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#61 of 416 Old 03-05-2009, 02:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sunflowergirll View Post
But after the discussion with my husband, I don't know if you're husband's reaction is so weird.

Thank you for being brave enough to say this! I don't think the partner's reaction is odd at all. Most innocent people would be furious about being accused of molesting a child, especially if the accusation was coming from their partner. CPS and police are notorious for stretching facts to suit their theories and tearing families apart. Any sane person would be horrified by the prospect of being at the mercy of the system.

Having said that, I'm so glad the police are involved, now. I can't hang a man based on a few limited statements on the internet, but the police aren't there to convict, they're there to investigate. Contacting the counselor was the right thing to do.
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#62 of 416 Old 03-05-2009, 03:42 AM
 
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just sending some s your way mama.
You did a terribly hard thing. I'm so sorry that this is where you are right now.
There will be brighter days ahead. Find your support and when it all seems dark and wrong, hold onto the knowledge that you did something that although hard, was the right thing to do. You and your boy will be alright.
s

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou
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#63 of 416 Old 03-05-2009, 10:44 AM
 
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My dh reported to me that he'd feel upset, horrified, scared and sad, but not angry. I guess everybody is different though.

Even so, the statements the son has made has to be taken seriously even if they turn out to be false. My dh said he would do what was necessary to get this resolved.

Mama of 3 girls: 7.5 , 6 , and 4.5
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#64 of 416 Old 03-05-2009, 11:32 AM
 
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Originally Posted by because why not? View Post
Most innocent people would be furious about being accused of molesting a child, especially if the accusation was coming from their partner.
I don't know if the first part of that is true, I think most people would be horrified, yes. And the partner didn't accuse him, she only took her son to the counselor to get to the bottom of why he was saying such things. The counselor is the one to report it because they have to report suspected child abuse.

Honestly, it's not about whether or not she trusted her partner, it was about getting to the bottom of why the son said such things. This is not about the adults, it's about the child. For a child to say such things about the father (true or not), there is a reason for it.

My sister was accused by someone of abusing her son with cerebral palsy with child abuse. One investigation and one followup by CPS into it and the charges were dropped. Her first reaction was to be scared (had something she'd done be perceived to be abusive/neglectful)? Then her next reaction (after it was all over) was to be angry, because most likely it was someone trying to hurt her, because it was unfounded.

In this case, the OP didn't make some random judgement against her dp. Her son had said what he did. She has to trust her son over her dp until everything comes to light. Her dp is innocent until proven guilty, but her son should perceived as truthful until proven otherwise.

Mama of 3 girls: 7.5 , 6 , and 4.5
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#65 of 416 Old 03-05-2009, 11:47 AM
 
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I'll tell my story and maybe it will help you make a decision. My parents divorced when I was 2, but they stayed close friends.

When I was 3, I remember my dad having me touch his penis several times. I went to my mom and told her, not knowing who else to go to.

She got mad at me, said I was making things up, and called my dad. She had him to our house and I remember hiding in the shower b/c I was so embarrassed. They had a talk with me about how I shouldn't lie.

Every time I brought this up, my mom would have my dad over. Same story replayed. She never believed me so of course I gave up talking about it.

I don't think she knows I still remember. I almost wish I didn't. But I did not trust her after that.

Please trust your child. Children usually do not have a reason to lie about such things.
Raene, I am so sorry that happened to you. OP, please listen to Raene's story and believe your son. I am so sorry you are going through this.
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#66 of 416 Old 03-05-2009, 11:49 AM
 
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sorry....4.5 year olds don't make stuff up. If he's telling you specific stories of things that have happened, you truly have to believe him.

I was abused at 4.5 and tried to tell my mom, who didn't want to hear it and although it never happened again, her not listening to what I had to say and pretending it didn't happen, hurt me for years (and still does)...

Sarah
mamatoady, I am also very sorry for you.
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#67 of 416 Old 03-05-2009, 11:52 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your son and for you. This has got to be so very hard. You have gotten great advice from the other posters. I hope you are able to get the help your son needs.

I wanted to add that as a child I was abused by my step-uncle and I told my mother. She told my step-father and he said to never talk about it again. Then my step-father started abusing me. He didn't stop until I took my little brother out of the house and went to the cops when I found out he was going to start the same thing with my brother. It took almost 20 years for me to get over feeling betrayed by my mother. I was able to deal with the abuse much easier than I could deal with what felt to me like a betrayal by my mother.

Its got to be so hard to feel like you can't trust your partner, but please please please put your son first and protect him. If your partner is innocent he will understand.
Oh, Epiphany, I am also very sorry for you. I have to keep saying I'm sorry to all of you, it is just so sad...really hoping there are no more terrible stories like this on here.
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#68 of 416 Old 03-05-2009, 11:56 AM
 
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Wow, after years of never bringing it up again, this is the 3rd time in two short days that I've felt the need to talk about my past history of sexual abuse that started when I was around that age. I was ignored. I wasn't believed. I gave up on trying to tell my family. The sexual abuse from my uncle went on for 8 long years. I didn't tell anyone outside of my family because, well, if my own family didn't believe me, who else would?

Please listen to your child. If your son needs anyone right now, it's his mama. Sweetheart, I can only imagine that this is killing you inside and my heart does break for you, but it breaks even more for your son. I promise you that this is something you WILL get through.. if you ignore what your son is telling you, not only will the abuse possibly escalate, but he will NOT get through it without serious emotional scars. Please take my word on this.

He came to you about this because he trusts you the most. He feels safe with you. This is NOT something that young children make up, especially not about a biological parent. He knows that it's not ok. Please make sure that he continues to know that.

You HAVE to report this.. for no one else, but that child. Call the police now. Please.

What I feared..another horrific story. I am so sorry Frootloop. All I hope is some good can come from these sad stories...
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#69 of 416 Old 03-05-2009, 12:13 PM
 
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Sorry to keep hijacking..just wanted to add I finally read the thread all the way through, tgrlilly and you are a WONDERFUL mother! Your son will never forget how you helped him! :
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#70 of 416 Old 03-05-2009, 06:36 PM
 
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i came back to this thread to add a story of my mom who did listen. i had a friend whose dad was (i think) molesting her, and was always rubbing my and her back in a way that i didn't think was right (i was 5 at the time). it was any time i was over there and we would be coloring or playing in her room and he'd come in and just be creepy. one day i went to her house to see if she could play and her dad answered the door in just a towel, and he kept talking to me after saying his dd wasn't home. then he got an erection and he exposed himself to me and asked me to come in the house. i ran home and told my mom. my mom called the cops and i guess the cops notified the military people (we lived on base at the time). i don't know what happened to my friend's dad, but he wasn't at her house anymore. my friend came to my house after the incident and told me they took her dad away and she wasn't sad about it. i feel like my mom saved my friend from more abuse, and maybe even saved me from being abused too.
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#71 of 416 Old 03-08-2009, 01:48 AM
 
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How are you holding up, Mama?

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#72 of 416 Old 03-08-2009, 03:00 AM
 
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i couldnt read without posting

i am incredibly close to my dh & if my dd every told me this? i would be heartbroken.... and horrified.

the man you trusted & became a partner to betrayed you & your child..

allow yourself to be angry at him & saddened at losing him, and above all, protect that innocent soul from ever being traumatized by that man ever again.

im so sorry you are going through this!

~jen~ )O( mama to k 07/05 o 5/08 and c 12/09
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#73 of 416 Old 03-09-2009, 03:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Two weeks now since my little boy told me this. Tomorrow morning my son is going in to be interviewed. It's always amazing to me how time changes things but today I feel shaky, yes, but confident that I've done what I needed to do to protect my son and to give him the best chance to heal from this. I know he will know how to tell the truth and that together he and I can get through this. He knows that what he told me is connected to his dad not being home and he is asking when his dad will be able to come home..so I hope he dosn't try to protect his dad in the interview..

I've felt a dark cloud over our house lift and I have received incrediable support from you all and from our friends and neighbors.


It still seems unreal that my partner would violate our son like this, but that is one why that will probably never be answered.

Thank you to all of you who shared your stories to push me and help to show me what I did was so necessary.

I will keep you posted if you like on how this goes. It is such a common thing that really rarely gets discussed...

Thank all you mama's...
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#74 of 416 Old 03-09-2009, 03:14 PM
 
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you are doing the very best thing mama! stay strong. my heart goes out to you!

~jen~ )O( mama to k 07/05 o 5/08 and c 12/09
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#75 of 416 Old 03-09-2009, 06:31 PM
 
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Thank you for updating again. You and your son remain in my thoughts. So much love and healing to both of you.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#76 of 416 Old 03-09-2009, 07:03 PM
 
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Raene, I am so sorry that happened to you. OP, please listen to Raene's story and believe your son. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Thanks for the hugs

Mama with DD (01/04) and DD (08/09)
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#77 of 416 Old 03-09-2009, 09:13 PM
 
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You are very brave and very strong! I am keeping you and your son in my thoughts.

While I don't have a story about my Mom believing/non believing me I do have a story. I was abused by my stepdad between the time I was almost 3 until I was 5/6. I never told my Mom, but because of what happened I come to think of older men during things like that as "normal". So when a friend of the family started touching me inappropriately when I was 11, I thought it was normal and never said anything. I had a very rough time when I was a teenager because of my skewed perception of what was normal/allowed/something to be tolerated.

Years of therapy later ..... here I am.

Thank you for showing your son that it's not normal and that you are here to believe him and protect him. It's a gift that will keep on giving to him for a long long time.
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#78 of 416 Old 03-09-2009, 10:43 PM
 
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You and your little boy are in my thoughts. Stay strong mama, you are doing so well.

Breeder Mama: = wife to an amazing man + mama to J-Bear (07/02) and E-Train (06/08), nanny to Little Bird (07/10).

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#79 of 416 Old 03-09-2009, 10:53 PM
 
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Best of luck to your son. I hope his interview is productive and not traumatizing. I am sending positive thoughts and prayers to you both.

Trying to turn hearts and minds toward universal healthcare, one post at a time.
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#80 of 416 Old 03-10-2009, 01:09 AM
 
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Sending you and your son lots of positive energy.

Ann-Marita. I deleted my usual signature due to, oh, wait, if I say why, that might give too much away. 

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#81 of 416 Old 03-10-2009, 08:24 PM
 
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My DD was molested at 3.5 by someone we know. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Not going to sugar coat it. We had to do a forensic exam, an interview and then we got her in play therapy for a year. I went through therapy too. You need a place where you can get pissed and let it all out, without your son around. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and I was worried about the stress affecting my baby. Please take care of yourself.

Your son loves you. He condfided in you and he trusted you to save him. The best thing that you could do for him is to believe him and get help, which you did.

Another thing that you might want to check on: tell the school or child care provider that NOBODY is allowed to pick him up other than you. Please be careful during the investigation.

Mama to 3 amazing girls
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#82 of 416 Old 03-10-2009, 08:25 PM
 
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i am going to repost what an amazing mama replied in a similar thread in another forum here. i dont want to steal her words so i hope its ok for me to post her reply coz i couldnt think of anything better to say.

by reporting your partner this is what you did:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love that your daughter will forever know...

1. she can tell you anything
2. you will listen and take her seriously
3. you will do whatever you can to help her when things are too big to handle on her own
4. you love her deeply

This is a beautiful gift to give a young child. I am so happy someone is investigating.

I wish you all peace and truth while this takes place.


------------------ from the mouth of our very own MsChatALot -------------

so i ask you mama. did you do the right thing?

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#83 of 416 Old 03-11-2009, 10:57 AM
 
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I hope and pray your son will be able not be afraid to tell the truth as he knows it. I don't want it to be true for all your sakes, but no matter what comes of it, you did the right thing.

Something caused him to say that, and young children just don't make explicit statements like that out of the blue. It came from somewhere. It had to be investigated. No question about that.

I'm sorry that all this had to happen at all, but you will never regret seeking help.

Mama of 3 girls: 7.5 , 6 , and 4.5
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#84 of 416 Old 03-12-2009, 06:14 PM
 
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i came back to this thread to add a story of my mom who did listen. i had a friend whose dad was (i think) molesting her, and was always rubbing my and her back in a way that i didn't think was right (i was 5 at the time). it was any time i was over there and we would be coloring or playing in her room and he'd come in and just be creepy. one day i went to her house to see if she could play and her dad answered the door in just a towel, and he kept talking to me after saying his dd wasn't home. then he got an erection and he exposed himself to me and asked me to come in the house. i ran home and told my mom. my mom called the cops and i guess the cops notified the military people (we lived on base at the time). i don't know what happened to my friend's dad, but he wasn't at her house anymore. my friend came to my house after the incident and told me they took her dad away and she wasn't sad about it. i feel like my mom saved my friend from more abuse, and maybe even saved me from being abused too.
Thank you so much for sharing that.
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#85 of 416 Old 03-12-2009, 06:16 PM
 
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Thanks for the hugs
You are very welcome...wish I could take it away for you.
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#86 of 416 Old 03-12-2009, 06:17 PM
 
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You are very brave and very strong! I am keeping you and your son in my thoughts.

While I don't have a story about my Mom believing/non believing me I do have a story. I was abused by my stepdad between the time I was almost 3 until I was 5/6. I never told my Mom, but because of what happened I come to think of older men during things like that as "normal". So when a friend of the family started touching me inappropriately when I was 11, I thought it was normal and never said anything. I had a very rough time when I was a teenager because of my skewed perception of what was normal/allowed/something to be tolerated.

Years of therapy later ..... here I am.

Thank you for showing your son that it's not normal and that you are here to believe him and protect him. It's a gift that will keep on giving to him for a long long time.
I'm so sorry Katwoman
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#87 of 416 Old 03-12-2009, 06:19 PM
 
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My DD was molested at 3.5 by someone we know. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Not going to sugar coat it. We had to do a forensic exam, an interview and then we got her in play therapy for a year. I went through therapy too. You need a place where you can get pissed and let it all out, without your son around. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and I was worried about the stress affecting my baby. Please take care of yourself.

Your son loves you. He condfided in you and he trusted you to save him. The best thing that you could do for him is to believe him and get help, which you did.

Another thing that you might want to check on: tell the school or child care provider that NOBODY is allowed to pick him up other than you. Please be careful during the investigation.
So sorry this happened to your DD But glad to know you are also a wonderful mommy who helped her.
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#88 of 416 Old 03-12-2009, 06:21 PM
 
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OP, how are you doing? We are here for you.
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#89 of 416 Old 03-13-2009, 06:04 PM
 
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I just saw this thread & wanted to chime in with some for you, OP. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this was for you, but instead of doing the easy thing & ignoring this terrible thing, you faced it and did what your son needed you to do. You are a wonderful mother. I hope that you are getting support you need through all of this. Your son will never forget the fact that you believed him and protected him. I will be thinking about you... please keep us updated.

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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#90 of 416 Old 03-13-2009, 10:29 PM
 
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just read this, i hope you are holding up mama!! my ds would never say anything like that and he's pretty imaginative. hugs for you and him!

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