So, what would you do if you had a SIL like this? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 10-26-2009, 09:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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SIL verbally attacked me on the phone last month, for about 45 minutes. I stayed on the phone with her because I was trying really hard to calm things down and explain some misconceptions to her. When I realized that she has her mind made up about me and I wasn't doing any good, I got off the phone with her.

She has deleted my website (long story, no time for details) is generally a bitter, unhappy person, and has a terribly sad past.

The reason I'm trying to patch things up is because unfortunately, DP and his brother (her husband) are starting a business together and she's an owner because she contributed some of the start-up money.

I finally wrote her a e-mail today, and here it is:

Jackie (not her real name)~

I found your comments to me on the phone last month very inappropriate. Your opinion of me has been formed by misconceptions that I really wish you had come and talked with me about instead of just believing. I realize I may have come off in a way that seems money-hungry, lazy, or whatever else. However, I am not any of those things, and I feel that you and I need to communicate more, and that we need to understand each other better, so that these kinds of unfortunate misunderstandings don't take place again.

I am really hoping that we can work towards a place of good communication and relationship. It may be hard for us to trust each other, but since we're going to be family for a long time, we should try.

If you're interested, I'd be open to talking with you via e-mail about some of the situations that you said bothered you. I think once we understand where each other is coming from, things will be easier between us.

A couple qualifiers: please no name-calling or rude comments, and don't bring up Frank (not his real name) and my relationship, because it's none of your business.

I hope we can get things worked out between us

~Sarah (not my name)

So... what do you think? I haven't gotten a reply yet. I also sent it to her husband, because I want him to be aware of what's going on.

Any thoughts? Should I follow up by asking her or BIL if they got my e-mail, or just let it go if they don't mention it? Should I keep trying to patch things up, or just be my normal happy self and let her go her own way?

Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#2 of 9 Old 10-26-2009, 11:08 PM
 
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I don't know details of your situation, it's not really clear from that e-mail, but my feeling is that you should just call her if you're really worried about maintaining a relationship. Why do you only wish to talk in e-mails? Is she really abusive?

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#3 of 9 Old 10-26-2009, 11:57 PM
 
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Yeah, you ask what to do with a SIL like this? but from your post it is impossible to tell what she is like?

Your email to her is very clear and well spoken. The only thing I would say is that this comment -

A couple qualifiers: please no name-calling or rude comments, and don't bring up Frank (not his real name) and my relationship, because it's none of your business. -

seems a little off. Like you are super sweet and caring and then all of a sudden your rude. Like saying "I am not interested in speaking about my relationship with Frank" is enough without saying 'it's none of your business' and asking her to not make rude comments is rude... instead when she makes a rude comment respond by telling her, her rude comment hurt your feelings or whatever. KWIM?
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#4 of 9 Old 10-27-2009, 03:05 PM
 
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Oh wow, this sounds like it could be really a recipe for disaster if they are going to be in business together and she is going to be part owner. Will it be a big problem between you and your "Frank?"

Has she responded?
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#5 of 9 Old 10-28-2009, 12:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She hasn't written back. And I get it about 'none of your business being borderline rude, but I felt like I needed to really hone that point with her.

I'm wondering what her DH (DP's brother) thinks about all this. I'm also working on finding a way to keep myself and my finances completely out of this business they are starting.

Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#6 of 9 Old 10-28-2009, 02:57 PM
 
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So she cussed you out and went off about your relationship with your dp when she called you up?

W.o.w.

Have you talked to your dp about her and quoted some of the things she said?
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#7 of 9 Old 10-28-2009, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, my DP knows all about it. He was willing to talk to her about it, but I feel like it's my situation to handle.

*sigh*

I wish the whole situation would just go away.

Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#8 of 9 Old 10-28-2009, 03:26 PM
 
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Well, she got your email and the ball is in her court. I would not say anything else. If she wants to work it out she will respond.

I disagree with PP..I think you were setting boundaries for the conversation based on what went sour in the phone call.

If they are all going to be in business together..business has to be on a professional level and family stuff is in a different conversation.

good luck
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#9 of 9 Old 11-06-2009, 02:53 AM
 
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Sorry, had meant to follow up. The reason I asked, is if there is any possibility of her ever speaking to a customer, the business deal cannot happen. That is just the sort of irrational ranting that drives business away and if she's raging at that level she can't be trusted to control herself.
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