Dear OP I truly TRULY KNOW how you are feeling. I have a great DP who is a wonderful father, but he was up front with me before we even got pregnant that his main concern (aside from finances) was what my body would look like after pregnancy.
Our babe is now almost a year old and we haven't had sex since I was 5 months pregnant! DH doesn't look at me in disgust or cringe or anything, but he continues to push me to exercise more and lose the weight I still have.
My friends are all horrified, they think DH is awful and mean and abusive and that I deserve better. Great, I think I deserve better too! But the reality is he shows up wonderfully in so many other ways and I have a baby now, I am not about to just walk out the door because he wants me to be thinner.
I see so many parallels with your situation, but the main thing I've come to believe is this: I have to focus on what I want for MYSELF, what makes me feel whole and healthy and beautiful. If any of that coincides with what DH wants me to do, great, we'll both be better off. But for instance DH wants me to jog, I've got knee issues, and I told him before we had the baby "Jogging is NOT going to happen. It hurts my knees and I'll be able to do even less!"
Also I work full time, and whenever DH gets on me about exercise I recap how I spent every waking minute the last week and then point out how much free time he has when I'm at work and the baby's at daycare and he's off of work, and then I ask "So when do you think I had time to exercise?"
He never has an answer.
But back to what I'm doing about it, I have honestly made peace with myself that a) I have to do what makes me happy and feel good about myself. Only if I feel good about myself can I be the best mom and the best wife I can be. Feeling good about myself right now means making sure I'm working as much as I can, being a good mommy, and eating better and getting SOME exercise. But I am NOT prioritizing exercise over sleep or spending time with the baby or my job, and in the end if that's what makes DH not want to be with me, I'll have to accept that. It would suck (understatement of the year!), but there will be nothing I can do about it.
BUT... I really believe - and so far it's true except for sex - that the better I feel about myself, the more attractive I am to DH. He even talks about us having another kid which, unless he's got some backup plan, would eventually involve us having sex again!
In the meantime, I let him know I'm listening and I do want him to be happy with me, but I also let him know he's making me feel worse about myself which makes me less able to make positive changes, and he's got to recognize how much I'm juggling right now.
And that's it, that's how I'm handling it.
Figure out what you most want to work on/do for YOU. Tell your hubby you love him, and that you want him to be attracted to you, but that the pressure almost has the opposite effect. And then try your best to make peace with the fact that you can only do what you can do, and heaven forbid he come back from boot camp and be really unhappy, but if he does, somehow someway you'll be ok in the end. It will just suck for a long while while you work it all out.
At least that's the worst case scenario!