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#361 of 416 Old 01-20-2010, 04:48 PM
 
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I have found myself thinking of you and your little boy alot lately. SIncerely hope all is well.
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#362 of 416 Old 05-04-2010, 02:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all-
I wanted to post an update - it has been a long time, and I am still grateful for your all support when times were so rough a year ago.

My son and daughter are doing well. My mom moved back to her place and we are managing pretty darn well on our own. The days are long, but we are safe and happy (most of the time! )

There still has been no visitation between my son and his dad- but he's always pushing for it. He sees the baby for an hour twice a month and it is excruciating for me to have to be around him.

The DA still hasn't made a decision- but I'm guessing nothing will happen. So there are still many things up in the air, but I focus on the day to day and get through!

We are able to garden a little this year and I've found childcare that works.

I've pretty much phased out any of the people who are not supportive and I just don't worry about them at all.

Last time I asked DS if he wanted to talk about it he said can we just pretend it never happened...yes son sometimes we can and we will just go about our day like it never happened but when you want to talk about it we will then, ok?

So - that is my up date! what will happen in the future? i don't know, but I am still doing all I can to protect my kids, and to help them grow up happy and well adjusted.

I have my days when the work that needs to be done outlasts my patience, but there do seem to be more happy days than unhappy - so I think we are being successful.

Thank you all for your thoughts prayers and support
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#363 of 416 Old 05-04-2010, 02:07 PM
 
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You can not even imagine my excitement when I saw this thread in New Posts. I held my breath as it took forever to load. What a wonderful update. You are one strong, brave, incredibly beautiful mama, and your children should be so very proud to have you as their mama bear. I bet your son thanks you all the time for protecting him. Thank you for setting this example of perserverience and strength.
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#364 of 416 Old 05-04-2010, 02:14 PM
 
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Thank you for posting your update. I think about you and your sweet babies often.

I'm glad to hear that you're finding a balance and coping.

It breaks my heart for your family that you still have to endure seeing your ex.

Since punishment seems unlikely, I genuinely hope his heart changes.

I am so so sorry that this has happened. You are a wonderful protector to your son.

Your willingness to believe the unbelievable and do everything in your power to save your children makes the world a kinder place to call home.

Take care mama.
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#365 of 416 Old 05-04-2010, 02:16 PM
 
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I love your update, thank you!
I'm so glad you are all doing as well as you are. You are such an amazing, strong and brave mama. Your kids are so lucky to have you.
Good luck with the journey ahead, I wish you all the best.

-pixie, my dear, and (A-88), N-98, Littlest-06/00-08/00, J-03 & Little Miss Cotton Ball Button-03 (SN), S-05, Hope-loss 09/09, Bean-loss 04/10, and littlePopcorn due feb. 8th -11.
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#366 of 416 Old 05-04-2010, 02:40 PM
 
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Thank you so much for your update, and I am so glad that things are working out. I am HORRIFIED that your DH is not in jail. I can't believe that the system is so screwed up.

I just want to say that you will be your son's hero through life. Hopefully, he won't remember much of what happened: he's very young right now, and memories from these years fade. But he'll always know that it happened, and he'll appreciate that you protected him.

Trying to live a simple life in a messy house in a complicated world with : DH, DD (b. 07/07), DS (b. 02/09), and DD (b. 10/10)
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#367 of 416 Old 05-04-2010, 05:35 PM
 
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Thank you so much for your update, and I am so glad that things are working out. I am HORRIFIED that your DH is not in jail. I can't believe that the system is so screwed up.

I just want to say that you will be your son's hero through life. Hopefully, he won't remember much of what happened: he's very young right now, and memories from these years fade. But he'll always know that it happened, and he'll appreciate that you protected him.
I agree. I can't imagine the horror and mental problems that would arise from being forced to see one's rapist for x amount of years. I can't believe they're letting him near the new baby considering he's a pedophile rapist. He should be in jail for life. The system is so messed up.

Hugs to you for being so strong and doing the best that you can despite the system. You are a good mother.

Mom to a 2.5 girlie and a new one in late February/early March
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#368 of 416 Old 05-04-2010, 06:47 PM
 
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Resistance is futile Matey
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#369 of 416 Old 05-04-2010, 07:18 PM
 
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orngbiggrin.gif mom of three with stork-suprise.gif on the way

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#370 of 416 Old 05-04-2010, 09:57 PM
 
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So so happy to hear you are safe and well. You are so strong I can't imaging going through something like this. Bravo Mama. You have truly protected your DC and should be so proud of yourself.

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#371 of 416 Old 05-04-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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It is so good to hear from you! I'm glad it's going well.

It makes me so sad and quite angry as well that he is allowed to see your daughter (or any child for that matter). I can't imagine what a judge can possibly be thinking. I'm sorry you have to see him, I can only imagine....
You and your children remain in my thoughts and I am hoping that everything continues to improve for you.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#372 of 416 Old 05-05-2010, 12:11 AM
 
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I just saw this thread for the first time today. I read it all. No idea why, actually. UNTIL I got to all the messages about how wonderful you are for protecting your child and all the people who wrote about parents who did NOT protect them. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child by my father. He did get help and so did I, lots of it, for years, and we share a good relationship now. What came to me during this thread was how the women in my life (two separate step-mothers, whom I lived with while all the abuse was going on, and my birth mother, whom I spent every summer with and I told when I was 14) never once did anything to protect me, not one single thing. It really, really hurts and I think I had blocked a lot of that out. It is all coming back to me now. I am strong and able to work through these intense feelings now, so I guess this is the perfect time.

I want to echo what others have said. The fact that you believed your son and protected him is going to be what makes the difference in his quality of life down the line. You are truly a hero! An absolute blessing to everyone who knows of your struggle.

Thank you so much, personally, for sharing your story and struggles in such a public way. This has come at a really perfect time for me and I am very, very grateful to you. Thank you.

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." - Mother Teresa

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#373 of 416 Old 05-05-2010, 03:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, and I am so sorry for what you had to go through. I do not fully understand what the culture or compulsion of women, mothers... to cover this stuff up! I know just how hard it is to face this head on but in retrospect - even though I had a hard time accepting it at first - I am so thankful I couldnt just ignore what my child told me.

I had a social worker, teacher, mother, neighbor, "friend" tell me her abuse story and then house and try to encourage me to let the x back into our lives, to sneak him to see my son etc etc. So sad and confusing for me as an adult - I can only begin to understand the hurt this caused you and other children in this situation.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with so many layers of hurt resulting from the abuse and lack of protection - it is really not fair.

Thank you for sharing your story and I wish healing and strength for you.

Thank you so much to you all for being out there and for encouraging me. It means a lot to see you still think of us. Thank you for helping me feel brave and strong.!
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#374 of 416 Old 05-06-2010, 08:10 PM
 
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The DA still hasn't made a decision- but I'm guessing nothing will happen.
That is so frustrating. The legal system just drives me crazy!!!!!
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#375 of 416 Old 05-07-2010, 04:49 AM
 
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tgrlilly you ARE brave and strong! I'm so glad to read your update. I wish there was more going on on the legal front, but equally you seem to be creating a beautiful peaceful life for your kids despite the failings of that system, GOOD for you!

Loving thoughts and good vibes.

Bec
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#376 of 416 Old 05-08-2010, 01:12 AM
 
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I'm waaaay late to this discussion, but as a mother and a person who worked specifically with abused women and children, you've done good mama. I couldn't not say that after reading everything.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been for you, or what challenges you will face, but it's inspiring and I wish you and your babies nothing but the best and you'll be in my thoughts.

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
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#377 of 416 Old 05-08-2010, 02:22 PM
 
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more hugs, from right here in NM. Great job, mama!

Mom of one child (2008), wife of one husband, tender of dogs, cats and chickens. Household interests: ocean life (kid), bitcoins (husband), simplifying (me).

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#378 of 416 Old 05-10-2010, 07:46 PM
 
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I don't know if the first part of that is true, I think most people would be horrified, yes. And the partner didn't accuse him, she only took her son to the counselor to get to the bottom of why he was saying such things. The counselor is the one to report it because they have to report suspected child abuse.
I'm only this far on this thread. But I wanted to mention that in the original post the child only mentioned it to mom, he wasn't seen by anyone yet; then the dad got angry. He wasn't seen by a counselor a couple days after the start of this thread.

You can't say it's not true as everyone is different and would take an accusation like this VERY strongly and react in all kinds of ways, even anger. I brought this thread to my dh's attention too and he said he would be just as upset, but more hurt that his child would say it (if it were untrue) Kwim?

Going back to read further. I hope everything got worked out Tigerlily.

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#379 of 416 Old 05-10-2010, 07:49 PM
 
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OH mama it just can't be said enough you are a hero!!!!!!
Thank you so much for the update I am thrilled to hear you are managing and even thriving.

dust.gifmama to  ds2/03 ds2/05 dd4/07 and expecting someone new in the spring! chicken3.gif

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#380 of 416 Old 05-10-2010, 07:56 PM
 
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can you get any kind of compassionate leave until you find more neutral childcare? i don't want to break your heart further, and forgive me if i've mixed up, but if your in laws are his parents then i'd be on guard against that for a number of reasons, including
they may have abused him in the past/ covered up abuse in the home
they may grant access to their son to see your son
i know cases where everything is pushed out the window because the wrong people got access to the child and messed with their head.
I really doubt this. Most molesters were abused in the past, yes. But by other family members, uncles etc too..not just by parents.
I doubt these people will be making any advances towards this child now, even if they are like "that." 1) They're also under a watchful eye now, they won't risk it. 2) They are as a couple caring for the child. I doubt both did it if they did.

Also, no judge would grant unsupervised access and probably won't even grant supervised visits right now either..seeing that the father is under investigation for sexual abuse! No way.

Don't scare her. She needs someone she can trust right now in real life. I'm sure she's cautious now and knows to go by her extincts now. Plus her little guy is obviously very open and will tell on the g.parents if they tried something.

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#381 of 416 Old 05-10-2010, 09:42 PM
 
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Okay I'm all caught up! and I'm so glad everything is okay for you and your babies. Good job Mama!! you're very strong. I hope your children are as strong as you growing up as well. xo I'm so sorry this has happened to you though. What a shocking thing to discover; but you've pulled through so far and I hope you continue to do so!


Mom to the best 4 little men ever! chicken3.gif
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#382 of 416 Old 08-02-2010, 07:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello All,

Well for an updte, the DA has dropped the case against my kids dad, and it has me down. Any support you can send my way would be appreciated as I am low.

Any tips for a single mom of 2 on how to make friends or have some kind of life? The last time I went anywhere by myself was in April. I am sad and lonely and tired.
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#383 of 416 Old 08-02-2010, 07:35 PM
 
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I'm so sorry mama. Can you appeal or complain to his supervisor? That's so disappointing. As far as a social life, mine has been pretty bleak as well. The only suggestion I can give is to find an activity you enjoy. I started irish dance lessons two years ago and they are a blast. Plus I've made some friends in the class and we do dinner or drinks every now and then too. What hobbies do you have? What activities do you enjoy? Start from there and see if there is a group in your area that does similar things. Meetup.com is a good place to go to for that kind of thing. (((((((HUGS))))))

M : proud mama to B (16) : and G (8) and : x 2 :
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#384 of 416 Old 08-02-2010, 08:11 PM
 
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Hello All,

Well for an updte, the DA has dropped the case against my kids dad, and it has me down. Any support you can send my way would be appreciated as I am low.

Any tips for a single mom of 2 on how to make friends or have some kind of life? The last time I went anywhere by myself was in April. I am sad and lonely and tired.
I am outraged to hear that! Really, it's completely beyond belief. I'm very, very sorry. I REALLY hope that this doesn't mean he has a shot at partial custody or visitation with your son.

I'm a married mom of 2 and I have no idea how to make friends or have a life. Sorry. It's really tough. Maybe look into joining a YMCA? They often offer a range of classes, and provide childcare.

Trying to live a simple life in a messy house in a complicated world with : DH, DD (b. 07/07), DS (b. 02/09), and DD (b. 10/10)
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#385 of 416 Old 08-03-2010, 04:11 AM
 
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Can you appeal? Do they realize they are letting a horrible man out to hurt another child?

I'm so sorry.

Mom to a 2.5 girlie and a new one in late February/early March
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#386 of 416 Old 08-03-2010, 05:08 AM
 
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Oh, I'm so sorry.
Can you appeal? That is just not right.

-pixie, my dear, and (A-88), N-98, Littlest-06/00-08/00, J-03 & Little Miss Cotton Ball Button-03 (SN), S-05, Hope-loss 09/09, Bean-loss 04/10, and littlePopcorn due feb. 8th -11.
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#387 of 416 Old 08-03-2010, 06:33 AM
 
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I'm so sorry, you've fought so long and so hard. Perhaps you can appeal?

I think getting out is the best way to begin making new friends. When DD1 was a year old i was single, pretty much friendless and sad. I began a craft group which i ran out of my house and invited acquaintances who i knew would be interested and even though the actual group only met a few times i have 3 fast friends i got to know better through that. I also went to a bunch of baby/toddler groups, and have one very good friend from a playgroup i still take my DD1 to (even though she's too big really!). If you pick something you feel passionate about doing, you'll enjoy doing it even if you don't make friends. You'll probably find with the "pressure" of "meeting people" off because you're focussed on enjoying the activity, friendships will naturally develop.

Massive hugs to you Mama, you've been through a TON, it's definitely time for you to do something for yourself. Sending you lots of loving vibes. xxx
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#388 of 416 Old 08-03-2010, 12:01 PM
 
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That's horrifying! I don't understand how they can just let him go...


As far as the friends thing, do you have any local AP groups or LLL meetings or anything? That was the easiest way for me to find friends that I could connect with, and kids were always welcome at the meetings which was the only way I could go.
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#389 of 416 Old 08-04-2010, 01:05 AM
 
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I am so sorry. I don't see how they can take this step. Our criminal justice system is more criminal than just I often think. It's so sad that he'll be free to perpetrate this sort of crime again without a past record. I am deeply sad for you and your children.

"To err is human, to forgive, canine." - Unknown
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#390 of 416 Old 08-04-2010, 03:11 AM
 
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Oh no!!! I'm so sorry to hear that . I can't even imagine. Your children are so lucky to have you
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