship. We're camping more, we're stressing less.

I'm SO GLAD this tribe is here, I can't even tell you. :
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#13 of 877 Old 08-14-2008, 01:57 PM
 
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What a nice thread! I don't have any kids yet, mainly because I just don't feel ready and I don't know that I ever will.

I actually planned on never having children, but then I found MDC and learned about home birthing, breastfeeding, cosleeping, adopting, etc. and it's really changed my thoughts on everything. but i'm still undecided

I also have some health issues that would make ttc difficult if I could ever make up my mind. My partner would like to have children but he's said he's fine if we never do.

You can tell from my signature, that my partner and I have MANY pets. I'm also a (languishing) artist and graphic designer. we both like to garden (anyone want some tomatoes, we're over run). My partner is a photographer and designer as well.

Nice to "meet" everyone!

~Julia
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#14 of 877 Old 08-14-2008, 01:58 PM
 
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Languishing artist? Of what stripe?
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#15 of 877 Old 08-14-2008, 03:19 PM
 
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oh anything really. Tho illustration type stuff is what I've (sort of) been doing as of late and is what I'd like to improve on. Pencil, pen, paint (if I could find my paints!) mainly.

I used to love working in clay, but don't have affordable access to clay, glaze, kilns, etc. right now.

I'm teaching myself to knit and crochet (slowly) and I learned some simple weaving and felting techniques. Did a small bit of dieing and batik. And found object art is always fun, but my house is too full of found objects right now!

I would love to learn how to sew and make my own clothes. That seems like the most amazing skill to have.

soooo, yes, many things! Or, at least I aspire to do many things

I'm thinking of starting up an "art night". One night a week that is devoted to creating.

~Julia
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#16 of 877 Old 08-14-2008, 03:36 PM
 
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That's totally cool, Julia!

Over in the Arts & Crafts area, there's a thread for us crafty folk. You should hang out--I promise you'll get inspired!
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#17 of 877 Old 08-14-2008, 04:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Julia, welcome! We're neighbors!!! And... i want the tomatoes, LOL!

We're working on converting one of our bedrooms to a craft/reading/my space!

I also never saw myself having children. That is before I met DW. Something about being with her made having a bigger family feel right/good. But I'm coming to terms with our little family also!

-Rachel

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#18 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 11:20 AM
 
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I'm here.: Thank you Frog for sending me the link.
I'll be back later to post my story! It's so good to have you all cause infertility makes you feel so alone.

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#19 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 11:27 AM
 
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I'm here.: Thank you Frog for sending me the link.
I'll be back later to post my story! It's so good to have you all cause infertility makes you feel so alone.
You're welcome--particularly around here, I think it's really nice to have a space where most everyone isn't going to "graduate" into being a parent, leaving me to wonder whether I fit in.
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#20 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 11:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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purplegirl, Welcome! :

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You're welcome--particularly around here, I think it's really nice to have a space where most everyone isn't going to "graduate" into being a parent, leaving me to wonder whether I fit in.
OMG YES! What tough is your totally and sincerely happy for them but I always feel like a big fat failure. It's depressing.

Yesterday I was just slammed at work. Still am, but decided I deserved to goof off on MDC for a few minutes. Anyway I called DW last night and told her I need a stiff drink. We met at a pub up the street from our house and had a few drinks (and it's been a long time since we've done this.) But we totally talked our face off and get this...wait for it....not a mention of children/TTC/babies/etc!!! We went out to eat after and went for a moonlit walk after dinner. It was just the best evening after a long day at work!

We had planned to give up a lot when we had kids mostly in the form of my income. Now that we can (somewhat) rely on my income there are a lot more opportunities for us and I'm really enjoying talking about what our future looks like, what future pursuits we'd like to pursue, and projects we'd like to tackle!

Ok, back to work! :

-Rachel

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#21 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 01:07 PM
 
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I'll join in. I definitely definitely definitely want kids, but I just know that at this point in my life, I'm not quite ready. I do see kids in my future within the next 4 years or so, but at this point, I don't have any so I'm glad to see this thread

Why am I here? I've always been passionate about childbirth and this was a great resource in the beginning. It grew into more- it grew into a home, even for someone without children, because the people here share my thinking, my ideas, my beliefs, and that's something I haven't been able to find anywhere else.

Newly single, chronically sleep deprived mama to my little wild thang wild.gif, born 11/17/12 

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#22 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Frog, I didn't know you were an event planner! That's this Capricorns dream job. I love planning and organizing. Do you like it?

How does everyone feel about their careers right now? Does it satisfy/fulfill you? Do you like where you're at? What does your future look like career-wise? What's your dream job? Just to get some chatter going.

-Rachel

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#23 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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Frog, I didn't know you were an event planner! That's this Capricorns dream job. I love planning and organizing. Do you like it?
Most of the time, yes! I'm fortunate in that I get to plan and host events that are within my interests, which is kind of a bonus. The logistics and grunt work get to be a lot at times, but it (mostly) pays the bills, you know? And I get to meet and interact with some really amazing people.

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How does everyone feel about their careers right now? Does it satisfy/fulfill you? Do you like where you're at? What does your future look like career-wise? What's your dream job? Just to get some chatter going.
I'm fairly content for the time being--I'm a little bit bored some of the time, but I'm managing. Right now, we're focusing on turtle's school for her career, so I'm happy to stay where I am and be the constant for the time being.
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#24 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 02:05 PM
 
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How does everyone feel about their careers right now? Does it satisfy/fulfill you? Do you like where you're at? What does your future look like career-wise? What's your dream job? Just to get some chatter going.
I am somewhat frustrated with it right now. I don't hate what I do, but it's not my passion by any means. However, my partner is finishing his Ph.D. right now, and then will have to post-doc for several years before he finally tries to find a professorship, so I will probably stay in jobs that pay well, don't demand too much, and aren't my passion for quite a few years yet.

My eventual hope is to get my Ph.D..
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#25 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 02:16 PM
 
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My eventual hope is to get my Ph.D.
In what? And what do you hope to do (if you know) with your Ph.D.?
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#26 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 02:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How does everyone feel about their careers right now? Does it satisfy/fulfill you? Do you like where you're at? What does your future look like career-wise? What's your dream job? Just to get some chatter going.
Yep, totally quoting myself!

Right now I'm doing much better in my job. There's no room for me to move up from here but I mostly enjoy the perks (like goofy off on MDC) and a relaxed atmosphere (when we're not getting ready for a big event) and the pay is ok, for now. I think I'd either like to go back to school or start my own business one day. My dream job has always been to be a B&B owner and help plan events at the B&B and entertain guest. Terri is an amazing cook and we could also cater at the B&B or have a small restaurant inside it. Ahhhh, maybe someday....

Terri is also finishing school right now for CNC certification. (big machine, makes tools, she programs it, that's all I know.) This next semester is her last. She's really content in the job she's at so the schooling was more of an insurance policy, something to fall back on should something ever happen to her job now. She also works in a flexible and relaxed setting. Hers is a very small family business and we've discussed buying the owner out when he retires and partner with her co-worker.

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Most of the time, yes! I'm fortunate in that I get to plan and host events that are within my interests, which is kind of a bonus. The logistics and grunt work get to be a lot at times, but it (mostly) pays the bills, you know? And I get to meet and interact with some really amazing people.
I'd love to find a female mechanic around here.

I think that sounds great, frog! Especially that the events are within your interest. That must help A LOT!


Grace, I'm sorry your not digging your job right now. What kind of job would fulfill your passion? What kind of PhD are you looking to get?

-Rachel

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#27 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 02:27 PM
 
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Rachel, the more I read about you and Terri, the more I'm grooving. My parents own and operate a bed and breakfast. I'm happy to share what I know with you via email or PM, if you ever want to hear about it.
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#28 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 02:28 PM
 
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I would get a Ph.D. in American History. My ideal job would be as some sort of public historian, but I'd consider teaching. I am not willing to do that unless/until my family reaches a point where we can live comfortably without my income, though.
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#29 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 02:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Rachel, the more I read about you and Terri, the more I'm grooving. My parents own and operate a bed and breakfast. I'm happy to share what I know with you via email or PM, if you ever want to hear about it.
Shut up!

I'll email you in a bit!

-Rachel

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#30 of 877 Old 08-15-2008, 02:46 PM
 
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I will NOT!

I'm serious--they didn't have it when we were growing up, but they've been doing it for many years, now. Not my dream life, not by a long shot, but people who love doing it really, really love it.
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