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#1 of 8 Old 12-07-2009, 12:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I will start by admitting that I am a very competitive person. In college, I studied with a group of guys that are now either legislative assistants or at Ivy league law schools. I, of course, had children during my undergrad, so I did not go on to grad school or law school (as was my original plan).

Now, I work at a job I don't love, and sometimes I down-right hate it (my boss is a controlling a-hole who sexually harasses the female paralegals, etc...). But I can't quit because we need the money. I just feel so frustrated that I am taking orders from attorneys, one of whom is not very good at his job, and my cohorts are just about to graduate. I feel like I am wasting my potential.

I really hate to whine about this because I know that I need to be here right now. Dh is starting a business that is actually going well and he deserves to continue to be successful. After all, I got to be successful in school while he worked jobs he hated for 5 years. And, yes, I am young. I know there is more time and I will likely be able to go back and do my thing.

Sunday nights are so hard for me. I just sit and think about how I would rather be doing anything other than going to work in the morning. Help me sort this out. Really, I should just stopping complaining and enjoy my decent paycheck and steady job, right?
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#2 of 8 Old 12-07-2009, 01:11 AM
 
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it's tough. i feel pretty similar to you, like i have so much potential and just feeling kind of stuck right now.

would you be able to go back to school?

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#3 of 8 Old 12-07-2009, 04:30 AM
 
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No advice, but I'm in the same boat. And it's leaking.

Kris - married to Nate since 12/06, mom to Toby since 1/08. Also servant to two felines. Done having babies for medical reasons.

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#4 of 8 Old 12-08-2009, 02:32 PM
 
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Not exactly in the same boat but not too far off. I know I have reached as far in my career as I will get unless I decide to dedicate myself to my job far more intensely than to my family. So the ambitious, high-achiever side of me chafes while good positions, positions I feel I would be perfect for, slip by and people less competent or qualified than myself get promoted over me. It sucks, but it is my life's choice.

Looking at it that way, that I rationally choose not to be promoted because other things are more important to me, helps me make peace with it.

That said, a boss who sexually harasses his employees is a problem of a totally different nature. I immagine you are already looking for exit strategies from this specific situation, so for that just .

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#5 of 8 Old 12-08-2009, 03:03 PM
 
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You know, lawyer careers are hard things to build. I would not envy your peers at all. Ivy league JDs or not, they are going to struggle to find jobs. And I have met a lot of lawyers (including my mom) who are not practicing law who found they did not like the field at all. Just so you know it's not any greener on their end.

Have you thought about at least trying to change jobs? There's nothing wrong with sending out some resumes and trying to find something better. That might help.

Or documenting the harrassment and going to HR. I had a lousy boss at one point and never when to HR b/c I didn't realize they would listen to me. I have learned my lesson on that one. Document and go to HR. They should at least be able to reassign you.

If your husband's business is something that could grow in a big way, I would channel your competitiveness there for the time being.

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#6 of 8 Old 12-09-2009, 06:20 AM
 
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The window of your life that you have small children at home to support and love and watch grow is incredibly small when you look at the big picture.

I would say that the experiences you are having now will shape the type of lawyer you will become. Everything happens for a reason.

Maybe you could write down your plan of action and when to implement it. Like returning to school or searching for alternate employment.

I think it is great that you are supporting your DH in his business development (by working a job you dislike to pay bills).

I know all about 'watching' others who don't have children go off and do what you would like to do. it is hard, but the truth is that we create our worlds and if you are where you are right now... there IS a reason.

I wish we could just find out what!!!
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#7 of 8 Old 12-12-2009, 01:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just for clarification, I am not planning on practicing law. I may go to law school, but combine it with my phd studies. Obviously, I also know that the job market sucks for academics and that school is stressful too.

As far as contacting the HR dept., well my boss is the HR dept. It is a very small office. There are perks to that. I can sneak out 10 minutes early if I have an appointment, etc...

Part of the issue is that dh isn't super happy with this business because he never sleeps. Seriously, he goes to bed at 2 a.m. and gets up by 7 every week day. He is just a wreck. We are in the process of moving the business out of the basement and getting a babysitter for the kids, but it is one step at a time.

Thanks for all of the support. Sometimes I just need to whine.
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#8 of 8 Old 12-13-2009, 12:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by june'smom View Post
Just for clarification, I am not planning on practicing law. I may go to law school, but combine it with my phd studies. Obviously, I also know that the job market sucks for academics and that school is stressful too.

As far as contacting the HR dept., well my boss is the HR dept. It is a very small office. There are perks to that. I can sneak out 10 minutes early if I have an appointment, etc...

Part of the issue is that dh isn't super happy with this business because he never sleeps. Seriously, he goes to bed at 2 a.m. and gets up by 7 every week day. He is just a wreck. We are in the process of moving the business out of the basement and getting a babysitter for the kids, but it is one step at a time.

Thanks for all of the support. Sometimes I just need to whine.
I hear ya.

I would say that I would think seriously about your career prospects post JD/PHD. That is a long time to be in school, with potentially enormous bills to have only a meh possibility of a job to pay it back.

Also, what about working or DH's business? I assume that his business is not making enough to pay you a salary? What we did in my case was dh had the day job while I built the business, and after a few years, he quit his job to join our company. It was not easy at first, but we are now doing very well (a lot of work, but sill good).

Good luck, it is hard to be patient while you build your career and life!

You know the attributes for a great adult? Initiative, creativity, intellectual curiosity? They make for a helluva kid...
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