accepting my IL's - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 09-10-2009, 02:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've finally come to the realization that I must have unreasonably high expectations for my IL's as grandparents, because my own parents aren't involved. I mean, there are many things between ds' birth and now that I am having trouble letting go, but my newly-discovered perspective is helping that process.

The biggest things issues causing me to 'stop and breathe': the fact that my MIL skipped ds' 1st bday party. We were waiting to get it started until she got here, but she called half an hour after it's designated start time to say she's sick and wouldn't be coming. *breathe, breathe* But hey, my mom and dad didn't come, so why am I so hung up on this? My FIL showed up to watch ds after a full day of drinking. (Just one time.) Granted, his idea of 'watching' ds is coming over after ds is already in bed for the night. He promptly passed out in the recliner and didn't even hear us walk back in 10 minutes later. *breathe breathe* He's apologized a hundred times, but still hasn't watched ds during awake time so we can have an actual date night.

So I feel like I might nag and be unreasonably bitchy about less serious offenses, but they are what they are and I'm doing my best to work with them. Even if deep down, I feel like they each need a swift kick in the arse instead of my cooperation.

And if you're at all curious about what MY side of the family is like, I did previously post about it:

Pg 15 #297


So even if my IL's are sometimes unforgivable...I have to keep in mind they are all ds has, and they DO love him. This has been a huge revelation for me in the past few weeks and thanks for letting me share it.

Since '05 just me and B, but in 2/08 E made three!
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#2 of 3 Old 09-10-2009, 11:41 PM
 
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I used to have fairly high expectations of my MIL, I think for the opposite reason as you though. My DH sometimes jokes that he married me for my mom. I just figured that my MIL would be as involved and 'with-it' as my mom. Then I realized that sometimes it's all she can do to sort of keep herself together let alone go out of her way too much for her children and grandchildren. Once I started to just not expect anything, I started being pleasantly surprised by the things she actually did do.
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Gillian - Wife to an amazing DH, Mother to 4 wonderful kiddos . . . and now another on the way.
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#3 of 3 Old 06-04-2014, 08:29 PM
 
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I've been having a hard time accepting my parents as grandparents, then my MIL. MIL is an alcoholic and I've came to the realization a few years ago that she is never going to change. I know she does love her only grand child (my daughter) but I've learned (as Gillibean said ) just not to expect anything (or even the worse) and be surprised when something positive happens. Maybe because I know my parents are more capable I expect more from them? Who knows. We all just want to give our child the moon, and it sucks when family members can't even try for a step stool. IYKWIM In the end just make sure you're leaving the door open for people to be a part of your kid's life, and you know you did all you could on your end for your child to have that person in their life. How well that person will live up to, is up to them.

I totally hear you though. I've been really bitter about a bunch of stupid things my parents have done, and have to try to just let it go. I'm not going let them have so much control over me that I'm up awake at night, stressing out, and replaying things in my mind, while they made the poor choice and are peacefully asleep in their bed. I've found sometimes just writing everything down is a great way to let it out. You could even burn the paper afterwards to "Let it go!"
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