My sister is a meth addict - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 25 Old 09-24-2009, 11:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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and I'm at my breaking point. I'm tired of all the lying and selfishness. I'm tired of her being a sorry excuse for a mother to my poor nephew. I'm tired of her putting her new abusive alcoholic boyfriend before her own son. I'm tired of her hurting my mom and my sister. And I'm SICK AND TIRED of her blaming everyone else for HER problems. I can't stand her denial and the way she tries to pretend like her life is some flippin' fairy tale and we're all the bad guys for not supporting her choices. I can't take it anymore. I'm done.
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#2 of 25 Old 09-24-2009, 11:45 PM
 
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I pm'd you.
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#3 of 25 Old 09-25-2009, 02:06 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. I have a family member who's a heroin addict and it's like having a black hole in the family. It's frustrating to be around someone who truly doesn't care about anyone or anything except getting high. I've long since run out of compassion for her.

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#4 of 25 Old 09-25-2009, 02:37 PM
 
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Sympathies, my brothers have been meth addicts for 20+years. One brother is clean, the other has completely fried his brain ,

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#5 of 25 Old 09-25-2009, 03:10 PM
 
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My sister just had a baby two weeks ago and the cops came to her house three days later and arrested her for "intent to deliver" because the baby had meth in his system. She is now in jail and will be for awhile. I am actually glad it happened. It was time something happened. She needs serious help and wasn't finding it in her life. Thank goodness the dad was clean and able to take the baby and her other children are with their father, the system removed them about two years ago.

I have had to distance myself from her in every way, I only hear about what happens to her through other family members. It hurt me to try and help and I just couldn't do it anymore. I really hope she gets help now but I am kind of glad her children are no longer in her care, it makes it easier to distance myself. - take care. Meth is a very bad drug and horribly addictive. She needs help and I hope she can find it but in the meantime, make sure you are not hurting yourself by trying to help her. (sorry if that sounds harsh to anyone, I just feel there's only so much one person can do)

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#6 of 25 Old 09-25-2009, 03:20 PM
 
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I'm PM'ing you.
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#7 of 25 Old 09-25-2009, 03:22 PM
 
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My sympathies to the OP. My family has a trainwreck cousin like you descibe your sister.

I hope you can be there for your nephew, as difficult as it is.

Katherine, SAHM to 2 little princes
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#8 of 25 Old 09-25-2009, 03:30 PM
 
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I completely understand.

Wife to J. Mama to DD(3yo) & DS(1yo)
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#9 of 25 Old 09-25-2009, 10:42 PM
 
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I also understand. My brother is a heroin addict and it is an awful thing to go through. ((((HUGS)))) I also had to distance myself from him for a long time, but my parents didn't have that option. They have gone through way too much, as has he. Remember that addicts don't want to be that way either. Do what you need to do to maintain your sanity and space from it though..

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#10 of 25 Old 09-26-2009, 05:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all so much for your replies! It helps to know that there are others out there that are going through or have been in similar situations. It's so emotionally draining...

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Originally Posted by remijo View Post


I have had to distance myself from her in every way, I only hear about what happens to her through other family members. It hurt me to try and help and I just couldn't do it anymore. I really hope she gets help now but I am kind of glad her children are no longer in her care, it makes it easier to distance myself. - take care. Meth is a very bad drug and horribly addictive. She needs help and I hope she can find it but in the meantime, make sure you are not hurting yourself by trying to help her. (sorry if that sounds harsh to anyone, I just feel there's only so much one person can do)
I completely understand. I really wish my nephew wasn't in her care. His father is a meth addict also, but takes much better care of him (as crazy as that sounds). He's in jail right now... so a lot a good that does my nephew.

This drug is crazy. My sister is currently not using, but still exhibits ALL the behaviors and habits of an addict. She was busted and forced into rehab, but other than abstaining from meth she hasn't changed at all. I'm afraid that meth has permanently ruined my sister.

I've come to the conclusion that all I can do now for her is pray for her recovery and that God is able to turn this mess into something life-changing for my sister. The last conversation I had with her I was able to express my love and concern for her and my nephew... and tell her that I believe in her and want her to succeed. I feel like God is telling me that it's time to step away from the situation now and just try to support my mom through this. But it's so difficult to hear about how hurt and concerned my mom is and not get all worked up. For those of you that have been through this, how do I not get so emotional about someone I love so much??? Does it get easier with time?
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#11 of 25 Old 09-26-2009, 06:48 PM
 
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i'm sorry to hear this... unfortunately(though not everyone), once they have been using excessively with drugs such as amphetamines, or really anything that is truly mind-altering, a good majority will never snap out of it.

my mom has been a crack addict for many years. she does nothing but mooch off my grandmother who is nearly on her death bed, and yet it does not phase my mom, she just continues to throw a pity party, her own problems as her mom's fault, and blame everyone else for her mistakes. she will use people(i have heard some very awful and really... sickening stories about her), that i'm sure have screwed up a lot of young women by now. she believes that the government is after her, that aliens very well exist on earth, and that she has not totally lost it, as a matter of fact, to her she is perfectly normal.

it is very sad. everyone will cast her away, treat her like dirt, and yet she doesn't even realize it anymore. if someone called her something awful, she probably wouldn't remember it or... just overall not take notice. she wouldn't take notice to the staring eyes, weird looks, and people whispering and giggling about her. it is very sad... and it hurts me so badly, but she will never know anymore, she will never go back to normal, i can NOT FIX her and it kills me, it is painful to no end seeing a family member so far gone... that even with help they will never be normal again, never quit lying, being the victim, and never realize their abnormalities, mistakes, or faults anymore.

all of this however is a stepstool for her, whether she realizes it or not. you see, my grandmother believes it is her fault why my mom is this way when in fact it is not. my grandmother has supported her through thick and thin without question, paid her bills at the age of 45, still continues to do so, and will not throw her out in fear of my mom living on the streets. my grandmother though, she is getting older. once she is gone where will my mom be then? i try not to think about it, but it's always a thought, it is always there.

she has put me through more than she will ever know, it is draining and hurtful despite how much i love her, but she is toxic and will never change. me personally, i had to quit letting her around as she believes i killed people, that i've committed crimes and am with the government, that me and my dad went on a killing spree together as well. i couldn't keep letting her around, it is just too much for me and my easily altered emotions. i wish her the best in life, i wish her well, i forgive her, but i can not have her with me.

i am truly sorry to hear this about you with your sister, your nephew, it is a very numbing and hurtful thing to see. i hope your situation is fixable and wish you the best of luck.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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#12 of 25 Old 09-26-2009, 10:35 PM
 
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Yeah. I know that even though my brother is "clean" and on methadone, he has not given "it" up and instead has transfered it to alcohol. He is a dangerous drunk now, and a few months ago had a terrible, terrible car accident where he was found unresponsive at the scene with a blood alcohol of .29. Seriously. ( He has since recovered from his injuries and no one else was seriously hurt. Thank the Goddess.)

I hope that he will stop abusing all drugs one day soon.


You are definitely not alone, there are many of us out here!! ((Hugs)))

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#13 of 25 Old 09-27-2009, 02:01 PM
 
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Everything you described is classic user behavior. DH has a sister who is addicted to meth. It is so horrible to watch someone disappear from the person they used to be. She also puts her abusive bf before her children. In Nov. she gave birth to her fourth child and they both tested positive for meth. CPS allowed her to come here to live with her children, her only condition was to not contact her bf. She lasted three days, as a result her children were taken from her. Guess who's fault it was? Mine.

The problem with addicts is they will never, ever take responsibility. Nothing is ever their fault. The addiction will always come first no matter what. My SIL has been to treatment many times (paid for by us more than once) and she still can't keep clean. Finally we quit helping. I feel for you because this is only my SIL and it hurts, I can't imagine how I would feel if it were my sister. Hang in there, your sister is the only one who can help this situation, and until she does the is nothing anybody else can do but enable.
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#14 of 25 Old 09-27-2009, 03:01 PM
 
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#15 of 25 Old 09-27-2009, 03:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetdaughter View Post
Everything you described is classic user behavior. DH has a sister who is addicted to meth. It is so horrible to watch someone disappear from the person they used to be. She also puts her abusive bf before her children. In Nov. she gave birth to her fourth child and they both tested positive for meth. CPS allowed her to come here to live with her children, her only condition was to not contact her bf. She lasted three days, as a result her children were taken from her. Guess who's fault it was? Mine.

The problem with addicts is they will never, ever take responsibility.
Nothing is ever their fault. The addiction will always come first no matter what. My SIL has been to treatment many times (paid for by us more than once) and she still can't keep clean. Finally we quit helping. I feel for you because this is only my SIL and it hurts, I can't imagine how I would feel if it were my sister. Hang in there, your sister is the only one who can help this situation, and until she does the is nothing anybody else can do but enable.
The problem with using addicts, or "dry drunks". Non-using addicts in healthy recovery are perfectly capable of taking responsibility.
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#16 of 25 Old 09-27-2009, 09:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Deefodil View Post
The problem with using addicts, or "dry drunks". Non-using addicts in healthy recovery are perfectly capable of taking responsibility.
Yes, of course, you are right. Sorry I was unclear.
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#17 of 25 Old 09-29-2009, 08:32 PM
 
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My heart also goes out to you. You need to do whatever you have to do to keep a healthy distance from her unhealthy ways. However, if there's any way for you to be a presence in your nephew's life without messing up your sanity, I hope you will. That little boy needs contact with healthy adults.

I do NOT think it's your responsibility or obligation to help your nephew... I just think if you're able to, you may have a profound positive effect on his life where there isn't much positive going on. Even if he's very young (but really no matter how old he is), if you can spend time with him without making yourself crazy, it's a wonderful thing to do.

Most of all though, keep yourself and your own family healthy and thriving.

Best of luck, it's a tough tough situation and meth is a nasty nasty drug.
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#18 of 25 Old 09-30-2009, 02:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I feel like God is telling me to let go and trust Him and I've been working really hard at turning all my worries and fears over to Him. I haven't asked my mom anymore on the situation in the last few days and she hasn't filled me in on anything new, so I think that helps immensely.

When we are back home I try to spend as much time with my nephew as we can. We were just there and he stayed several nights with us at my mom's house and it was so great to just be with him. I really wish we lived closer for his sake. We've made it very clear that if she or my BIL is unable to care for him that he is more than welcome to come stay with us for however long need be. When we see him and how troubled he is by this whole mess we just want to bring him home to live with us until his parents can get their lives together.
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#19 of 25 Old 09-30-2009, 12:53 PM
 
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That's so fantastic that you make a point of spending time with him when you can. And hugely cool that you've already told your family that if your sis can't manage raising him he can live with you.

He's very VERY lucky to have an aunt like you!

Have you ever thought of offering to take him for a week or so here and there? I don't know your situation but if you'd be able to have him live with you, maybe you can also have him for little spurts of time?

I didn't see where you said how old he is, so I don't know if he's in school or what the deal with that is, but once in awhile no matter how old he is, maybe you could offer that he stay with you for a week here and there?

He's really lucky to have some sane, loving adults in his life. Does he know how to call you or your mom if he's ever scared or something is really wrong?
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#20 of 25 Old 09-30-2009, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He's only three years old. And right now she isn't allowing my mom to see him (which is what brought me to my breaking point), so the idea of him coming to spend some time with us here would be completely out of the question.
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#21 of 25 Old 09-30-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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Well your nephew is still really lucky to have you. Let's just hope a) your sis is taking better care of him than anyone would imagine (hey, we can hope!), and b) that whatever is going on right now, hopefully soon your sis will at least resume her son's contact with your mom and you.

Take care!
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#22 of 25 Old 09-30-2009, 08:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you.
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#23 of 25 Old 09-30-2009, 09:15 PM
 
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Big Hugs!

We have adopted 1 dd from a family member who lost her into foster care due to her meth addiction, we now have sole custody of 2 more kiddos from that bio moms sister. Both bio moms are distant cousins of mine, and sadly we were the only ones willing to take these kids in. It is heartbreaking how meth tears families apart, and the users dont seem to notice or care. They both blame me for "stealing" their kids.

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#24 of 25 Old 10-01-2009, 12:47 PM
 
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All drug addictions are awful, but meth is really something extra awful. And I thought crack was the worst on families... meth seems even worse.

Through my work I've heard of meth addict parents being confronted by child welfare that they have to stop using or they'll lose their kids, and the parents responding with "Ok, take the kids."

It's an extremely screwed up drug, and I saw an excellent presentation on why it's so extremely addictive (what the physical effects are on the brain) and I swear I wish everyone who ever was about to use a drug for the 1st time could be made to sit through a 1 hr presentation on what they are about to get into! That's how it works in my fantasy world, anyway....

Good luck to all of you dealing with addicted family members, and thank heavens for those of you willing to take a really active role in the children of these families.

p.s. MommyKelly I just saw in your sig that you're "Momma to NINE"!!!!!!!!! You get extra extra "thank heavens" for that one!
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#25 of 25 Old 05-10-2013, 11:51 PM
 
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My sister is too. I'm raising her 3 year old daughter. I'm single myself so I basically volunteered to be a single parent. It's a struggle but I am comforted by the fact that my niece is safe with me. However, I'm so tired of the lies and excuses by her and by me to shield my niece from heartbreak from broken promises. I'm overwhelmed most of the time and I don't know anyone in a similar situation. Reading your post made me feel like finally somebody else gets exactly how I feel. Thank you for sharing. Blessings to you and your family.
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