Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
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What a bully of a step-mom. You can either walk away or fight for your relationship for your dad. You have nothing to lose by fighting since your relationship is being pretty much destroyed by this woman.
I would call your Dad and read him the riot act over this woman's behavior and set up some boundaries.
I would then confront her with him there and tell her where to get off. (Keep it short and sweet, rehearse it, and walk out once I was done--it's not up for debate so I wouldn't stick around for her to try and change tactics in the game she's playing.)
And walk out. And let Dad come to me once he had processed everything.
If she's doing this kind of crap to you, what kind of mind games is she playing with him or your other siblings?
If you don't stand up to her, she will think she's won and has no incentive to modify her behavior. She's not going to have any revelation of her problems and probably will never change-- no matter how reasonable and sane you are, she's likely incapable of the kind of emotional insight that actual change would require. She's either borderline personality disorder or a sociopath or we are missing some key details of the situation.
Read The Sociopath Next Door and see if she fits. That book will give you some guidance for how to handle her.
IME the only way to deal with people like this is to be a bigger bully than they are. They back down pretty quick once they realize you are not such a soft, easy target.
Walking away will not fix things with your father. It will just give her unlimited access and power, which is a problem as she has not proven trustworthy.
As for you brother, I don't think it's FAIR or Right for him to walk in to a sh#t storm that you COULD have told him about. I think he's going to be upset with YOU for not telling him what is going on. I think he'll feel that he doesn't matter enough for you to tell him. I DO see your logic, why you don't want to tell him until Feb.
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