Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Vancouver Island
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I am one of four children who were neglected and brutally abused by our parents, primarily our mother. It would take a book to describe everything that was done to us (and the emotional abuse that continues to this day), but probably it's enough to tell you that two of my siblings are pretty insane, they have all the abuses: self, spousal, drug, child, one is a self-professed gold-digger and plastic surgery junkie, the other is a con-man drug addict.
My other sister and I seemed able to keep our minds and stopped the cycle of abuse with our children, but our bodies are broken and we have many, many health problems. We are very close and talk often (something our mother would be furious about if she knew.)
Seems either the mind or the body broke, you can't go through that kind of stress from the time you are an infant and not be impacted in a profound way. One example is I go to a physiotherapist for my back problems which are a direct consequence of the severe beatings in my childhood. My mother is an extreme narcissist with absolutely no empathy; she has every single symptom of psychopathy.
My parents have always been healthy, my father is now 86 and my mother is 84 (I am 50). But now their caregivers say they are not doing well. Of course, at those ages you are dying but it looks like this is really the beginning of the end.
Most of me feels like there will be a huge relief when they are dead, my abusers will be gone and they cannot try to hurt me any more. I grieved years ago about the fact that I will never, ever know what it's like to have a loving parent in my life. But now that teeny-tiny little spark of hope that someday maybe they will change, that little bit of hope is going, too. I think that's the loss I'm feeling. It's hard to know because I'm feeling so many things.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this here, but thank you for reading this far. I guess I'm looking for other kindred spirits who understand. So many emotions going on it's almost overwhelming.
Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) , Emma (5/03) , Evan (7/05) , & Jenna (6/09)
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing Aaron Ambrose (11/07)